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Classifieds Jokes

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A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds "Wife Wanted".

The next day, he received hundreds of replies, all reading the same thing: "You can have mine."

The CEO of a company was in need of a secretary

He spread ads all over town. A few days later, there was a knock on his door. It was a dog. He had a newspaper in his mouth. He opened it to the classifieds page and pointed to the ad that the CEO had placed. The CEO was impressed. But he thought it was a joke, so he decided to test the dog:

...

A business owner posted an ad on classifieds looking for logo designers...

The ad said: "Looking for a talented youth that can design an attractive logo. As I am a small business owner, the work is unpaid. You will be working for exposure."

A recently graduated graphic designer reads this ad. As he was unemployed and struggling to find a job, he thought that he woul...

A farmer needs another workhorse for his farm, so he looks in the classifieds and finds a horse for sale.

He calls the number, and an old Italian man answers. He says, "yes the horse is for sale but he no look-a too good." The farmer says, "I don't care what he looks like, he's just gonna help me out around here. I'll be there at 5 to get him."

The farmer pulls up with the trailer, pays the old I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A widow places an add in the classifieds...

Looking for a new partner. Since at her age she wasn't looking for a young fool, she figured she'd add a few specifications.

1. Must be over 50.

2. Must be wealthy enough to take care of me for the rest of my life.

3. Must be very talented in bed.

With that done, she ...

So I was browsing my local classifieds for an apartment when...

...I found one which said that the apartment had a *view to the future*. Obviously I called the guy, and apparently, you could see the cemetery trough the window.

I was trying to read the newspaper, but every third word was redacted.

Whatever, I like the comics better than the classifieds anyways.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman who had been married twice and divorced twice was fed up.

A woman who had been married twice and divorced twice was fed up. Her
first husband beat her, and her second husband ran away with another
woman. Plus, she couldn't find a new lover who could satisfy her
sexually, so she put an ad in the classifieds:
Wanted: A good looking, single guy wh...

My first wife was a Brit. I loved her accent and the different words she had for things.

She called the bathroom the "loo." She called the pharmacy the "chemist." But my favorite was the "post." It was a noun and a verb. The mail I brought home was called the "post," and when she wanted me to mail something, I was "posting" it.

We were not wealthy by any means, but after we had b...

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The weight loss plan

One day a guy sees an ad in the classifieds for a guaranteed effective weight loss plan. He calls the guy and is asked for his schedule of when he's available and that they'll contact him when they're ready.

The next day there's a knock at the door and when the man is greeted by a beautiful n...

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A young man is in need of a job,

And he looks through the classifieds to see what's available. He finds an ad from a farmer in need of some extra hands, so the man calls up the farmer and agrees to meet the next day to see what work he'd be doing.

The farmer greets him at the gate and begins to show the young man around. Fir...

A man with no arms is in need of a job...

He lacks experience in the service industry but his missing arms severely limit his ability to perform manual labour. Everyday he goes out looking for work and everyday he comes back dejected.

One morning—while flipping through the classifieds with his toes—he comes across the following ad,...

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