UPJOKE
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Ventilation Jokes

What do you call a simian that lives inside a ventilation system?

Duct-ape

I quit my job drilling ventilation holes in jet engines...

...it was just plane boring.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I, the Penis, hereby demand a raise in salary

I, the Penis, hereby demand a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I showed my date where I live.

I proudly said, "As you can see it's open-plan, with views of everywhere around. Terrific ventilation, heating, and a glorious stereo system if that interests you."

And all the judgemental bitch had to say was: "I don't know anyone else that lives in their car..."

A boy and a girl were best friends since they were kids

They used to play with wooden toy pirates after school, using ventilation shafts in each others' houses as their place to get away from their family issues.

They used to play in these tunnels for years, until eventually they grew too old for this. However, they still stayed friends, and afte...

A man dies ...

A man dies. When he arrives at the gates of Heaven, Saint Peter is welcoming him. The saint started to walk him throug heavens, where he could eat, sleep, and all the other pleasures heaven has to offer. At one point, they reached a room full of clocks. Most of them were moving, but all on a differe...

An illustrious Count, Wictor Oblodowsky, agrees to conduct Beethoven's 9th Symphony in a Baltimore gym.

He's hesitant at first. He'd only been to America once before, and it was a favor for a friend. The oboist in his orchestra kindly loaned him the first season of The Wire, but the Count never watched it, as he'd never gotten around to buying a DVD player.

After an uneventful flight and some t...

There was a contest to see who can...

...stand in a room with a decaying goat carcass the longest. There were 4 contestants representing their respective countries: an American, an Englishman, a Russian and a Chinese man.

The contest was held in front of a capacity crowd of 500,000 people of different nationalities and all walks ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Leprechaun Thief

I met a Leprechaun once, in a pub in Ireland. He was just minding his own business when I sat down on the stool next to him and ordered my drink.

"Your favourite Stout, please.", i said to the bartender. The Leprechaun turned his head and sized me up.

"You're a proper lad", he quipped....

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