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Infected Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

US President Donald Trump tested and was not infected by the Corona virus. Experts from the Robert Koch Institute are not surprised.

The virus has been shown to affect lungs, not assholes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was Friday night. Frank, Jim and Ed were at the game ready to watch 26 infected zombie girls tear each other to pieces.

Tied around the inside of the arena, the infected girls are labelled A-Z, with fresh meat tied to their backs to entice them to fight. The winner is the last one standing.

Over 50,000 spectators watch from the stands behind a wire fence, betting slips in hand and eager for the fight to begin....

A man infected with Covid19 walks into a bar and infects everyone

He spread positivity.

The W.H.O officially announced that dogs cannot get infected by the Coronavirus. Therefore, dogs can basically leave quarantine.

So, i guess you could say.... W.H.O let the dogs out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There were three POWs together in a British prison in the Second World War, a German, a Japanese, and an Italian.

The British began by torturing the German. After long hours of silence infected by bloodcurdling screams, he talked, and was sent back to the prison, ashamed. He told the others what he had done and urged them to be stronger than he was.

They next began torturing the Japanese man. Through all...

I just found out my grandparents got infected.

I can’t believe it honestly. I told them to use protection and stuff but they wouldn’t listen and now the whole care homes got it. Oh well at least it’s easy to treat chlamydia now a days.

Just found out my grandma has been infected

I knew I should have used protection!

The Coronavirus infects you very quickly

The first person who had it was infected right off the bat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apparently I'm going to hell because I infected the Donkey next door.

They said I must not COVID my neighbor's ass.

What's worse than infected soil in the greenhouse?

A global warming denier in the White House.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Japanese man say when he got infected by coronavirus

CORONANI ??!!

How can you tell if someone's infected with the coronavirus?

They have a lime wedge sticking out of the top of their head

What do you call a frat house infected with coronavirus?

Brovid-19

Good news, you can't get infected if you don't have a license

It's only a Car-ownavirus.

Unfortunately men are still getting infected even when they abide by social distancing

That's because six feet to them is in reality 5'8"

My old doctor said he could tell if someone was infected with HIV with just a stethoscope...

Because they’re useful hearing AIDS

A bacteria mom, once, took her infected son to the doctor.

The doctor said, "He's going through a phage..."

What do they call it when your eye is infected with COVID-19?

Corona-Iris. I'll see myself out.

A Man Vacations in Spain

While he's there, he decides to get a tattoo to remember the trip by. Just his luck, though, the tattoo get infected. The local who has been showing him around notices the next day and offers to lend a hand.

"I know a guy who specializes in this exact thing," the local says. "He's a friend of...

It is now recommended that high risk groups take mud baths when infected with COVID-19.

It won't save you, but it will help you get used to the feeling of the dirt.

Fighting COVID-19 by contact tracing and quarantining those with connections to infected people means that...

Poor Kevin Bacon never gets to leave his home.

My computer is infected with the Miley Cyrus virus.

It has stopped twerking.

Did you hear about the rapper who infected everyone with an autoimmune disease?

It was a lupus fiasco.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joke about infected penis

A man who appear to have no arms stands outside a public toilet for a long time.

A man uses the toilet notices him, and asks why is he standing there. He says he wants to pee, but the lack of hands is preventing him.

He decides to relieve the armless dudes plight, and helps him. He unz...

With over 1,000,000 people infected with coronavirus in the US, I’m beginning to fear for my own life

Thank god I live in America.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A homeless wino went into the doctors office for an infected foot...

The doctor treated the injury, but before letting him go, he asked his patient to stay for a small demonstration.

The doctor brought out a tray, which held a bowl of worms, and two glasses - one full of milk, the other of whiskey.

The doctor set the glasses on the table and told the wi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A former maths professor turned dentist shaved my infected tooth down into a single thin line...

I asked him, "What the hell is this?"

He replied, "A square root canal."

Scientists have recently discovered a virus that increases the apathy of those infected.

No one seems to care.

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