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Watcher Jokes

I used to go to Weight Watchers to meet women.

There were tons of girls there, just not very many.

I was kicked out of my weight watchers meeting yesterday, because I spilled a bag of M&M's on the floor.

It was the best game of Hungry, Hungry Hippo I've ever seen.

Yesterday I was at a Weight Watchers party but nobody mentioned obesity.

There were just too many elephants in the room.

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"What a lovely pair of Blue Tits" said one Bird Watcher to the other

"Will you please shut up!" shouted everyone else at the Avatar 2 screening

A normie and an anime watcher were having a debate if humans have souls.

Normie: People don't have souls.

Anime watcher: No they do.

Normie: Oh really? Then let's make a bet. We research whether or not people have souls and come back in a year to show our evidence.

Anime watcher: ok.

Normie: I bet $10,000, how about you?

Anime watcher: ...

the local weight watchers had an alumni meeting

Everyone who showed up was a looser

Just joined Weight Watchers online program

They asked me to accept cookies as a test. I did and never I receive it. I guess that's part of the program...

A bird watcher walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"I've always wondered, what's the difference between a crow and a raven?" the bartender asks. "Well, ravens and crows both have large feathers on their wings called 'pinions'. Ravens have 4 pinions on each wing while crows only have 3," the bird watcher replies."So if you think about it, it's just a...

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I just tried to set up an account on the Weight Watchers website.

Asked me "will you accept cookies?", the piss-taking bastards.

An avid bird watcher heard an owl hoot

So he thought he'd give a hoot back. To his surprise and delight the bird hooted again. The next night the same scenario occurred.

All Summer, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversations."

Just as he thought he was on the verge of a ...

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What do a Bird Watcher and a Peeping Tom have in common?

They both loving hanging out in trees looking for Great Tits!

I got kicked out of Weight-Watchers for making mean spirited jokes.

I accepted the decision with huge grace.
Cos she got kicked out too.

I’ve put on weight so I called Weight Watchers and asked if they could send someone round…

They said ‘Yeah we can, we’ve got loads of them’.

A fire broke out at a Weight Watchers meeting today.

Members could be heard screaming, "Walk for your lives!"

DJ Khaled was featured in a Weight Watchers commercial for losing weight...

...He must have stopped eating out...

You may wonder who watches the watchers, but I wonder...

...who pees on the paeons?

How many pounds does DJ Khaled plan to lose with Weight Watchers?

Another one

I used to go to Weight Watchers to meet women [FIXED]

Turns out they're way harder to pick up than I thought.

I walked up to a female member of staff in Tesco today and said, "Do you know where the Weight Watchers meals are?"

"I'm afraid not," she replied, "It's my first day."

"Fair enough," I said, "Let me show you."

Yo mama's so fat....

Even her hopes and dreams are on weight watchers

You may think it's a good idea to go to weight watchers to meet women...

but actually the ones there are quite hard to pick up.

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As my wife and three of her friends squeezed into the car after WeightWatchers....

I muttered under my breath, "Fat fucking cows."

"What was that?" snapped my wife.

"You herd."

I've just joined a procrastinators support group.

Ìt is called Wait Watchers.

After early voting today, I stopped off in the men's restroom...

Some pervert stood right next to me at the stall and was eyeballing my junk!

It's ok though, he said he was an OFFICIAL pole watcher.

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You can burn up to 150 calories through one vigorous session of masturbation...

Still got me kicked out of my weight watchers meeting though.

What do u call a fat girls stalker?

A whale watcher

What do you call a Catholic Cardinal's personal medical staff?

Bird watchers.

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I genuinely just copied and pasted this off the weight watchers website

I've got one hell of a watch dog.

He watches me eat, he watches my food on the stove, he watches me cook. He watches his bed. He watches the laser.

He's a real good watcher.

Wild Condor

A group of bird watchers is out in the woods and sees a Wild Condor flying in the sky. Everybody is elbowing each other, pointing at the bird and focusing their binoculars. Right about then... a loud gun shot is heard and the bird falls out of the sky. The bird watchers all go running to where th...

What is the difference between an ornithologist and a stutterer?

One is a bird watcher, and the other is a word botcher.

How do you play a big game of Hungry Hippos?

Go to a weight watchers meeting and roll Maltesers down the middle of their meeting circle.

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I tried to sell my old dogging stuff on eBay this week, without success.

No bidders but I did have 12 watchers.

I like to observe people in lines.

I'm in Wait Watchers.

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Castaway

A young man was on a cruise ship to Hawaii. He somehow fell overboard unnoticed, but luckily managed to get himself onto a small uninhabited island.
Luckily for him, he was a avid watcher of all those “survival” shows and managed to situate himself comfortably. After scouring the islan...

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church bulletin bloopers

*These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:*
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for ...

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There is a moral to this story

So there was once this fly flying around above the great lakes with no real destination, There was also this salmon stuck forever doomed to a fresh water lake, but it was one of the great lakes so it could have been worse. The salmon had noticed the fly flying around above the lake and thought to i...

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