UPJOKE
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Why does Waldo wear stripes on his shirt?

Because he doesn’t want to be spotted.

Am I black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?

So there is this zebra who wants to know if he is black with white stripes or white with black stripes. He goes up to his brother and says, "Hey brother, am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?" His brother says, "I don't know. You'll have to go ask dad."

So the zebra ...

What do you get when you cross Tenacious D with the White Stripes?

Jack Gray.

A zebra wonders throughout his life if he is a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes...

So after never getting an answer throughout his life, the zebra passes away and goes up to Heaven. At the pearly gates he meets Saint Peter and asks him if he knows the answer: "Saint Peter, am I a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes?" to which Saint Peter says he does...

A man who’d just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit...

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man looks good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue and that she wants him in a blue sui...

What’s black with white stripes and can’t fly?

A parking lot.

How do Ukrainian snipers tell which Russians are the senior officers?

The number of stripes on their tracksuits.

Blondes

A young blonde, out of money and down on her luck, needed some quick cash. Desperate, she decided to kidnap a child and hold it for ransom…

She went to the local playground, randomly grabbed a kid, took him behind a nearby building, and in a stern voice she told him, "You've been kidnapped, ...

Why does Waldo wear stripes?

He doesn’t want to be spotted


*edit: now if I ever tell people this joke, I risk people thinking I copied it off of reddit D:

(OC) Why don't giraffes have stripes?

Because God took one look at them and said, "You know, that thing's so tall, it'll be easy to spot."

Do you know why it is that Waldo wears stripes?

He doesn't want to be spotted.

(Someone told me this joke today at work, so I guarantee it's been around, but I had to share it.)

What’s the white stripes favourite kind of moisture? Dew

dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew

So a man gets a job working as a highway stripe painter

The foreman gives the guy a paint brush and a fat bucket of paint and tells the dood where to paint and off the guy goes.

End of the first day the newbie comes back and tells the foreman he did 10 miles. "Outstanding!" The foreman says.

Second day newbie comes back to the shop at th...

A Pony in Striped Pyjama

A zebra lived her whole life in a zoo but was getting on in age, so the zoo decided to let her spend her final years on a farm. The zebra was excited to see a huge pasture with green grass and hills and many strange animals.


She went up to a fat brown thing and said, "I'm a zebra, what ar...

How do you adress a black and white striped rabbi?

In Zebrew.

Pavlov's birds

An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it ...

What cup size bra do striped horses wear?

A size Z-Bra!

Why did The White Stripes chose that name?

Because calling themselves Cocaine Lines was too on the nose.

The Zebras stripes (long Joke)

Once upon a time a zebra was contemplating his life and everything that had meaning, when all of a sudden he had a thought "Am I a white zebra with black stripes, or a black zebra with white stripes"
He pondering on this for a while when he decided to go ask the lion.

After a short time of...

It’s 1975 and a zebra from the Bronx zoo dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. As he enters, he asks St. Peter "I have a question that's haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?"

St. Peter said "That's a question only God can answer.”

So the zebra went off in search of God. When he found Him, the zebra asked "God, please - I must know... am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?"

God simply replied "You are what you are.”

The zebra...

Two army boys, Leroy & Jasper....

Two Army boys, Leroy & Jasper, from the hills of Kentucky were promoted right from privates to Sergeants because of their great marksmanship with rifles.

Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroy says, "Hey, Jasper, There's the NCO Club. Let's you and Me stop in." "But we's privat...

What do you call a prehistoric striped cat with a bluetooth headset?

A cybertoothed tiger

How does a bro spell a striped horse?

With a "Z" brah.

My son has developed orange and white stripes on his body...

Doctors have put him on a course of nemotherapy.

What do you call a undead yellow and black striped Insect...

a Zombee.

How can you spot the rank of a Russian?

By the stripes on his Adidas jumpsuit.

A zebra dies and goes to heaven

He meets Saint Peter at the Parley Gates and asks him.

"Saint, am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?"

Saint Peter was puzzled and told the Zebra he didn't know but once he was in heaven, the Zebra should ask God.

The next day, the Zebra saw God and asked h...

The stripes of a higway had to be painted, so the manager of the company puts an ad looking for a painter

The stripes of a higway had to be painted, so the manager of the company puts an ad looking for a painter.

The same day a young man goes to the manager's office.

-Here you have your brush and your bucket of white paint. You'll do this day as a test, if you do well enough, you'll be hir...

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Animal game

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises his/her hand. The teacher says "See it's long neck? What animal has a long neck?" Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. "Very good Sally," the tea...

Why are zebras like my underwear?

Each has its own unique stripes.

A Zebra, pondering his life, sips water at the edge of a river....when a crocodile snaps up, bites the Zebras head and kills the zebra....

The zebra’s soul goes to heaven where St Peter meets the zebra to welcome him to heaven.

The Zebra says...“you know, I died because I was sitting there pondering if I was white with black stripes.....or black with white stripes. “

St Peter says..”well the only person who can answer th...

A lawyer was driving in the middle of nowhere...

A telephone pole was suddenly struck by lightning, falling in front of the lawyer, causing him to swerve into a ditch and total his car.

He got out of his car and looked around. In the distance, he saw a pink-striped house.

He walked to the house, went up a pink-striped sidewalk, knoc...

The red and white in Poland's flag represents their history and hope for the future.

The blue stripe represents their strong, reliable allies in the 20th century

The Captain's Drink

Captain Hook, Captain Crunch, and Captain America walk into a bar.
Hook says, "Ahoy mates, I'll buy the first round. Just let me go to the bathroom real quick."
The others wait and when Hook comes back Captain America asks, "Hey Hook, how bout those drinks?"
Hook yells, "Shove it up yer sta...

My baseball team don't allow anyone to wear Adidas.

Three stripes and you're out.

How can you tell what rank a Russian military officer is?

The number of stripes on their tracksuit

So a zebra dies and goes to heaven.

Upon reaching heaven the zebra is met by St. Peter who tells him, "Zebra, you have led a good life so I will allow you into heaven and as a bonus you may ask any question you can think of."
So the zebra ponders for a moment and says "ever since I've been born there is a question that has been bot...

You’re liking my dad’s “groan”joke. So here’s another. (Much worse)

An adventurer was out in the jungle when he came upon Tarzan. He was painting white stripes on black zebras and black stripes on white zebras.
Although curious, the explorer returned home.
A year later he came back.
Again he finds Tarzan in the jungle. He’s painting white stripes on blac...

I'm curious about the French flag.

When did they add the blue and red stripes?

A zebra was having a crisis.

He couldn't decide if he was white with black stripes, or he was black with white stripes. For many months this bothered him, sometimes even keeping him up all night wondering.

On morning, he decided to see the wise old monkey in the baobab tree to find answers to his quandary. Far and long h...

Zebra in Heaven

A Zebra dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates Saint Peter tells him he can ask one question before entering.
"I have always wanted to know if i am white with black stripes or black with white stripes?"
"Only God knows this" he replied "You should ask him, down the hall last door on th...

Dad joke about zebras

Zebras are striped for protection against predators, when they all stand together in a group the stripes make it difficult to distinguish where one zebra begins and one zebra ends, making it harder for the lions to tell how many and how big they are. Idk about you but it’s pretty black and white to ...

An Indonesian ambassador and a Polish ambassador are meeting in America to discuss international relationships when the American embassy worker gets confused.

"Their country flags are so similar and confusing," the American embassy worker thought to himself, "How can I tell the Indonesian flag and the Polish flag apart?"

"Is the white strip located above the red stripe?" The embassy worker asked the ambassadors.

"Tak" replied the ambassadors...

A Jamaican man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar

A Jamaican man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical Jamaican baby boy weighing 20 pounds."

Congratulations showered him from all around and many exclamations of "Wow!" were heard.

Two weeks later, he returned to t...

Punishment

An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland. They were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank.~~~The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely sl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walked into a forest..

He spoke to the Oak Tree: Your branches come over each other, twisting and turning. I feel inclined to ask you why?


The Oak Tree replied: Thank you for asking! These branches house the nests of birds, and gives plentiful wood for you humans! I can allow you to take them if you like. <...

A Zebra died and went to Heaven...

..Upon reaching the gates and St. Peter, Zebra says
"Wow! This is place is huge! Am I really dead?" St. Peter replies with a chuckle and an
"I'm afraid so my child. But look around you, you're in heaven! Enjoy yourself, later today you get to have your meeting with God and you can ask hi...

Zebra dies and goes to heaven.

When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter greets him and informs him that all newcomers to heaven are allowed a single question to ask of The Almighty.

Pete gestures to a magnificent pedestal nearby and says to Zebra, "just step up there and ask away."

Zebra walks over to the pede...

A Zebra dies and goes to heaven...

When he gets to the Gates, a man is there and says "you may ask 1 question before you enter and you will get your answer.." The Zebra thinks for a second and says "Am I white with black stripes or black with white stripes?" Stumped the man tells the Zebra to wait there and he will get the answer fro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men go hunting in the woods

After a couple of hours, one of them goes into the bushes to take a leak. The man's buddy hears a scream and runs up to him.

"What happened to you?" the buddy asks.

"A snake bit me in the dick!" he answers, pointing to the snake, kicked to death. "Call 911!"

The buddy picks up h...

The Zebra in Heaven.

My mom told me this awhile back, it made me laugh so I thought I would share.

A zebra had died and when he got to the pearly white gates of heaven, he was greeted by Saint Peter.
"Welcome to Heaven." said Saint peter.

"Wow, so this is Heaven huh? Its beautiful!" said the zebra.
<...

A zebra at Heaven's gates

A zebra dies and goes to Heaven. Upon reaching Heaven's gates the guard says, "Welcome, child of God."
The zebra responds by asking, "Can I ask God a question?"
The angel, baffled, says, "What is your question?"
"Well, I want to know if I am white with black stripes or black with white s...

Tried translating a joke from Latvian.

John, a rural farmer, decided to visit the zoo in the capital with his family. He has a lot of fun, and comes back ecstatic. His neighbor
Tolya asks him what he saw there.

"Well, I saw a giraffe."

"What's a giraffe?"

"Well, you know horses?"

"Yeah."

"It's like ...

A Zebra dies and goes to heaven.

He's greeted by Saint Pete at the Pearly Gates

"Hello Zebra, welcome to heaven!" Says Peter.

"Oh wow", exclaims the Zebra.

"Yes, it's quite magnificent" , replies Peter, "as is the custom here, if you had any unanswered questions about your life, now is the time to ask them."...

[LONG] A zebra dies and goes to heaven...

A zebra dies and goes to heaven. When he reaches the pearly gates, St. Peter welcomes him inside and shows him around. There was everything there that could make a zebra happy for eternity. Lush green grass, crystal clear waters, rolling pastures as far as the eye could see, and plenty of lady zebra...

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Bad Bestie?

Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!"

"Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive."

"I also heard that you’ve been calling me fat?"

"Oh NO! I just said that th...

Matches for sale

An Aberdonian man is selling matches on Kings Cross Station for 10p a box from the tray on a string round his neck . Each morning a man in a pin-stripe suit walks past and drops ten pence on his tray, day after day, but never takes even so much as a single match.

After six month of this, the...

A zebra dies and appears before St. Peter at the pearly gates.

All my life I've wondered, says the Zebra, if I'm White with black stripes or Black with white stripes. Can you please tell me?

St. Peter is baffled. I do not know this, he says, but fear not, for we will ask Jesus and all your questions will be answered.

So St. Peter summons Jesus and...

Win some beer...

So a guy came into a bar and saw these small stripes at the very end of the table. He asked the bartender what for they were used.
The bartender replied "the men that just left measured their d!cks, the one with the longest got a free beer."
The guy said he could do better, so he went to the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight.

During the pilot's preflight check, he discovered that the aircraft's latrine holding tank was still full from the last flight. So a message was sent to the base, and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it.
The young man finally got to the air base and made his way to the air...

3 women board a plane for the 1st time an Asian a Caucasian and a african american.

3 women board a plane for the 1st time an Asian a Caucasian and a african american.
The Asian annouces "im scared but i wore fluro underwear so if we crash they can see me" the Caucasian says "i wore my stars and stripes bikini as underwear so i can be noticed and picked up 1st". The African Ame...

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