Just sold my homing pigeon on eBay ...

... for the 23rd time.

eBay is useless.

I tried to look up lighters and all they had were 13,749 matches.

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Warning to all men about eBay.

Be careful what you buy on eBay.

If you buy stuff on line, be sure to

check out the seller carefully.

I just spent £95 + postage,

on a penis enlarger.

Bastards sent me a magnifying glass.

The only instructions said, "Do not use in sunlight."

I tried to win an autographed picture of the Mystery Gang on eBay.

And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for those meddling bids.

I put all my copies of Chiropractors Weekly on eBay

I have loads of back issues.

I tried to sell my savings account on eBay

But I didn't get much interest.

Ordered a dozen guitar picks on eBay.

Received 12 photos of some guy's guitar.

I'm thinking of putting my vacuum cleaner on Ebay.

It was just collecting dust anyway.

My buddy told me he got laid off from his job reviewing vendors on eBay, Amazon, etc...

...so I said "Sorry to hear that, man. Let's go grab some meth and we'll tweak out to forget about it."

"Nah," he said. "I don't really feel like it."

"Come on," I urged. "A little crystal will do you good."

"I don't know..." he mumbled.

"Dude, let's get cranked already...

How does the Pope purchase items from Ebay?

He uses PaPal

I bought Bonnie Tyler's car recently on ebay, but it's rubbish...

Every now and then it falls apart

Did you know there are tents surviving that Genghis Khan used to sleep in? I just scored one on eBay!

Thought you would appreciate my original Kahn tent.

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An 18 year old supermodel is selling her virginity on eBay

For the low price of $80,000 you can have the worst sex of your life

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A man called Kevin is selling his python on ebay

So some bloke rang him up and said “is it massive”
Kevin replies “huge”
Then the bloke says “how many feet”
Kevin says “none its a snake you twat”

Found a used tv on eBay

It looked decent only thing was that the volume was stuck on full. Was only a fiver, couldn’t turn it down

Heard this sub has a lot of Star Trek fans. Did you guys know that to cut down on costs, a lot of the cast and crew camped outside in tents while filming the outdoor scenes in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn? I just snagged one on eBay!

Yeah, so anyways - I thought you guys would appreciate my original Kahn tent.

I got on Ebay last night and ordered a chicken and an egg

I'll let y'all know what happens.

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I saw an article about a woman who tried to sell her kid on eBay. You shouldn’t sell your child on eBay. That’s something YOU made.

That shit goes on Etsy

Man I’ve really had it with Ebay

I’ve had it with eBay! Every time I order chicken pellets they email me asking for their feed back!

I bought a volvo from Neil Diamond on eBay...

Swede car online!

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I've put all my dogging gear up for sale on eBay.

Nobody's bought it yet but there's 14 watching.

I'm selling Amazon gift codes on eBay.

If anyone's interested, they are in a mint condition and only used once.

If you thought eBay was bad, don't even try Tinder...

Everytime I log in it says 'No Matches Available'

My son was on eBay this morning.

Child services were not impressed with me.

I hear someone joke about selling their kid on eBay and I was appalled.

You made that child! They are a product of your creation!
.
.
.
It should be on Etsy instead.

Ebay needs to step their game up.

I searched for a cigarette lighter and 15,000 matches came up.

I got scammed on eBay today

I ordered a pound of cure. Box they sent me only contained an ounce of prevention.

I’ve decided to sell all my John Lennon memorabilia on eBay

Imagine all the PayPal!

I love eBay!

Sold my homing pigeons 4 times this month.

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I just spent $50 on Ebay for a penis enlarger

Those bastards sent me a magnifying glass

Well, I just got a very bitter complaint that the polo mallet I sold on ebay was too short

I told him to get off his high horse

Today I got lost in eBay

It felt like the Amazon in there

Ebay

Sold some stuff to the Pope on eBay. I knew it was him, he used his papal account!!

Mom#1- That’s it. I’m done. I’m selling the kid on eBay

Mom#2- Don’t be crazy. You made him. That goes on Etsy

Happy Mother’s Day everyone!

A man bought a balloon a long time ago and is selling it on eBay. What does he do first?

He adjusts the price for inflation!

The dictionary I ordered on eBay had only blank pages

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

Ebay is way to hard to use

I searched for lighters, and all I got was 71,274 matches.

eBay is great for finding rare items, but there is a lot of bad search results that come with it

For example, I did a search for "Vintage Zippo Lighters" and I got 10,000 matches.

My broken heart

Think it's time I told everyone a little bit about me. I was seeing this amazing woman up until last year. Now I absolutely adored this girl, and would do anything for her. But this is a story about how it all went wrong.

A big part of my life was I used to be a harpist. Not to brag, but I co...

Selling Paul Walker's keyboard on ebay ( $100 )

Disclaimer: it's missing a key ( previous owner lost CTRL ).

I bought a boomerang on eBay

It didn’t work. Then I realised I bought it on no return

I always save my eBay shopping for after I come back from 4/20

That way I'm always the highest bidder

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Tried to buy a Charlie Brown LP on ebay and got a Davy Jones album instead.

You know what they say.

You pay Peanuts, you get Monkees.

Whatever you do, don't buy anything from eBay seller xx_Anna_xx

My wife bought a crocodile skin handbag from her. When the bag arrived, turned out to be snake skin... Anna conned her.

I bought a book on eBay called "How to Scam on eBay".

It still hasn't arrived.

What is it called when you bid on a bunch of crow eggs on Ebay?

Attempted murder.

Just sold the missus on eBay.

Well actually I sold a big box. The rest is a surprise.

My grandfather has a French rifle from WW2 for sale on eBay

The description reads "never fired. Dropped once "

I’m going to tell you a joke about eBay

You will get it the next year or so...

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I spent £96 on eBay today to buy a cheese grater once owned by Hitler and Saddam Hussein.

It was the grater of two evils.

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I’ve decided to sell all of my dogging equipment on eBay.

I’ve not had any bids yet but 6 people are watching.

I tried to put up a photo of myself on eBay...

But there were too many sale fees

Ebay is great!

I just ordered a chicken and an egg. We shall see what one comes first.

What do Intel, Google, Uber, eBay, McDonalds, Budweiser, AT&T, Oracle, Disney, Boeing, IBM and Apple have in common?

Immigrants

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I sent an Adele album to a guy who bought it on eBay, anyway his payment cancelled and I'm out of pocket ....

Should I just give up or should I keep on chasing payments

If the Vatican ordered some things from eBay,

Would they use the papal PayPal?

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I was gonna post a joke about me being a shitty seller on eBay

But my delivery has horrible timing.

Why was Paschal Clarke banned from eBay?

Because he made the pa(y)pal cross.

I created this joke ten years ago and have. And now have only found a big enough platform to air it.

Thank you.

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Saw a tv for sale on eBay for £5. Only problem was the volume button was broken.....

How can I turn that down?

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I wish prostitutes would learn a lesson from eBay

...and do away with insertion fees.

I used to buy second hand ballet equipment from ebay

I still do but I used tutu.

What's the difference between a proclamation from the Vatican and a mail-order husband from ebay?

One's a papal mandate and the other's a paypal man-date.

What does a cannibal do after eating a vegetable?

Goes on eBay to see how much the wheelchair sells for.

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Ebay products are like sex

You look at it online a lot but never see it in real life

We lost all the vowels from our Scrabble set.

So I sold it on Ebay as a Welsh edition.

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I must get my dyslexia sorted out.

I bought a car off ebay last week with no reserve.


The fucking thing won't go backwards.

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A Christian, a Muslim and a Jew are watching the Super Bowl.

Sitting directly behind one of the field goals, they've had the best seats in the house to a terrific contest.



With only one second left on the clock, a kicker runs up to potentially seal victory.



He kicks the ball hard and true, and it sails right between the posts, an...

How the Internet started according to the bible.

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto...

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Took down my rebel flag and peeled off my NRA sticker off the front door.

We have disconnected our home alarm system and quit the candy-ass neighborhood watch. We bought two Pakistani flags on eBay and raised them in the front yard, one at each corner, plus a black flag of ISIS in the center. Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service...

Have you heard about Terry the tractor lover?

He was the ultimate tractor enthusiast, his bedroom was plastered with tractor posters, his bed was adorned with a tractor bed spread, tractor toys littered the floor and tractor maintenance DVDs dominated his shelves.

Shortly after Terry's 18th birthday (where he of course had a tractor bir...

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TV for Sale

I just saw a TV for sale on EBay.

The listing said "40 inch HD TV for sale - good working order, £100 - volume button is stuck on full"

I thought 'I can't turn that down....'

I caught my twelve-year-old son.......

looking up women's skirts today," I told the barman after my second whiskey.

"That's pretty normal for a twelve-year-old, isn't it?" he asked.

"Not on eBay it isn't!" I said.

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My Pope joke effort

Tried to buy some of the second hand stuff the Pope's selling on Vatican eBay but the payment service is down. Fucking Papal.

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