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Fan Jokes

An Apple fan walks into a bar....

Orders the same drink as yesterday, but pays more.

I really think OSHA should make an OnlyFans account

They're some of the leading experts in NSFW content after all

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Three sports fans leave a bar...

(Insert teams A, B and C as you like. This is how I know it.)

Three baseball fans walk out of a bar. They turn a corner and see a pair of legs sticking out from behind a bush. They push the bush aside and find a woman dead and completely naked. They call the police and as they wait, they deci...

I used to date a girl who was a fan of “Lion king” like me.

Whenever we made out, she used to say Sukona ma tatas.

I always corrected her saying that it’s Hakuna matata.

I just realized that I am an idiot.

My friend is such a big fan of the Royal Family, each of his four sons are named after a king.

**Henry**

**George**

**Charles**

**Burger.**

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OnlyFans has just announced that it is removing all pornography on october 1st.

I suggested they change their name to LonelyFans, but i dunno

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Who's a Trump fan?

A teacher asked his class how many of them were Trump fans.
Not quite knowing what a Trump fan is, but wanting to be loved by the teacher, all of the kids raised their hands, except Little Johnny.

The teacher asked Little Johnny why did you decide to be different... again.

Little Jo...

Professor X [sitting in his wheel chair] asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?" Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"

She points up and says: "3 pulls"

Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.

Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."
r>Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"

Professor X, still standing: ...

Why don't you ever see a group of Johnny Depp fans?

They don't like Heards.

My girlfriend has made so much money since she's been on OnlyFans that I've got a new car and a set of custom golf clubs

I do worry that someone will recognize her in public and tell her she's on it though.

An Australian rugby fan, a South African rugby fan and a New Zealand rugby fan are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze...

...when Saudi police rush in and arrest them.

The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for consuming the booze they are all sentenced to death. However, after many months and with the help of good lawyers, they are able successfully to appeal their sentences dow...

A Jets fan walks into a bar with his dog.

The bartender says, "Hey bud, no pets allowed in here."

The man says, "But wait! This is a special dog, you have to turn on the game to see. When the Jets score, my dog does flips!"

Sure enough, when the bartender turns on the game, the Jets make a few field goals and the dog starts fl...

The waitress at the restaurant was obviously a massive Ska fan.

She kept trying to tell us about The Specials.

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I'm a big fan of underground rappers

Such as Tupac, Eazy-E, XXXTentacion, and Juice Wrld

Texans fan

A guy goes into a Houston bar with a Dachshund under his arm. The dog is decked out in a Texans jersey and helmet and is festooned with Texans pompoms.

The bartender says, "Hey! No pets allowed in here!"
The guy begs him, "Please we're both big Texans fans and the TV at my house is broken....

I’m a big fan of books like “Huckleberry Finn” and “Tom Sawyer,”

I’m also a fan of songs like “Man! I feel like a woman” and “You’re still the one.” I can’t help but think that this author would write wonderfully folksy songs for this artist.

But sadly, never the Twain shall meet.

A die-hard fan was very surprised to see an empty seat at the Superbowl...

He noticed a woman sitting next to the empty seat and made a remark about it to her. "Well, it was my husband's", she said. "But he died." "Oh my gosh!" He said. "I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm surprised that another friend or family member didn't jump at the chance to take the ticket." "Beats me"...

Me and my wife recently started using Only Fans.

Because our air conditioner broke.

And this will definitely help pay for a new air conditioner.

What do cubs fans do after they win the world series?

They turn off their Xbox.

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A schoolteacher explains to her class that she is a football fan.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they too, are football fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says,

"Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?

"Because I'm not a football fan, " she replied....

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I was a big metal fan back in high school.

Back in high school I was a big metal fan.

At the beginning of the summer holidays I was at this awesome house party.

It was just high school kids in the house so we were able to turn the volume way up and had a pretty awesome playlist: Metallica, Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, Iron Mai...

What's the difference between a NY Jets fan, and a guy in an Aldi parking lot?

The guy at Aldi gets a quarter back.

What did the Grateful Dead fan say when he ran out of weed?

"Wow, this music really sucks"

England fans must be pretty happy right now.

They've been waiting years for their team to play like Spain.

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What do the James Webb Telescope and Only Fans have in common?

They both have a great picture of Uranus

I was never a fan of organ donation.

But then I had a change of heart.

An airplane's propeller is just a big fan, and its purpose is to keep the pilot's cool.

Need proof?

Watch how much they "sweat" when it stops spinning!

So you're a fan of Brutalist architecture?

Give me 3 concrete examples

How do you confuse a Chelsea fan?

Take them to London and ask them for directions.

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How many Firefly fans does it take to change a light bulb?

They wouldn't. They'd rather spend a decade bitching about how it went out.

How many Nintendo fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Who knows? They’re all too busy playing with the switch.

A guy was boarding a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight. "This is exciting!" thought the gentleman. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person.” Suddenly, the man realized his seat was right next to the Pope himself!

Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to His Holiness.

Shortly after take-off, the Pope took a crossword puzzle out of his carry on bag and began penciling in the answers.

"This is fantastic!" the gentleman mused. "I'm really good at crosswords!"

It crossed his mind that if ...

I'm not a fan of Trump, but I'd never denigrate his supporters

If you're a Trump supporter, denigrate means to put down.

I’m a big fan of whiteboards.

I find them quite re-markable.

I'm not a fan of Civil War jokes.

I General Lee do not find them funny.

A Chicago Blackhawks fan, a Boston Bruins fan, a Montreal Canadiens fan, and a Toronto Maple Leafs fan are climbing up a cliff.

They are arguing over who is most loyal to their team. It gets to the point where, when they are halfway up the cliff, the Bruins fan yells, "This is for Boston!" He then jumps off the cliff and dies.

The three remaining climbers continue to climb until they are three-quarters of the way up t...

Did you know Sinatra was a huge chess fan?

He sang one of his most famous songs about it...

The Way You Rook to Knight.

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What do you call erotic fan fiction about sheep?

Smutton

I’m not a fan of the new coins released with King Charles’ head on them.

But then again, I’ve never liked change.

A MSU fan, a Notre Dame fan, and a Michigan fan, are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves their team the most.

The MSU fan insists that he is most loyal and then yells, "This is for SPARTANS!" and jumps off the
mountain.

Not to be out done, The Notre Dame fan next professes his love for his team. He screams,"This is for the Irish" and pushes the Michigan fan off the mountain.

I'm not a fan of elevator music.

It's bad on so many levels.

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Tim has been dating his girlfriend for months, but he was never able to get her to orgasm...

He tried everything. Different positions, speeds, different lubes, even different music playing in the background. Nothing worked. Finally, she complains that she's just too hot during sex, and being all sweaty kills the mood.

So not having an electric fan to cool them down, Tim invites his ...

Female Cowboys fans

Why is it considered safe to date a girl who’s a Dallas Cowboys fan?

Because she will never expect a ring!

My girlfriend said she's a big fan of horoscopes. You know what that makes me?

Single.

Good news! Now that OnlyFans is getting rid of adult content

Your local restaurants will be able to hire servers again.

A comedian's fan offered him a joint

Not wanting to disappoint his fans, he accepted it. He almost finished the drive to his lodging when a police officer stopped his car.

The officer asked him, "Have you been drinking?" The comedian denied doing so.

The officer then asked, "Is that marijuana I smell?"

The comedi...

I'm not really a fan of nipple-tassles...

I just can't see the point.

I hate One Direction fans...

Oscillating ones cool down a room much better.

Why can't you put a desk fan on its back?

Well, you could, but it would blow up.

TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.

He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

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I'm not a fan of elevator sex, its too quick.

I mean... what are you supposed to do for the rest of the ride?

What did the foo fighters fan name their dog?

Dave Growl

A football fan appears in court for battery

The judge says to the fan: So you are very sure you only threw tomatoes at the referee?

The fan: yes, your honour. I'm very sure.

The Judge: Then how do you explain the deep cuts and bruises on the referees face?

(The judge points at the refs battered face.)

The fan: yeah...

RIP Don Denkinger (for Royals and Cardinals fans)

Please put your hand over your heart for a moment of silence, and then extend both arms out to your sides, palms down.

A young boy is listening to the radio in the car with his father. “Dad, what music did you like growing up?”

“I was a huge fan of Led Zeppelin,” the father replies.

“Who?” the son asks.

“Yeah,” the dad responds, “I liked them too.”

Two windmills are in a field.

One windmill says to the other, "What type of music do you like?"

The other windmill replies, "Well I'm a big metal fan"

I met a woman who said she was a huge Monkees fan

She told me she had collected every piece of merchandise ever made for the band. I was skeptical.

Then I saw her place...

I'm a real big fan of the Skyline GT-R...

But I don't think looking up Nissan R34 is a good idea.

What did the fan say to the other fan?

Blow me.

I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?

Not a fan.

Just bought a new ceiling fan

At least something's blowing me

Dragon Ball fans are like creationists

If you talk about Evolution, they get mad.

Back in high school..

...I was a huge metal fan. In math class, I had an 8/10 girl next to me, she turns me on so much. I always try really hard to impress her, she's so hot. The teacher starts passing back last weeks test, and 8/10 looks at me, smiles, and starts playing with her hair. I can't handle it, I start spinnin...

I met a chicken who was a fan of The Beatles today

He told me his number one thing on his bucket list was to meet someone named Abby.

When I asked him why, he said "I've always wanted to cross that road"

How does a 49er fan change a light bulb?

He doesn't he just talks about how great it use to be

Anyone a fan of Roman Numeral puns?

I, for one, am a huge fan of them

My wife told me she wanted a divorce because I'm a fan of The Monkees.

At first I thought she was joking but then I saw her face. Now I believe her.

How do French football fans like their coffee?

Au lait, au lait au lait au lait

A fan walks into a bar, turns to the bartender and...

then back to the door, then to the bartender and back to the door...

What do you get when a dinosaur is a fan of punk rock?

A Punkasaurus Rex the establishment

My dad is a huge fan of Christian screamo...

Whenever he's out working on his car he always singing along like "JESUS CHRIST!" "HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!"

What's the point of calling yourself the biggest fan

if you don't blow

What does a Dallas Cowboys fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?

He turns off the PlayStation.

What do OnlyFans content creators and car tyre manufacturers have in common?

They both give you load ratings

I don’t know why Jets fans are so mad at Aaron Rodgers. Saying he screwed their entire season

Obviously he’s just into four play

Did you hear about the woman who walked backwards into a desk fan?

Disassed 'er!

if you made a Venn diagram of Rick And Morty fans and Tool fans what would it look like?

Would it be a Perfect Circle?

PC Fan Noises

So I just asked me computer guy why my computer fan makes so much noise when my computer is just starting up. He said not to worry, the fan's just taking a second to get it's bearings.

Carrie Fisher runs into George Micheal in the afterlife...

She says, "Oh man, I'm a huge fan! I've got every one of your albums except the first one."
He says, "I find your lack of 'Faith' disturbing".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm a fan of masturbation

When you're alone, it cums in handy.

As a Pink Floyd fan, nothing makes me angrier than seeing a vegan eating pudding.

Because how can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?

Everyone in my family has become a huge fan of 80's pop band The Knack

We all have Sharona virus.

Everyone is a fan of the 69 position but I prefer the 68.

That's when you blow me and I owe you one.

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I can't believe DCU fans wanted to ban Amber Heard

From their movies there seems to be no better place to shit the bed.

What happened to the firefly when he backed into a fan?

He was de-lighted.



(This was one of my Dad's favorite jokes)

I pushed a fan over

It blew up

I am a big fan of Fifty Cent.

Or as we call him in Zimbabwe: **Ten Billions Dollars.**

Who is the most hate supporter among the Borussia MĂśnchengladbach football fans?

The guy who shouts out: "give me a B!!"

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Why do Tennessee fans wear orange?

So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.

What do the ministry of magic and Chelsea fc fans have in common?

They both find potter undesirable.

Did you know Mr. T is a big Star Wars fan?

So much so that he named his kid Boba.

A man goes to Heaven and meets Jesus.

While Jesus is showing him round, he spots a broken clock. 
“What’s that there for?” he asks. 
Jesus says “that’s Mother Teresa’s clock it has never moved because she has never lied.”  
“Just over here is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. He lied twice, so it has moved twice.”  

“Where is Don...

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If I ever become famous, I'm gonna kiss another guy publicly just to remove homophones from my fan base.

John and Jon, that means you.

I like to sleep with a fan on me at night.

It’s why I’m divorcing my wife to join a band

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For all baseball fans enjoying the 2022 Fall Classic....

Two friends have loved each other, and attended countless ballgames located all over the world, and enjoyed excellent baseball moments together

Decades passed, and one of the two buddies became terribly ill. It was time for one of the two friends to sleep peacefully for eternity.

The ...

Why is Only Fans so cheap in Alabama?

Family discount.

How can you tell a Futurama fan by asking them about the current state of Covid?

They can correctly pronounce Omicron

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A Cleveland Browns fan finds a magical lamp.

The fan rubs the lamp and a genie emerges.

Genie: "I am the all powerful genie and I will grant you one wish!"

Fan: "That's easy, I want to live forever!"

Genie: "That's an impossible wish that I cannot grant."

Fan: "Okay then, I want to live long enough to see the Cl...

My lawyer is a U2 fan

So he was glad to represent them in a court case pro Bono

I can't explain it, but I think the guy I just met is a ska fan.

At least, that's the impression that I get.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Strippers don’t have any air conditioners in their homes

OnlyFans

I'm not really a fan of steampunk

but I will say, it's one of the healthiest ways to prepare punk.

What's the difference between a 19th Century shipwright and a 21st Century fan fic writer?

One tries to fit as many cannons as they can onto a ship. The other tries to fit as many ships as they can into canon.

What do you get when you mix the Lorax and a Twice fan?

The Once-ler!

Two 95 year old men, Jack and Sam, are huge baseball fans.

One day, Jack falls seriously ill, and doesn’t have long to live. Sam visits him in the hospital to say goodbye. Sam asks him a favor before he passes.

“Hey Jack, when you get to heaven, can you see if there is baseball there? If there is, tell me.”

“I can certainly try, for my best fr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did man get his cock stuck in a fan

Because man put it in fan

What does a sad cowboy and a supernatural fan have in common?

both want to put a winchester in their mouth

I bought a ceiling fan the other day.

Complete waste of money. All he does is stand there applauding and saying he loves how smooth it is.

Carp is about to hit the fan.

That's right, I'm going fishing in a helicopter!

If you're an X-Men fan, then every Kirby game is a Rogue-like

You run around stealing superpowers, after all.

I tried only fans for a bit, but...

My house was still too hot so I ended up getting a new AC system.

All golfers are a fan of Cardi B...

When they swing the club it goes *WAP*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I forgot why I decided to jerk off into the fan...

But it's all cumming back to me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm not a fan of my friend's massage therapist

He just rubs me the wrong way

Having depression is like your girl having an only fans.

You might be cool with it but, you stay wondering who’s watching and what they think.

An Elvis Presley fan decides to get his likeness tattooed on each of her thighs.

However, she was not entirely pleased with the end result. One night, during a particularly successful tinder date, she decided to get a second opinion. Flipping on the lights and lifting her frock she asked her date "Does this look like Elvis to you?" After a moment of careful study, her date repli...

The invention of the fan....

Blew people away

I decided to turn off the overhead fan because I was getting cold…

I don’t know why everyone else on the helicopter is freaking out so much!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the worst part about being a constipated Lions fan?

Can’t have a shit in Detroit

I'm a big fan of air conditioning

Especially if the air is trying to be rebellious.

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