UPJOKE
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Corona Virus Jokes

All countries will get the corona virus eventually...

China just got it right off the bat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

US President Donald Trump tested and was not infected by the Corona virus. Experts from the Robert Koch Institute are not surprised.

The virus has been shown to affect lungs, not assholes.

I’m gonna tell you a joke about corona virus...

You have to wait 2 weeks to see if you get it!

I recently bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus...

It’s nothing flashy, but it fits the bill

What goes well with Corona Virus?

Lime Disease.

Corona Beer sales falter amid Corona virus crisis

Guess their viral marketing strategy failed.

I tried to make a corona virus joke last year.

Nobody laughed at the time, but eventually everyone got it.

This Corona virus is a blessing

My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere.

She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China.

she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds.

she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed.

Best thing that has ever happened in my life.

A girl I’m hitting on just caught the Corona virus

I might have a chance now, as she’s lost all her taste...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

With the recent spike in sex toy purchases because of corona virus, I can only draw one conclusion.

The virus is literally making us go fuck ourselves.

We switched from corona virus to the Third World War..

..which idiot changed from zombie mode to multiplayer?

I gave the woman next door the Corona virus The husband was fuming, and I feel morally guilty

it goes against what I've been taught.

Thou shall no COVID the neighbors wife..

The spread of Corona Virus is based on 2 factors:

1. How dense the population is.

2. How dense the population is.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between butter and the corona virus?

Corona actually spreads

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Corona Virus is like my virginity

My uncle has it.

(I know its not that funny but its 12:53 and it just popped into my head.)

Corona virus is much like pasta

Invented by the Chinese.

Spread by the Italians.

The Corona virus meets the Ebola virus. They start dating. One thing leads to another and the Corona virus bangs the Ebola virus.

Nine months later the Corolla virus is born.

Eminem is the first celebrity to be diagnosed with the corona virus

In a statement he said his palms were sweaty knees weak arms were heavy and presented to the emergency room the vomit on his sweater already .Later tests conclude it was in fact moms spaghetti

Corona Virus defeated

Breaking news from China :” No death cases of corona virus reported in China for 3 days and only 5 new infections, all communist part officials”

In totally unrelated news ;” a surge in suicides in China reported , all victims killed them self withe 2 bullets to the back of the head and hav...

This corona virus is a lot like my girlfriend....

It came for everyone else but me.

Corona virus update..

My house has never been so clean

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Corona Virus

Apparently the first member of this group has sadly died because of the coronavirus.

In their house they found 500 cans of assorted food, 100kg of pasta, 75kg of rice, 200 toilet rolls and 30L of hand sanitiser which he had panic bought from Tesco “just in case!”

The whole lot coll...

If Corona virus is just a beer virus..

Then it’s just a yeast infection!

I made a Corona virus joke the other day

People said it was tasteless.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Corona Virus and sex?

Most Redditors lack the social skills to get both.

Before Corona Virus

I used to cough to cover a fart, now I fart to cover a cough

What idiot called it "The Corona Virus"

When they missed a oppertunity to call it "The Kung Flu"

I'm quite worried about the corona virus...

It's got potential tequila lot of people.

Another preventable Corona virus death

Wife: Did I get fat during the quarantine?
Husband: You were never really skinny.

Time of Death: May 3,2020 9:51pm
Cause of Death: Corona virus

With Corona Virus spreading, I never thought our deaths will also be..

“Made in China”

I’m starting to think Corona Virus is a girlfriend

It explains how I’ve come in close contact three times, but never got it

During the corona virus lockdown I've lost 95kgs

I'm ganna miss the wife and kids

What do guns and corona virus have in common

They were both created in China now every American has one

So I think I have the corona virus.

One of the symptoms is a loss of taste, and for a brief moment I thought Justin Bieber was talented.

Due to the corona virus...

The 5 second rule has now been reduced to the 3 second rule.

The world health organization declared that dogs cannot contract the Corona virus.

All dogs held in quarantine have been released. So to clarify.... WHO let the dogs out.

What movie perfectly describes the corona virus?

No country for old men

Prince Charles contracts Corona Virus

All part of the coronation process

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Corona virus and sex NSFW

This coronavirus is really hurting my sex life. My foreplay game just isn’t the same since I can only use my elbows.

Corona Virus has spread to species of birds

It now infects bat man and robin

Scotland know the right way to deal with corona virus...

They’ve gone into full loch down.

Hey baby do you have the Corona virus?

Because I can’t stop looking achoo

How do we know the corona virus wasn't made in China?

Because we've had it for almost a year now and it's still working

How is Snoop Dogg combating the corona virus?

Bleeaoch!

The worst thing about the Corona Virus:

I have to start washing my hands again.

I'm not scared of the corona virus.

Since it's made in China, I don't expect it to be working for much longer. Looks good first, but falls apart after the first use.

My new Crush is the Corona virus

Now I’ll never get it!

Engineers at Intel accidentally stumble on vaccine for corona virus...

It’s a cure for Covid-18.98467432

Corona virus has reached the Arab peninsula

Time for a Qurantine

Abbot and Costello meet the Corona Virus

The World Health Organization says Corona is officially a pandemic.

Who says that?

Yes. 

Who said it's a pandemic?

That's right! They also said don't touch anyone.

Who? 

Anyone! 

I'm asking, WHO said don't touch anyone? 

Absolutely. And...

What happened when the Corona virus reached Neverland?

It started a Peter Pandemic.

Donald Trump has a virulent strain of Corona Virus

Covfefevid-19

What does Keanu Reeves and the corona virus have in common?

They’re both breathtaking.

No one in Antarctica has the Corona virus

Because they are so ice-o-lated


(actually seen this joke one of my buddies posted. Thought it was a good dad joke)

Mom when will the corona virus be over?

Mom: shut up and eat your toilet paper

You know who didn’t die from the corona virus?

Jeffery Epstein

Why is the US so afraid of the Corona Virus?

They can’t afford to get sick

If they close grocery stores because of corona virus...

...we will need to start hunting again, and I don't even know where burgers live.

Boris Johnson has just tested positive for corona virus.

He’s been placed on the new Dyson ventilator we are pleased to say he’s picking up nicely.

North Korea discovered a capsule that stops Corona Virus

45 ACP capsule

This corona virus is really pulling the country together.

I'm currently having a water fight with my neighbour who's a Manchester United fan. Just waiting for the kettle to boil.

I heard the British government is really worried about the Corona Virus,

The Prime Minister can hardly breathe.

I wanted to tell a joke about Corona Virus

It might become viral due to reposts

My wife is really worried about our upcoming cruise because of the Corona Virus.

I said, “Don’t worry. We are all on the same boat.”

What is the difference between corona virus and a dead man?

One is a coughing fit, and the other one fits a coffin.

What do you call an influencer with the corona virus...

An influenzer
But only if it goes viral...

As the world is encouraged to practise good hygiene in response to the Corona virus...

...the government gives a poignant demonstration by washing their hands of any responsibility.

A church decides that god will protect them from the Corona Virus

As a result, **they all agree that they should not wear masks**, because they trust god so much. Weeks later, they all are infected and die from the virus.

They go to heaven and ask god, **"why didn't you protect us?"**

God responded **"that's what the masks were for you dumbasses"**

Im Sick and Tired of talking about the corona virus

I just want to stay positive

China just released the name of the first man with Corona Virus

Ah Chu

At the pharmacy, I asked if they had anything that kills the corona virus.

She said "ammonia cleaner."
I said "Sorry, I thought you worked here."

Woke up with sweats afraid I'd contracted the corona virus...

Changed into jeans and was all good.

I think that China is lying about how many people died from corona virus

They always show the same person when there's new cases

I had an issue at the toilet due to the Corona Virus..

I had run out of toilet paper so I had to use socks..

dumb name for a hamster anyways.

With all this Corona virus going around, I'm really worried about Kevin Bacon.

He's always at most 6 degrees away from someone.

Everyone is freaking out about Tom Hanks having the Corona virus.

I'm just happy that we finally know what Jenny had.

ALERT‼️‼️‼️ The corona virus can be spread through money.

If you have any money at home, put on some gloves, put all the money in a plastic bag and put it outside the front door tonight.
I'm collecting all the plastic bags tonight for safety. Think of your health.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are people buying so much toilet paper for the corona virus

Because when one person sneezes, 100 people shit themselves

Don’t know why my fishing buddy is worried about getting the corona virus

He never catches anything!

The Legos stores have finally reopened in Europe after Corona virus,

People have literally been lining up for blocks!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Toilet paper sold out around the world due to Corona Virus

Seems like people can't handle this shit

if bats could talk what would they say about the corona virus?

Now you know how it feels to have your world turned upside down!

How does an Introverted hypochondriac feel during the Corona virus outbreak?

Validated.

Did you hear about the deaf lady that got corona virus?

Neither did she.

So people have been in a fuss over the Corona virus recently...

Why can’t we just call it alcoholism? Political correctness has gone too far, I tell you.

Did you here about the new movie coming out about the corona virus?

It’s directed by Tentin Quarantino.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The corona virus Might be a plus for my sex life!

I'm thinking of all those women who said "Maybe if you were the last man on earth ..."

Have you heard my joke about the Corona virus outbreak yet?

Eh... Nevermind. You probably won't get it.

So the James Bond release has been suspended due to Corona virus

Apparently there is time to die

finding out you have corona virus at an airport must suck.

Its a terminal illness.

What do the Russian gov't and Corona virus have in common?

They are both trying to influenza the election.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Israel Health minister who previously claimed that CORONA Virus is “divine punishment against homosexuality.”

Has tested positive for the virus!!!

The timing of the Corona Virus is perfect for St.Patrick’s Day

Because the cases keep Dublin.

A husband and wife went out shopping for essentials to avoid the corona virus.

After picking up a package of toilet paper, the husband glanced up and noticed another man walking towards them. The husband then shouted something incomprehensible , grabbed his wife by the arm and quickly ushered her into another aisle. The wife was upset as he had embarrassed her- everyone was l...

Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta

All because of a fusilli people

I was told that wearing a mask and gloves would be enough during the corona virus pandemic

but when I got to the store I was told that pants and a shirt were also required

Why Bill Gates should lead the team to find the Corona Virus cure?

He has been dealing with viruses since Windows 3.0

A foreign reporter asked a Beijing citizen for his opinion on the government's handling of the Corona virus

"I can't say"

I'm just a man with Corona Virus looking for a girl to complete me

Hopefully she has "Lyme Disease"

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