Hot Tub Jokes

one older lady and two slightly younger - when suddenly there was a beeping sound.

The first younger woman pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped.
The others looked at her questioningly.
"That was my pager" she said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few min... read more

So happy got out.

Vegetable stew.


Not mine, and yes I know it's tasteless.

Probably as tasteless as the stew.

J'ACUZZI!

What was the Italian hot tub that was so small it's occupants always bumped into each other called?

Ja-scusi.

We don't screw in light bulbs. We screw in hot tubs

It's a J'accuzzi.

Several gallons of laughing stock.

... bragging about their newest groundbreaking technology.

The CEO of Apple starts explaining how his company invented a tiny speaker and a tiny mic which would be surgically attached to your thumb and pinky finger - so you could receive a phone call, only by putting your hand to your ear. ... read more

A civil engineer dies and goes to Hell by accident. According to policy, all civil engineers go to Heaven but a mistake was made this time. The engineer descends to Hell and he finds the situation miserable. Too much heat, fires, lava, vapor, and everyone is in panic mode. So he goes to have a littl... read more

Throw in your laundry.

And St. Peter says, "We're pretty full, so we're making people pass additional tests. I know this is going to sound weird, but God has been hanging out with Chuck Yeager this week, and he's only letting in people who have a connection to Jets." All three sets of eyes light up.

Sondheim step... read more

Three friends go on a skiing trip, but they need to save money so they rent a cabin with only one bed that’s big enough for all three of them.

After the first night the guy on the left says he had the most amazing dream. A busty blonde seduced him and gave him an amazing handjob.

The... read more

One turns to the other one and asks “Do you have any soap?”

The second elephant replies with, “no soap, radio.”

.....Add your laundry.

Art.

That same guy in your pool? Bob

Same guy in your hot tub? Stew

Sitting under your car that's missing a wheel? Jack

Same guy on your porch? Matt

Same guy getting hit with a baseball bat? Homer

Same guy lying in a pile of leaves? Russel

What do you... read more

My pregnant daughter and her husband were checking out a new birth facility that was more like a spa. The birthing room had a hot tub, soft music, and candlelight.

"What do you think?" she said

He looked around. "Isn't this how we got here in the first place?"

Californians don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in hot tubs. (I remember this from the 1970s when I was in middle school. It's one of my first dirty jokes)

...following the guidelines of social distancing in regards of the recent coronavirus outbreak.

A man is fishing when he hears a voice. Fish over here. He looks down and sees a frog. Really fish over here. So he does and catches his limit. The man decides to take the frog home when it says a branch is gonna fall just as the man moves out of the way saving both their lives. Deciding the frog is... read more

I don't know - normally they screw in the casting director's hot tub

He really just wants to work on his boxing skills. The gym rep gives him the grand tour. "Here are the raquetball courts which get quite busy" the rep says "and over there is the raquetball line". "That's nice" the man says "but I'm mostly interested in the boxing facilities".

The rep contin... read more