Why does Waldo wear stripes?

So he doesn't get spotted

What’s black with white stripes and can’t fly?

A parking lot.

Why does Waldo wear stripes?

He doesn’t want to be spotted


*edit: now if I ever tell people this joke, I risk people thinking I copied it off of reddit D:

What’s the white stripes favourite kind of moisture? Dew

dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew

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Bad Bestie?

Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!"

"Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive."

"I also heard that you’ve been calling me fat?"

"Oh NO! I just said that th...

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A man walked into a forest..

He spoke to the Oak Tree: Your branches come over each other, twisting and turning. I feel inclined to ask you why?


The Oak Tree replied: Thank you for asking! These branches house the nests of birds, and gives plentiful wood for you humans! I can allow you to take them if you like. <...

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A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight.

During the pilot's preflight check, he discovered that the aircraft's latrine holding tank was still full from the last flight. So a message was sent to the base, and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it.
The young man finally got to the air base and made his way to the air...

The Captain's Drink

Captain Hook, Captain Crunch, and Captain America walk into a bar.
Hook says, "Ahoy mates, I'll buy the first round. Just let me go to the bathroom real quick."
The others wait and when Hook comes back Captain America asks, "Hey Hook, how bout those drinks?"
Hook yells, "Shove it up yer sta...

Don't trust someone who disrespects Old Glory by coloring in the white stripes

That's just a big red flag

(OC) Why don't giraffes have stripes?

Because God took one look at them and said, "You know, that thing's so tall, it'll be easy to spot."

It’s 1975 and a zebra from the Bronx zoo dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. As he enters, he asks St. Peter "I have a question that's haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?"

St. Peter said "That's a question only God can answer.”

So the zebra went off in search of God. When he found Him, the zebra asked "God, please - I must know... am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?"

God simply replied "You are what you are.”

The zebra...

A zebra dies and goes to heaven

He meets Saint Peter at the Parley Gates and asks him.

"Saint, am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?"

Saint Peter was puzzled and told the Zebra he didn't know but once he was in heaven, the Zebra should ask God.

The next day, the Zebra saw God and asked h...

Do you know why it is that Waldo wears stripes?

He doesn't want to be spotted.

(Someone told me this joke today at work, so I guarantee it's been around, but I had to share it.)

We're Sergeants Now!

Leroy and Jasper have been promoted from privates to sergeants. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroy says, "Hey, Jasper, there's the Officer's Club. Let's you and me stop in." "But we're privates," protests Jasper. "We're sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside. "Now, Jasper, I'm ...

What cup size bra do striped horses wear?

A size Z-Bra!

Why did The White Stripes chose that name?

Because calling themselves Cocaine Lines was too on the nose.

Am I black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?

So there is this zebra who wants to know if he is black with white stripes or white with black stripes. He goes up to his brother and says, "Hey brother, am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?" His brother says, "I don't know. You'll have to go ask dad."

So the zebra ...

A Pony in Striped Pyjama

A zebra lived her whole life in a zoo but was getting on in age, so the zoo decided to let her spend her final years on a farm. The zebra was excited to see a huge pasture with green grass and hills and many strange animals.


She went up to a fat brown thing and said, "I'm a zebra, what ar...

So a man gets a job working as a highway stripe painter

The foreman gives the guy a paint brush and a fat bucket of paint and tells the dood where to paint and off the guy goes.

End of the first day the newbie comes back and tells the foreman he did 10 miles. "Outstanding!" The foreman says.

Second day newbie comes back to the shop at th...

What do you call a prehistoric striped cat with a bluetooth headset?

A cybertoothed tiger

The stripes of a higway had to be painted, so the manager of the company puts an ad looking for a painter

The stripes of a higway had to be painted, so the manager of the company puts an ad looking for a painter.

The same day a young man goes to the manager's office.

-Here you have your brush and your bucket of white paint. You'll do this day as a test, if you do well enough, you'll be hir...

The red and white in Poland's flag represents their history and hope for the future.

The blue stripe represents their strong, reliable allies in the 20th century

The Zebras stripes (long Joke)

Once upon a time a zebra was contemplating his life and everything that had meaning, when all of a sudden he had a thought "Am I a white zebra with black stripes, or a black zebra with white stripes"
He pondering on this for a while when he decided to go ask the lion.

After a short time of...

My son has developed orange and white stripes on his body...

Doctors have put him on a course of nemotherapy.

A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit...

.... The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit.
She ...

What do you call a undead yellow and black striped Insect...

a Zombee.

Tried translating a joke from Latvian.

John, a rural farmer, decided to visit the zoo in the capital with his family. He has a lot of fun, and comes back ecstatic. His neighbor
Tolya asks him what he saw there.

"Well, I saw a giraffe."

"What's a giraffe?"

"Well, you know horses?"

"Yeah."

"It's like ...

An Indonesian ambassador and a Polish ambassador are meeting in America to discuss international relationships when the American embassy worker gets confused.

"Their country flags are so similar and confusing," the American embassy worker thought to himself, "How can I tell the Indonesian flag and the Polish flag apart?"

"Is the white strip located above the red stripe?" The embassy worker asked the ambassadors.

"Tak" replied the ambassadors...

A Zebra, pondering his life, sips water at the edge of a river....when a crocodile snaps up, bites the Zebras head and kills the zebra....

The zebra’s soul goes to heaven where St Peter meets the zebra to welcome him to heaven.

The Zebra says...“you know, I died because I was sitting there pondering if I was white with black stripes.....or black with white stripes. “

St Peter says..”well the only person who can answer th...

How does a bro spell a striped horse?

With a "Z" brah.

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I heard this one a few years ago and just remembered it after some time. I don't know if it's already been posted here or not, and if it has, I am sorry! I've also made some edits to it because, well, I don't have the original at my fingertips right now.

When I was in high school - in 10th or 11th grade I think - our class got two new students about midway through the school year. They were twins - a brother and sister - and they were from China. They'd moved to the U.S. only recently, yet they still had a pretty good education in English and I assu...

This is a joke that from several decades ago, and was recently shared with me

The local government just finished paving a highway, and is hiring crews to paint stripes down the middle. He hires a crew of 5 guys (the og joke says mexican but thats not pc) and one (used to be polish) guy (again, not pc).

The first day of painting goes by, and the crew of 5 paints two mil...

3 women board a plane for the 1st time an Asian a Caucasian and a african american.

3 women board a plane for the 1st time an Asian a Caucasian and a african american.
The Asian annouces "im scared but i wore fluro underwear so if we crash they can see me" the Caucasian says "i wore my stars and stripes bikini as underwear so i can be noticed and picked up 1st". The African Ame...

How can you spot the rank of a Russian?

By the stripes on his Adidas jumpsuit.

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Life is like a zebra ...

... there are always stripes: black stripe, then white stripe, then black stripe, then white stripe again and before you know it … you’re in the asshole.

So a zebra dies and goes to heaven.

Upon reaching heaven the zebra is met by St. Peter who tells him, "Zebra, you have led a good life so I will allow you into heaven and as a bonus you may ask any question you can think of."
So the zebra ponders for a moment and says "ever since I've been born there is a question that has been bot...

Pavlov's birds

An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it ...

A man walks into a bar in New Orleans

He sits down next to a man in a jacket. Both of them are watching a preview of the upcoming nfc championship. They both start debating over who will win, and the debate turns into an argument. The man says “100 bucks my saints win!” “Your on” replied the man as he unzipped his coat to reveal black a...

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Good Idea!

A man visits the doctor with a perplexing problem.
"Doc, everything I eat comes out exactly the same in the toilet."

The doctor, somewhat confused, asks, "Be more specific."

"If I eat a cheeseburger, later there's a cheeseburger in the toilet after I go."

The doctor says, "...

The World Expert on Wasps

A man was walking down a quiet street, when something caught his eye in the window of a charity shop. He wandered over to take a closer look, then smiled to himself, nodded, and entered the shop.

He walked up to the counter and said to the man serving there, "Is that record in the window real...

A man is sitting in a coffee shop

(Kinda long) The man is sitting in a coffee shop, when his nephew walks in, his nephew tells him that his brother has died, and that the child is homeless. The man yells at the boy: “I haven’t had my coffee yet! Don’t talk to me!” The boy runs away. A voice calls out: “help! We need a doctor! This m...

I'm curious about the French flag.

When did they add the blue and red stripes?

Skeeter and Bubba got promoted from Privates to Sergeants.

Shortly after, they were out walking when Bubba said "Hey Skeeter! There's the NCO Club! What say we go in there and have us a drink?"

"But we don't belong in the NCO Club!" Skeeter protested. "We's Privates!"

Bubba points to the new stripes sewn on their clothes and says, "No we a...

You’re liking my dad’s “groan”joke. So here’s another. (Much worse)

An adventurer was out in the jungle when he came upon Tarzan. He was painting white stripes on black zebras and black stripes on white zebras.
Although curious, the explorer returned home.
A year later he came back.
Again he finds Tarzan in the jungle. He’s painting white stripes on blac...

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A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to one another on a plane...

The lawyer looks at the blonde and thinks he could have a bit of fun at her expense.
So he goes: “Miss, let’s play a game, I’ll ask you a question. Any question, and if you don’t know the answer you’ll give me $20. Then you ask me a question, and if I don’t know the answer I’ll give you $100!” Sh...

A fisherman is fishing by the river shore when a man rushes towards him, catches his breath and says:

Man: "Excuse me, have you seen a woman pass by this area?"

Fisherman: "One with a white dress with black stripes?"

Man: "Yes, exactly! She must not be very far away, right?"

Fisherman: "I don't think so, the current isn't very strong today."

A zebra was having a crisis.

He couldn't decide if he was white with black stripes, or he was black with white stripes. For many months this bothered him, sometimes even keeping him up all night wondering.

On morning, he decided to see the wise old monkey in the baobab tree to find answers to his quandary. Far and long h...

Little Johnny was in Spanish Class one day...

The teacher said, "Okay, class, tell me a sentence that has to do with Nicaragua."

The teacher calls on Mary Lou. "The flag of Nicaragua has white and blue stripes, with a coat of arms in the middle."

The teacher calls on Jason next. "Nicaragua is located in Central America, with 6 oth...

A Zebra died and went to Heaven...

..Upon reaching the gates and St. Peter, Zebra says
"Wow! This is place is huge! Am I really dead?" St. Peter replies with a chuckle and an
"I'm afraid so my child. But look around you, you're in heaven! Enjoy yourself, later today you get to have your meeting with God and you can ask hi...

Help! Please explain this silly kids joke to me...

This joke has been bugging me on and off for around 30-years. I read it in some kind of '1000 jokes for kids' type book - probably written around 1985'ish. The joke is pretty stupid - and i'm reasonably sure it would still be pretty stupid if I actually understood it - however for some unexplained...

A Zebra dies and goes to heaven...

When he gets to the Gates, a man is there and says "you may ask 1 question before you enter and you will get your answer.." The Zebra thinks for a second and says "Am I white with black stripes or black with white stripes?" Stumped the man tells the Zebra to wait there and he will get the answer fro...

A lawyer was driving in the middle of nowhere...

A telephone pole was suddenly struck by lightning, falling in front of the lawyer, causing him to swerve into a ditch and total his car.

He got out of his car and looked around. In the distance, he saw a pink-striped house.

He walked to the house, went up a pink-striped sidewalk, knoc...

"Hey, wanna play a game?"

A blonde and a lawyer find themselves sitting next to each other on airplane. As take-off begins the lawyer already finds himself getting bored, and so he turns to the blonde and says "Hey, wanna play a game?" Slightly interested, the blonde turns back to him and says "What is it?"

"Well, the...

A Zebra dies and goes to heaven.

He's greeted by Saint Pete at the Pearly Gates

"Hello Zebra, welcome to heaven!" Says Peter.

"Oh wow", exclaims the Zebra.

"Yes, it's quite magnificent" , replies Peter, "as is the custom here, if you had any unanswered questions about your life, now is the time to ask them."...

Zebra dies and goes to heaven.

When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter greets him and informs him that all newcomers to heaven are allowed a single question to ask of The Almighty.

Pete gestures to a magnificent pedestal nearby and says to Zebra, "just step up there and ask away."

Zebra walks over to the pede...

Win some beer...

So a guy came into a bar and saw these small stripes at the very end of the table. He asked the bartender what for they were used.
The bartender replied "the men that just left measured their d!cks, the one with the longest got a free beer."
The guy said he could do better, so he went to the...

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