What's a Jehovah's Witnesses' favourite part of Middle Earth?

More door.

I talked to a couple of Jehovah's witnesses for half an hour, and I still don't know who Jehova is.

To be honest, I'm not entirely convinced that they witnessed it.

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So a man was sued for libel and slander...

The judge asked, "What's the defendant accused of saying?"

The plaintiff's attorney replied, "He called my client an, and I quote, 'incompetent motherfucker', your honor."

The judge nodded, "And what does the defense plea?"

The defendant's attorney rose, "Not guilty as charged, ...

TIL Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween

I guess they don't appreciate strangers knocking on their doors

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The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.

The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude...

Do you know why jehovas witnesses buildings don't have windows?

Its so God can't see what they're doing in there.

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I bought an advent calendar for Jahovas witnesses.

Behind every door it tells you to fuck off.

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyses, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astou...

Why don't Italians like Jehovah's witnesses?

Italians don't like ANY witnesses.

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The incredible trainer

It was a busy day at the bar. A lot of costumers were enjoying their breakfast. Until the door slammed open.
A shady trench coat with an almost as shady wearer appeared in the doorframe, a big bulge in both pockets. He approached the counter, as silent as the entire bar, exchanging glares with ...

Why are there so few Jehovah's Witnesses in Sicily?

Sicilians aren't keen about witnesses.

8:45 PM, Arrive at the crime scene

- 8:45 PM, Assess victim. Cause of death: strangulation, victim’s phone and wallet are missing
- 8:45 PM, Gather evidence. No visible fingerprints, rope used to strangle the victim was found in a nearby trashcan
- 8:45 PM, Question witnesses. One witness states the murderer was driving away...

How many Jehovas witnesses does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to change it, and two to go to your house and ask if you've seen the light.

What is the worst thing about parallel parking?

The witnesses.

In getting tired of the jehovah witnesses.

They keep knocking on the door, trying to make me change my mind

"Please let us out!", "We won't bother you again!", "Have mercy!"

A group of Jehovah's witnesses were walking around in a big city.

One of them said " looking at beautiful women is a sin. So, whenever you see one, always say "Oh Lord! Forgive me".

After sometime one of them said "Oh Lord! Forgive me"

Everyone else said "where?"

Why are carpenters such good witnesses?

Because they saw everything

Jehovah’s Witnesses have some strange beliefs.

Like they believe I’m gonna open the door.

A mugger holds a Christian girl walking down a lonely alley at knifepoint.

Mugger: "Gimme all you've got and I'll spare your life!"

Christian: "Please don't hurt me! You can take my wallet, my phone, my jewellery, just leave me my bible!"

*mugger takes phone, wallet, and jewellery, leaving her the Bible. runs away to avoid witnesses*

Christian: "What a...

What's a Jehovah's Witnesses favorite type of car?

A CONVERTable

What are Jehovah Witnesses' favorite dessert?

Hostess Ding Dongs!

Want to hear a joke about Jehovah's Witnesses?

Knock knock....

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Indian student in USA(NSFW)

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said: "Let's begin by reviewing some American History.

Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces except for Ch...

What do you call Jehova's Witnesses in Chinese

Ding Dong

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Jehovah's witnesses are always banging on my door everyday

Joke's on them, I'm never letting them out of my basement.

Two jehova witnesses die and go to heaven

Unfortunately the doors never opened and they went straight to hell

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I hate when the Jehova’s witnesses come knocking at my door.

I mean their food cup was full when I last checked the basement.

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The Will

His nurse, his wife, his daughter, and two sons, are with him.
He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.

When all is ready, he begins to speak:

"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses."

"My daughter Sybi...

Two Jehovah's Witnesses knock on someone's door

The house owner opens the door. "Good morning, would you like to learn about God today?" The houseowner was a little bored, and slightly curious, so he lets them in. They slowly enter, and sit down on the couch across from the houseowner. After a few seconds of silence, the houseowner asks, "Well?" ...

"The prosecutor says she can produce five witnesses who saw you running from the bank with money bags in your hands"

"The prosecutor says she can produce five witnesses who saw you running from the bank with money bags in your hands" a defense lawyer confided in his client.

"That's nothing," the client replied, ""I can produce five hundred witnesses who didn't see me running from the bank with money bags i...

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