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Goatee Jokes

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A woman was obsessed with plastic surgery...

Her doc told her a new procedure had been developed- they put a knob on the back of your neck and every time you see a wrinkle, turn it one click to the right and the wrinkle will disappear. She came in right away and had the procedure done.

A few weeks later, she was having some issues and v...

I have a friend who once sneezed while snorting coke, and sprayed it all over his goatee.

He immediately went and shaved the goatee off.

When he came back, I asked him why he'd shaved it.

**"Because you dont get high off your own 'stache"**

So a guy goes into the hospital for a hip replacement.

He's laying in the hospital bed, when another guy walks into the hospital room that looks like he could be his twin brother.

Except this guy is slimmer, wearing a stylish blazer, a sharp hat, a goatee and sunglasses.

"Who are you?" the guy asks.

"I'm your hip replacement."

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A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift.

The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob", where a small knob is placed on the top of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift.

Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob."

Over the course of the years, the wom...

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A woman goes in for a facelift

The doctor tells her, “We have a revolutionary new device that we install on the back of your neck. Whenever you feel that you need more lift, you turn the knob on the device and it will tighten your skin.”

The woman is ecstatic and gets the device installed. She has it for about 6 months an...

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A woman went to her plastic surgeon wanting a face lift....

The doctor showed her how she would look and explained it would be ten thousand dollars.

" Oh, I don't think I can afford that much"

The doctor said there is a less expensive option.
" We install a handle you twist on the top of your head. As you see a wrinkle, you just twist and...

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A woman wants a facelift and her surgeon tells her about a new procedure

"We put a dial in the back of your head and when your skin starts to sag you simply turn the knob."

"That sounds good," she says.

Two years later, she goes back and tells the surgeon that the dial is giving her bags under her eyes.

"I'm sorry," replies the surgeon, "but those ar...

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sex with twins

Two guys are at a bar. One of them looks to the other and says, "I had the best time last night. I had sex with twins!" The other asks, "How could you tell them apart?" "Well, Jessica had long, beautiful, blonde hair, and Alex had a goatee.

Young man goes off to university

A young man goes off to university in a town several hours drive from where his parents live. Two months later, he write to his folks. The letter reads, "Dear Mom and Dad, I'm having a great time! I've enclosed a picture, as you can see I've grown a nice goatee! Don't I look like a Count?"
...

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A plastic surgeon invented a new experimental facelift technique called The Dial.

It consisted of installing a dial on the top of the patients head that could be rotated to tighten the skin. A woman signs up for the procedure and every goes well until she returns to him a couple weeks later.

"Doctor, everything was going fine, but a few days ago I noticed that I was develo...

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60yr old women Florida visits her plastic surgeon and says we gotta do something with this face, it's getting a bit saggy ??

Doc examines her and says I've got the perfect solution to this, we're gonna instal a dial in the back of your head and every time you're feeling a little loose in the face give the dial a quick tighten. She agrees and is very pleased.

Two months later she returns and says doc I've cranked th...

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My favorite medical joke

A lady in her 50s goes to see a plastic surgeon.
"Doctor, I'd like to do something about these wrinkles on my face, but I live out in the country and I don't want to have to keep coming back to see you often."
He says, "Sure, well we have this new device called 'The Knob.' Basically we just i...

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A woman goes to a doctor looking for anti-wrinkle treatment...

After finally making it to the office of a renowned dermatologist, she is disappointed to find that there is nothing to help her wrinkles.

"Well..." says the doctor. "There is a new type of treatment being developed. Essentially, we put a tiny knob on the back of your head and twist it, pulli...

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NSFW: hope this isn't a repost, never seen it here, but one of my favorites I heard at least 20 years ago . A woman is walking alone on the beach one day....

Enjoying the beautiful day when she stubs her toe and stumbles over something in the sand. She turns around and is stunned to see a genie rising from smoke out of a lamp. The genie looks at her twirling his goatee and informs her he can grant her one wish. She takes a moment to ponder her decision a...

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A woman in her 50's gets plastic surgery on a regular basis, now she's back at her surgeons office yet again.

The doctor politely states that "Since you are regularly getting nips, tucks, and lifting done you would be a perfect candidate for an experimental procedure that would all but eliminate the need for further operations." The woman is intrigued.


"What we do is install a small knob...

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A kid'a parents didn't want him to learn bad words...

*English isn't my first language so tell me if there are any mistakes*

So one day the father was taking the kid to the mall for a haircut, they walk out the door and the father suddenly remembers he forgot his keys.

He forgets him and his SO's idea and says "Shit! I forgot my keys" th...

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The Devil caught a Pole, a German and a Russian.

One day the devil caught a Pole, a Russian and a German.

"*Do not even think about escaping.*" the Devil laughed at the poor men "*These cells are meant to keep the condemned! Nothing can leave them! Nothing can enter them! Nothing! Unless I say otherwise.*" he laughed devilishly "*But here...

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A husband and wife save thousands of dollars for their dream golfing trip abroad...

A man and his wife and save thousands of dollars, pack their bags and go on their dream golfing trip abroad.

The golf course is a thing of beauty, perfect greens, giant sculptures, huge sparkling blue lakes, the finest sand pits, and amazing views. The rich of the world all have mansions and ...

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