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Beards Jokes

I used to hate beards…

But then it grew on me.

If women had beards....

They would shave them off and then draw them back on.

I’ve never been a fan of beards…

but they’re growing on me.

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[OC] A gorgeous bartender puts up a sign that says “Men: ask me about your beards”

The first day a man walks up to the bar, orders his drink, then inquires about the sign. “What did you wanna know about my beard?”, the man with a long fluffy beard asks.

“Well darlin, I’m lookin’ for a special kind of man”, the bartender says. “The kind that can tickle the inside of my thig...

Beards at work

Just a word of advice, if a woman at work asks you "When are you going to shave off that ridiculous mustache?!" Do not reply "When you shave yours!". It could land you in HR....

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What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming beards?

A clipptomaniac!

Raggedy beards

When I was a kid, the only people with long, raggedy beards were the creepy guys outside my school that offered me free candy. Now that they’re in style, I don’t know who to get my free candy from anymore.

Why do philosophers have long beards?

Because they use Occam's razor.

Why don’t the Amish shave their beards?

They don’t want raze-a-barn

There once was a village whose mayors were all named Benny and had magnificent beards

Legend held that if a mayor shaved his beard off, an ancient curse would transform him into a piece of pottery.

Centuries passed and every Benny was a fair and wise mayor, and never shaved their beards. But one summer, their land was struck by a terrible heat wave. All the men of the villag...

What disease do neck-beards get?

M’laria

There's a name for people without beards

Women

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wondering why "cuck" has become the new insult of choice among basement dwellers and neck beards?

They finally found an insult that can never be used against them.

Benny and the Magic Urn

Once upon a time there was a man named Benny. Benny was a simple man with simple talents and simple desires. He was a quiet fellow who loved to walk the beach when he had some time to spare. He was the kind of guy you wouldn't mind having a drink with, but anything more might be tedious. One day, as...

Why do Arabs have long beards?

Because sometimes it's just hard to find a goat.

Studies show that men with beards are more likely to cheat...

...than women with beards.

A recent study has found that men with beards are more attractive

More great work from the University of Bob Seger

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6 signs that you had one glass too many

1. All girls look beautiful. It doesn't matter if they have beards.

2. You can't use your fork because it has 1 tine and 4 handles.

3. Lights are out in the restroom. But it smells nice, and they have clothes hanging instead of toilet paper.

4. Someone called you an asshole. But...

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