Isaac Newton: "Gravity exists"

*drops mic*

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Isaac Newton died a virgin

The man who discovered gravity didnt even go down

Given Isaac Newton's links to the slave trade,

perhaps we ought to abolish gravity.

It would be a weight off his shoulders.

Me : what do you study? She : I'm science Student. Me : Can i ask a question? She : ask. Me : what is Newton's 3rd law?

She : Listen, im a science student not a law student.

Einstein, Newton & Pascal are playing hide and seek.

Einstein starts counting "1...2...3..." and Pascal immediately runs away to hide. Instead of hiding Newton knees down and draws a square of one meter side length. Then he steps inside of it. Einstein finishes counting and turns around. He instantly yells "Newton I have found you!" But Newton replies...

Newton pushed against our understanding of science and math

But science and math pushed back

Did you know that Isaac Newton was actually Canadian?

He had to have been. He proved that F=M, eh.

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal decide to play hide-and-seek. Einstein is "It," closes his eyes, counts to 10, and then opens them.

Pascal is nowhere to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a box drawn on the ground, a meter to one side.

Einstein says, "Newton, you're terrible, I've found you!"

Newton says, "No no, no. You've found one Newton per...

I'm going to name my unborn son "Newton"

He's going to be an absolute unit!

A teacher asked a student," Tell me the 1st Law of Newton"

"I don't remember the whole line, just the last part"

"Ok tell the last part"

"... and this is called the 1st Law of Newton

Newton, Einstein and Pascal meet in Heaven.

They’re bored, so Einstein suggests they play hide and seek. Einstein starts counting to 10. Pascal runs to find a good hiding spot, Newton on the other hand stays in place. He draws a 1 meter by 1 meter square with chalk on the ground and stands in it. Einstein finished counting, turns around, noti...

Why did people hate talking to Newton?

Because he approached each conversation with too much gravity

An apple falls on Isaac Newton's head

He shakes his fist at the sky and says, "There should be a law!"

Newton walks into strip club

He met a girl ,calculated the tangent to her curve.

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Isaac Newton died a virgin.

That means I have one up on history's greatest scientific genius.

Because I'm not dead.

Newton: I've discovered calculus(1664).

Leibneiz: I've discovered calculus(1670s) Newton: Really? Seems derivative.

Isaac Newton: *slaps roof of car*

Car roof: *slaps Isaac Newton*

Newton, Pascal and Tesla were playing hide and go seek.

For the first round, Tesla was the seeker. He began counting to 100 and Pascal scurried off to find somewhere to hide.
However, Newton simply drew a square on the ground and stepped into it.

When Tesla finished counting he opened his eyes to see Newton standing in front of him, not even at...

Albert Einstein, Blaise Pascal, and Isaac Newton decided to play a game of hide and seek.

Einstein covers his eyes and starts counting.

Pascal runs off to hide but Newton takes a chalk and marks a 1m×1m square on the floor and stands in it.

"Ready or not, here I come!" Einstein exclaims while he opens his eyes. He sees Newton standing out in the open and says "Haha,...

Newton, Pascal and Einstein go to play hide and seek...

Newton, Pascal and Einstein go to play hide and seek. Einstein became the seeker, so Newton and Pascal ran to find their hiding spots. Einstein finished counting and went to search. He saw Newton still lingering around.

Einstein: "You're it!"

Newton: "No. I am Newton who is upon a 1 m^...

Archimedes, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek.

It's Arcimedes' turn to seek and so he starts counting down.

Pascal quickly runs off to some bushes nearby.

Newton starts walking, stops thinks for a while and them draws a large rectangle around himself in the dirt.

The time is up and Archimedes turns around: "Found you, Newton...

Albert Einstein, Sir Isaac Newton, and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek.

Einstein is it, so he closes his eyes and starts to count. Pascal runs off to hide, but Newton doesn't budge. Right in front of Einstein he bends down and scratches a box in the dirt, one meter on a side. The he just stands there, right in the middle of the box.

Einstein opens his eyes and sa...

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When I was a little kid my father told me that I'm gonna be like Isaac Newton

How the fuck did he know that I'm gonna die virgin?

Isaac Newton would be spinning in his grave

But gravity won't let him

Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton and Blaise Pascal were playing hide and seek in heaven..

It was Einstein's turn to find them.

Pascal went and hide behind the bushes.

But Newton just stood on a 1M *1M tile..

Einstein came out and shouted "Newton, you are out!"

Newton replied " No, actually you are out, as I am Pascal"

Einstein: "Elaborate..."


Why is Newton the most alcoholic scientist ?

Because there are 10 N/cm² in a bar.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and go seek.

lt’s Einstein’s turn to count so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten. Pascal runs off and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square on the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it.

Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes. He sees Newton immediately ...

Newton [Long]

A man called Newton goes to a Chinese restaurant. He orders some fortune cookies. When they arrive, he opens one and sees what's in it. Only one word is written:


Newton raises his eyes in a mixture of confusion and surprise. How the hell did that coincidence happen? Why was hi...

An apple fell on newton. It was then he realized

He could not afford a stand

When asked about the greatest of all his amazing accomplishments, Sir Isaac Newton cited the discovery of gravity.

He said it helped him keep his feet on the ground.

Sir Isaac Newton dies

Everybody: ma

Einstein and Newton are in a bar...

...Einstein says to Newton, "I've found mathematically that as an object travels faster and faster, it experiences time lower and is squished in the direction parallel to the velocity, when viewed from a stationary perspective."

Newton replies "Interesting. Well, do go on."

Einstein ex...

What would Newton be called if he ever went into space?

New, since the concept of weight does not exist in space.

What is Isaac Newton's favorite TV show?

Gravity Falls

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What did Newton's penis say, after seeing a nude girl on the beach?

Fuck your law of gravity, I am going up.

Wayne Gretzky, Wayne Newton, and Wayne Brady are all chasing after you. Which one is going to catch you first?

I don't know, but they are gonna get ya, one Wayne or another.

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What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.


Albert Einstein, Issac Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek...

They play rock-paper-scissors to choose the seeker. A. Einstein is left so he has to be te seeker. He starts counting down from 10.

Pascal hides in a bush bearby, but Newton remains in plain sight. He draws a square with an area of 1m^2 and stays in it.

Einstein's countdown ends. 3.......

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are hanging out one afternoon...

Einstein is bored, so he suggests a game of hide and seek and pretends to be "It". The others agree, so Einstein begins counting, "One...Two...Three.."

Pascal runs off right away to find a place to hide. But Newton merely takes out a piece of chalk and draws a mid sized square. He finishes an...

You’ve heard of Newton’s Law and Murphy’s Law, but do you know what Cole’s Law is?

Thinly sliced cabbage

You’ve heard of Newton’s Laws but have you heard of Cole’s Law?

It’s really tasty, it goes well with salad.

Isaac Newton in court

"He hit me equally as hard back your honor!"

Why did the U.S send Cam Newton to North Korea?

So he could overthrow Kim Jong-Un

Newton's third law of Emotion.

For every male action, there is a female overreaction.

if Newton heard someone suggest his corpse could move without an external force acting upon it...

...he would roll over in his grave.

One day , the scientists decided to play hide and seek. When the seeker started to count , everybody but Newton went hiding. Newton drew a square 1m each side right behind the seeker and stepped into it. The seeker found him immediately and declared "Newton, Newton". But Newton refused to lose.

He said: This square covered an area of 1m2. I'm a Newton on 1m2. So I'm Pascal.

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Why do the Laws of Physics in fast and furious universe not exist?

Newton wasn't a virgin and a physicist in that universe. He had a family.

Why do Jedi like Newton's 3rd law?

Because its about balancing the force.

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Newton is dead virgin

All his life he studied the laws of attraction, without understanding the gravity of his situation

Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, Werner Heisenberg, Georg Ohm, Galileo Galilei, Max Planck, and Louis de Broglie were carpooling to work...

...when they got pulled over for speeding. However, when the police officer tried to ask them how fast they were going, he couldn't get a straight answer, and the group was so rowdy that they had to be brought in for questioning.

So all 7 of them are taken to the police station, and individua...

Issac Newton is the reason i'm tired in the morning...

...since an object at rest tends to stay at rest.

Also, because it's too damn early this think about physics.

One day, Einstein, Newton, and Pascal meet up and decide to play a game of hide and seek...

Einstein volunteered to be “It.” As Einstein counted, eyes closed, to 100, Pascal ran away and hid, but Newton stood right in front of Einstein and drew a one meter by one meter square on the floor around himself. When Einstein opened his eyes, he immediately saw Newton and said “I found you Newton,...

Newton walks into a bar

The bar walks into Newton

"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.." - Newton's Law

"Shredded cabbage and carrot make a great salad." - Cole's Law

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My friend told me I was smart enough to be the next Isaac Newton...

Well Newton died a lonely virgin so clearly I'm doing something right

Why do I think Sir Isaac Newton was such a chill guy?

I don't know, he just seemed pretty down-to-Earth to me.

Newton's 4th Law

A student in bed will remain in bed unless acted upon by a large enough panic

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Newton, Galileo, and Pascal walk into a bar...

They sit down at a table and order drinks, the server tells them it will be a few minutes.

Newton suggests playing a game while they wait.

Pascal says, "how about hide and seek?"

Galileo agrees excitedly, "you two go hide, I will stay here and count to ten."
He closes his ey...

Why didn't Isaac Newton dodge the apple?

He didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

What does Cam Newton have in common with a Fig Newton?

They are both soft and crumble under pressure.

Why didn't Isaac Newton drink wine?

He knew better than to drink and derive.

What happened when Isaac Newton met the apple?

He found the apple was a surprisingly down-to-Earth kinda guy.

Why did Newton invent calculus?

He wanted to test his limits.

How did Isaac Newton formalize calculus?

He went out on a lim.

If you have semi good knowledge of science this might be funny to you.

Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein and Blaise Pascal were playing hide and seek. Albert was seeking, Newton and Pascal were hiding. When Albert goes out to seek he finds Isaac outside where he has drawn a square around himself. Albert asks Newton "What kind of hiding place is that Newton?" and Newton rep...

Einstein, Tesla, Newton, and Pascal are all playing Hide 'N Seek

It is Einstein's turn to be it. So he covers his eyes and slowly counts to 20.

Tesla climbs up a tree, Pascal jumps behind a bush, and Newton stands right where he is and draws a 1m x 1m square around him.

"...eighteen, nineteen, twenty! Ready or not, here I come!" exclaims Einstein....

Einstein, Newton and Darwin are having a small argument.

Newton, a bit annoyed, says "Guys, I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation".

Einstein replies, "I think I do relatively understand it."

On which Darwin says, "Please don't let this evolve into a big fight, aight?"

So everyone is appreciating Newton for inventing gravity...

...well, I don't. We could've all been flying now if it wasn't for that goddamn apple.

The Pythagorean Theorem, Newton's Third Law and Bernoulli's Principle walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "I'm not going to get this joke aren't I?"

Who was the first Jedi?

Isaac Newton, he's the one who discovered the Force.

Why can Einstein rank only 2nd among all physics?

Newton's first law

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