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Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween

I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their door.

So old Jed is screwing his goat when a neighbor witnesses this unspeakable act of bestiality.

The neighbor calls the cops, and Jed is arrested. Jed goes to a lawyer, explains the case, and the lawyer says, "I can defend you for $5,000."

"What's the point?" says Jed. "My neighbor witnessed the whole thing. Why should I waste $5,000? They're gonna find me guilty for sure."

"Don...

In getting tired of the jehovah witnesses.

They keep knocking on the door, trying to make me change my mind

"Please let us out!", "We won't bother you again!", "Have mercy!"

Why don't Italians like Jehovah's witnesses?

Italians don't like ANY witnesses.

Jehovah's Witnesses knock at the door of Jesus.

"Excuse us Sir, do you have a moment to talk about Chuck Norris?"

Why are there no Jehovah‘s Witnesses in Sicily?

Because it‘s a dangerous place for witnesses.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've got an advent calendar for Jehovah's Witnesses...

Every time you open a door, someone tells you to fuck off.

What do you call Jehova's Witnesses in Chinese

Ding Dong

Sicily isn't a safe place for Jehovah's Witnesses.

I've heard that Sicilians really don't like witnesses.

A man witnesses an accident and calls 911.

Operator: 911, what's your
emergency?

Man: A guy just got hit by a car, I
need an ambulance.

Operator: What's your location?
Man: I'm on Eucalyptus street.

Operator: Can you spell that for
me?

Man: (long awkward pause)
Operator: Sir? Are you there?

M...

So this young kid goes out to solicit donations for Jehovah’s witnesses.

It’s dark and cold and the rain is coming down in buckets. He sees a house with the lights on and runs up the driveway and knocks on the door. Half a minute later the owner opens the door and the young fellow informs him who he is.

“Well don’t stand out there in the rain. Come on in and dry ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jehovah's witnesses are always banging on my door everyday

Joke's on them, I'm never letting them out of my basement.

Two Jehovah's Witnesses knock on someone's door

The house owner opens the door. "Good morning, would you like to learn about God today?" The houseowner was a little bored, and slightly curious, so he lets them in. They slowly enter, and sit down on the couch across from the houseowner. After a few seconds of silence, the houseowner asks, "Well?" ...

The KGB, the FBI and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at catching criminals.

The Secretary General of the UN decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations ...

What do you call it when the Air Force tries to convince UFO witnesses they saw natural phenomenon?

Swampgaslighting

What's a Jehovah's Witnesses' favourite part of Middle Earth?

More door.

I would tell a joke about Jehovah's witnesses...

But nobody likes knock-knock jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a man was sued for libel and slander...

The judge asked, "What's the defendant accused of saying?"

The plaintiff's attorney replied, "He called my client an, and I quote, 'incompetent motherfucker', your honor."

The judge nodded, "And what does the defense plea?"

The defendant's attorney rose, "Not guilty as charged, ...

When’s the only time you can get away with fingering a minor with multiple witnesses?

When you’re playing guitar

Jehovah’s Witnesses have some strange beliefs.

Like they believe I’m gonna open the door.

Why are carpenters such good witnesses?

Because they saw everything

Do you know why jehovas witnesses buildings don't have windows?

Its so God can't see what they're doing in there.

What are Jehovah Witnesses' favorite dessert?

Hostess Ding Dongs!

What's a Jehovah's Witnesses favorite type of car?

A CONVERTable

Jehovah's Witnesses

Jehovahs Witnesses: Do you have time to talk about our lord and savior?

Me: Of course! please come in!

[door slams shut and locks, lights dim, PowerPoint presentation begins]]

Me: But first I wanna tell you about a timeshare opportunity!!!

How many Jehovas witnesses does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to change it, and two to go to your house and ask if you've seen the light.

Why do Jehovah's Witnesses use Macs?

They prefer to not have windows.

[For those that don't get it, their churches, called "Kingdom Halls", frequently are built without windows. The official reason given is to avoid vandalism but the real reason is usually secrecy. Generally if the group builds a church it won't have windows. ...

A couple of Jehovah witnesses!

A couple of Jehovah witnesses knocked on my door. When I answered, they asked "If they could come in and talk to me about Jesus."

I said sure and walked them to my living room. After sitting down on the sectional, I said ok what do you want to talk about?

They replied, " we're not real...

A group of Jehovah's witnesses were walking around in a big city.

One of them said " looking at beautiful women is a sin. So, whenever you see one, always say "Oh Lord! Forgive me".

After sometime one of them said "Oh Lord! Forgive me"

Everyone else said "where?"

Which educational institute did many Jehovah's Witnesses graduate from?

The School of Hard Knocks.

Jehova's Witnesses: [Knock Knock]

Resident: Who's There?

JW: We're Jehova's Witnesses.

R: That's not funny. What's the punchline?

JW: Um. We're here to tell you to accept our Lord and Savior into your heart.

R: There it is.

When Jehovah's witnesses knock on my door...

I just tell them "Sorry, I'm Jehovah's Prosecutor and shouldn't be talking with you."

Two electric car owners were seen today fighting over a charging port.

The police have said it was a charged environment and they will amp up patrols around area. A lot of witnesses were shocked and some saw someone socket to the other.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate when the Jehova’s witnesses come knocking at my door.

I mean their food cup was full when I last checked the basement.

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