UPJOKE
isaac newtondynensir isaac newtonrussellfranciscambridgelincolnwallacewarwicksmithcampbellfranklinmooreharris

Newton Jokes

Isaac Newton: *slaps roof of car*

Car roof: *slaps Isaac Newton*

What does grades and Newton's apple have in common?

They both fall to make people study

Isaac Newton liked them thicc

He said "The greater the mass, the greater the force of attraction."

Sir Isaac Newton was sitting under an apple tree pondering as to why things always fell to the ground…

And then it hit him.

Sir Isaac Newton walks into his office…

And says.. ..I like them thicc af.

…But Sir, we can’t say that!

Sir Isaac Newton: Then say this “ The greater the mass, the greater the force of attraction.”

Sir Isaac Newton was completely WRONG about apples

They don't fall to the ground because of gravity.

It's natural selection.

Trees that produce apples that fall upwards don't have offspring

Einstein, Newton and Pascal play hide and seek together

Einstein, Newton and Pascal play hide and seek together.

It's Einstein's turn to count, and he closes his eyes. After counting to 10, Pascal runs away and hides.

Newton, on the other hand, very calmly draws a square on the ground, 1 meter on each side, in front of the place that Einste...

Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.

Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.

Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He’s sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.

Einstein says “Newton, you’re terrible, I’ve f...

I suppose we should have seen the Newton-Leibniz conflict coming.

Calculus has always been derivative

Isaac Newton: "Gravity exists"

*drops mic*

What would you call Isaac Newton if he were a dog?

Isaac Snooton

Einstein, Newton and Pascal...

... were playing hide and seek. Einstein started counting so Pascal ran off to hide, but Newton simply drew a square on the floor and stepped in it. Einstein shouted "Ha, found you!", to which Newton simply replied "Nope, 1 Newton per square metre, you found Pascal!"

One day, Einstein, Newton and Pascal decided to play Hide & Seek...

Einstein volunteered to be "it".

As Einstein closed his eyes and counted to 100, Pascal ran away and hid, but Newton stood right in front of Einstein and drew a one meter by one meter square on the ground around him.

When Einstein opened his eyes, he immediately saw Newton and said "I ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Newton died a virgin! Today, I have one upped him

by being alive

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Isaac Newton died a virgin, which means I have a one up on one of history's greatest scientists

Because I'm not dead.

Newton's third law of Emotion.

For every male action, there is a female overreaction.

Einstein, Heisenberg, Pascal and Newton are playing hide and seek

Einstein covers his eyes and begins counting. While Heisenberg and Pascal run off and hide, Newton takes out some chalk and marks a square on the ground, then sits down inside the square.

When Einstein is finished counting and sees Newton sitting on the ground, he yells, "Ha, I've found you, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

why did newton die a virgin

Because he wasn't integrals (into girls) (he invented calculus)

Archimedes had his bath (buoyancy). Newton had his apple (gravity). Poincaré had his...

Hairy balls

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are hanging out one afternoon.

Einstein is bored, so he suggests, "Let's play hide-and-seek. I'll be it!"

The others agree, so Einstein begins counting. "One... Two... Three..."

Pascal runs off right away to find a place to hide.

But Newton merely takes out a piece of chalk and draws a 1 meter x 1 meter squar...

Newton [Long]

A man called Newton goes to a Chinese restaurant. He orders some fortune cookies. When they arrive, he opens one and sees what's in it. Only one word is written:

*Newton*

Newton raises his eyes in a mixture of confusion and surprise. How the hell did that coincidence happen? Why was hi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Isaac Newton died a virgin

The man who discovered gravity didnt even go down

I'm going to name my unborn son "Newton"

He's going to be an absolute unit!

Newton pushed against our understanding of science and math

But science and math pushed back

Why did people hate talking to Newton?

Because he approached each conversation with too much gravity

Sir Isaac Newton dies

Everybody: ma

Newton, Einstein and Pascal meet in Heaven.

They’re bored, so Einstein suggests they play hide and seek. Einstein starts counting to 10. Pascal runs to find a good hiding spot, Newton on the other hand stays in place. He draws a 1 meter by 1 meter square with chalk on the ground and stands in it. Einstein finished counting, turns around, noti...

Einstein, Tesla, Newton, and Pascal are all playing Hide 'N Seek

It is Einstein's turn to be it. So he covers his eyes and slowly counts to 20.

Tesla climbs up a tree, Pascal jumps behind a bush, and Newton stands right where he is and draws a 1m x 1m square around him.

"...eighteen, nineteen, twenty! Ready or not, here I come!" exclaims Einstein....

Newton walks into strip club

He met a girl ,calculated the tangent to her curve.

One day , the scientists decided to play hide and seek. When the seeker started to count , everybody but Newton went hiding. Newton drew a square 1m each side right behind the seeker and stepped into it. The seeker found him immediately and declared "Newton, Newton". But Newton refused to lose.

He said: This square covered an area of 1m2. I'm a Newton on 1m2. So I'm Pascal.

Newton: I've discovered calculus(1664).

Leibneiz: I've discovered calculus(1670s) Newton: Really? Seems derivative.

An apple falls on Isaac Newton's head

He shakes his fist at the sky and says, "There should be a law!"

"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.." - Newton's Law

"Shredded cabbage and carrot make a great salad." - Cole's Law

Isaac Newton in court

"He hit me equally as hard back your honor!"

What would Newton be called if he ever went into space?

New, since the concept of weight does not exist in space.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

Repost.

What does Cam Newton have in common with a Fig Newton?

They are both soft and crumble under pressure.

Newton.

But where is Oldton?

A professor and his student were discussing Newtons Laws of motion...

They were having a conversation of momentum.

Einstein and Newton are in a bar...

...Einstein says to Newton, "I've found mathematically that as an object travels faster and faster, it experiences time lower and is squished in the direction parallel to the velocity, when viewed from a stationary perspective."

Newton replies "Interesting. Well, do go on."

Einstein ex...

Given Isaac Newton's links to the slave trade,

perhaps we ought to abolish gravity.

It would be a weight off his shoulders.

A friend of mine thinks that Isaac Newton is joke and was never born.

I told him that Newton was very important for inventing the laws of motion and calculus (which I wish he never had). He still didn't get how important he is in history. I guess he didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

What is Isaac Newton's favorite TV show?

Gravity Falls

Why didn't Newton discover group theory?

The reasom is because he wasn't Abel

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal play hide-and-seek

Einstein decides to be the seeker and begins counting. Pascal immediately runs to a closet and hides inside. Newton doesn't run or try to hide. Instead he takes some tape, makes a box on the ground, and steps inside. Einstein finishes counting and turns around to see Newton standing like an idiot....

Did you know that Isaac Newton was actually Canadian?

He had to have been. He proved that F=M, eh.

An apple fell on newton. It was then he realized

He could not afford a stand

Why is Newton the most alcoholic scientist ?

Because there are 10 N/cm² in a bar.

Albert Einstein, Issac Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek...

They play rock-paper-scissors to choose the seeker. A. Einstein is left so he has to be te seeker. He starts counting down from 10.

Pascal hides in a bush bearby, but Newton remains in plain sight. He draws a square with an area of 1m^2 and stays in it.

Einstein's countdown ends. 3.......

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Newton is dead virgin

All his life he studied the laws of attraction, without understanding the gravity of his situation

What would be Issac Newton's job if he were alive today?

An Apple Store genius.

newton's law

john:bro, do you know newton's third law ? ?

david: i'm a science student, not a law student !!

Newton's 4th Law

A student in bed will remain in bed unless acted upon by a large enough panic

Why didn't Isaac Newton drink wine?

He knew better than to drink and derive.

Newton walks into a bar

The bar walks into Newton

Wayne Gretzky, Wayne Newton, and Wayne Brady are all chasing after you. Which one is going to catch you first?

I don't know, but they are gonna get ya, one Wayne or another.

if Newton heard someone suggest his corpse could move without an external force acting upon it...

...he would roll over in his grave.

Newton, Pascal and Einstein go to play hide and seek...

Newton, Pascal and Einstein go to play hide and seek. Einstein became the seeker, so Newton and Pascal ran to find their hiding spots. Einstein finished counting and went to search. He saw Newton still lingering around.

Einstein: "You're it!"

Newton: "No. I am Newton who is upon a 1 m^...

If Isaac Newton were alive today.

I think his favorite song would have been "Fat bottomed girls", by Queen.

He was the type of guy who could appreciate being attracted to large masses.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend told me I was smart enough to be the next Isaac Newton...

Well Newton died a lonely virgin so clearly I'm doing something right

Archimedes, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek.

It's Arcimedes' turn to seek and so he starts counting down.

Pascal quickly runs off to some bushes nearby.

Newton starts walking, stops thinks for a while and them draws a large rectangle around himself in the dirt.

The time is up and Archimedes turns around: "Found you, Newton...

Why did Newton invent calculus?

He wanted to test his limits.

Why do Jedi like Newton's 3rd law?

Because its about balancing the force.

How did Isaac Newton formalize calculus?

He went out on a lim.

You're It!

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide-and-seek. It’s Einstein’s turn to be it, so he closes his eyes and starts counting, “Eins, zwei, drei…” Pascal runs off and hides under a big bush. Newton runs over to a nearby driveway, takes out some chalk, and draws a box around him that is one meter ...

Why didn't Isaac Newton dodge the apple?

He didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

Why did the U.S send Cam Newton to North Korea?

So he could overthrow Kim Jong-Un

Scientists Play Hide-and-Seek

All the great scientists throughout history are brought together for a game of hide and seek. They draw straws and Einstein is "it" first. He starts counting back from 100 as all the other great minds run hither and thither looking to hide. Newton runs over to the bushes but Heisenberg is already ...

So everyone is appreciating Newton for inventing gravity...

...well, I don't. We could've all been flying now if it wasn't for that goddamn apple.

Why do I think Sir Isaac Newton was such a chill guy?

I don't know, he just seemed pretty down-to-Earth to me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Newton, Galileo, and Pascal walk into a bar...

They sit down at a table and order drinks, the server tells them it will be a few minutes.

Newton suggests playing a game while they wait.

Pascal says, "how about hide and seek?"

Galileo agrees excitedly, "you two go hide, I will stay here and count to ten."
He closes his ey...

What happened when Isaac Newton met the apple?

He found the apple was a surprisingly down-to-Earth kinda guy.

Issac Newton is the reason i'm tired in the morning...

...since an object at rest tends to stay at rest.

Also, because it's too damn early this think about physics.

Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton and Blaise Pascal were playing hide and seek in heaven..

It was Einstein's turn to find them.

Pascal went and hide behind the bushes.

But Newton just stood on a 1M *1M tile..

Einstein came out and shouted "Newton, you are out!"

Newton replied " No, actually you are out, as I am Pascal"

Einstein: "Elaborate..."

"As...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Newton's penis say, after seeing a nude girl on the beach?

Fuck your law of gravity, I am going up.

Einstein, Newton and Darwin are having a small argument.

Newton, a bit annoyed, says "Guys, I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation".

Einstein replies, "I think I do relatively understand it."

On which Darwin says, "Please don't let this evolve into a big fight, aight?"

Do you know who Newton is?

A mother asks little Johnny "do you know who Newton is?"

Little Johnny replies "no"

She says "if you paid attention in school, you would know who he is"

Little Johnny says "do you know who Candy is?"

Mom says "no"

Little Johnny says "if you paid attention to d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was a little kid my father told me that I'm gonna be like Isaac Newton

How the fuck did he know that I'm gonna die virgin?

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.