I went to an air conditioning convention recently

It was pretty cool

Why do hospitals have air conditioning?

To keep the vegetables fresh

My uncle in Washington started an Air Conditioning business.

it's called ac/dc

So, a mate of mine has come back from a air conditioning course

He now has 'A license to chill'.....

The funeral for the inventor of air conditioning was held today.

Thousands of fans attended.

[Dad Joke] I don't trust our air conditioning system.

It seems forced.

Why do hospitals have air conditioning that makes it so cold?

It's because vegetables last longer when kept chilled.

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.

St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.”

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while...

One day a talented engineer was inspecting some work on top of a new high rise building when he slipped and fell to his death.

He goes to Heaven and walks up to the pearly gates. Saint Peter says “sorry, we aren’t letting anyone in today, you’ll have to go somewhere else.” Dismayed at his other prospects, the man goes to limbo for a while, but finds it incredibly boring. So he leaves and goes down to Hell.

There he ...

After a long time, I told my hot coworker how I felt. Turns out she felt the same way.

So I turned on the air conditioning.

What do you call an Indonesian shoe factory that just had air conditioning installed?

A sweatstop.

A mechanic dies, and, not being a very religious man, gets sent to hell. While in hell, the mechanic meets Satan, and he is shown the ins and outs of Hell.

While wandering around, the mechanic starts doing the thing he's best at --
fixing stuff. In a matter of weeks, Hell has air conditioning, working TV's
and indoor plumbing, all being maintained and improved by the mechanic.

Seeing this from heaven, God calls Satan over and demands to ha...

Two types of A.C. units are sitting at a bar.

One takes a swig and looks at the other, saying "You know, I'm the most efficient and well-known air conditioning unit there is. I can cool a room in seconds..!" He chuckles to himself. The other looks at him smiling, saying "Yes, I was aware. I'm a fan."

Civil engineer goes to Hell

A civil engineer dies and goes to Hell by accident. According to policy, all civil engineers go to Heaven but a mistake was made this time. The engineer descends to Hell and he finds the situation miserable. Too much heat, fires, lava, vapor, and everyone is in panic mode. So he goes to have a littl...

Wife Missing?

The first thing a grieving husband should do is CALL THE COPS!

Husband: "My wife of 15 years is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!"
Sheriff: "Height?"
Husband: "I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall."
Sheriff: "Weight?"
Husband: "Don't kn...

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An engineer dies and goes to hell...

He is welcomed by his orientation demon, who shows him around and explains how things work. The engineer notices that a lot of things aren't working and are in dire need of fixing. The air conditioning is busted, the network is overloaded, there's power shortages everywhere, everything is overheatin...

The Engineer in Hell

An engineer dies and goes to Hell.

He’s talking with Satan and says, “What a terrible place! It’s very hot, dark, smoky and extremely bad!”

Satan said, “Well, what did you expect? After all, this IS Hell!”

The engineer said, “Do you have a compressor, some tubing, and wire?
<...

A penguin is driving through the desert

When his car starts to give him trouble. The lights start flashing and the dials go out of control, so he puts the car in neutral and rides it out to the nearest gas station.

He asks the gas station attendant "Can you fix my car? It's really no place for a penguin to be stuck in the deser...

There was this engineer who died and went to Hell.

He disliked Hell, so pretty soon he went to work improving it. He installed air conditioning, elevators, bathroom air fresheners, escalators, and all sorts of gadgetry. One day God calls Satan:

"So, how are things down there?" asks God.

"Great!" Satan replies, "we now have air conditio...

Don’t get me wrong

I like humor and jokes like everybody else. But when it comes to air conditioning jokes – I'm not a fan

An engineer dies and goes to Hell.

An engineer dies and goes to Hell.

"Welcome to my domain!" Satan says, with a malicious grin and a nod to the lava pools and torture devices. "I hope it's to your liking."

"It's alright," the engineer says. "But it could do with some improvements. I'd be happy to help if you give me go...

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No lawyers up there

Once an engineer got sent to hell by mistake and helped Satan fix hell
Seeing this god contacted Satan

God: There seems to be a mistake , We would like to have the engineer back

Satan: No way, Damn guy is a magician fixed up everything wrong with this place
now we even have cent...

Just thought of this in the shower! (and added to it while on the toilet)

Paul hasn’t seen his cousins in a long time. After receiving a random facebook invite to his youngest cousin’s 8th birthday part he takes some time off and catches a flight.

The party was all fun and games in the yard but it was warm out so he went inside to cool off with some good ole air c...

An engineer dies and goes to heaven...

He meets St. Peter at the pearly gates, and St. Peter checks the list. St. Peter doesn't find his name, so he says 'sorry, looks like you are supposed to go to the other place'.

So the engineer then goes down to Hell. Soon, he starts seeing things that could be improved. He builds a central a...

How do you brainwash a tropical nation?

Air conditioning.

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An Engineer Goes To Hell (repost from r/AskReddit, all credit to armaha)

A professional engineer dies and because of some misfiled paperwork, ends up in hell. Trudging through the sweltering heat, eventually he comes across Satan and says, "You know, with a little work, we can probably cool this place off..."
At first, Satan is enraged and prepares to unleash fury on ...

An engineer dies and goes to heaven.

When he arrives St. Peter looks at the book and scratches his head. He says 'You were involved in some great civil engineering projects so I ought to let you into heaven but you were also involved in weapons programs that resulted in great loss of life' 'I am sorry but you will have to go to hell'. ...

[OC] Why did Pavlov ring a bell every time a breeze entered his room?

Air Conditioning

A scientist dies and goes to the Golden Gates.

A scientist dies and goes to the Golden Gates of Heaven, where St. Peter is waiting for him. The poor scientist has never believed but was a good man, so St. Peter is conflicted. He eventually decides to send the man to Hell. He is initially very frightened because, well, it's hell, but he eventuall...

Mother nature decides to buy a condo in Miami Beach.

Mother nature decided she would like to be a snowbird and bought a condo in Miami Beach. All of the mythological creatures were invited to her housewarming party.

Father time gave her a beautiful grandfather clock.
Jack Frost presented her with a state of art air conditioning system.
Th...

An engineer in Hell

An engineer dies and goes up to the Pearly Gates where St. Peter greets him. "Come in, come in." says Peter, "We can always use another engineer." But the engineer is not so sure he wants to go to Heaven. He is a builder and a doer and is afraid he will be bored. So he asks if he can have a look at ...

What do you call it when Oxygen and Nitrogen train at the gym together?

Air conditioning

A man goes into heaven...

...he sees a lot of clock's and asks what they're for.

Jesus says, "These are lying clocks. If a person tells a lie the minute hand moves."

Jesus points to one clock and says, "This is Abraham Lincoln's clock, the hands have only moved a bit."

Jesus points to another clock and ...

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Blind man

During summer there was a day that was so hot it was almost unbearable.

In an old church, with no fans or air conditioning there was two nuns and a priest. The nuns clothing was making them so hot since it was not very breathable material.

So they decided to go to the priest and ask,...

An engineer dies and arrives at the pearly gates...

St. Paul sees him and says - 'Engineer? You're not welcome here - beat it!'. The engineer arrives in hell, and is immediately dissatisfied with his living conditions. After making several improvements, hell has flushing toilets, running water, escalators and even air conditioning.
One day, God ca...

Fetish...

I have a fetish for switching on air conditioning units.

It gives me vent elation.

Engineers and Lawyers

One day, an engineer died and went to heaven. But, St. Peter said "I can't let you in because your name is not on the list." So the engineer went down to Hell and was let in. Well, he stayed there for a couple of days and then decided that, it was too hot and everything was inaccessible. So he built...

Another penguin joke

This was my grandpa's favorite joke, I had to share it here.

A penguin was driving down a desert freeway during a very hot summer. The penguin didn't mind the heat outside, because it had fantastic air conditioning in its car.

...until its car broke down. Luckily, there was a pay...

A boy went to visit his grandfather that lived deep in the mountains... [long]

He hadn't seen his grandfather in quite some time, not since his grandmother's funeral a few years back at least. So, deciding that it would do their son well to visit the old man for the summer, his parents packed him up and sent him to go stay with the old man for the summer.


So, upon h...

On a mission from my grandma and I need your help!

This is not a joke, but a request.

My grandma asked me to come up with a joke for her, for a speech she's giving to her charity foundation. The joke has to involve an old woman, and raising money/charity donations. Here's the example she gave me (slightly paraphrased from when she told it t...

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