UPJOKE
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Appreciated Jokes

This is the first joke I wrote by myself, feedback appreciated

A man came back home to his wife after a long business journey. After a happy reunion, their parrot suddenly started talking out of nowhere.

"Yes, put it in that hole!" it squawked loudly with a female voice.

"What the hell?" said the man. "Where did the parrot learn that?"

"No,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Is this OC? I thought of it in the shower. Help with making it better would be appreciated.

A farmer is eating dinner with his lovely daughter. The local merchants son, known for being honest and trustworthy, walks in and says "sir I'd like to lay with your daughter." The farmer in a rage asks "Why the hell would I let you do that?" To which the merchants son reply's "I was just diagnos...

I want my dentist to know he's appreciated..

So every year I give him a little plaque.

Appreciated

This joke is under “appreciated”

Someone donates a kidney and is loved and appreciated...

But when I donate 5 kidneys I get arrested...

First time posting here, don't know if blonde jokes are appreciated

A blind cowboy walks into a bar, without knowing it's an only women's bar and says "anyone here wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bartender replies "since you're blind I'll fill you in on something. I'm a blonde woman and I've got a gun next to me, the woman to your right is the national judo ch...

Abdul was going through bit of a rough patch in his marriage.

So after work, he decided to pay his Imam a visit.

He said "I have been going through some problems with my wife, she seems like she is always angry at me, what do I do?"

The Imam replied "You should spend more time with your wife, appreciate her role in your life, maybe praise her co...

I thought making a pun about the mars rover would be appreciated

But since everyone is pressing F to pay respect it just means that it's a missed oppertunity

If you could exterminate any race what would you pick?

Personally, I‘d get rid of the 800m. It‘s too long to be considered a sprint and not long enough to really be long distance.

EDIT: Thanks for the silver, appreciated!
EDIT 2: Wow, thank you, kind stranger, for gold aswell!

There's a woman in the park sells batteries.

She sells C cells by the seesaw.

What’s the term for a stoner’s most appreciated friend?

His best-bud

Apparently, this is the most commonly-appreciated joke in the world

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he'...

What concert costs 45 cents?

50 Cent feat. Nickelback


Go ahead, down vote me to oblivion

I finally figured out what’s wrong with my brain.

On the left side, there is nothing right.

On the right side, there is nothing left.

A kleptomaniac never appreciated how he could exchange stolen goods for rocks.

He took things for granite.

When I moved into my new house, I don't think I appreciated how convincing my countertops were.

I took them for granite.

What was the under-appreciated, often-exploited kitchen contractor's complaint?

I'm always taken for granite!

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