A Husband and Wife are in church listening to a very long and drawn out sermon

After quite a bit of time, the wife gets tired and dozes off. The husband notices this and goes to poke her with his finger to wake her up. At the same time, the priest asks a question to the audience.

"Who freed the slaves from Egypt?"

"GOD" Exclaimed the wife to the husband, very ir...

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[NSFW] Three men get lost in a city.

Not knowing what else they could do, they decide to book rooms for the night at the closest hotel. They ask the receptionist for any available rooms they could rent, and the receptionist informs them that there was only one room with a queen-sized bed left for them.

The men decide that bunki...

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Mrs. Parker and Baroness Von Hildebrand

There's this woman, let's call her Mrs. Parker. She is on a flight from Frankfurt to London. She's tired, she's had a long day. She gets on the plane, goes to her seat in economy class, window seat. She makes herself comfortable and tries to get some sleep.

Another woman comes and sits next ...

The new 3D tv I bought is super realistic!

I dozed off while watching a documentary on the Catholic Church and when I woke up the house smelled of incense and my 7 year-old son was missing.

A man needed a horse, so he went to a temple and got one.

Before he left, the priest told him that it was a special horse. In order to make the horse go, you say, "Thank God," and for it to stop you say, "Amen." So the man left, and a few minutes later he dozed off on his horse. Hours later, he woke up and his horse was racing him towards the edge of a cli...

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I didn't make this 4 years ago. This might not be the worst joke. I'm posting again for the ones who read the original by the original poster...this is my version to pay homage

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-known porn star, and the other is a lazy ass. Lazy ass doesn't have a job and just likes to sit around the house. One Sunday, the porn star is angry and thirsty. He decides to make the brother do something useful....

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Sex competition

An Englishman and a Spaniard are in a bar in Amsterdam at midnight when they start bragging to each other about their sexual escapades. After several minutes of back and forth, the Englishman challenges the Spaniard to a contest.
"We'll go to the nearest brothel and see how many times we can shag...

A businessman sits next to a blonde on a plane...

It's going to be a long flight so he turns to her and tries to make small talk, but she ignores him best she can. After trying several times, he finally says "It's going to be a long flight, we may as well get to know one another. Why don't we play a game?" She seems uninterested, so he makes it mor...

Don't Fall Asleep in Church

A man who went to church with his wife always fell asleep during the sermon. The wife decided to do something about this. One Sunday, she took a long hatpin with her to poke him with every time he would doze off. As the preacher got to a part in the sermon where he shouted out, "And who created all ...

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On old couple in a nursing home enjoy each other's company...

They live opposite of each other and every weeknight the man calls her over to watch Wheel of Fortune. The old lady puts her hand down his pants as they watch TV and the two enjoy the show and her simply holding his dick. This was nice. One evening, the man doesn't call over to the woman... "He m...

Mary is sitting in Sunday school...

She had a long night, so she was dozing off. The teacher asks "Who is the creator of the world and all its creatures?"

A kid sitting behind Mary starts poking her with a pencil. She wakes up and turns around and yells "My GOD!"

The teacher says she is correct and Mary dozes off again....

A man named Martin is lost in the desert and came upon an oasis.

Upon stumbling into camp and drinking hastily from the well, the sheik of the oasis steps out of the largest tent and orders his guards to arrest him. The sheik explains that Martin has drunk from the precious little water left to the oasis and can either fight to the death with the sheik or dig and...

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(Oldie) A city boy goes to visit his grandfather's farm in the country.

A he was walking along the fields, he noticed something very odd—a pig, sitting under a tree, with a peg leg. Later, as he was eating dinner, he asked his grandpa:
"Hey, why does that pig out in the fields have a peg leg?"
"Oh, Old Jim?" his father replied. "Well, that's a very special pig....

Anti Sleep Treatment

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be abl...

The longest joke in the world

From: http://longestjokeintheworld.com/

So, there's a man crawling through the desert.

He'd decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a big rock, and then he couldn't get it started again....

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Susan at Bible Shool

Susan was a good little Christian girl, but one Saturday night, she stayed up way to late. So when Sunday rolled around and it came time for Sunday School, she finally forced herself to go. Upon her arrival she figured it wasn't all that important as it was the same lesson from 3 weeks ago. She doze...

Last night of Lovin

After his annual checkup, Bob learns that he has a rare disease and 12 hours to live. His wife tearfully says, "Honey, I'm going to give you a night you'll never forget."

They make passionate love with an ardor they haven't felt in years. When they're done, Bob asks his wife, "Can we do it ag...

A priest and a nun are out in the countryside...

A priest and a nun are out in the countryside making visits and doing good works. The day wanes and it begins to get dark. The priest, being the kind father he is, begins to look for a house that can take the two of them in for the night. Up the road, in the dim light, he sees a small house. As he a...

A Tale of Two Fleas

A flea had oiled up his little flea legs and his little flea arms, had spread out his blanket, and was proceeding to soak up the Miami sun, when who should stumble by on the beach but an old flea friend of his.

“Oscar, what happened to you?” asked the flea, because Oscar looked terrible, wra...

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Wake up!

A man and his wife are laying in bed. Their window is wide open and just as hes about to doze off Someone yells through the window "Wake up! Someones fucking your wife!" Startled, he opens his eyes and looks over at his wife who is sound asleep. He thinks "who said that?" looks out the window but se...

Two ants meet in the south for the winter to keep warm...

...and one is cold and shivering on when he arrives. "that will be the last time I ride to Florida in the moustache of a man on a motorcycle, I'm freezing!"


The other ant says "Just do what I do, hitch a ride between the legs of a beautiful woman. It's the warmest way to travel."
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