Two sewing machines walk into a bar.

One says ‘Are you a singer?’

The other says ‘Sure, janome?’

I write songs about sewing machines...

I'm a singer song writer

My mother just got a sewing machine

Needles to say, she was sattisfied

What's the difference between a sewing machine and a female jogger?

A sewing machine only has one bobbin.

What do you say to an angry woman sitting at a sewing machine?

You seem stressed.

How can you tell if a sewing machine is trustworthy?

If it seams legit

What did Jean-Luc Picard say when Engineering offered to fix his electric sewing machine?

Make it sew!

Sewing machine factory

This is a Soviet joke that was told to me recently. It takes place during a war.

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A woman at a sewing machine factory has worked there for 40 years, working at an assembly line. A party is held to celebrate her 40 year work anniversary.

At the party, the director of the f...

I think my wife's sewing machine is on the blink.

I'm not sure what's wrong, it just doesn't seam right.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I may have a needle dick.

But I fuck like a sewing machine.

I come from a very musical family

Even the sewing machine's a singer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pinocchio.

What would happen to Pinocchio if he said "my nose is going to grow" he would be telling a lie so his nose would then grow,but because it is growing it would make Pinocchio's statement true which would mean that his nose won't grow or might stop growing, but then again because it will stop growing i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some funny pick up lines

Do you have a map? Cause I just got lost in your eyes.

If your left leg is Halloween, and your right leg is Christmas, CAN I COME IN BETWEEN HOLIDAYS?

My love for you is like diarrhea, i just can't hold it in.

If i said you had a hot body, would you hold it against me?

Ni...

Signs you drink too much coffee

- You answer the door before people knock.

- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

- You ski uphill.

- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

- You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

- You lick your coffeepot clean.

- You're the employee of ...

I know we get a lot of dad jokes...here's a mom one

What did Captain Picard say when he saw the new sewing machine?




Make it sew!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tickle Me Elmo Factory

The Tickle Me Elmo factory has just hired a new employee, and today's her first day on the job. The plant manager gives her a quick tour of the assembly line, then shows the employee her station at the end of the line where she will be operating. The morning whistle blows and production on the line ...

Coffee

Coffee: you haven't had enough until you can thread a sewing machine needle while it's running.

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