Q: Why was two piece swimsuit invented?

A: To separate the hairy from the dairy.

I just saw a car being driven by a sheep in a swimsuit

It was a Lamb Bikini

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A widowed Jewish lady was sunbathing on a beach in Fort Myers, Florida.

She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand next to hers and began reading a book. Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir, how are you today?"

"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.
...

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A man is stranded on a desert island for 10 years…

One day he sees a beautiful woman in a swimsuit come ashore.

She says to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you had a drink?"

He replies "Ten years" and with that she reveals a bottle of whiskey from within her swimsuit, which the man starts drinking from.

She then asks, ...

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Tom walks on the street

Tom walks on the street and sees an old friend in a hurry with his hands full of books.

"Hey Dave. Long time no see. Where are you going with all those books?"

"I just enrolled in a university and I'm going home to study."

"And what are you studying?"

"Logic"

"Logi...

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Another married couple was on vacation in Jamaica

Richard and Wendy were newlyweds, on their honeymoon in Jamaica. They were sitting on the beach in front of their small bungalow near Kingston.

"I barely remember last night, Wendy," said Richard, sipping his dark and stormy, "It was all a blur. What did I... and why does my..."

"Well,...

I won a swimsuit contest the other day

I ate 57 swimsuits

What kind of swimsuit do you wear to the zoo?

Zuchini

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A blonde married to a guy

They have been living pretty well. But there is one thing keeps bothering the blonde. Her husband never bring her to the beach or pool.

One day on the bed, the blonde finally brings this up to her husband.

"Honey, why do you never bring me to the beach? Or the swimming pool? Is that be...

A man is trying to pick up women at the beach...

And he’s not having too much luck. He sees that the lifeguard is very successful with charming the ladies, so he goes up to the lifeguard and asks, “what’s your secret?”

The lifeguard takes pity on him, so he tells him, “look, don’t tell anyone, but I take a potato and place it into my swimsu...

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Ms. Nugent, a retired widow went to the beach wearing a bra and thong.

Her husband had died a few years back and after years of mourning she decided it was time to get back in the game. And what better way than to go to the beach in a racy, sexy swimsuit to snag a man. In her youth, this plan never seemed to fail although in that time, they didn't have thongs.

A...

Two guys go to the beach for the weekend.

The first guy, Donnie, is getting looks from girls all day long, while Jimmy is ignored. Jimmy is completely blown away by this. They are both about the same size, with similar features. How could Donnie be so much more attractive. They could barely walk anywhere without some hot blonde in a bikini ...

Sicilian reasoning

One lovely summer an italian couple go on holiday to Sicily with their two kids. They park their car close to the seaside, unload their swimsuits, towels and buckets and happily walk to the beach. As they sit down on the sand, Giorgio (dad) suddenly remembers that he left his sunglasses in the car...

German Heaven and Hell

During Dante's journey through Heaven, Beatrice leads him to a circle of Heaven and tells him: "This is German heaven. You can only enter if you are guided by a German. This is why Gutenberg will guide you there". Gutenberg shows Dante German heaven – a big factory, where good Germans work hard. "If...

Embarrassing Trip to the Local Swimming Pool

A young lady was swimming at a swimming pool and was having a great time burning calories and keeping fit.

To her horror, she found that her swimsuit had torn open at the bottom leaving her lady bits exposed.

Using her hands to cover up her modesty, she stealthily exited the pool by t...

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A man gets stranded on a desert island

A man gets stranded on a desert island with a dog and a pig. He finds fruit, catches fish and builds himself a shelter. Slowly he begins to adjust to his new life and situation and regain his strength.
However after three weeks he suddenly gets the horn, a burning raging horn inside him and he k...

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