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Young Timmy rushed out on Christmas morning

Young Timmy rushed out on Christmas morning, anticipating that he'd be getting a new Nintendo Console this year.

"Surprise!" shouted his parents. "We know you wanted video games, but we think you need to get outdoors more. We got you this set of fishing gear! Unfortunately, it was rather expe...

Son: Father, can I go outdoors with no clothes on?

Father: Naked.

3 kangaroos walk into a bar

"Why in the world are there 3 kangaroos in the bar" says the bar tender

The kangaroos then wreak havoc on the bar as they are wild animals and belong outdoors where they can do wild animal things.

A wealthy lawyer spent four weeks every year in his luxury treehouse in the hills.

Every summer, he invited one of his friends to stay with him for a couple of days. One summer he invited a Czech friend to visit him. They spent a wonderful time there, getting up early every morning and enjoying the great outdoors.
One morning, as they were picking some berries for their breakfa...

Why are programmers no fans of the outdoors?

There are too many bugs

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I don't think I could handle making love outdoors.

I heard its fucking in tents.

Sorry.

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After a series of city-wide riots, the mayor of Los Angeles imposed the harshest curfew ever: anyone outdoors after 10 pm will be shot on sight!

On the very first night of the curfew, a cop shot a black kid dead at 9:45. The police chief dragged the cop in for questioning.

"What the hell you doing shooting a guy before the curfew even started!?"

"Sir, I know where that guy lives. He never would have made it home in time!"

My 7 year old's first comeback line

My son has asd and though he loves to read jokes and tries to understand why they are funny, introducing wit to him has been difficult. It was more of a surprise than a joke but here goes.

We recently moved to India and my wife is missing outdoors and Europe and today she said - oh I really w...

What did the German janitor say when asked if his 11 AM appointment was outdoors?

Nein! Eleven was an inside job.

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During his physical examination, a doctor asked a man about his physical activity level.

He described a typical day this way:


"Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain.
I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles.
I got sand in my shoes and my eyes.
I avoided standing on a snake....

A man is severely depressed.

Joke:

His wife left him, took the kids and due to all the stress and pressure in his personal life, his work performance took a dive and he was fired. Without a job, he lost his home, his possessions and whatever was left of his dignity and hope. He decided to end his miserable life.

...

At a crowded garden party.

So, a couple years back, I was at a pretty fancy outdoors party. It seemed like the whole town was there. But the atmosphere was nice, and the local band played some good music, so I enjoyed myself.

I thought I'd like a nice cold beer in the warm weather, so I went over to the bar. As I appro...

Being seduced by the younger sister

So apparently this guy was engaged to a beautiful woman. He got along well with her family but he could not deny that her younger sister was drop-dead gorgeous and he felt a strong attraction to her. A week before the wedding, he gets a mysterious phone call from the sister asking him to come over...

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Why do black people wear hoodies more than white people?

Black people wear them outdoors, on the streets while white people wear them indoors at their weekly meetings.

My Lord, the Savior

One afternoon a little boy was playing outdoors. He used his mother's broom as a horse and had a wonderful time until it was getting dark.
He left the broom on the back porch. His mother was cleaning up the kitchen when she realized that her broom was missing. She asked the little boy about the b...

Two men go hunting in the forest.

They are walking along with their guns and enjoying the outdoors when one man suddenly collapses. His friend grabs him to see what’s wrong, but he won’t move. He knows something is wrong and calls 911. The man shouts frantically into the phone, “My buddy just collapsed! He isn’t moving and I think h...

In light of the rising frequency of human and bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field...

They advise that outdoors men wear noisy little bells on their clothing, so as not to startle bears that aren’t expecting them.

They also advise outdoors men to carry pepper spray with them, in case of an encounter with a bear.

It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bea...

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A daughter’s prayers

A father is listening to his daughter say her night time prayers.

"God bless mummy, god bless daddy, god bless grandma, goodbye grandpa."

The father thinks "huh, wierd" and goes to bed thinking nothing of it. the next day he receives a phone call that his father has died. Slightly cree...

So, a little old lady loves her cat very much...

So, this little old lady loves her cat, Mr. Tibbers. Tibbers was an old cat, but still spry, and loved going outdoors and roaming around for hours on end.
Then, one day, he got run over by a truck.
Well. Half of him got run over by a truck, leaving his back end behind.
This little old lady...

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Jim and his Jolly Cattle Ranchers.

Jim had been a rancher for most of his adult life, it's only thing he was ever good at.


On Sunday evenings, Jim would head on down to the local bar to meet up with other cattle ranchers in the area and shoot the breeze. On such an evening, Jim was in the middle of an animated discussion ...

Manyard Begley, a wealthy patent lawyer, had a lovely summer house in rural maine.

Manyard Begley, a wealthy patent lawyer, had a lovely summer house in rural maine. Each year, he invited a different friend to spend a week or two with him.

One year, he decided to invite a friend from the Czech Republic. The two friends had an amazing time together, rising early and going h...

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