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My friend met a prostitute who connected battery wires to his testicles.

I said, “Holy shit! How much did she charge you?”

What is black and smokes and is attached to electrical wires?

A bad electrician

What do G-Strings and barbed wire have in common?

They both protect the property without disrupting the view.

How was copper wire invented?

Two mennonites fighting over a penny

Paddy finds a sandwich with 2 red wires stickin out of it...

He phones the bomb squad... "jesus, I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a feckin bomb"...

The operator asks "Is it tickin?" ...Paddy says "No, I tink it's beef!"

I took a girl on a date into a freezer and prodded her with a mesh of wire...

She screamed, "What the hell is this?"

I replied "Net flicks and chill."

I saw a telephone wire starting to fall on someones car the other day on my way home from work but I don't think they noticed

They would be in for a shock

What happened to the naughty wire?

It was grounded...

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An old man notices a young boy walking down the street with some chicken wire.

The old man says "where you going with that there chicken wire?"
The boy says " going to catch me some chickens".
Old man " that ain't how you catch chickens"
A few hours later the old man sees the boy walking back with a bunch of chickens in his wire.
"
Ill be damned" thinks the ol...

"Now cut the red wire to defuse the bomb, sir" said the defusing expert calmly to me over the phone

What an explosive way to find out you're colourblind.

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year..

..British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, a team of American archaeologists dug to a depth of 20 fe...

Farmer Joe's bull breaks down the barbed wire fence again...

Joe is getting fed up with constantly replacing his fence posts and barbed wire. Chasing down the bull and getting him back to the field is no easy task either. So he goes to his neighbor Steve for advice. Steve being the nice neighborly farmer says "I've got plenty of barbed wire you can use to rep...

A man touched a bare wire to see what would happen. What happened next shocked him.

He remained unharmed.

Security guard goes outside a side door for a cigarette and spots a sandwich on the ground with wires sticking out

He radios his boss "Hey Jim, there's a sandwich outside the door here with wires sticking out of it"

His boss replies "Is it ticking?"

"No, it's turkey and ham."

What do you call a cow that can’t jump a barbed wire fence?

Utter destruction

Did you hear about the BuzzFeed employee who peed on an exposed wire?

Number 1 shocked him.

How do you induce a current in a wire by counting to 10?

By mathematical induction.

I have some wire frames and a curved lens.

Is that anything to make a spectacle of?

Did you hear about the guy with copper wire?

Apparently he got arrested for misconduct.

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An old man was sitting on his front porch, when a kid walks by with some chicken wire.

He decides to give the little boy a hard time and says

"Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Chicken wire, mister."

"What do you plan on doing with that?"

"Well, I'm going to catch some chickens."

"You idiot, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire"

The boy shru...

You guys should try touching a live wire.

What happens next will shock you.

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Tom's scrotum

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium.

She said, "I have a praise.

Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. Th...

An electrical engineer is wrongly accused of a crime.

His name is Myto and he swears he did not kill anybody. However, all the evidence points to him. Of course, he gets 25 years in prison.

When he gets to prison, he meets his bunkmate, Big Joel. Now, contrary to what you may think, Big Joel was not a rapist. In fact, he was the nicest man Myto...

A farmer's wire fence was broken, so he put new wood into the ground and ran wire across it.

This is a repost.

In the 1950's people were worried about having their homes wire-tapped.

People today are are saying, Hey wire-tap what will the weather be like tomorrow?

My frugal neighbor doesn't want to pay for an electrician to re-wire his house so he's going to try and do it himself. "How hard can it be?" he said.

I think he's in for a shock.

A Mexican electrician accidentally touched a live wire.

He suffered a Corona discharge.

The Thin Swiss Wire

A crew of Swiss engineerers was tasked by their government to create a wire as thin as possible. The project took months, years to finish, but at last, they succeeded. They produced a piece of extremely thin wire. It was so thin that they could not even measure how thin it actually was. Not only tha...

An electrician was shocked by a live wire when he was asked why...

He said he couldn't resist.

An electrician's son removed one wire from each of his father's power plugs.

His father asks him furiously: Why did you do that? What's wrong with you?

Son: Nothing, dad. It's just a phase.

Father: You're grounded.

Why are wires addicted to electricity?

They can't resist.

Look at this wire! Is has so obviously been tapped!

Sorry Mr President, we call that a landline sir.

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Chicken Wire

An old man was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.

He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

**Boy yells back** "Roll of chicken wire."

Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"

**Bo...

I thought I’d surprise my girlfriend and re-wire the toaster.

She was shocked.

What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence?

Udder Destruction.

I swear this joke is funnier in person.
Try it, trust me.
Panty dropper for sure.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old man see a little boy walking down the street with some chicken wire in his hand.

An old man see a little boy walking down the street with some chicken wire in his hand. The old man yells out to the little boy "Hey little boy, what are you fixin' to do with that there chicken wire?" The little boy looks at the old man, thinks for a second and says "Well old man, I reckon I'm gonn...

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Three boys with some chicken-wire...

walk down the street and pass an old man on his porch.

The old-timer asks "What are you boys doing with so much chicken-wire?"

One of the boys exclaims "We're gonna catch some chickens!"

The old man scoffs and tells them "you can't catch chickens with chicken-wire, that's not ho...

The Wire Brush

An Army officer decides to inspect soldiers recovering in one of the field hospitals he commands. He marches into one of the tents, goes up to the first private he sees and barks, "What's your affliction, private?" 

Standing at attention, "Venereal warts, SIR!"

He then asks, "And what ...

"If there are 10 birds on a telephone wire and you shoot one, how many are left?"

Little Johnny excitedly raises his hand and the teacher picks on him.

"There would be none left because if you shoot one then the rest fly away!"

Ms. Teacher responds, "No Johnny, the correct answer is nine birds left, *but I like the way you think!*"

Little Johnny retorts with,...

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There was a farmer who had two sons

tldr :

His wife died as soon as she gave birth to the second son. Because of this, the farmer always blamed his second son for his mother's death. But he did not fail in his responsibilities as a father. The farmer was poor but he worked really hard to get his two sons in grad school. They ...

Farmer Joe has a problem with his barbed wire fence.

Farmer Joe's bull managed to get out of the field again. This time though, the fence was nearly new and should have been in really good condition.

Farmer Joe goes back to his neighbor Steve for advice. Steve had helped farmer Joe by giving him a load of barbed wire to fix up the fence. Steve,...

Two wires at sea

Two wires were on an ocean cruise when the ship sprung a leak and sank. The solid core wire managed to climb into a lifeboat and head to safety.

The other was stranded.

A politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and ...

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A man is lost in the woods, but finds a cabin next to a small ravine

He knocks on the door and an old Chinese man answers. He asks if he could possibly stay the night, and the Chinese man says he can "But..." he warns "My daughter is very beautiful, and if you lay a finger on her I will inflict upon you the worst three tortures China has ever produced."

The ma...

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Duct tape and Chicken wire.

An old man is sitting on his front porch one morning, enjoying the weather and having a cup of coffee.

Suddenly he sees a young boy walking down the road carrying several rolls of duct tape. This obviously makes him curious so he calls out, "hey son, what are you doing with all that duct tap...

Three bird on a wire

A teacher asks her class, "If there are three birds perched on a wire and a hunter shoots one, how many will be left."

Timmy raises his hand and answers, "There won't be any left. The one will be dead, and the other two will have been scared off by the noise of the rifle."

The teacher...

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This ain't any ol' stick

An old man was sitting on his front porch one day when a boy walked by carrying a bundle of wire.

The old man asked "What are you going to do with all that wire boy?"

The boy looked up and gleefully said "This isn't any ol' wire, this is chicken wire and I'm gonna catch me some chicken...

Murphy's Car Is Stolen

Murphy's wife borrowed his car and parked in the supermarket car park. Just as she came out laden with shopping, she saw a young lad break into the car, hot wire it and drive off.  Naturally she reported the matter to the police.' What did he look like?, the sergeant asked.  'I don't know she replie...

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A retiree is sitting on his porch one afternoon, when little Johnny walks by...

...pulling his little red wagon, loaded with a whole bunch of wire, behind him.

"Hey Johnny, " calls the retiree. "Whatcha got in the wagon?"

"Chicken wire, " says little Johnny.

"Whatcha gonna do with that, Johnny?" asks the retiree.

"I'm gonna catch me some chickens!" s...

Russian archeologists made a big discovery

As they dug a 100 meter deep hole, they found old copper wires. They made a big, worldwide announcement that the Russians were an advanced species. Even 1000 years ago they already had a copper network.

The Americans couldn't cope with the Russians being advanced longer than the Americans, so...

Did you know air pods are for poor people.

They can't afford the wires

Went out with a bang...

A tough old cowboy with grizzled hair, chiseled featured, and hands tougher than the sharpest barbs on new wire told his grandson that the secret to living a long life was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on his oatmeal every morning.

With absolute faith, the grandson did as Grandpap instruc...

Dogs are great at sniffing out bombs but terrible at defusing them.

They always end up cutting the grey wire.

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There was a debate in my class about the Mexican/US border

Some argued that a wall was needed, and a rather racist friend of mine jokingly said:
"Mexicans are rather dumb, some barbed wire and such would be more than enough to keep those thieves out." After a short pause, he added: "As long as they don't start to steal the border itself".

Unsurpr...