What did the superconducter say when he was evicted from his property

Oh no! I'm ohmless!

A poor old lady was forced to sell her valuables to avoid eviction.

As she rummaged through her dusty belongings, she came across a dull copper kettle. Intrigued by it’s possible value the old woman dusted it off and BAM! A genie erupted from its neck.

The genie says “I have seen your plights, and will grant you three wishes.”

The woman, astounded, t...

What did The Buddha say when they tried to evict him?

“Namaste.”

What does a fly say when he’s evicted without warning?

A little notice would be nice!

What did the yoga instructor tell his landlord when he tried to evict him?

Namaste

What did the yoga teacher say to her land lord when he tried to evict her?

Nah Imma stay

A dog used lived in a clay-brick house but was evicted for not paying his mortgage..

A Dobie's adobe abode owed dough.

A charity was trying to convince the towns only millionaire in town to donate to them.

So they sent a worker to his mansion to try to convince him. When he asked the millionaire to donate, the millionaire became angry. "First," he said,"are you aware that my brother, a blind veteran who has four kids and a wife with terminal illness is being evicted in three days?" A little embarrass...

One night, my dog brings me my neighbour’s rabbit, dead in its mouth.

It’s dirty, definitely dead and I’m a bit drunk so I panic. My neighbours hate me anyway. This could get me evicted.

So I take the rabbit, meticulously wash off the dirt and dry it. Then I sneak over the fence and put it back in it’s hutch, leaving no trace. Job well done.

My neighbour...

What's the similarity between a bad postman and an eviction notice

There's nothing worse than the day they come in the mail

I watched my neighbor get evicted the other day...

...It was a moving experience.

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I met my girlfriend in high school,

We were immediately best friends and spent days together having the most fun I had ever had. Then one day I asked her the question.

She said yes!

We were so happy together and we stayed together through high school. We both finished college together, we both got jobs together and event...

Obama smoked weed growing up, and now look where he is today

Unemployed with two kids and recently evicted

Mr. Smith, a very wealthy man...

Mr. Smith, a very wealthy man, is in town on business and towards the end of his trip he decides to take a walk on the docks and take in the ocean view.

As he's walking he comes up on a young boy, maybe 12 years old, crying on the edge of the dock.

Mr. Smith hesitates but decides to a...

What did the struggling, single mother get for Christmas?

An eviction notice.

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One Sunday after church,

Father Tom was approached by Dave, who had been a regular churchgoer for years, but had recently been missing service. Father Tom asked him if everything was okay, as he had missed several services over the last few months. Dave told Father Tom "I've been working non-stop trying to save my business....

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A married couple, recently married fall on hard times...

and are about to be evicted. After much debate, they agree the wife will prostitute to earn the cash they need. That evening, they set up shop on the street below their apartment. The husband wishes her luck and says he'll be across the street in the car watching for her safety. After a short while,...

A man walks into a bar

Upon realising that bar jokes often end in humiliation, loss or death, he smashes a beer bottle to use as an impromptu weapon to defend himself.

This attracts the attention of the bouncer, who attempts to evict him. Terrified that the outside world is where he meets his fate, he stabs the man...

I lost my job...

I prayed to God for a lottery win.
I got behind on my rent,
I pleaded to God for a lottery win.
I got evicted,
I went to church and begged God for a lottery win.
Suddenly, in the church, God appeared to me.
He said, Dave! Meet me half way and buy a bloody ticket.

A man is late on his rent...

His landlord is threatening to evict him.

So he lies "I sent the payment last week I swear! Hey you know the old Czechoslovakian guy that lives below me, Jaroslav? I saw him going through everyone's mail the other day. He must have stole it!"

The landlord calls the cops and the elderl...

A man wanted to break up with his long-term girlfriend

Marcus decided to do this when they were going to have a dinner night with both of their parents.

When the night came, he cleared his throat before mustering up the courage to say,

"Angela, I believe that we need to break up. I'm sorry, but it just isn't working out between us anymore...

Isaac stood at the door of the synagogue, with an outstretched hand, asking:

"Donate a coin for charity! Donate a coin for charity!"

Then comes the Rabbi: "Hey, Isaac, what are you doing?"

Isaac: "Rabbi, I'm raising money for a widow, mother of three little boys, who's 3 months behind in rent. If she doesn't pay 1,500 Euro by the end of the day, she's going to ...

I don't have any money, so for Halloween this year I am going to be

evicted

A guy walks into a bar...

... with his dog a step behind him. The bartender immediately looked up and said

"Hey, city ordinance, no animals allowed where food or drink is served!"

The guy looks apologetic, but says "I'm sorry, but this is no ordinary dog. This is my magic talking dog! Look, if I can convince ...

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Obama is the epitome of why Americans are so racist

Just another soon-to-be unemployed black man, evicted from his house, and living on government money.

11 jokes from the world's oldest joke book

1. A Student Dunce Goes Swimming

"A student dunce went swimming and almost drowned. So now he swears he'll never get into water until he's really learned to swim."

2 An Intellectual Visits a Friend

"An intellectual came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the man...

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Dave walks into a bar,

goes straight for a stool, sits down, and asks for a beer. The bartender serves Dave, and the man gulps it down in seconds.
"Another," says Dave.
The bartender serves him another, and again, Dave gulps it down in seconds.
"Another," says Dave again.
The bartender serves him, but ...

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The purple feather

Billy was walking to school when he spotted a purple feather on the side of the road . "A purple feather! I can't wait to show everyone" he exclaimed. It was lunch time at school and Billy decided to show his friend Jacob. Jacob held the feather and asked "how did you find this?" Billy replied "I w...

I like to be positive

Even though I'm unemployed and recently got evicted, I could still destroy Stephen Hawking in a 100m dash.

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