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Viruses Jokes

Viruses can mutate over time. Take Covid for example...

It started as a pandemic illness and turned into an IQ test.

I can't believe that viruses and bacteria would just invade my body without a permission.

That makes me sick

A virus walks into a bar, and sits down. The bartender tells him, "We don't serve your kind here."

The virus is momentarily taken aback by this unexpected and blatant display of bigotry, the likes of which he's only seen in history textbooks.

For a brief moment, he considers the bartender. What kind of life experiences would shape someone into such a pathetic piece of garbage? What happene...

Why are bacteria better than viruses?

Because viruses don't have culture

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told a girl my dick was like a computer

She asked if that was because it had loads of RAM and a big hard drive.

Oh, the surprise she got when she found out it was microsoft and full of viruses.

I got jokes about viruses

However, I'm afraid you might spread it.

I just started a YouTube channel about viruses.

I guess you could say I’m a real influenz-er

New viruses

Coming to a hard drive near you, the worst computer viruses yet: AT&T Virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you’re getting. MCI Virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T virus. Paul Revere Virus: Warns of impending hard disk attac...

Who names these viruses?

Yes

They say that if enough Antarctic ice melts more and more viruses will emerge...

I guess that means COVID is only the tip of the iceberg!

Joke my 8 year old son made up. Where do viruses come from?

Germany

I figured out why President Trump thinks he doesn’t have to wear a mask to protect himself from viruses.

Somebody told him he had diplomatic immunity.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Celebrity Computer Viruses

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer.

Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.<...

Why didn't the other viruses hang out with The Common Cold?

Because he is a bad influenza

On the subject of Macs and viruses...

I was just having a conversation with someone who is about to buy a Mac.

I was against it and an argument started.

I said there were too few people supporting the Mac.

He responded, "When was the last time you heard of a virus on a Mac?"

And I said "See, even people wh...

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