Wire Jokes - 78 Hilarious Wire Jokes

A criminal was trying to hot-wire a car and accidentally electrocuted himself.

He got charged with battery.

Farmer Joe's bull breaks down the barbed wire fence again...

Joe is getting fed up with constantly replacing his fence posts and barbed wire. Chasing down the bull and getting him back to the field is no easy task either. So he goes to his neighbor Steve for advice. Steve being the nice neighborly farmer says "I've got plenty of barbed wire you can use to rep...

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Kid with Chicken Wire

This kid is walking down the street with a spool of chicken wire. He passes an old black man sitting on his porch. The man looks at him and says "Where you goin' with that there chicken wire, boy."
The kid says "I'm going to get some chickens."
The old man says "You can't catch no chickens wit...

My 8 year-old kept chewing electrical wires…

…so I had to ground him.

My son was chewing electrical wires everyday.

So I grounded him until he conducts himself properly.

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A young man is walking down the road carrying chicken wire

He passes by this old man’s house and the old man says, “Hey son, what are you doing with that chicken wire?” The young man says, “I’m going to catch me some chickens.” The old man laughs and says, “You can’t catch chickens with chicken wire.” So the young man keeps walking. But sure enough, later t...

What's the difference between a live wire and a dead wire?

A live wire makes you dead but a dead wire keeps you alive.

Go figure.

Copper Wire

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, French scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the French: in the weeks that followed, American ...

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A proctologist goes to the bank to wire some money.

When the teller hands him a form to sign, the proctologist reaches in his pocket and grabs a thermometer, the proctologist exclaims, “Shit! Some asshole has my pen!”.

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Old man Sitting on his front porch. (Long)

One afternoon he see a kid ride past on his bike with a roll of chicken wire. The old guy asks: "Where are you heading with that chicken wire son?"

"I'm gonna catch me some chickens down at the park".

"You don't catch chickens with chicken wire"

The old feller shakes his head ...

What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence?

Udder destruction.

An electrician comes home late....

Wife: "Wire you insulate?"

Electrician: "Watts it to you? I'm ohm, aren't I."

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The technician didn't wire up the elevator buttons correctly

It's wrong on so many levels…

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Chicken Wire

An old man was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.

He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

**Boy yells back** "Roll of chicken wire."

Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"

**Bo...

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An old man was sitting on his porch one morning when a boy walked up the road carrying a large roll of chicken wire.

“Hey, boy! What are you doing with all that chicken wire?”

“I’m gonna catch some chickens, sir.”

“You fool, you can’t catch no chickens with chicken wire.”

The boy smiled and walked off. That evening he came back dragging the chicken wire with at least a dozen chickens rolled up...

Where does wire wool come from?

Sheep metal (my apologies)

I touched an open wire,

what happened next will shock you.

How was copper wire invented?

Two lawyers fighting over a penny.

;-)

Someone renovated the church with wire mesh floors.

Well, I guess it *is* holey ground....

A wire just fell from the ceiling

I was shocked when the electrician couldn’t fix it.

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A rural farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady.

He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing do...

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One day an old man is sitting in his porch when a young boy walks by holding some chicken wire

He tells out “What’re you gonna do with that?” The boy replies “Ima catch me some chicken” The man thinks to himself “That can’t be right”. Well about 2 hours later though, the boy comes back with a bunch of chickens tangled in the wire. The next day the man is on his porch and he sees the boy with ...

A Rottweiler, a Cavalier and a Wire Fox Terrier died

A Rottweiler, a Cavalier and a Wire Fox Terrier died and are standing in front of God at the entrance to the Kingdom of Heaven

God asks all three, what they believe in?

The Rottweiler says: "I believe in discipline, training and loyalty to my owner." "Good," says God, "take a se...

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Wire brush and Dettol

HRH Anne, the Princess Royal, is visiting the regiment of which she is Colonel-in-Chief and goes on a tour of the base hospital. She sees a patient in one bed and goes over to him, and he turns red and tries to hide beneath the bedspread; but the Princess is having none of this and says to the RSM e...

The Wire Brush

An Army officer decides to inspect soldiers recovering in one of the field hospitals he commands. He marches into one of the tents, goes up to the first private he sees and barks, "What's your affliction, private?"

Standing at attention, "Venereal warts, SIR!"

He then asks, "And what ...

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A farmer separated the bulls and cows to prepare them for the mating season a few days later

He built a wall with barbed wires on top.*

*A young bull could not resist his temptations and wanted to mate a cow.*

*Other bulls told him there was one veteran consultant bull amongst them that could help.*

*The bull went to him and asked how to cross the wall to the cows.*...

Why do birds always congregate on power wires?

So they can hang out with their friends online.

A teacher asks her students a simple math question…

“There are 3 birds on a wire, one gets shot, how many are left?”

Little Johnny raises his hand, “there are none left, once the one bird was shot the other two flew away ”

Teacher tells Johnny he is wrong, but she likes the way he thinks.

Johnny then inquired, “may I ask you a qu...

What did the tech geek say when he tripped over his computer wire?

Ow that megahertz!

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The Thin Swiss Wire

A crew of Swiss engineerers was tasked by their government to create a wire as thin as possible. The project took months, years to finish, but at last, they succeeded. They produced a piece of extremely thin wire. It was so thin that they could not even measure how thin it actually was. Not only tha...

A farmer's wire fence was broken, so he put new wood into the ground and ran wire across it.

This is a repost.

Mom never told me I shouldn't touch electric wires

Imagine my shock when I got grounded!

Why was the high wire artist denied insurance?

Outstanding balance.

You child is playing with wires and is getting electrocuted, what can you do?

Ground him until he can conduct himself properly.

First word in title should be "your"

So I walked past a wired fence today

Somebody from behind shouted: "Be careful, it might be electrified! If you touch it, you will get the shock of a lifetime!"

I looked the person dead in the eye and without hesitation, I grabbed the fence to prove them wrong

My mother, who was walking next me then told me I was adopted

What do you call a piece of charcoal at the end of a wire?

An amateur electrician

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Tom's scrotum

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium.

She said, "I have a praise.

Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pai...

Why are wires addicted to electricity?

They can't resist.

Why should we make shoelaces out of earphone/headphones wires?

Cause they would tie themselves.

I heard wired connections are faster...

So I poured some coffee on my router and now it's even slower...Do I need another java update?

An electrician was shocked by a live wire when he was asked why...

He said he couldn't resist.

Yesterday was my first day on the job defusing bombs, and I had to cut some wires

Turns out, I’m colorblind

What is the difference between a priest and a wire coat hanger?

According to the church only one of them harms children.

Did you hear about the guy with copper wire?

Apparently he got arrested for misconduct.

Three engineers were discussing who created the human body.

The mechanical engineer said “Clearly it was a mechanical engineer. Look at all the joints, levers and moving parts.”

“No” said the electrical engineer, “Look at the wired central nervous system and brain to process everything.”

The civil engineer said “You are both wrong. It was a civ...

A team of British archaeologists dug to a depth of 15 feet and found an intricate network of copper wires.

From this, the team concluded that the Britain was advanced enough to have telephone connections in their cities 150 years ago.

In response to this, American archaeologists started their own expedition. They dug up to a depth of 20 feet and found an even more expansive network of copper wires...

The police raided my house and found dynamite, wire and a detonator with a plunger

Eyes welling with tears, I begged, “PLEASE don’t press charges!”

You guys should try touching a live wire.

What happens next will shock you.

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Three boys with some chicken-wire...

walk down the street and pass an old man on his porch.

The old-timer asks "What are you boys doing with so much chicken-wire?"

One of the boys exclaims "We're gonna catch some chickens!"

The old man scoffs and tells them "you can't catch chickens with chicken-wire, that's not ho...

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A general inspects his troops

A rough old general has heard about a unit with the reputation of being filled with the toughest soldiers around and decides to see for himself.

After reviewing the troops he decides to go to the medical tent to meet the soldiers who weren't at the parade.

The general gets to the first...

How do you induce a current in a wire by counting to 10?

By mathematical induction.

What did Denzel say to the thick wire entering his house’s circuit breakers box ?

Mah main...!!

Jesus is watching you

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, "Jesus knows you're here."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.
...

It's black and hangs on a wire?

A bad electrician!

A Mexican electrician accidentally touched a live wire.

He suffered a Corona discharge.

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My friend met a prostitute who connected battery wires to his testicles.

I said, “Holy shit! How much did she charge you?”

I have some wire frames and a curved lens.

Is that anything to make a spectacle of?

Three bird on a wire

A teacher asks her class, "If there are three birds perched on a wire and a hunter shoots one, how many will be left."

Timmy raises his hand and answers, "There won't be any left. The one will be dead, and the other two will have been scared off by the noise of the rifle."

The teacher...

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What is a high wire walker, and a guy getting a blow job from a 100 year old woman both thinking?

Whatever you do, don't look down.

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A priest goes to see his Bishop and asks if he would hear his confession

“Of course,” the Bishop said and took out his rosary. “And what do you have to confess?”

“Well Your Grace I used profane language,” the priest says, shifting a bit in obvious embarrassment.

“I understand,” the Bishop says. “And under what circumstance did you use the profanity?”...

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A little know tale of the Legendary duo of King Akbar and his witty Minister Birbal.

So, King Akbar's daughter had reached the marriageable age. As was the custom at the time a competition was held to choose the right groom for her. The task was to pole vault over a 10 feet wall topped with barbed wire.

All eligible princes' were invited to the event, but no one was successfu...

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A farmer gets on a wagon with chicken wire...

"Why does your wagon have chicken wire?", a man asks.

The farmer replies "I'm hunting chickens, so chicken wire will attract them".

The man gives him a look and says "that's not how it works."

The farmer leaves anyway.

He comes back with a wagon full of chickens.

T...

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It was Friday night. Frank, Jim and Ed were at the game ready to watch 26 infected zombie girls tear each other to pieces.

Tied around the inside of the arena, the infected girls are labelled A-Z, with fresh meat tied to their backs to entice them to fight. The winner is the last one standing.

Over 50,000 spectators watch from the stands behind a wire fence, betting slips in hand and eager for the fight to begin....

What is black and smokes and is attached to electrical wires?

A bad electrician

Did you hear about the BuzzFeed employee who peed on an exposed wire?

Number 1 shocked him.

In the 1950's people were worried about having their homes wire-tapped.

People today are are saying, Hey wire-tap what will the weather be like tomorrow?

What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence?

Udder Destruction.

I swear this joke is funnier in person.
Try it, trust me.
Panty dropper for sure.

Look at this wire! Is has so obviously been tapped!

Sorry Mr President, we call that a landline sir.

A man touched a bare wire to see what would happen. What happened next shocked him.

He remained unharmed.

Two wires at sea

Two wires were on an ocean cruise when the ship sprung a leak and sank. The solid core wire managed to climb into a lifeboat and head to safety.

The other was stranded.

Even though I have an Engineering degree and I’ve re-wired my house to add updated lighting...

People are typically shocked when they find out I’m not a good electrician.

Paddy finds a sandwich with 2 red wires stickin out of it...

He phones the bomb squad... "jesus, I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a feckin bomb"...

The operator asks "Is it tickin?" ...Paddy says "No, I tink it's beef!"

I thought I’d surprise my girlfriend and re-wire the toaster.

She was shocked.

An electrician's son removed one wire from each of his father's power plugs.

His father asks him furiously: Why did you do that? What's wrong with you?

Son: Nothing, dad. It's just a phase.

Father: You're grounded.

A man and his wife are sitting down to dinner.

A man and his wife are sitting down to dinner.

“Ringling Brothers is coming to town this week,” she said. “The poster says they have a dancing bear. I always wanted to see one of those.”

“Maybe next year,” says the man. “Work’s really busy this week.”

The next night at dinner, t...

My dad told me this is why different branches of the military have so much trouble communicating.

They all have different vocabulary. For instance; "Secure that building."

Tell a marine that and he'll go kill everyone inside.

Tell a soldier and he'll put up razor wire, sandbags, and machine gun nests.

Tell a sailor and he'll go in and close and lock all the windows and door...

Joke my dad liked

Poppa bird, Momma bird, and Baby bird were sitting on a wire one Autumn morning when Poppa bird says, “My instincts tell me it’s time to fly south.”

Momma bird chirps in, “My instincts are also telling me it’s time to fly south.”

Baby bird looks at them confused and says, “Well my end ...

A woman hits up a guy in a bar

They go to her apartment and make out. Then out of nowhere, the guy starts kissing her neck, softly at first, and then it bursts into a wild ride of biting and sucking, driving her into depths of pleasure she has never had. The guy seems to be pretty experienced, choking her and then stroking her ne...

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