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Rabies Jokes

Two men are walking down the street when a dog that's foaming at the mouth viciously bites one of them, then runs off...

"Oh my god!" cries the other man. "That dog must have rabies!"

"Rabies?" says the bitten man. Looking frightened and shaky, he takes a notepad and a pen out of his pocket and starts to scribble something down.

"Wait!" says his friend, "We can get you tested and vaccinated for rabies i...

What do you call a brothel riddled with rabies?

A frothel

So doctor, do I have rabies?

Doc: Short answer. Yes.

Patient: What's the long answer?

Doc: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssss.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How can you tell if the bat that bit you had rabies?

Also why is water so fuckin scary?

Why was Fozzie Bear acting so aggressively?

Muppet rabies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

SHAGGY: What did the vet say you have?

SCOOBY DOO: Rabies.

SHAGGY: Zoinks. I didn’t even know you could get pregnant.

Bad Dog

One winter day, a guy was walking down the street when he saw a mangy old dog lying in the middle of the sidewalk. It was covered in flies and seemed to be barely alive. Rather than try to help it, the guy gave it a sharp kick and laughed as it limped away.

Without warning, the guy became a s...

The Devil sat at the gates of hell... (Story Joke)

An old man suddenly arrived in a burst of flames, looking confused and lost. The Devil looked at his paperwork, and frowned. He was unable to find this old man’s data file.

“This can’t be right,” the old man grumbled, looking at the Devil, “I’ve been a good man my whole life.”

The Dev...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old Farmer On His Death Bed

An old farmer was lying on his death bed, his doting, loyal wife by his side, holding his hand.

"You've always been there for me. Remember when we were courting, my car's handbrake failed and I broke my leg? You were there.

"And remember when I sliced off three of my fingers with the ...

Do you brush your teeth without making a mess like in the commercials?

I usually look like I have minty fresh rabies…

Why California is broke and Texas is not.

The governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the governor's dog, then bites the governor. The governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie Bambi and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Long] A guy walks into a bar and demands 3 shots of tequila. Bartender obliges and says, "rough day?". "You have no idea!", the guy replies as he slams down the shots...

He begins telling him about his horrible day when a jar full of money at the end of the bar catches his eye. "What's that jar of money for over there? It's full to the brim of $10's and $20's!"

Bartender tells him it's a challenge he offers to his patrons, $10 to play, and you have to complet...

Russian barman say, "Here is shot of drink for each of you".

If you can tells me what is this drink, you can has 5 minute alone in back room with Olga." All three mans is very excite about this!

First Romanian take drink. He smack lips and say, "Taste like..." But before finish, he fall over dead.

Next, Estonian man take drink. He make burp and ...

A hunter accidently shot a sacred animal one day...

... And the devil came to him. He said 'Ordinarily, I would take you to Hell for this. However, I will let you go, as long as you are able to cope with living with 3 of the poor beasts you shot. However, you must keep them alive and close to you at all times.'

The hunter replied 'HA! Do your ...

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