Did you hear about the underage sheep that was abducted?

I just read it on my phone when I got the Lamber Alert.

I prevented two girls from being abducted today.

My van wouldn't start.

I told my friend my original movie concept: An ex-Secret Service agent's teenage daughter is abducted by human traffickers while on a trip to Paris.

He said "Sorry mate, I think that idea's taken"

When my girlfriend told me that her fantasy was to be abducted, I thought she was joking.

But she demands to be taken, seriously!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many abducted women does it take to change a light bulb?

Apparently more than five, my basement is still dark.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A newly wedded Pathan couple on their first night!

A newly wedded Pathan couple on their first night was going to have sex for the first time.

Pathan kissed his wife's lips, turned her around, asked her to bend down, and started fingering in and around her a-hole.

Before the wife could say anything, Pathan inserted his missile into he...

Chuck Norris was abducted by aliens.

The aliens were never seen again.

A child got abducted the other day and fell asleep.

I guess it was time for a kidnap.

MOM: Your father was abducted by aliens last night.

ME: [about to adjust thermostat] Oh no.

[meanwhile in UFO]

ALIEN: What do you mean we have to turn around?

DAD: Somethings wrong, I can feel it.

My wife was abducted by a gang of mimes.

They did unspeakable things to her.

Never name your daughter “Amber”

They seem to get abducted a lot.

While in North Korea they abducted Trump, and demanded the US give them a billion dollars or else . . . .

they would give him back.

I was once abducted

The aleins even showed me outside the ship, i was breathless

My mother-in-law has been abducted in Argentina. When the kidnappers called me, I asked if $10000 would be ok.

They said they didn't have so much money.

Yoko Ono was abducted by alien lawyers in a UFO

They offered to represent her pro bono

Ever wondered why only morons report being abducted by Aliens?

Because the Aliens don't keep the stupid ones.

I was abducted by aliens last night

I tried to communicate, but I didn't know Spanish

My late wife was abducted by a troupe of travelling Mime artists.

The police informed me, they did... Unspeakable things to her.

Just been chatting to my neighbour's teenage daughter and it turns out she's really into UFOs and aliens.

Which is cool because tomorrow she's getting abducted.

A Frenchman, an Englishman and an Iowan are travelling down the Amazon River in a canoe...

They get abducted by Natives who tell them,

"We will use your skin to make conoes, you may kill yourself in any way you like."

The Frenchman asks for a knife and says, "Viva la France!" And he slits his throat and dies.

Next, they ask the Englishman how he would like to die. He ...

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A man goes to a hypnotist.

“I want to forget my ex-wife”

The hypnotist is like “OK then. I’ll see what I can do”

Next day the man goes to a psychologist.

“I think I was abducted by aliens. I don’t remember anything but I feel humiliated and empty, my penis is all numb and I even think they took my money”

If you’ve been kidnapped by immigrants

You’ve been abducted by aliens

A priest is walking through the woods at night

He is stopped by a policeman. The priest asks, "What seems to be the problem, officer?" The policeman replies, "A Boy Scout was abducted in the area, and we are looking for a potential child molester." The priest thinks for a second, and says, "I'll do it."

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The real joke

A man was abducted one night by aliens. After the new broke out, US authorities began to contact the aliens using a breakthrough technology. The whole world had eyes on the US government to save the man. After much discussion between the two races, the US government actually pissed off the aliens th...

Did you know that the number of legs in the air of a horse statue indicate how its rider died?

If there are no legs in the air, the rider survived the war.
If there is one leg in the air, the rider was mortally wounded and died after a battle.
If there are two legs in the air, the rider was killed in battle.
If there are three legs in the air, the rider died in a tragic circus ...

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