UPJOKE
poochpuppyirish wolfhounddoggysled doggreat danepetdachshundbasset hounddogborder colliecanishoundneuteringdog breed

My wife and I were walking out of a restaurant with a doggie bag, when we saw a young teen in shabby clothes sitting on the sidewalk

He asked if he could have our leftovers, so I gladly gave them to him.

I asked him if he was an orphan.

He said "Yes I am - what gave me away?"

I replied "Obviously, your parents."

Poor Doggie

After hearing a shot, Hank ran next door and found his friend Tony crying. "Say, what's wrong?" Hank asked. Tony sobbed, "I had to shoot my dog." Hank said, "My God! Was he mad?" Tony replied, "Well, he wasn't exactly overjoyed."

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" asked the one

"Well, not exactly." His friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog aspect of it."

"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"

"Well, not exactly. I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead."

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It has been determined, the most used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position...

The husband sits up and begs.


The wife rolls over and plays dead.

What is Snoop Doggie Dogs favorite type of weather?

Drizzle

Why do Canadian couples like to do it doggie style?

So they can both watch the hockey game!

A guy is walking, carrying a no-legged doggie in his arms.

A lady stops him:

“What a cute dog!”, she exclaims gleefully.. “What’s his name?”

“He doesn’t have one”, the guy replies. The lady is bewildered.

“Oh, no! Poor thing... how come you didn’t name him?”

The guy shrugs.

“If I’d call him, he wouldn’t come anyway”

As I rolled from my date and pulled off the condom, she complained "Is that it?"

"Well,we did doggie, so it should count as 14 minutes"

Why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund?

So he could get a long little doggie.

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The Position

A young woman with oozing sores on her elbows and knees went to see a doctor. "You've got to help me," she said. "These sores won't heal. I can't wear any long sleeves or slacks, and they look awful." The doctor consulted his medical books and finally said, "I can only come up with one question to h...

"Why have you got those marks on your knees?"

her friend asked.

"Oh, it's making love, doggie style."

"Well, why don't you change positions?"

"I'm willing, but the dog isn't."

My son recently asked me why those 2 doggies were playing piggyback.

I said one is sick and the other is pushing him to the hospital.

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A blind man was walking down the street

A blind man was walking down the street with his dog.
They stopped at the corner to wait for the passing traffic.

The dog, at this point, started pissing on the mans leg. As the dog finished the man reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a doggie treat and started waving it at the do...

Did you hear about the dumb cowboy that got a dachshund?

Someone told him “get along little doggie.”

A young cowboy get thrown out of a saloon Monday night.

Tuesday he returns with a dachshund under his arm.

The bartender asks “What’s with the dog?”

”Last night when I got out of hand and was thrown out I was told ‘Get a long little doggie.’”

3 pregnant women are having lunch together when an elderly lady approaches them......... The elderly lady says: I can predict if you will have a boy or girl...... The Brunette says OK.....Will I have a boy or girl?????

The lady says...You were on top...you will have a boy....

The Brunette yells out.....I was on top and I am having a boy.

The elderly lady goes to the Red Haired woman and says....you were on bottom....you will have a girl

The Red Haired Woman yells out..... I was on bottom and I...

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When it comes to sex I've never seen a disappointed look on any woman's face.

That's the advantage of doggie style.

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A widow, Claire, was looking to move away from the city, and looked for a small town to live her final years in.

She drove a few hours out into the countryside to find a good place to move into. Eventually she came by Barkstown, and this peculiar name piqued her curiosity.

She drove in and was amazed by the amount of dogs there were in this town, but she was getting hungry from not eating all day.
...

How would the Church of England deal with the statement that "the cat sat on the mat" if it appeared in the Bible?

The liberal theologians would point out that such a passage did not of course mean that the cat literally sat on the mat. Also, cat and mat had different meanings in those days from today, and anyway, the text should be interpreted according to the customs and practices of the period.

This ...

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