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Belted Jokes

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An old man suddenly arrived in Hell in a burst of flames, looking lost and confused
The Devil looked at his paperwork, and frowned. He was unable to find this old man’s data file.

“This can’t be right,” the old man grumbled, looking at the Devil, “I’ve been a good man all my life.”
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman took her husband to the doctor.

"He can't talk, only sings!" she told him in some distress. "I can't communicate with him anymore!"

The doctor asked the husband, "Is this true? Are you only able to sing now?"

The husband looked at the doctor and burst out, "Well she's all you'd ever want, she's the kind I'd like to f...

A lawyer is driving home one evening

When he spots a man at the side of the road, eating the grass on the verge. He stops and asks the man what he is doing. The man says “I am so poor that my family and I cannot afford food and so we eat grass to survive”. The lawyer is horrified and says “that’s terrible! Look, I’m on my way home; gra...

The King and the Thrones

Once there was a king- his kingdom was made up of houses made from the hay, mud and reinforced by waterproof grass fronds from the riverbanks. The king, naturally, had the biggest house, his being the only one in the kingdom to have two floors; a tricky bit of engineering for an all natural structur...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two old men meet every morning on a park bench after religious services.

One day one of the old men shows up with a black eye.

The other guy says “What happened”

He says “ I was at mass, and a beautiful young woman was in the pew in front of me. About halfway through, I noticed her short skirt had gotten wedged in between her ass cheeks. After a while, I c...

The Brilliant Scientist

A brilliant scientist, by the name of Dr. Elliot Kupferberg, assembled yet another fruitful invention that would slap anyone who dared to lie within its presence. But one last piece remained. He knew, as a scientist, that he needed to test his potentially dangerous contraption on humans. So he thoug...

I once asked the crowd if they were pro guns

And the majority belted out in approval. I asked a man in the front row why he was pro guns and he gave me the basic ‘personal protection liberty 2nd amendment’ hooplah.

I very seriously told the crowd, “I’m pro guns because I enjoy living in a world with only 4 Nirvana albums.

” My f...

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