A guy was boarding a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight. "This is exciting!" thought the gentleman. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person.” Suddenly, the man realized his seat was right next to the Pope himself!

Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to His Holiness.
Shortly after take-off, the Pope took a crossword puzzle out of his carry on bag and began penciling in the answers.
"This is fantastic!" the gentleman mused. "I'm really good at crosswords!"
It crossed his mind that if the Pope got...

I’m a big fan of whiteboards.

I find them quite re-markable.

I believe deaf people have the most fans

After all they are always signing stuff.

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Tim has been dating his girlfriend for months, but he was never able to get her to orgasm...

He tried everything. Different positions, speeds, different lubes, even different music playing in the background. Nothing worked. Finally, she complains that she's just too hot during sex, and being all sweaty kills the mood.

So not having an electric fan to cool them down, Tim invites his ...

What did the fan say to the other fan?

Blow me.

“Weird Al” Yankovic on Tuesday rejected fans’ requests for a “My Corona” parody about the deadly coronavirus.

That would have gone viral.

Not really a fan of this work from home amidst COVID19

Dad has started embalming bodies in the kitchen now.

How many Hillary Clinton fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. Hillary Clinton fans prefer to stay in the dark.

I think my parents were fans of Bob Ross

They keep calling me their happy little accident

I'm not really a fan of that new masseuse...

They just rub me the wrong way.

Two Leafs fans die and go to hell

The devil greets them at the gate and shows them to their new home. Having lived in northern Ontario their whole lives, the two men are excited to enjoy hell's warmer climate. They immediately shed a few layers and kick back with a couple cold beers. The devil, none too pleased with their enthusiasm...

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My girlfriend is a metal fan

The last time when we had sex, she got turned on and chopped my dick off

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I'm a big fan of the Beatles, in particular Paul McCartney.

I made an account on the official Beatles website and made my profile picture an album of Paul McCartney throughout the years. However an admin told me I was going to be banned, I asked why and was shown the list of rules and the first was "Users are not allowed multipaul accounts."

Star Trek characters make the worst sports fans...

They always root for the away team

TIL the band, the B52's, are huge Shaquille O'Neal fans.

It turns out they love Shaq

As a Pink Floyd fan, nothing makes me angrier than seeing a vegan eating pudding.

Because how can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?

An airplane was about to crash..

There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.
The 1st passenger said “I am Stephen Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can’t afford to die.” So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said...

Did you guys know that Dr. Schrodinger was a Bon Jovi fan?

His favorite song was "Wanted Dead and Alive"

ATTENTION 49ers/Chiefs FANS

I accidentally bought $3500 Super Bowl tickets on the same day I’m supposed to get married. If anyone wants to go take my place for FREE it’s going to be at Casino Beach in Pensacola Florida. Her name is Savanna she’s 5’2, super nice girl, and an incredible cook!

I am a ceiling fan.

I can't help but look up to them.

A joke for the Morrowind fans: Why didn’t the Scrib compliment the Mudcrab Merchant on his dashing new top hat?

Because he was jelly.

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I'm not a fan of shower sex.

The drain hurts my dick.

Trump: "I'm not a fan of a global nuclear war."

"It's the last thing that I would do."

Rooting for the Dallas Cowboys is the most authentic fan experience in sports.

Just like them, you too can watch the playoffs from the comfort of your couch at home.

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Why did man get his cock stuck in a fan

Because man put it in fan

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What would James Charles' fans be called if he were a porn star?

Step-sisters

Two 95 year old men, Jack and Sam, are huge baseball fans.

One day, Jack falls seriously ill, and doesn’t have long to live. Sam visits him in the hospital to say goodbye. Sam asks him a favor before he passes.

“Hey Jack, when you get to heaven, can you see if there is baseball there? If there is, tell me.”

“I can certainly try, for my best fr...

How do anime fans afford their hobbies?

They bring home 6 figures

Never been a huge fan of swiss stories..

always cheesy and full of holes.

A Seattle Mariners fan, a Detroit Tigers fan, a Boston Red Sox fan, and a New York Yankees fan are climbing up a cliff.

They are arguing over who is most loyal to their team. It gets to the point where, when they are halfway up the cliff, the Tigers fan yells, "This is for Detroit!" He then jumps off the cliff and dies.

The three remaining climbers continue to climb until they are three-quarters of the way up ...

[NSFW] Why don't any of Logan Paul's asian fans ask for high fives anymore?

He tends to leave them hanging.

A comedian's fan offered him a joint

Not wanting to disappoint his fans, he accepted it. He almost finished the drive to his lodging when a police officer stopped his car.

The officer asked him, "Have you been drinking?" The comedian denied doing so.

The officer then asked, "Is that marijuana I smell?"

The comedi...

Why do Patriots fans make the best spouses?

Because they don't mind if you cheat.

Why are female Cincinatti Bengal fans open to date?

Because they don't expect a ring in the future

How does a NASCAR fan count to ten?

1 .... 2 .... Dale Earnhardt ..... 4 .... 5 .... Cale Yarborough .....

What did the Star Wars fan say to his parents after he learned that they were getting separated?

May divorce be with you

There was two windmills in a field

One asked the other “What type of music do you like?”

The other replied “Well I’m a big metal fan”

I’m a big fan of Eye jokes,

The cornea the better

What do rap fans and classic rock fans have in common?

They both have to worry about their favorite artist dying before the concert

A fan walks into a bar, turns to the bartender and...

then back to the door, then to the bartender and back to the door...

Being a manutd fan these days is annoying enough as it is

the other day I was talking about how good Liverpool are and I was labelled a traitor , questioned about my loyalty and insulted.

What do they think I am ? An undercover KOP?

What's the difference between Star Wars fans and Star Wars haters?

the fans enjoyed 2 of the movies

Imagine a nascar fan. The image that comes to mind is probably that of a brutish, beer guzzling, loud mouth, hairy, unwashed, unshaven, redneck

And her husband.

I was trying to change a lightbulb in the ceiling fan

My wife saw me struggling to reach it since it was pretty high up.

She said, "Let me get something for you to stand on. Do you prefer the ladder or the step stool?"

I said, "I'll take the latter."

So she brought me the step stool, just like I asked.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day

Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying "Ooh, I love how smooth it is

Someone told me a joke about a ceiling fan.

It really left me hanging.

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I'm a fan of masturbation

When you're alone, it cums in handy.

I'm not a fan of Thomas Cook.

They're just not Going Places.

A Star Trek fan meets William Shatner.

"Wow. I can't believe I'm meeting you at Comic Corn."

"Actually, it's called Comic Con"

"Com?"

"Con."

"Cold?"

"Com!

"Cookie?"

"CONNNNNNNN!"

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I tried convincing my roommate to masturbate while hula hooping. He wasn't a fan of the idea

But I think he'll come around.

I don’t think wind turbines like classical music.

I hear they’re big metal fans, though.

Life is like a fan

If you stand behind it it sucks.
If you stand in front of you it blows.
If you stand to either side it doesn't do a damned thing for you.

What did the nirvana fan say to the sandwich shop guy?

Make me one with everything.

When I was a young, I loved basketball and was a huge Michael Jordan fan. But I wasn't sure if I had enough talent to become a pro player. Until one day I saw this huge poster. In the poster Jordan points at me and the caption reads "JUST DO IT". I got tears in my eyes and decided "I will do IT! ".

That's how I became a web developer.

A fight breaks out between Xbox One and PS4 fans. Someone calls the cops. What sound does the siren make?

Wii U, Wii U, Wii U!

I fell in love with an amazing man

When he proposed I decided to make a huge sacrifice: I gave up on my favourite food, beans.

A few months later, on my birthday, my car broke down. Called him to let him know I was coming later. Suddenly I smelled baked beans from a nearby restaurant and couldn't help myself. I figured I'd hav...

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One of my friends from Beijing is a huge Taylor Swift fan and asked me to suggest an album of her..

I told him to search for T.S.1989..

haven't heard from him ever since...

Why are most on reddit ghostbusters fans?

Because they ain't afraid of no post.

What do you call a monkey that's a fan of The Office?

A Jim-Pam-zee.

How do you know your heart is your biggest fan?

It’s always so pumped for you.

Fans would do anything for their celeb

Some would even blow them

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I finally figured out why everyone keeps buying toilet paper

Because according to the WHO, the shit just hit the fan

To people who wave a paper to cool yourself, I tell you

not a fan

Heavenly Clocks

John arrived at the gates to Heaven, and was greeted there by Saint Peter. Saint Peter tells John: “This is a pretty big place, let me take you on a tour of Heaven”. After a while, John asks: “What are all these clocks hanging everywhere?”. Saint Peter tells him that every person that ever lived has...

A Manchester United fan, Liverpool fan and an Everton fan were caught drinking in Saudi Arabia....

An Everton fan, a Liverpool fan and a Manchester United fan were all in Saudi Arabia drinking a smuggled crate of booze.

All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them.

For their punishment the Saudi Arabia Sheik decided that the punishment should be 20 lashes with a whip....

Did you know Elvis was a big fan of Chicken Strips?

He even wrote a song about them called “Love Me Tender”.

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Why do Jews hate the beer Jesus made?

Because it’s proof that Hebrewed it

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I was a big metal fan back in high school.

Back in high school I was a big metal fan.

At the beginning of the summer holidays I was at this awesome house party.

It was just high school kids in the house so we were able to turn the volume way up and had a pretty awesome playlist: Metallica, Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, Iron Mai...

I got to meet all my fans last night

It was pretty cool

I invented a small fan that fits in your ear.

It’s mind-blowing.

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An elderly couple are having breakfast together one morning. The wife, fanning herself, looks longingly across the table at her husband and says, “Shew-WEE! Eugene, I’m still just as hot for you right now as I was the day we married.”

Eugene rolls his eyes and says, “Ethel! One of yer tits is in yer coffee, and the othern’s in yer oatmeal!”

There was once a man

Let's call him Jim. Jim had a remarkably ordinary life. He went to school, got his degree, got himself a secure office job, set up his pension fund, met a nice girl, got married, and had 2 wonderful sons. Jim was set for life. But he was bored.

It was that sneaky boredom that you don't quite ...

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I dreamed I died and went to heaven with you.

When we arrived to heaven, there were clocks everywhere, as far as the eye can see.

We stopped a passing angel and asked them to explain the clocks.

"What's with all the clocks?", I asked.

The Angel responded that they each represent a person on Earth. They keep track of how muc...

A man dies and goes to heaven....

When he gets to heaven, he runs into Saint Peter. He also sees a bunch of clocks on the wall. “What are all those clocks for?” the man asked. “Well,” said Saint Peter, “Those clocks move every time someone lies, see that clock over there, that one belongs to Mother Teresa. It has never moved. “ “Wel...

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A german and a jew met at a bar

'Good evening mister' said the jew.
'Who are you', the german asked.
'I am a big fan of yours',said the man,'also I'm a jew'.
'Gesundheit', answered the german.

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A man dies and goes to hell

When he arrives, he meets the devil, standing in front of three doors.

"What are these doors?" The man asks.

The devil tells him "Hell isn't so bad, you get to choose your accommodations. Behind these doors are your three options."

The man then asks to see behind each door, so h...

I'm a big fan of Karl Marx's books, and if that makes me a communist;

Then So vie It

What do public interest lawyers and U2 fans have in common?

They’re pro Bono.

I'm not a fan of chairs...

...they go against everything I stand for.

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I fucking hate one direction fans.

I like the ones that oscillate back and forth.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A schoolteacher explains to her class that she is a football fan.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they too, are football fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says,

"Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?

"Because I'm not a football fan, " she replied....

I hate when celebrities don’t interact with their fans

Like the other I day I was waving at Stevie Wonder and he just kept walking

What do you call a person who used to be a fan of farm machinery?

An ex-tractor fan

A comedian didn't want to disappoint his fans

A comedian didn't want to disappoint his fans, so when a couple asked if he wanted to smoke a joint with them after the show, he said sure.On the drive home, he noticed flashing lights behind him and pulled over.The officer came to the window and asked if he'd been drinking. The comedian said he had...

"When I started my job, they handed me three envelopes."

"*These three envelopes were left to you by the previous employee who was recently let go. He said to open them in order if you ever got into a jam.*"

The job didn't seem so tough, and after all, why would I want to take advice from the guy who was just fired? I threw the envelopes into a dra...

Turned on the radio to hear "Shallow". I'm not a fan so switched stations and got "Bad Romance". I also don't like that so tried a third station and got "Poker Face".

It seems that, all I hear is radio Gaga.

How does a 49er fan change a light bulb?

He doesn't he just talks about how great it use to be

Do you want to hear my impression of an Extractor Fan?

I used to really like Tractors...

If my ceiling fan could hold my weight...

I wouldn’t spend so much time on Reddit.

If you think I'm a big Supertramp fan..

you should take a look at my girlfriend!

There was a man who was a massive tractor fan

Absolutely huge, he loved tractors more than anything in the world. But one day after an unfortunate accident he could no longer ride his favourite tractors. A few years later he was coming home from the bar with his friends to find his house filled with smoke. He took one big breath and blew all th...

My Mum is R.Kellys Biggest Fan

Mum: “I really love R.Kelly, he’s ahead of the game”

Me: “Yeah, his music is fantastic, I just hate him as a person, I can’t believe all the disgusting things he’s done”

Mum: “he’s a musician?”

I've never been a fan of the song 'Hey Jude' by the Beatles.

The ending is just too salty.

My two friends persuaded me to dress up as prepeller blades with them

At first I wasnt sure but now I'm a huge fan.

Why are people from Michigan such big fans of the Lion King?

They get to see lions winning for a change.

What do commercial aircrafts and 17500 reggae fans have in common?

About 35000 feet high.

After the helicopter crash, the blonde pilot was asked what happened...

She replied, “It was getting chilly in there, so I turned off the fan.”

I bought a high-powered industrial fan today.

I was blown away by how well it worked.

Rihanna is now a fan of the Kansas City Royals.

They don't beat anyone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor said to me he'll be with me through thick and thin, even when shit hits the fan

Needless to say he's a good gastroenterologist

How did the Star Wars fan spend Valentine's Day?

Solo.

I was picking my nose and my wife said it was disgusting!

She’s not a big fan of plastic surgery.

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