Stripe Jokes

Because he doesn’t want to be spotted.

Jack Gray.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man looks good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue and that she wants him in a blue sui... read more

A parking lot.

The number of stripes on their tracksuits.

A young blonde, out of money and down on her luck, needed some quick cash. Desperate, she decided to kidnap a child and hold it for ransom…

She went to the local playground, randomly grabbed a kid, took him behind a nearby building, and in a stern voice she told him, "You've been kidnapped, ... read more

He doesn’t want to be spotted


*edit: now if I ever tell people this joke, I risk people thinking I copied it off of reddit D:

Because God took one look at them and said, "You know, that thing's so tall, it'll be easy to spot."

He doesn't want to be spotted.

(Someone told me this joke today at work, so I guarantee it's been around, but I had to share it.)

dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew dew

The foreman gives the guy a paint brush and a fat bucket of paint and tells the dood where to paint and off the guy goes.

End of the first day the newbie comes back and tells the foreman he did 10 miles. "Outstanding!" The foreman says.

Second day newbie comes back to the shop at th... read more

A zebra lived her whole life in a zoo but was getting on in age, so the zoo decided to let her spend her final years on a farm. The zebra was excited to see a huge pasture with green grass and hills and many strange animals.


She went up to a fat brown thing and said, "I'm a zebra, what ar... read more

In Zebrew.

An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it ... read more

A size Z-Bra!

Because calling themselves Cocaine Lines was too on the nose.

Once upon a time a zebra was contemplating his life and everything that had meaning, when all of a sudden he had a thought "Am I a white zebra with black stripes, or a black zebra with white stripes"
He pondering on this for a while when he decided to go ask the lion.

After a short time of... read more

Two Army boys, Leroy & Jasper, from the hills of Kentucky were promoted right from privates to Sergeants because of their great marksmanship with rifles.

Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroy says, "Hey, Jasper, There's the NCO Club. Let's you and Me stop in." "But we's privat... read more

A cybertoothed tiger

With a "Z" brah.

Doctors have put him on a course of nemotherapy.

a Zombee.

By the stripes on his Adidas jumpsuit.

The stripes of a higway had to be painted, so the manager of the company puts an ad looking for a painter.

The same day a young man goes to the manager's office.

-Here you have your brush and your bucket of white paint. You'll do this day as a test, if you do well enough, you'll be hir... read more

Each has its own unique stripes.

A telephone pole was suddenly struck by lightning, falling in front of the lawyer, causing him to swerve into a ditch and total his car.

He got out of his car and looked around. In the distance, he saw a pink-striped house.

He walked to the house, went up a pink-striped sidewalk, knoc... read more

The blue stripe represents their strong, reliable allies in the 20th century

Captain Hook, Captain Crunch, and Captain America walk into a bar.
Hook says, "Ahoy mates, I'll buy the first round. Just let me go to the bathroom real quick."
The others wait and when Hook comes back Captain America asks, "Hey Hook, how bout those drinks?"
Hook yells, "Shove it up yer sta... read more

Three stripes and you're out.

The number of stripes on their tracksuit

Upon reaching heaven the zebra is met by St. Peter who tells him, "Zebra, you have led a good life so I will allow you into heaven and as a bonus you may ask any question you can think of."
So the zebra ponders for a moment and says "ever since I've been born there is a question that has been bot... read more

An adventurer was out in the jungle when he came upon Tarzan. He was painting white stripes on black zebras and black stripes on white zebras.
Although curious, the explorer returned home.
A year later he came back.
Again he finds Tarzan in the jungle. He’s painting white stripes on blac... read more

When did they add the blue and red stripes?

A Zebra dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates Saint Peter tells him he can ask one question before entering.
"I have always wanted to know if i am white with black stripes or black with white stripes?"
"Only God knows this" he replied "You should ask him, down the hall last door on th... read more

Zebras are striped for protection against predators, when they all stand together in a group the stripes make it difficult to distinguish where one zebra begins and one zebra ends, making it harder for the lions to tell how many and how big they are. Idk about you but it’s pretty black and white to ... read more

"Their country flags are so similar and confusing," the American embassy worker thought to himself, "How can I tell the Indonesian flag and the Polish flag apart?"

"Is the white strip located above the red stripe?" The embassy worker asked the ambassadors.

"Tak" replied the ambassadors... read more

A Jamaican man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical Jamaican baby boy weighing 20 pounds."

Congratulations showered him from all around and many exclamations of "Wow!" were heard.

Two weeks later, he returned to t... read more

An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland. They were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank.~~~The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely sl... read more

John, a rural farmer, decided to visit the zoo in the capital with his family. He has a lot of fun, and comes back ecstatic. His neighbor
Tolya asks him what he saw there.

"Well, I saw a giraffe."

"What's a giraffe?"

"Well, you know horses?"

"Yeah."

"It's like ... read more

He's greeted by Saint Pete at the Pearly Gates

"Hello Zebra, welcome to heaven!" Says Peter.

"Oh wow", exclaims the Zebra.

"Yes, it's quite magnificent" , replies Peter, "as is the custom here, if you had any unanswered questions about your life, now is the time to ask them."... read more

An Aberdonian man is selling matches on Kings Cross Station for 10p a box from the tray on a string round his neck . Each morning a man in a pin-stripe suit walks past and drops ten pence on his tray, day after day, but never takes even so much as a single match.

After six month of this, the... read more

So a guy came into a bar and saw these small stripes at the very end of the table. He asked the bartender what for they were used.
The bartender replied "the men that just left measured their d!cks, the one with the longest got a free beer."
The guy said he could do better, so he went to the... read more