The 31+ Best Alzheimers Jokes

Would you like to hear an alzheimers joke?

My wife said to me "If I ever get Alzheimers I would commit suicide rather than burdening you with me"

I said "Thats the fifth time you've said that today"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Getting older is rough. This month I only had enough money to get either my Viagra or my Alzheimers medication.

I can't recall which one I chose...

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Doctor, I came to pick up my wife’s results…

- Well… I had a little problem with the results. I accidentally scrambled them with another patient, we don’t know if she has aids or alzheimers.

+ What should I do now?

- Leave her in the middle of the forest, if she comes back, don’t fuck her.

What does a cop with Alzheimers always say at routines traffic stops,

“Do you know why I pulled you over???”

What is worst - Alzheimers or Parkinsons?

Alzheimers. Because its better to spill your beer than forget where you put it.

"A man with alzheimers tries to recall a joke-"

Wait, that's not how it starts

"A forgetful man tries to retell a story-"

No, no, that not it either

"A man-"

Aww, forget it

As someone with Alzheimers i will prove to you we can tell funny jokes.

I think my wife’s showing symptoms of Alzheimers.

She’s telling me everyday that she can’t remember what she saw in me that made her marry me.

I just found out I have Alzheimers

I googled alzheimers symptoms...

And it had already been searched before.

Every day as i walk to the bus stop I speak with a 93 year old man with alzheimers who sits on his rocking chair looking over his yard with a concerned expression.

He musters his strength and calls out to me "hey.. have y-you seen m-my wife?" And every day i have to tell him "I'm so sorry.. your wife has passed away 10 years ago". Ive considered not telling him but my mornings always feel better after I see the look of sheer joy on his face.

"What do we want!?" "A cure for Alzheimers!!"

"What did we want?"

Doctor: I'm afraid you have cancer and alzheimers.

Patient: Hey, at least I don't have cancer!

An old man goes to see the doctor.

An old man goes to see the doctor.

Upon getting there, the doctor sighs and looks at him with pity.

"Peter, I have bad news and worse news. Which would you like first?"

"Give me the worse news now doctor, so that the less bad news don't matter much anymore."<...

Alzheimers, its a bad thing...

...but atleast you get to meet new people everyday.

I just heard that Tony Bennett has Alzheimers.

He left his heart in San Diego.

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Aids or Alzheimers

A woman noticed her husband wasn't quite the same as he used to be. So she takes him to the doctor. The doctor does a bunch of tests. He calls the woman into the office. He says, "Well, I've narrowed it down to two things. It's either Aids or Alzheimers." The woman says, "Oh, My God!!!! What am I go...

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What does a man with Alzheimers do in his free time?

Upvote the same fucking joke for the 5th time on r/jokes .

What does a person with Alzheimers and an orphan have in common?

They both don’t know their parents

How many people with alzheimers does it take to change a light bulb?

To get to the other side

THIS CORONA QUARANTINE HAS GIVEN MY WIFE ALZHEIMERS!!

She doesn't remember what she ever saw in me.

I asked a patient who has alzheimers,”for how long have you had alzheimers “. He replied-

“As long as I can remember “

I have the worst luck…

I have the worst luck, I went to buy a memory foam pillow - turned out it had Alzheimers.

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Aids or Alzheimer's

A man takes his wife to the doctor. The doctor says "Well, its either aids or alzheimers."

"What do you mean?" the guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"

"Well, the two look a lot alike in the early stages." said the doctor, "Tell you what, drive her way out into the country. Once ...

The great thing about the Alzheimers museum is...

No matter how many times you go, it always seems new.

My uncle has diabetes and alzheimers

I asked him where his feet were and he was stumped.

Alzheimer's Test

How fast can you guess these words?
1. F_ _K
2. PU_S_
3. S_X
4. P_N_S
5. BOO_S
6. _ _NDOM

Answers:

1. FORK
2. PULSE
3. SIX
4. PANTS
5. BOOKS
6. RANDOM

You got all 6 wrong....didn't you?

Well, you don't have alzheimers, but y...

Did you hear that one about Alzheimers?

Damn, I can't remember the punch line.

The first rule of Alzheimers club,

Is don't talk about chess club

A patient and his doctor were sitting in the doctor's clinic. Doctor: "I regret to inform you that you have cancer and Alzheimers".

Patient: "Oh well, at least I don't have cancer".

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