As a Pink Floyd fan, nothing makes me angrier than seeing a vegan eating pudding.

Because how can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?

A guy was boarding a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight. "This is exciting!" thought the gentleman. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person.” Suddenly, the man realized his seat was right next to the Pope himself!

Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to His Holiness.

Shortly after take-off, the Pope took a crossword puzzle out of his carry on bag and began penciling in the answers.

"This is fantastic!" the gentleman mused. "I'm really good at crosswords!"

It crossed his mind that if ...

Two 95 year old men, Jack and Sam, are huge baseball fans.

One day, Jack falls seriously ill, and doesn’t have long to live. Sam visits him in the hospital to say goodbye. Sam asks him a favor before he passes.

“Hey Jack, when you get to heaven, can you see if there is baseball there? If there is, tell me.”

“I can certainly try, for my best fr...

A comedian's fan offered him a joint

Not wanting to disappoint his fans, he accepted it. He almost finished the drive to his lodging when a police officer stopped his car.

The officer asked him, "Have you been drinking?" The comedian denied doing so.

The officer then asked, "Is that marijuana I smell?"

The comedi...

Being a manutd fan these days is annoying enough as it is

the other day I was talking about how good Liverpool are and I was labelled a traitor , questioned about my loyalty and insulted.

What do they think I am ? An undercover KOP?

[NSFW] Why don't any of Logan Paul's asian fans ask for high fives anymore?

He tends to leave them hanging.

A fan walks into a bar, turns to the bartender and...

then back to the door, then to the bartender and back to the door...

Imagine a nascar fan. The image that comes to mind is probably that of a brutish, beer guzzling, loud mouth, hairy, unwashed, unshaven, redneck

And her husband.

I was trying to change a lightbulb in the ceiling fan

My wife saw me struggling to reach it since it was pretty high up.

She said, "Let me get something for you to stand on. Do you prefer the ladder or the step stool?"

I said, "I'll take the latter."

So she brought me the step stool, just like I asked.

I’m a big fan of Eye jokes,

The cornea the better

Lifelong Yankees fan fulfills childhood dream...

....being diagnosed with Lou Gehrigs disease

What do rap fans and classic rock fans have in common?

They both have to worry about their favorite artist dying before the concert

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I tried convincing my roommate to masturbate while hula hooping. He wasn't a fan of the idea

But I think he'll come around.

A Star Trek fan meets William Shatner.

"Wow. I can't believe I'm meeting you at Comic Corn."

"Actually, it's called Comic Con"

"Com?"

"Con."

"Cold?"

"Com!

"Cookie?"

"CONNNNNNNN!"

I'm not a fan of Thomas Cook.

They're just not Going Places.

What's the difference between Star Wars fans and Star Wars haters?

the fans enjoyed 2 of the movies

I bought a ceiling fan the other day

Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying "Ooh, I love how smooth it is

Why do Trekkies make bad sports fans?

They are always rooting for the Away Team.

Why are most on reddit ghostbusters fans?

Because they ain't afraid of no post.

When I was a young, I loved basketball and was a huge Michael Jordan fan. But I wasn't sure if I had enough talent to become a pro player. Until one day I saw this huge poster. In the poster Jordan points at me and the caption reads "JUST DO IT". I got tears in my eyes and decided "I will do IT! ".

That's how I became a web developer.

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One of my friends from Beijing is a huge Taylor Swift fan and asked me to suggest an album of her..

I told him to search for T.S.1989..

haven't heard from him ever since...

What do you call a led Zeppelin fans birthday

Celebration day

What do you call a monkey that's a fan of The Office?

A Jim-Pam-zee.

What did the nirvana fan say to the sandwich shop guy?

Make me one with everything.

A fight breaks out between Xbox One and PS4 fans. Someone calls the cops. What sound does the siren make?

Wii U, Wii U, Wii U!

Life is like a fan

If you stand behind it it sucks.
If you stand in front of you it blows.
If you stand to either side it doesn't do a damned thing for you.

Fans would do anything for their celeb

Some would even blow them

How do you know your heart is your biggest fan?

It’s always so pumped for you.

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I'm a fan of masturbation

When you're alone, it cums in handy.

I invented a small fan that fits in your ear.

It’s mind-blowing.

Two windmills are in a field.

One windmill says to the other, "What type of music do you like?"

The other windmill replies, "Well I'm a big metal fan"

An airplane was about to crash...

There was 4 passengers on board but only 3 parachutes. The 1st passenger said “I am Steph Curry, considered one of NBA’s most prized players. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me and I can’t afford to die” So he took the 1st pack and jumped out of the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Donald ...

A man dies and goes to heaven....

When he gets to heaven, he runs into Saint Peter. He also sees a bunch of clocks on the wall. “What are all those clocks for?” the man asked. “Well,” said Saint Peter, “Those clocks move every time someone lies, see that clock over there, that one belongs to Mother Teresa. It has never moved. “ “Wel...

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An elderly couple are having breakfast together one morning. The wife, fanning herself, looks longingly across the table at her husband and says, “Shew-WEE! Eugene, I’m still just as hot for you right now as I was the day we married.”

Eugene rolls his eyes and says, “Ethel! One of yer tits is in yer coffee, and the othern’s in yer oatmeal!”

What do public interest lawyers and U2 fans have in common?

They’re pro Bono.

Did you know Elvis was a big fan of Chicken Strips?

He even wrote a song about them called “Love Me Tender”.

What do you call a person who used to be a fan of farm machinery?

An ex-tractor fan

After the helicopter crash, the blonde pilot was asked what happened...

She replied, “It was getting chilly in there, so I turned off the fan.”

A comedian didn't want to disappoint his fans

A comedian didn't want to disappoint his fans, so when a couple asked if he wanted to smoke a joint with them after the show, he said sure.On the drive home, he noticed flashing lights behind him and pulled over.The officer came to the window and asked if he'd been drinking. The comedian said he had...

I'm not a fan of chairs...

...they go against everything I stand for.

I got to meet all my fans last night

It was pretty cool

I hate when celebrities don’t interact with their fans

Like the other I day I was waving at Stevie Wonder and he just kept walking

A Manchester United fan, Liverpool fan and an Everton fan were caught drinking in Saudi Arabia....

An Everton fan, a Liverpool fan and a Manchester United fan were all in Saudi Arabia drinking a smuggled crate of booze.

All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them.

For their punishment the Saudi Arabia Sheik decided that the punishment should be 20 lashes with a whip....

I'm a big fan of Karl Marx's books, and if that makes me a communist;

Then So vie It

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Religion is like a movie

The Torah is the first one, the New Testament is the sequel. The Qur'an is a reboot of the second - there's still Jesus, but he's not the main character anymore.

* Jews like the first movie, but ignore the sequels.
* Christians like the first two, but the third doesn't count.
* Muslims...

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My doctor said to me he'll be with me through thick and thin, even when shit hits the fan

Needless to say he's a good gastroenterologist

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Little Timmy is given the homework: find the first four letters of the alphabet

Timmy didn't have internet access, so he asked his mother for the first letter. She was cooking an burned herself and screamed "oh fuck off." So Timmy wrote that down. Then he went to his father, who was watching darts, to ask for the second letter. He shouted "180!" So Timmy wrote that down. Then h...

How does a 49er fan change a light bulb?

He doesn't he just talks about how great it use to be

I've never been a fan of the song 'Hey Jude' by the Beatles.

The ending is just too salty.

Why do athletes never get hot?

Because they have lots of fans

Why are people from Michigan such big fans of the Lion King?

They get to see lions winning for a change.

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I fucking hate one direction fans.

I like the ones that oscillate back and forth.

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I was a big metal fan back in high school.

Back in high school I was a big metal fan.

At the beginning of the summer holidays I was at this awesome house party.

It was just high school kids in the house so we were able to turn the volume way up and had a pretty awesome playlist: Metallica, Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, Iron Mai...

My Mum is R.Kellys Biggest Fan

Mum: “I really love R.Kelly, he’s ahead of the game”

Me: “Yeah, his music is fantastic, I just hate him as a person, I can’t believe all the disgusting things he’s done”

Mum: “he’s a musician?”

If you think I'm a big Supertramp fan..

you should take a look at my girlfriend!

Do you want to hear my impression of an Extractor Fan?

I used to really like Tractors...

Turned on the radio to hear "Shallow". I'm not a fan so switched stations and got "Bad Romance". I also don't like that so tried a third station and got "Poker Face".

It seems that, all I hear is radio Gaga.

There was a man who was a massive tractor fan

Absolutely huge, he loved tractors more than anything in the world. But one day after an unfortunate accident he could no longer ride his favourite tractors. A few years later he was coming home from the bar with his friends to find his house filled with smoke. He took one big breath and blew all th...

I bought a high-powered industrial fan today.

I was blown away by how well it worked.

My friend recently got divorced because his wife was a bulls fan and he was a pistons fan

When I asked him how that could possibly affect their relationship, he replied, "Hey, at least it lasted longer than Derrick Rose's prime."

I suddenly understood why his wife was the one who wanted the divorce.

My dad was watches every Angels games. He's been a fan since way back...

...back when they were still humans.

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Jeff was running late for a union meeting, and really needed to take a dump.

Finding the men's room clogged, he went up a floor in the auditorium, to find another bathroom. When he got up the stairs, he found a long hallway, leading to a door.

He opened the door, and found himself in a dimly lit attic.

His stomach gurgled, just as he spotted some light comin...

How did the Star Wars fan spend Valentine's Day?

Solo.

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A schoolteacher explains to her class that she is a football fan.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they too, are football fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says,

"Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?

"Because I'm not a football fan, " she replied....

Rihanna is now a fan of the Kansas City Royals.

They don't beat anyone.

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It was hot today, so I dragged a box fan from the basement and lifted it into a window to suck the warm air out of the house.

It was exhausting.

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I was watching this animal instructor show off this monkey. The monkey began acting up, and that's when shit hit the fan.

Even the janitor refused to clean up the mess...

Blind Date: Sooo i’m a huge country fan

Me: (*trying to impress her*)
I know China is an incredibly huge country.

If my ceiling fan could hold my weight...

I wouldn’t spend so much time on Reddit.

A little old lady is walking down the street,

dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill comes flying out of it onto the pavement.


Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag..." "Damn!" says ...

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There was a man who loved tractors...

This man was literally obsessed with tractors. He fucking LOVED tractors. He lived tractors, his life was eat, sleep, tractors. However, one day, he fell off a tractor and broke his leg. After that, he hated tractors and never went near one again.

A few years later, the man came home from the...

At a fencing tournament, two people are sitting and watching the fight take place.

One of the spectators had spent her whole life devoting herself to the craft, and would have entered the tournament had she not retired a few years ago. The other, simply a fan who thinks swords are cool, having no real understanding of the sport. The fencer on the left side was playing very aggress...

You know I gotta say, I’m a big fan of shields.

They’re really something I can get behind.

Why is everyone looking up and cheering?

They’re ceiling fans

I went to a fan convention

It was very interesting with a large range of fans, including metal, plastic and even wooden. Quite Frankly, I was blown away

I was really not of fan of body hair.

It's grown on me, though.

I'm not really a big fan of boat puns

But frigate

Did you know Sean Connery is a massive fan of onions?

Yeah, apparently he likesh them shallot

A young boy who was a fan of tractors

There once was a young boi who loved tractors as he worked on his fathers farm. They had a green one, a blue one, a red, nearly every colour if tractor, big and small.

But one day as the boy was working with his father in the field. His father fell from the green tractor and was crushed by th...

Don't date anyone who dislikes the Muppets...

Clearly, they aren't a fan of Kermitment

Lannister Jokes for GoT fans

These keep popping into my head, much to my wife's chagrin...

How do the Lannister's learn their ABCs?

....a b c d e f g, right in front of dead Joffrey.....q r s t u v, please don't tell their daddy....


I tried to map the Lannister's family tree once, but it had me running ...

What do you do when you see a baby spinning in circles?

Stop laughing and untie him from the ceiling fan

There was a man, and he loved tractors.

He'd ride tractors, own 10's of tractors, read about tractors, they were his life. One day however, his wife got fed up with his obsession and left him over it.

He decides to kick his obsession to win his wife back, so over the course of a few months, he succeeds. He calls up his wife and say...

Why was it so hot after the football game?

Because all the fans left.

Why the long face?

There’s a horse in middle school, he doesn’t really have anything going for him, he’s watching MTV, sees jimmy hendrix playing, wants to be like him, asks his parents for a guitar, they deliberate but then give him one, he plays, gets really good, then gives up
Few years later, he’s in high schoo...

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What's the difference between PewDiePie's fans and catholic priests?

Nothing. They're both fucking 9 year olds.

My girlfriend said she's a big fan of horoscopes. You know what that makes me?

Single.

Everyone is a fan of Stephen Hawking now that he died.

I bet they can't name even 3 of his songs.

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Dave’s driving along the highway one evening when all of a sudden nature calls.

He sees a little bar up the way and he pulls into the parking lot.



When he gets inside, he finds the place is packed! The bar is crowded with people trying to get drinks, ladies are dancing on the tables and there’s hardly standing room anywhere.

Banta scans the place a couple...

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My friend accidentally stuck a bullet into his urethra.

He wasn't a fan of my idea of masturbating to get it out.

But I think he'll come around.

Honestly, with these ceiling fan jokes.

They just keep going around in circles, man.

What does a hockey game and an airboat have in common?

Loud fans

Happily Married

There is a couple who have been married for 30 years. Every Friday for dinner the husband would come home from work and the wife would serve him a huge bowl of chilli. One friday, the husband comes home with a colleague so the wife serves up two bowls. When the wife gets up to go to the kitchen, the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do pornstars never overheat?

Because they keep their fans turned on

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a Tool fan and an unvaccinated child have in common?

Neither one will be alive when their next album is released

A man walks into a bar..

Now, this man isn't your average man. This man was OBSESSED with tractors. He grew up with a farming background and has loved the machines since he was a small boy.

But unfortunately, in his teen years, he had an accident involving his beloved tractor and severely injured himself. He vowed t...

I wasn't a fan of this whole cancer thing

But it's grown on me.

I asked my physician if he was a James Bond fan

Dr.: No

A Rabbi, a Hindu holy man, and an Alabama Crimson Tide fan are in a car together, but the car breaks down.

Luckily, there's a farm right nearby. The farmer says, "I only got room for two of ya in the house, so one of you's gonna have to sleep in the barn."

The Hindu holy man decides to go, but comes back to the barn because there's a cow in there, and Cows are sacred in his faith.

The Rabb...

His Holiness the Pope is an avid fan of crosswords, and one day he was struggling with one...

"I can't seem to get this last word to fit!" He complained to his aide.

"Have you checked the other cross words, your Holiness?"

"Yes, but it's only the one word, and it's a four letter word for a woman, that ends in 'unt'''

"A yes, aunt!" Said the aide.

Suddenly the Pope...

It’s a great time to date a Rams fan..

They are used to disappointment and aren’t expecting a ring.

I'm not really a fan of TikTok

The posts there are really just hit or miss

How do you get a Rams fan to stop beating his wife?

Put her in a Patriots jersey

The boys on Stranger Things must be fans of Spinal Tap

Considering they are all probably cranking it to Eleven

As you might know Punnett squares were invented by Reginald Crundall Punnett,

But what many people don’t know is that he also discovered a type of flower that he dubbed the Punnett Plant. It blooms best when it is just ignored.

Now there was a man who had bought a packet of Punnett Plant seeds, but he didn’t know about how they bloom so he took care of it as you would...

What does the wind turbine say to the power plant?

I’m your biggest fan!

When getting intimate, I never play with anything on the left side of her body.

I guess you could say I'm a big fan of womans rights....

Superbowl LIII is the only superbowl I've seen where fans of both teams got along and agreed

That it was the worst superbowl ever

If you ever wonder what kind of music windmills like

I can guarantee you that they are huge metal fans

I once attended a sermon at a church in Finland.

The congregation must have been huge Mortal Kombat fans because they were singing a Finnish hymn.

How do you ask a wrestling fan out on a date? (Semi NSFW)

Monday night raw

4 people are on a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes.

The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.

The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things...

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