This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the guy who masturbated at the newsstand?

It was all over the papers.

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Guess how old I am?

A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About ...

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A taxi driver is driving a passenger

With radio blaring local news. The passenger asked the driver to turn down the radio. After minutes of no response, the passenger got impatient and tapped the driver’s shoulder.

Suddenly the taxi swerved to the left, narrowly missing a car and skidding uncontrollably towards a newsstand, and ...

I posed naked for a magazine today

Although from the reaction I got, I think the newsstand owner would have preferred money

Trump and Putin...

...get cryogenically frozen after their respective deaths, and are re-woken 200 years later.

They decide to take a walk through the city together. Suddenly, Putin stops and bursts out laughing, pointing at the headline at a newsstand: "USA in worst financial crisis in history"

They...

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This economy is getting so bad, I had to pose nude for a magazine

I'm never going back to *that* newsstand!

-Emo Philips

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