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Newsstand Jokes

A man in Moscow goes up to a newsstand and buys a newspaper…

He then glances at the front page, then turns aside and tosses the whole newspaper straight into the trash.

Next day, he turns up, and does the same thing. Buys it, glances at the front page, throws it in the trash.

Next day, same thing. The newsstand worker is increasingly puzzled, bu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the guy who masturbated at the newsstand?

It was all over the papers.

Bill Clinton is working at a newsstand. A woman asks him "How can I buy the New York Times?"

He replies "Ask my wife. She'll tell you how you do it.

My 89yr old grandma told me an old cold war joke

A Muscovite goes to a newsstand every day and buys a paper. He reads the front page, and then throws it away in the nearest bin, day after day.

The guy running the newsstand notices this, and curiosity finally compels him to ask, "Why do you buy a paper each day when you never even open it a...

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Guess how old I am?

A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About ...

I posed naked for a magazine today

Although from the reaction I got, I think the newsstand owner would have preferred money

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A middle-aged woman decides to have a face-lift for her birthday.

She spends $8000 and feels great about the results. On her way home she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper.
Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 32," was the reply.
"I'm exactly 47, " the woman says happily. ...

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A taxi driver is driving a passenger

With radio blaring local news. The passenger asked the driver to turn down the radio. After minutes of no response, the passenger got impatient and tapped the driver’s shoulder.

Suddenly the taxi swerved to the left, narrowly missing a car and skidding uncontrollably towards a newsstand, and ...

Trump and Putin...

...get cryogenically frozen after their respective deaths, and are re-woken 200 years later.

They decide to take a walk through the city together. Suddenly, Putin stops and bursts out laughing, pointing at the headline at a newsstand: "USA in worst financial crisis in history"

They...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This economy is getting so bad, I had to pose nude for a magazine

I'm never going back to *that* newsstand!

-Emo Philips

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