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Blowing Jokes

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My girl caught me blowing my dick with the air dryer, and asked what I was doing.

Apparently,
"Heating your dinner"
wasn't a good answer.

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Blowing the tailpipe

A blonde was driving in a bad thunderstorm. Suddenly, large balls of hail began pelting the car, causing a variety of huge dents. The blonde pulled under a bridge to shield the car from further hail damage. Just as the storm finally passed, a State Trooper spotted the car under the bridge and saw th...

I tried to rob a bank by blowing up the safe. Things were going well but there was just one problem.

I bought some cheap dynamite that was advertized as "The inexpensive explosives that won't break the bank."

I’m sick of my wife blowing everything out of proportion.

She’s single handedly ruining my balloon animal business.

Blowing up a Balloon.

My niece had a premature baby that spent 2 weeks on a ventilator because her lungs were not fully developed yet. She continued to have breathing problems as a toddler and needed to you inhalers to get enough oxygen.
On her 3rd birthday, she insisted on helping her mom decorate for her party. And ...

A blonde got caught in a blizzard… It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home.

She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her dad's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in the snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure en...

Do you remember blowing bubbles as a kid?

He says hi

A cop arrests 3 ducks who were in the pond late at night.

He asks the first one: “What are you doing in the pond so late?” First duck replies “Blowing bubbles.” The cop rolls his eyes and asks the second duck: “And what were you doing in the pond so late?” The second duck answers: “Blowing bubbles.” He turns to the third duck: “And what were you doing? Lem...

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Why did you break up with your girlfriend? You described the sex as mind blowing?

That's right. She didn't mind blowing other guys.

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Blowing Bubbles

There is this door in an ally. Three guys walk out of it. A curious man asked the first guy," what were you doing in there"? The man answered "I was blowing bubbles" The curious man asks the second guy what he was doing, and the man answered, "I was blowing bubbles". Then the curious man said, "...

What's the worst thing a woman can hear after blowing Willie Nelson?

I'm not Willie Nelson.

I quite enjoy blowing air around a room.

In fact, I'm a big fan.

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Blowing Smoke

Two Firemen were having anal sex in a smoke filled room. Suddenly, the Fire Chief walks in. "What the hell is going on here?" asks the Chief.
The 1st Fireman tries to explain that his partner had "Smoke Inhalation".
The Chiefs yells, "You're supposed to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation".<...

Duck stands before the judge. Judge says "why are you here?"

Duck "I was caught blowing bubbles in the lake your honor"

Judge "thats stupid, case dismissed"

Next duck comes in.

Judge "why are you here?"

Duck "I was caught blowing bubbles in the lake your honor"

Judge "thats stupid, case dismissed"

Next duck comes i...

A time keeper at a factory is in charge of blowing the whistle for the lunch break at noon.

When it's almost noon he looks at his watch and right when it strikes 12pm he blows the whistle.

One day he bumps his watch against something and he fears that it is a little off.

Wanting to make sure that he can do his job correctly he decides to go get his watch set by a professional...

What did the robber say after blowing open the bank safe?

Wow this blew up, thanks for the gold!

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A golfer knows which way the wind is blowing by employing a clever tactic involving grass.

But it must be a pain in the ass to lug around a bong.

I like how the girl that called me a “loser” in high school is now blowing up my phone

She sends me things like “what are your plans for dinner” and “Your dad and I are going out for dinner there’s food in the fridge”

Fun Fact: Spiders can tell the difference between someone blowing on their web and the wind.

But that may just be because the wind isn't warm and sticky...

Want a mind-blowing game?

Let's play Russian Roulette

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A young Arab boy asks his father “What is that strange hat you are wearing?”

The father said: "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia.' In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.”

"And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy.

“Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father “It is very simple. This is a 'djbellah.' As I have told you, ...

Do you remember blowing bubbles as a kid?

Well the clown is back in town, and he remembers you.

I was 13 when my dad caught me blowing Bubbles...

I have not seen my dog ever since..

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Three women are talking about blowing their husbands...

First one says: every time I give my husband a blow job his balls are cold.

Second one: Same here dear, every time I give my husband a blow job his balls are cold as well.
Third woman remains quite.

After few days the women were getting together again, the third woman shows up with...

I was forcefully arrested for blowing bubbles outside.

Even Bubbles was speechless.

I guess working in the Mute Society just isn’t for me.

I passed out drunk at a party and I woke up to some random dude blowing me....

I yell at him angrily "As soon as you're finished, I'm kicking your ass!"

Blowing chunks

At work, three friends get into an argument over who got more wasted the night before.

"I got so drunk last night, when I got home I blew chunks," said the first man.

"I got so drunk last night, I had to sleep outside because I couldn't make it inside my house," said the second man. ...

Lane Oliver is blowing up!

The song "Surrender to the fire" is #1 in the french charts

Blowing Bubbles

A teacher asked two of her students a girl, and a boy, what they did during recess.

Girl: I was blowing Bubbles!

Boy: I was blowing Bubbles too!

The teacher then noticed another boy walking into her class from recess she did not recognize. She asked, "You must be new, What's you...

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A woman is at her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.

The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.
It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the pouf....

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership

Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring....

"Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on daddy's stomach last night?"

"I have to do that or daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny."

"That's not going to work."

"Why not?"

"Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."

Two women died and appear at the gates of Heaven

Saint Peter, standing at the gates, asks the first woman.
What was the last thing you remember doing?
Woman: Blowing bubbles while riding in a car.
Peter: Name?
Woman: Jess.
Peter smiles and says: Well Jess, blowing bubbles in a car is not a sin so you may enter Heaven. ...

Blowing bubbles

3 guys walk into a bar and head straight for the bathroom. About a half-hour later one man emerges from the bathroom and the bar keep asks " You where in there for awhile are you ok?" The guy replies "yes I was just blowing bubbles". The second guy emerges and the bar keep again asks " You where in ...

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My wife is always blowing things out of proportion.

Yesterday it was our neighbour Leroy's cock.

How is a marriage like a hurricane?

In the beginning there’s a lot of sucking and blowing but at the end you lose your house.

Pavlov's birds

An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it ...

I hear Harvey Weinstein's call sheet has been blowing up lately.

Apparently the Republican Party wants him to run for President.

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A guy goes to see a prostitute. (unpleasant joke ahead)

"Is it true what they say about you?"
"Yes honey, absolutely. I can suck you off, and sing the Star-Spangled Banner at the same time. Wanna give it a go?"
"That sounds amazing. I've got to experience it for myself."

They go up to her place. They move to the bedroom immediately and he p...

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