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An old man was sitting on his porch one morning when a boy walked up the road carrying a large roll of chicken wire.

“Hey, boy! What are you doing with all that chicken wire?”

“I’m gonna catch some chickens, sir.”

“You fool, you can’t catch no chickens with chicken wire.”

The boy smiled and walked off. That evening he came back dragging the chicken wire with at least a dozen chickens rolled up...

Did you hear about the cow that jumped over the barbed wire fence?

It was udder destruction

Got fired today because I fell for a scam asking me to wire a sizable amount of company money to a foreign bank account.

If that hadn't been stupid enough, I also confused the foreign bank account with my own.

The police raided my house and found dynamite, wire and a detonator with a plunger

Eyes welling with tears, I begged, “PLEASE don’t press charges!”

A man gets three wishes from a genie on the condition that his wire gets twice as much as he wishes

Fist he wishes for a Lamborghini, he gets a Lamborghini and his wife gets two Lamborghinis

Then he wishes for a million dollars, his wife gets two million dollars

Then he says “beat me until I am half dead” and the genie proceeded to beat him so that he was half dead, and then the gen...

What do G-Strings and barbed wire have in common?

They both protect the property without disrupting the view.

What is black and smokes and is attached to electrical wires?

A bad electrician

What do you call a set of wires that like to communicate moral based children’s stories?

Aesop’s Cables

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My friend met a prostitute who connected battery wires to his testicles.

I said, “Holy shit! How much did she charge you?”

What happened to the naughty wire?

It was grounded...

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An old man notices a young boy walking down the street with some chicken wire.

The old man says "where you going with that there chicken wire?"
The boy says " going to catch me some chickens".
Old man " that ain't how you catch chickens"
A few hours later the old man sees the boy walking back with a bunch of chickens in his wire.
"
Ill be damned" thinks the ol...

How was copper wire invented?

Two mennonites fighting over a penny

I saw a telephone wire starting to fall on someones car the other day on my way home from work but I don't think they noticed

They would be in for a shock

Paddy finds a sandwich with 2 red wires stickin out of it...

He phones the bomb squad... "jesus, I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a feckin bomb"...

The operator asks "Is it tickin?" ...Paddy says "No, I tink it's beef!"

Why was the high wire artist denied insurance?

Outstanding balance.

I took a girl on a date into a freezer and prodded her with a mesh of wire...

She screamed, "What the hell is this?"

I replied "Net flicks and chill."

Security guard goes outside a side door for a cigarette and spots a sandwich on the ground with wires sticking out

He radios his boss "Hey Jim, there's a sandwich outside the door here with wires sticking out of it"

His boss replies "Is it ticking?"

"No, it's turkey and ham."

I just got sent down to the stores for 10 metres of electrical wire, 6A rated, five cores (red, blue, yellow, black and earth).

Weird flex, but OK.

Farmer Joe's bull breaks down the barbed wire fence again...

Joe is getting fed up with constantly replacing his fence posts and barbed wire. Chasing down the bull and getting him back to the field is no easy task either. So he goes to his neighbor Steve for advice. Steve being the nice neighborly farmer says "I've got plenty of barbed wire you can use to rep...

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year..

..British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, a team of American archaeologists dug to a depth of 20 fe...

"Now cut the red wire to defuse the bomb, sir" said the defusing expert calmly to me over the phone

What an explosive way to find out you're colourblind.

A man touched a bare wire to see what would happen. What happened next shocked him.

He remained unharmed.

How do you induce a current in a wire by counting to 10?

By mathematical induction.

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An old man was sitting on his front porch, when a kid walks by with some chicken wire.

He decides to give the little boy a hard time and says

"Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Chicken wire, mister."

"What do you plan on doing with that?"

"Well, I'm going to catch some chickens."

"You idiot, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire"

The boy shru...

Did you hear about the guy with copper wire?

Apparently he got arrested for misconduct.

I have some wire frames and a curved lens.

Is that anything to make a spectacle of?

Did you hear about the BuzzFeed employee who peed on an exposed wire?

Number 1 shocked him.

In the 1950's people were worried about having their homes wire-tapped.

People today are are saying, Hey wire-tap what will the weather be like tomorrow?

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Tom's scrotum

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium.

She said, "I have a praise.

Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. Th...

You guys should try touching a live wire.

What happens next will shock you.

My frugal neighbor doesn't want to pay for an electrician to re-wire his house so he's going to try and do it himself. "How hard can it be?" he said.

I think he's in for a shock.

A farmer's wire fence was broken, so he put new wood into the ground and ran wire across it.

This is a repost.

An electrician didn't get home until after 2 a.m.

His wife asked, "Wire you insulate?"

He replied, "Watts it to you? I'm ohm, aren't I?"

A Mexican electrician accidentally touched a live wire.

He suffered a Corona discharge.

The Thin Swiss Wire

A crew of Swiss engineerers was tasked by their government to create a wire as thin as possible. The project took months, years to finish, but at last, they succeeded. They produced a piece of extremely thin wire. It was so thin that they could not even measure how thin it actually was. Not only tha...

Why are wires addicted to electricity?

They can't resist.

An electrician's son removed one wire from each of his father's power plugs.

His father asks him furiously: Why did you do that? What's wrong with you?

Son: Nothing, dad. It's just a phase.

Father: You're grounded.

An electrician was shocked by a live wire when he was asked why...

He said he couldn't resist.

Look at this wire! Is has so obviously been tapped!

Sorry Mr President, we call that a landline sir.

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Chicken Wire

An old man was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.

He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

**Boy yells back** "Roll of chicken wire."

Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"

**Bo...

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An old man see a little boy walking down the street with some chicken wire in his hand.

An old man see a little boy walking down the street with some chicken wire in his hand. The old man yells out to the little boy "Hey little boy, what are you fixin' to do with that there chicken wire?" The little boy looks at the old man, thinks for a second and says "Well old man, I reckon I'm gonn...

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A farmer gets on a wagon with chicken wire...

"Why does your wagon have chicken wire?", a man asks.

The farmer replies "I'm hunting chickens, so chicken wire will attract them".

The man gives him a look and says "that's not how it works."

The farmer leaves anyway.

He comes back with a wagon full of chickens.

T...

What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence?

Udder Destruction.

I swear this joke is funnier in person.
Try it, trust me.
Panty dropper for sure.

My phone charger has been exposing its inner wires to promote its agenda.

It's a shameless plug.

I thought I’d surprise my girlfriend and re-wire the toaster.

She was shocked.

The Wire Brush

An Army officer decides to inspect soldiers recovering in one of the field hospitals he commands. He marches into one of the tents, goes up to the first private he sees and barks, "What's your affliction, private?" 

Standing at attention, "Venereal warts, SIR!"

He then asks, "And what ...

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Three boys with some chicken-wire...

walk down the street and pass an old man on his porch.

The old-timer asks "What are you boys doing with so much chicken-wire?"

One of the boys exclaims "We're gonna catch some chickens!"

The old man scoffs and tells them "you can't catch chickens with chicken-wire, that's not ho...

Jesus is watching you

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, "Jesus knows you're here."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.
...

"If there are 10 birds on a telephone wire and you shoot one, how many are left?"

Little Johnny excitedly raises his hand and the teacher picks on him.

"There would be none left because if you shoot one then the rest fly away!"

Ms. Teacher responds, "No Johnny, the correct answer is nine birds left, *but I like the way you think!*"

Little Johnny retorts with,...

Two wires at sea

Two wires were on an ocean cruise when the ship sprung a leak and sank. The solid core wire managed to climb into a lifeboat and head to safety.

The other was stranded.

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Duct tape and Chicken wire.

An old man is sitting on his front porch one morning, enjoying the weather and having a cup of coffee.

Suddenly he sees a young boy walking down the road carrying several rolls of duct tape. This obviously makes him curious so he calls out, "hey son, what are you doing with all that duct tap...

A man and his wife are sitting down to dinner.

“Ringling Brothers is coming to town this week,” she said. “The poster says they have a dancing bear. I always wanted to see one of those.”

“Maybe next year,” says the man. “Work’s really busy this week.”

The next night at dinner, the man can barely sit down before his wife starts talk...

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Positive Attitude

Late in the night, he finally regained consciousness.

He was in the hospital, in terrible pain.

He found himself in the ICU with tubes in his nose, needles and IV drips in both arms,
a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function, and a nurse hovering over him.

He reali...

Three bird on a wire

A teacher asks her class, "If there are three birds perched on a wire and a hunter shoots one, how many will be left."

Timmy raises his hand and answers, "There won't be any left. The one will be dead, and the other two will have been scared off by the noise of the rifle."

The teacher...

At work today we got a call saying there was a bomb in the building

So me being a security guard and my friend went to go check it out. They said it was a grey bag and when we found it we saw it was full of sandwiches.

Friend: “do you see any wires?”

Me: “no”

Friend: “is it ticking?”

Me: “no it’s cheese and ham”

Johnny was daydreaming in class when the teacher called on him

“Johnny, if there are five birds on a wire and one gets shot how many are left?”

After thinking for a brief second Johnny responds “zero”

The teacher looks at him inquisitively and states. “Johnny, five minus one is four”

To which Johnny replies “yes but if you shoot one bird t...

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An electrical engineer is wrongly accused of a crime.

His name is Myto and he swears he did not kill anybody. However, all the evidence points to him. Of course, he gets 25 years in prison.

When he gets to prison, he meets his bunkmate, Big Joel. Now, contrary to what you may think, Big Joel was not a rapist. In fact, he was the nicest man Myto...

What do you say to an electrician who isn't on time?

Wire you insulate?

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