I love that the Earth is spinning

It literally makes my day

How do you stop a baby from spinning on the ground?

You nail his other hand to the ground.

My first job was as a sign spinner for a peep-show. I was supposed to stand on the corner and attract attention by spinning a sign or acting crazy...

...whatever it took to keep the customers cummin'.

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A Dyre Predicament

"So kind of you to cruise by, Superman. How are the kryptonite shackles treating you?"

"You won't get away with this! Who are you anyway? I've never fought you."

"Oh, that's because I'm not a villain. And I intend to keep it that way, which brings me to the nature of today's exercise...

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Went to a club with the wife and there was a guy on the dance floor going mental - twerking, breakdancing, spinning, moonwalking, back flips, the whole lot . My wife turned to me and said, “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.”

I said, "By the looks of it, he’s still fucking celebrating!”

What do you call a spinning potato

Rotato

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Albert the village postman is retiring after 50 years on the job

So he puts on his satchel and collects his last mailbag from the post office, and sets out on his last round.

He drops off a few letters at the local library. The librarian smiles and presents him with a leather bound volume of The Complete Works of Charles Dickens: "Here you are, Albert. We...

Picked up my new rug from Ikea!

It's just a sheep and a spinning wheel

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I thought I wouldn’t like masturbating while spinning in my desk chair.

But I’m coming around to it.

What do you do when you see a baby spinning in circles?

Stop laughing and untie him from the ceiling fan

What's the fastest spinning country?

France, because it has the most revolutions per minute.

What's worse than attaching a baby to a washing line and spinning it around at 100mph?

Stopping it with a shovel.

Isaac Newton would be spinning in his grave

But gravity won't let him

When I met my wife, I felt like my heart was going to jump out chest, my head was spinning, and I couldn't think straight, the only thing I could think was...

... "That's the prettiest doctor I've ever seen, I'll ask her out if she's able to save me."

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I should see a therapist...

Had my grandma known how much money I saved on her funeral, she’d be spinning in her ditch

An expert in Greek mythology walks into a bar...

Then he suddenly sees stars spinning around to form shapes, and he feels as if he’s been struck by Zeus’s lightning. Then, while collapsed on the ground, he sees Zeus himself staring down at him. A day later, he wakes up in a hospital bed to see a doctor looking at him.

“Why did that happen...

What do you call Bob Ross spinning around in circles at a theatre play?

Aphrodisiac

Why was Benjamin spinning around and sleepy?

Because Benadryl

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Two guys working at a sawmill....

Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm.
His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached.
The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis.
"Incred...

Two men standing on opposite sides of a windmill disagree about which way the blades are spinning.

The man in front insists they’re going clockwise. The man behind says no, it’s obvious they’re going counter-clockwise. After a while, they agree to look at it from each other’s perspective. They realize that they were both right, it’s all a matter of perspective.

The moral of the story is th...

Clocks, Trump, and Heaven

A guy dies and goes to heaven. It's a slow day for St. Peter, so, upon passing the entrance test, St. Peter says, "I'm not very busy today, why don't you let me show you around?" The guy thinks this is a great idea and graciously accepts the offer. St. Peter shows him all the sights, the golf course...

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What's the hardest part about fidget spinning?

Telling your parents you're gay.

A blind man walks into a bar with his looking dog , and on entering picks the dog up and starts spinning the dog

Bartender asks- WTF you doing?
Man- I am just looking around.

Why was Jesus hanging around the spinning teacups carnival ride?

He was taking away the sins of the whirled

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What does watching golf and a giant spinning dildo have in common?

They both bore the fuck out of you.

What do you call Michael J. Fox spinning around in a chair?

A fidget spinner

A student sits in class, eagerly listening to the lecture.

Next to him, a classmate who is twiddling his thumbs and spinning a pencil.

The teacher finishes the lesson and asks the students to copy the board.

Soon enough, the teacher walks over to the eager student and asks what he’s doing, as he isn’t writing.

Twiddling his thumbs and ...

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What do you call a spinning, bisexual dinosaur that loves Juno & Superbad?

Biceratops

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Blonde walks into a bank

A blonde walks into a bank in New York city, and talks to the bank's loan officer, asking for a loan.

Loan officer: "How much do you need to take a loan out for?"

Blonde: "Only $1000."

Loan officer: "Do you have collateral?"

The blonde pulls out the keys to a 2016 Ferrar...

A man is sitting home when he hears a strange voice

A man is sitting home when he hears a strange voice tell him

“Sell your house”

He’s confused at first but he hears the voice again and sells his house. The voice then says

“Go to a casino”

And so the man does

When he gets there the voice then says

“Go to ...

My Car spinning uncontrollably thru a crowd of people

And My Korean friend screams "Hit the Blakes" & I'm like "I can't be that selective"

Young boy: Mommy, Mommy I can't stop spinning in circles!

Mommy: Shut up, or I will nail your other foot to the floor too!

So a man was walking up to the ice rink during the Winter Olympics...

wanting to get a closer look at the ice skaters. He ends up slipping onto the rink, and he starts to catch himself as he is falling. Yet, somehow to his amazement he keeps a running fall up, and ends up spinning to the middle of the ice rink. He is slightly frazzled, having almost face planted on th...

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Since we're doing favourites, here's mine:

Three men are walking along a beach when they come across a lamp buried in the sand. They pull it out and dust it off and out pops a genie.

"For giving me my freedom, I shall grant each of you three wishes," he declares.

The first guy says, "I wish for a billion dollars!" Poof, his b...

Propellers on small planes are actually used to keep the pilot cool.

When it stops spinning, you can see the pilot start to sweat.

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Three friends encounter a genie

not my joke but I really like it :))

The Genie is extremely grateful to the three friends for releasing him from his dormant stage and offers three wishes to each man.

The first one says "I want to have enough money that I don't have to work another day in my life." As soon as he finis...

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