This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

US President Donald Trump tested and was not infected by the Corona virus. Experts from the Robert Koch Institute are not surprised.

The virus has been shown to affect lungs, not assholes.

My old doctor said he could tell if someone was infected with HIV with just a stethoscope...

Because they’re useful hearing AIDS

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Japanese man say when he got infected by coronavirus

CORONANI ??!!

The W.H.O officially announced that dogs cannot get infected by the Coronavirus. Therefore, dogs can basically leave quarantine.

So, i guess you could say.... W.H.O let the dogs out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apparently I'm going to hell because I infected the Donkey next door.

They said I must not COVID my neighbor's ass.

It is now recommended that high risk groups take mud baths when infected with COVID-19.

It won't save you, but it will help you get used to the feeling of the dirt.

With over 1,000,000 people infected with coronavirus in the US, I’m beginning to fear for my own life

Thank god I live in America.

Just found out my grandma has been infected

I knew I should have used protection!

Unfortunately men are still getting infected even when they abide by social distancing

That's because six feet to them is in reality 5'8"

Fighting COVID-19 by contact tracing and quarantining those with connections to infected people means that...

Poor Kevin Bacon never gets to leave his home.

I bought a car recently that was infected with disease

Now I have car owner virus.

Good news, you can't get infected if you don't have a license

It's only a Car-ownavirus.

The Coronavirus infects you very quickly

The first person who had it was infected right off the bat.

If a local Panda Express was infected by COVID-19...

It would be known as "Pandemic Express"

What do they call it when your eye is infected with COVID-19?

Corona-Iris. I'll see myself out.

Why can't Trump get infected by coronavirus?

Because he has presidential immunity!

What do you call a frat house infected with coronavirus?

Brovid-19

How can you tell if someone's infected with the coronavirus?

They have a lime wedge sticking out of the top of their head

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was Friday night. Frank, Jim and Ed were at the game ready to watch 26 infected zombie girls tear each other to pieces.

Tied around the inside of the arena, the infected girls are labelled A-Z, with fresh meat tied to their backs to entice them to fight. The winner is the last one standing.

Over 50,000 spectators watch from the stands behind a wire fence, betting slips in hand and eager for the fight to begin....

Have you hear about the new Canadian strain of Covid-19?

Most people infected are eh symptomatic.

Did you hear about the virus that only infected children's computers?

Yeah I thought it was just a pdf-file.

Daily Covid-19 check

At 7 p.m. open the whiskey bottle and smell it.

If you can smell, you are not infected.

Then pour it in in a glass tumbler.

Taste it. if you can feel the taste, you are not infected.

\~ Dr Johnny Walker

What's worse than infected soil in the greenhouse?

A global warming denier in the White House.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A former maths professor turned dentist shaved my infected tooth down into a single thin line...

I asked him, "What the hell is this?"

He replied, "A square root canal."

A bacteria mom, once, took her infected son to the doctor.

The doctor said, "He's going through a phage..."

Knock knock

Who's there?

Ach.

Ach who?

You're not infected, are you?

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