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What do you call a group of wolves with big butts.

A fanny pack

Why do wolves howl at the moon?

Cause they don’t know how to use cellphones.

After a long, vicious territorial battle a large family of bitten, scratched wolves all sought shelter from the snow in a tiny cave, leaving barely an inch of space.

A pair of vets who care for the wolves find them and try to get in to administer care and clean their wounds.

One says “I can’t go in there.”

“Why not?”

“The place is bloody packed.”

Why do wolves howl at the full moon

Because it hurts. Owwww ow ow owwwwwww

What do strawberries and wolves have in common?

They both travel in packs

Pig with a wooden leg

A city gentleman is going for a drive in the country. He passes a farm field, where he sees a lone pig rooting around, and upon second glance, this pig has a wooden leg. He drives up the driveway and finds the farmer repairing his tractor in front of the barn. He asks the farmer about the pig....

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves.........?

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket. After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, "Well, do you want to make a run for it or stay here a few days and outnumber them?"

There are two wolves inside of you.

You're at a furry convention after hours.

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Wolves are like sex slaves

My wife says I can’t have one

Normal wolves: Awooo!

Anime wolves: Uwuuu!

I'm addicted to bestiality with wolves but I'm getting better.

I'm down to a pack a day.

Hot dogs really should be renamed to hot wolves

They always come in packs

A 13 boy year old spent the previous 10 years of his life living with wolves

He is found, and released back into the human world. He sees wonders he never saw before. He is asking about how cars work, how you're not supposed to eat raw meat, how radio works, the constellations, until one day, he walks in on the couple designated to reintroduce him to human society getting bu...

Breaking news: Rare time traveling bloodthirsty Fire elemental wolves spotted in Russia!

In Soviet Russia, the hot dogs eat you.

A traveling salesman had got lost one day while driving through the Midwest farm country. So he stopped at a farm house for directions.

While the farmer was giving the salesman directions, he noticed all the farm animals were penned except a 3 legged pig roaming around the farm yard.

Curious the salesman asked the farmer what was the story about the 3 legged pig.

"Why this is no ordinary pig. In fact he's quite amazing...

‘Wolfgang Mozart!’, said Mozart’s friend.

‘What?’, said Mozart.

And then they were both eaten by a pack of wolves.

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Big Chief was suffering from constipation for over a week...

He hadn't laid a log in what felt like forever and this caused him great frustration, pain and discomfort. In great desperation, he decides to visit the tribe's witch doctor in the hope of finally loosening his bowels.

The witch doctor let's him in and says "Hey there Big Chief, to what do I ...

Why did the campers think they were surrounded by wolves?

Tree bark.

I used to be addicted to hunting wolves.

At my worst, I would smoke three packs a day.

Regarding Little Red Riding Hood: Wolves can’t be all bad if they’ll eat your grandmother

Even Grandpa won’t do that.

The world’s greatest supervillain has captured the three best spies, Secret Agents Alpha, Bravo, and Charlie.

As a form of evil execution she releases them into an arena with a pack of vicious wolves.

First, they chase after Secret Agent Alpha, and although he tries to run from them, he is caught and torn apart.

Then the wolves turn to Secret Agent Bravo, and she stands her ground to fight the...

I used to be an avid hunter of wolves, but I had to quit. I got addicted to it...

I was up to two packs a day.



True story.

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Vladimir Putin is hosting a summit with Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, and Justin Trudeau.

As a part of the summit, Putin takes the three leaders to a wilderness area outside of Moscow and dismisses the press corps, and a large wolf in a cage is brought out.


"Friends, this savage wolf was trapped and brought from the wilds of Siberia just yesterday. I want to show you what ki...

What do wolves do before travelling?

They pack.

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Two wolves are chasing a Golden Retriever through the forest.

After an hour, the first wolf says to the second wolf, "Ain't this a bitch?"

To which the second wolf responds, "It had better be".

Two wolves in a forest....

are arguing about who they are. The first wolf goes "I am a wolf you are a nuther one"

The second wolf replies "We are both wolves, look I have a snout like your, paws like yours, my coat looks just like yours, our ears are the same"

The first one then says "look I'll go out and show ...

A clown and a little boy are walking through the woods late at night. A pack of wolves bay in the distance.

The little boy says "I'm scared". The clown says "You're scared? I gotta walk back alone."

A rabbit says to a fox, "I'm writing a dissertation on how rabbits eat foxes"

"Come on, you know that's impossible! No one will publish such rubbish." says the fox

"Well, follow me and I'll show you." They both go into the rabbit's dwelling and after a while, the rabbit emerges with a satisfied expression on his face.

Then comes a wolf. "Hello, what are we doin...

Three blondes were walking through a forest when they spotted tracks on the ground.

The first blonde said, "Look, these are deer tracks."

The second blonde looked at them and said, "No you're wrong, these tracks obviously belong to wolves."

The third blonde thought for a minute and said, "You're both wrong, these are wild boar tracks, I'm sure."

They were still...

American/Russian dog fight

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the...

There was a farmer who lived on 200 acres.

He owned sheep, cattle, horses and tons and tons of crops. One night, he heard wolves howling in the distant, and it kept him up all night. He woke up in the morning with bags under his eyes, his wife asked him “What’s wrong? Did you not get any sleep?” The farmer said “I kept hearing this howling n...

God, Man, and the Animals.

God: Some of the animals I've been creating are fun to pet.

Man: Which ones?

God: You'll just have to figure that out on your own. Where are you going to start?

Man: Wolves!

God: Oh.. well.. Let me know how that works out.

\*leaves for a couple of millennia\*
...

One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the fine weather.

The day was so nice that she became careless and a fox snuck up behind her and caught her.

"I am going to eat you for lunch," said the fox.

"Wait," replied the rabbit, "You should at least wait a few days."

"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?"

"Well, I am just finishing my thesi...

Well, No Sale Today. (Co-worker says it's OC, I doubt)

Many animals are waiting in line in front of a store in the forest: bears, foxes, wolves, hedgehogs etc. A rabbit pushes through the queue. He pushes the other animals with his elbows, and jumps to the beginning of the queue. At this point, a bear catches him and says, "You, bunny, no cheating! To t...

The Dog Fight

The Israeli Dog vs. The Arab Dog

  
The Israelis and Arabs realized that, if they continued fighting, they would someday end up destroying the whole world. So they decided to settle their dispute with an ancient practice: a duel of two, like David and Goliath. This "duel" would be a dog fi...

The king of animals

So a sheep had a big house in the middle of nowhere. After some time she noticed some pigs wandering around and they asked to move in for a week or two, they promised the sheep that during those two weeks they'll help her build a small cottage she wanted right next to her house. As they were buildin...

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(Long) a guy stops at a farm

He sees at the door of the farm house was a three legged pig. He had to know the story of the three legged pig. So he knocks on the door and the farmer answers.
"Please you must tell me the story of your pig," he says
"That pig is the greatest pig in the world. A couple of years ago our house ...

Noah lets all the animals off the ark and tells them, "Go forth, and multiply."

Noah lets all the animals off the ark and tells them, "Go forth, and multiply."

A year later, he goes around to all the animals to see how they're doing. The horses have foals, the wolves have pups, the lions have cubs...everything looks good. But then he gets to a couple of snakes, and they ...

Once there was a king who had 10 wild dogs...

...He used them to torture and eat all the ministers who made mistakes.

Once, one of the ministers gave an opinion which was wrong, and which the king didn’t like at all…
So he ordered for the minister to be thrown to the dogs.

So the minister said,
"I served you 10 years and y...

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A wolf and a rabbit hated each other...

One day, the pair were walking through an enchanted forest when they discovered a magical frog trapped in a hole. The frog promised to grant them each three wishes if they helped him escape. The two rescued the frog, and after they set him safely on the ground, the frog croaked, "thank you! Now I wi...

Staking a claim

In 1897 a young man set out for adventure from the frontier city of Seattle. He'd risked his entire life savings to make the trek to the Yukon to prospect for gold.

He started his journey full of excitement and hope. he'd purchased his 2,000lbs of gear and supplies and two fine stock horses t...

A friend of mine working in construction told me that one day when working down town an elderly woman approached him and said:

There's nothing more annoying than you guys always acting like horney wolves when women walks by... but damn it! It hurts when you stop

So, tensions with Russia flair up...

... And the Cold War reignites. With both the USA and Russia standing on the brink of total nuclear annihilation, the leaders decide to meet. Both agree that nothing on earth is worth an apocalypse, so they decide to end things once and for all; with a winner-takes-all dogfight. Both sides have 5 ye...

Actual Russian Joke

Four Russians were being pulled in a sleigh by a team of horses in the dead of winter when they noticed a pack of wolves had started chasing them and were slowly gaining.

They knew they needed to lighten the sled so they drew straws and the one with the shortest straw blessed Russia and leapt...

The year is 2135, and the US and Russia are the only 2 remaining nations.

After a century of warfare, the two nations expanded their borders, annexing an country that stood in it's way.

Both nations, hungering for world domination, have been at war with each other for over 20 years, and have decided that the fighting would never end, as the two were so closely matc...

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Farmer's Dilemma

A farmer had some wolves take out a couple of his best young chickens, a pullet (young female chicken) and a cock (male chicken). He heard that his neighbor down the road had a few fine chickens for sale so he decided to walk over to see if he could strike a deal.

The farmer arrives at his n...

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A homicidal rapist is holding hands with a little girl.

They are walking through a dense and eerie forest at night. Sounds of owls, wolves and other animals echos around. "This place is really scary sir" says the girl. The man looks around. The sound of wolves send chills down he's spine. He looks at the girl and says: "Yeah. Imagine me that I have to re...

Two Russians with two Americans on a sleigh in Siberia

Two Russians and two Americans travel on a sleigh in Siberia.

Suddenly, a pack of wolves appear, getting closer to the sleigh.

First Russian stands up:

- For the sake of the good relationship of our countries, I'll sacrifice myself! - and he jumps off to be torn apart by the wol...

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3 men and their wives were walking through a Forrest late at night...

All of the sudden, a large cat crosses their path. Not knowing what to do, the 6 of them stop.

The first mans wife pipes up and says “don’t worry honey, I have to fight off cougars all the time when they try to hit on you at the bar, I got this”

The mans wife approaches the cougar and...

Why can't werewolves tell time

Because they're not when wolves

Two blondes go deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree...

After hours and hours of sub-zero temperatures, a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turns to the other and says, "Enough is enough! I'm chopping down the next tree I see! I don't care whether it's decorated or not!"

I was trying to find out where my local pelt-merchant was hosting a “Lupine Designs” fashion gala for his fellow lycanthropes this year

So I asked “Where is the werewolf’s wolf-wares warehouse where werewolves wear wolves’ wares?”

A clown and a small child are walking in the woods at night....

In the distance wolves and coyotes howl, owls hoot, and creepy noises surround the two. The child, frightened by noises of the woods, looks at the clown and says, "Mr. these woods are scary". The clown turns to the child and says "you think you're scared, I have to walk out of here alone."

If Timmy buys 7 apples and eats 5

what is the median velocity of his motorcycle?

The two villages were troubled.

They were constantly being forced to search for other places to fish in the river. There was a massive bear that paraded the shores on both sides and this made fishing difficult for both villages that lie on opposite sides of the river.

Earlier there used to be a small pack of wolves that pa...

Hunting

Johnny said Alex, "I am gonna go hunting dude."

Alex : so which animal you will hunt for?

Johnny : lions or tigers or wolves.....

Alex : okay! Good luck and stay safe!


(After few hours )

Alex : so how was the hunting dude?

Johnny : I didn't go man.
...

The Rabbit's Thesis

Story :

Scene: It's a fine, sunny day in the forest, and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.

Fox: "What are you working on?"

Rabbit:"My thesis."

Fox:"Hmm. What is it about?"

Rabbit:"Oh, I'm wri...

So I was sitting in divorce court...

and I realized: its a shame a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of rabid wolves.


Yay Jack Handy.

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