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eBay is so useless.

I was just looking for a lighter, and all they had was 1327 matches.

I came home today to find that my wife was on Ebay all day.

If she's still on there tomorrow, I'll have to lower the price

I recently bought a car on ebay that used to be owned by Bonnie Tyler.

It's terrible.

Every now and then it falls apart.

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Be careful of fake eBay sites.

Warning to all men about about a fake eBay site.

Be careful what you buy on eBay.

If you buy stuff on line, be sure to check out the seller carefully.

I just spent $95 + postage, on a penis enlarger.

Bastards sent me a magnifying glass.

The only instructions said, ...

Just sold my homing pigeon on eBay ...

... for the 23rd time.

I’m selling all of my John Lennon collection on EBay

Imagine all the pay pal

eBay is useless.

I tried to look up lighters and all they had were 13,749 matches.

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A man called Kevin is selling his python on ebay

So some bloke rang him up and said “is it massive”
Kevin replies “huge”
Then the bloke says “how many feet”
Kevin says “none its a snake you twat”

My son was on eBay this morning.

Child services were not impressed with me.

I put all my copies of Chiropractors Weekly on eBay

I have loads of back issues.

I tried to sell my savings account on eBay

But I didn't get much interest.

I got on Ebay last night and ordered a chicken and an egg

I'll let y'all know what happens.

Ebay needs to step their game up.

I searched for a cigarette lighter and 15,000 matches came up.

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An 18 year old supermodel is selling her virginity on eBay

For the low price of $80,000 you can have the worst sex of your life

If you thought eBay was bad, don't even try Tinder...

Everytime I log in it says 'No Matches Available'

I’ve decided to sell all my John Lennon memorabilia on eBay

Imagine all the PayPal!

Man I’ve really had it with Ebay

I’ve had it with eBay! Every time I order chicken pellets they email me asking for their feed back!

How does the Pope purchase items from Ebay?

He uses PaPal

Found a used tv on eBay

It looked decent only thing was that the volume was stuck on full. Was only a fiver, couldn’t turn it down

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Watch what you buy on ebay...be careful you check out the sellers..I sent $95 for a penis enlarger

...basturds sent me a magnifing glass

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I just spent $50 on Ebay for a penis enlarger

Those bastards sent me a magnifying glass

I just put my vacuum cleaner on eBay

Well, it was just collecting dust.

I hear someone joke about selling their kid on eBay and I was appalled.

You made that child! They are a product of your creation!
.
.
.
It should be on Etsy instead.

I got scammed on eBay today

I ordered a pound of cure. Box they sent me only contained an ounce of prevention.

The dictionary I ordered on eBay had only blank pages

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

Ebay is way to hard to use

I searched for lighters, and all I got was 71,274 matches.

Mom#1- That’s it. I’m done. I’m selling the kid on eBay

Mom#2- Don’t be crazy. You made him. That goes on Etsy

Happy Mother’s Day everyone!

Ebay

Sold some stuff to the Pope on eBay. I knew it was him, he used his papal account!!

Well, I just got a very bitter complaint that the polo mallet I sold on ebay was too short

I told him to get off his high horse

I bought a book on eBay called "How to Scam on eBay".

It still hasn't arrived.

Today I got lost in eBay

It felt like the Amazon in there

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I spent £96 on eBay today to buy a cheese grater once owned by Hitler and Saddam Hussein.

It was the grater of two evils.

Selling Paul Walker's keyboard on ebay ( $100 )

Disclaimer: it's missing a key ( previous owner lost CTRL ).

I always save my eBay shopping for after I come back from 4/20

That way I'm always the highest bidder

Whatever you do, don't buy anything from eBay seller xx_Anna_xx

My wife bought a crocodile skin handbag from her. When the bag arrived, turned out to be snake skin... Anna conned her.

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Tried to buy a Charlie Brown LP on ebay and got a Davy Jones album instead.

You know what they say.

You pay Peanuts, you get Monkees.

eBay is great for finding rare items, but there is a lot of bad search results that come with it

For example, I did a search for "Vintage Zippo Lighters" and I got 10,000 matches.

What is it called when you bid on a bunch of crow eggs on Ebay?

Attempted murder.

I bought a boomerang on eBay

It didn’t work. Then I realised I bought it on no return

My grandfather has a French rifle from WW2 for sale on eBay

The description reads "never fired. Dropped once "

I’m going to tell you a joke about eBay

You will get it the next year or so...

About me

My broken heart.

I think it's time I told everyone a little bit about me.

A big part of my life was I used to be a harpist.
I'm not going to brag, but I could play the harp brilliantly.

I worked in an orchestra and after a concert I met this amazing woman.
Now I absolut...

Ebay is great!

I just ordered a chicken and an egg. We shall see what one comes first.

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I´ve just put all my old dogging equipment up for sale on Ebay.

Haven´t had any bids yet, but there are 12 people watching!

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Saw a tv for sale on eBay for £5. Only problem was the volume button was broken.....

How can I turn that down?

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I wish prostitutes would learn a lesson from eBay

...and do away with insertion fees.

I used to buy second hand ballet equipment from ebay

I still do but I used tutu.

Ebay

You have got to love Ebay

Sold my homing pigeons 4 times this month.

What's the difference between a proclamation from the Vatican and a mail-order husband from ebay?

One's a papal mandate and the other's a paypal man-date.

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I tried to sell my old dogging stuff on eBay this week, without success.

No bidders but I did have 12 watchers.

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Ebay products are like sex

You look at it online a lot but never see it in real life

What does a cannibal do after eating a vegetable?

Goes on eBay to see how much the wheelchair sells for.

We lost all the vowels from our Scrabble set.

So I sold it on Ebay as a Welsh edition.

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Took down my rebel flag and peeled off my NRA sticker off the front door.

We have disconnected our home alarm system and quit the candy-ass neighborhood watch. We bought two Pakistani flags on eBay and raised them in the front yard, one at each corner, plus a black flag of ISIS in the center. Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service...

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A Christian, a Muslim and a Jew are watching the Super Bowl.

Sitting directly behind one of the field goals, they've had the best seats in the house to a terrific contest.



With only one second left on the clock, a kicker runs up to potentially seal victory.



He kicks the ball hard and true, and it sails right between the posts, an...

How the Internet started according to the bible.

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto...

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I must get my dyslexia sorted out.

I bought a car off ebay last week with no reserve.


The fucking thing won't go backwards.

Have you heard about Terry the tractor lover?

He was the ultimate tractor enthusiast, his bedroom was plastered with tractor posters, his bed was adorned with a tractor bed spread, tractor toys littered the floor and tractor maintenance DVDs dominated his shelves.

Shortly after Terry's 18th birthday (where he of course had a tractor bir...

I caught my twelve-year-old son.......

looking up women's skirts today," I told the barman after my second whiskey.

"That's pretty normal for a twelve-year-old, isn't it?" he asked.

"Not on eBay it isn't!" I said.

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My Pope joke effort

Tried to buy some of the second hand stuff the Pope's selling on Vatican eBay but the payment service is down. Fucking Papal.

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TV for Sale

I just saw a TV for sale on EBay.

The listing said "40 inch HD TV for sale - good working order, £100 - volume button is stuck on full"

I thought 'I can't turn that down....'

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