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Urinating Jokes

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A man has problems with urinating in one direction

This gentlemen was in a frightful state, bursting into the public lavatory sweating and groaning. Desperate to have a pee, he stands in the middle cubicle between two guys and let’s rip. The pee flies everywhere, up the walls, onto his shoes and all over the other guys who are disgusted and run out ...

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A fat man is urinating in public.

Another man approaches him, disgusted. "Look man, you can't do that here. Everybody can see your penis." "Wow!" is the fat man shocked. "Can you really see my penis?" "Yes, of course, we all can." explains the other man. "In that case please say hello to it for me, I haven't seen it in years."

I met someone online who shares my fetish for urinating on dried fruit...

Next week we're going to go on a date

An elephant saw a man urinating in the woods

The elephant asks to the man “ how are you able to drink if the trunk is that far down”

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I saw a man urinating in the street from my bedroom window.

"Impressive," I told him. "Now get the fuck out my house."

What did the American say to the German urinating in public?

European illegally!

"I saw a famous rapper urinating onto a gravestone."

"P. Diddy?"

"Yes, onto a gravestone."

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"

The a...

An erection doesn't stop you from urinating

It just makes it hard

Golf is like urinating in a public toilet

Golf is like urinating in a public toilet

1. Keep your back straight

2. knees bent.

3. Feet shoulder width apart.

4. Form a loose Grip

5. keep your head down

6. avoid a quick backswing

7. stay out of the water

8. try not to hit ...

What kind of beer does a Canadian drink while urinating?

An I pee ey!

A lifeguard asks a mother to scold her son for urinating in the public pool.

“It’s perfectly natural,” the mother says, “for young children to urinate in the pool. Plenty of children at this pool do it. I don’t see why my son doing it is such a big deal.”



The lifeguard pulls down his sunglasses and replies, “Well, all the other kids aren’t doing it off the div...

My dwarf friend went for a stroll, urinating all the way.

Long walk of a short pee-er.

I got a $900 fine and a month of community service for urinating in public...

If you ask me it was a harsh punishment for only a wee crime.

I'll see myself out.

What does a pirate say when he's urinating in a sea filled with dead men?

R.I.P







Hehehehe im sorry pls don't hurt me

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I've got this condition where I can't tell if I'm having an orgasm or urinating.

I'm not sure if I'm coming or going.

Why can't you hear a pneumonia patient urinating?

Because 'P' is silent!

A cop catches a drunk urinating in public

A cop walks up to a drunk peeing out in public he then says "you know what your doing is illegal right?" to which the man replies with "so?" Noticing the man is heavily intoxicated the cop asks "Sir do you know who I am?" The drunk replies with an apathetic "No" fed up the cop says "Sir you're obvio...

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Every time I'm excited for sex, my boyfriend ruins the mood by urinating on me

He really pisses me off.

I've been watching you urinate in the pool..

Lifeguard: I’ve been watching you, Mr. Jones, and you’ll have to stop urinating in the pool.
Mr. Jones: But everybody urinates in the pool.
Lifeguard: From the diving board?

Police officer approaches a drunk man urinating on the street late at night and said.

"Sir, you'll have to accompany me to the police station" the drunk guy responded with a grunt "Jeez! You became a police officer, and still afraid of walking in the dark? Okay I'll walk you home, but don't tell anyone"

What do you call a Frenchman urinating in a German's bathroom?

A Euro-pean

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