Sewing Machine Jokes - 20 Hilarious Sewing Machine Jokes

What did Captain Picard say to the engineer when the Enterprise's sewing machine broke?

Make it sew.

I write songs about sewing machines

I'm a Singer Songwriter

I have a friend who writes lyrics about sewing machines

She is a Singer songwriter, or sew it seams

They'll keep you bobbin your head.

Sewing machine factory

This is a Soviet joke that was told to me recently. It takes place during a war.

---

A woman at a sewing machine factory has worked there for 40 years, working at an assembly line. A party is held to celebrate her 40 year work anniversary.

At the party, the director of the f...

What do you say to an angry woman sitting at a sewing machine?

You seem stressed.

Two sewing machines walk into a bar.

One says ‘Are you a singer?’

The other says ‘Sure, janome?’

My mother just got a sewing machine

Needles to say, she was sattisfied

What's the difference between a sewing machine and a female jogger?

A sewing machine only has one bobbin.

How can you tell if a sewing machine is trustworthy?

If it seams legit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John was livid that his Elmo puppet assembly line was severely backed up...

John was livid that his Tickle-me Elmo puppet assembly line was severely backed up.

He picked up the latest Tickle-me Elmo puppet and noticed two fuzzy balls sewed between its legs.

John followed the assembly line to the source of the problem and he saw his new Employee, Sarah, surroun...

There was a seamstress who wanted to be a singer…

One day, she found a bottle, rubbed it, and inside was a genie. The genie granted her 3 wishes. Her 1st wish was “I want to be a singer”.

Her wish was granted, and she was turned into a sewing machine.

Faithful

After having died, a couple souls flied to the heaven gate, St.Pierre opened the door and informed that for one time of unfaithfulness to each other in their life they will be prod by a needle.
After being prod 5 times, the wife turned to St.Pierre and asked:
“Where is my husband?”
“He i...

Signs you drink too much coffee

- You answer the door before people knock.

- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

- You ski uphill.

- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

- You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

- You lick your coffeepot clean.

- You're the employee of ...

I think my wife's sewing machine is on the blink.

I'm not sure what's wrong, it just doesn't seam right.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I may have a needle dick.

But I fuck like a sewing machine.

I come from a very musical family

Even the sewing machine's a singer

I know we get a lot of dad jokes...here's a mom one

What did Captain Picard say when he saw the new sewing machine?

Make it sew!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pinocchio.

What would happen to Pinocchio if he said "my nose is going to grow" he would be telling a lie so his nose would then grow,but because it is growing it would make Pinocchio's statement true which would mean that his nose won't grow or might stop growing, but then again because it will stop growing i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tickle Me Elmo Factory

The Tickle Me Elmo factory has just hired a new employee, and today's her first day on the job. The plant manager gives her a quick tour of the assembly line, then shows the employee her station at the end of the line where she will be operating. The morning whistle blows and production on the line ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some funny pick up lines

Do you have a map? Cause I just got lost in your eyes.

If your left leg is Halloween, and your right leg is Christmas, CAN I COME IN BETWEEN HOLIDAYS?

My love for you is like diarrhea, i just can't hold it in.

If i said you had a hot body, would you hold it against me?

Ni...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.