Jumper Cable Jokes

He walks up to the bartender and says "I'll have a beer." The bartender says, "Ok but I dont want you starting anything."

The bouncer says, "We have a dress policy where ties are mandatory for men, and you are just wearing a shirt that's open at the collar. So sorry, I can't let you in."

So the man returns to his vehicle, to see if he has a tie anywhere. Sadly, he doesn't, but while looking, he notices a set o... read more

The bent nail goes up to the bar and orders a round of shots for him and his buddies.

"I can't serve you." Says the bartender.

"Why not?" Asked the nail with frustration in his voice.

The bartender responds: "Because you look hammered and your friends look like they are trying... read more

The bouncer was letting everybody in front of them in but when they get to the velvet rope the bouncer says: “Sorry fellas, I can’t let you in.”

Feeling dejected the sunglasses said “Why not?”

The bouncer replies “Well for a start, you’re off your head and your mate here looks like... read more

and says to the bartender "gimmie a drink buddy."
The bartender looks him up and down and says, "alright, I will give you one drink. But you better not start something!"

The maître d' says

"I'll let ya in, but don't start anything."

If someone in a Home Depot store
Offers you assistance and they don't work there,
You may live in Canada .

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
You may live in Canada .

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation
With someone who dialed a wrong number,... read more

On Father's day they handed out jumper cables. I kept quiet, because I drive an electric car, and didn't want to start anything.

The host explains that the restaurant has a dress code, and men at minimum need to be wearing a tie. The man says, "Okay." and walks back out to his car to see if he has a tie in his back seat from the work week. He's looking and looking and can't find one. He pops the trunk and even searches in the... read more

When it starts beating you with jumper cables.

The bouncer turns him away saying he needs to wear a tie or something around his neck.

The man walks back to his car and comes back a few minutes later with some jumper cables around his neck.

The bouncer reluctantly lets him in saying, "alright, but don't start anything"

The man goes into the fancy restaurant and have a discussion with the host:

**Host** Sir, you cannot come in here with out a belt. We have standards.

The man goes out to his car and puts on a belt fashioned out of some rope. He goes back in.

**Host** Alright.... I guess you ha... read more

The dock hand says, “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t let you dine here today. This establishment has a necktie policy, and you are not wearing one.”

“Of course I don’t have a tie on,” replied the sailor, “I’m on a boat!”

“Well, go down below and put one on,” said the dock hand.

“I d... read more

Bouncer is all like you need a jacket and tie to get in here bud. I know I've got a jacket in the car but no tie.Putting on the jacket I notice my nice new pair of jumper cables so I think ah what the hell and tie them around my neck.Go back up to the doors ask if I can go in now? Bouncer looks me u... read more

I was called out to help a woman whose car wouldn't start. Used jumper cables to hook it up to my truck, started right up.

Woman: "Thank you so much, is there a charge?"

Me: "Just your battery."

There was a lady suing her husband for abuse. Eventually she went crazy and tried to kill him via electrocution with some jumper cables, but it didn't work.
While the woman was on trial for his murder, she pleaded self-defence and explained how her had been beaten her. They had the husband on th... read more

A brain and a jumper cable walked up to the bar, "I'm sorry , I can't serve you guys " said the barman,
Why? said the brain,

You're outta youre head and he is going to start something.

And the bouncer stops him,
"You can't come in sir, you need to have a tie."
"I don't even own a tie!" The man exclaimed.
"Well you'll have to get one if you want to get in." The bouncer replied.
The man shrugged and went back to his car. After thinking a while, he took the jumper cables ... read more

What do you call a cool mushroom?...A fun guy!!!

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

A guy walks into a restaurant, and takes a seat. Acr... read more

The 20 Worst Jokes Ever!

1.Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.


2.A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve You, but don't start anything."


3.Two peanuts walk into a ba... read more