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I am doing a bra giveaway.

Send me pics of your boobs and I'll see if I have something that fits you.

What size bra did Euclid's wife wear?

A because he only worked with flat surfaces

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How much can you fit in a triple D bra?

Large quantitties

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What religion is your bra??

A man walked into then ladies department and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said,
“I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.”

'”What type of bra?”, asked the clerk.
“Type?”, inquires the man, “There's more than one type?”

“Look around”, said the saleslady, as she sh...

A man and his best buddy are driving around. The best buddy finally says "Listen I gotta ask, how long have you been wearing that bra?"

The man, frowning, responds "Ever since my wife found it under that seat you're in".

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I walked into my sister’s room and tripped on a bra....

.... it was a booby trap

My wife always keeps a little photo of me in her bra.

She says she'll show it to people if I ever cheat on her.

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If a woman's bra is an "Over-the-Shoulder-Boulder-Holder" and a man's underwear is an "Under-the-Butt-Nut-Hut"...

Then does that make a woman's panties a "Below-the-Patch-Snatch-Hatch?"

What are the three similarities to a bar and a bra

1- there are multiple cup sizes
2- they give you milk
3- men prefer to be in them then out of them

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My wife hides her diary in the bra drawer.

She knows I'll never open it because it's full of booby traps.

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A woman goes into a shop and asks for a maternity Bra.

The assistant asks, "What Bust?".


She says, "The fucking Condom!".

Why does Beyonce' not wear a push up bra?

She already has the biggest hits.

The first time I took a girl back to my apartment, she sighed and asked, “You don’t have much experience taking off bras, do you?”

I said, “What gave me away?”

She said, “The scissors, mostly.”

Two days before my wife's birthday I asked her what her bra size was.

"Ooh," she said. "Thinking of getting me a new one?"


I said, "No. I just wanted to see how they compared with your sister's."

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With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband…

“Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?”

“No,” said her husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 buttons of her blouse, slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.

He...

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

If you were looking for a punchline them im sorry to say but its in the title. Now i know this breaks the rules but for this specific joke to have the punchline separate just destroys the underlying potential humor.

My girlfriend was picking a bra to buy when I said "Bras dont suit you, your too flat"

My girlfiend then said "Well, you wear briefs right?"

Why did the bra shop have a low rating?

There were many complains about poor customer support

Why do nuns don't wear bras?

Because God supports everything.

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My wife left her bra on the floor of our bedroom. It almost killed me when I tripped over it this morning.

Stupid boobie traps.

What did the bra say to the hat?

You go on ahead, I’ll give these two a lift!

Hey girl, are you hiding opiates in your bra?

Because I see a Perky-Set.

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This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is.

All his professionallism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off...

I spent half an hour trying to take off my girlfriends bra. I gave up in the end.

I wish I never tried it on in the first place.

A dyslexic walked into a bra

He said “Hey, tastes this different”

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Car Battery and a Bra walk into a Bar...

Car Battery and a Bra, walk into a bar.
The Car battery asks the Barman “Two beers please mate for my partner and I”
The Barman looks at the Car Battery and Bra and refuses to serve them.
The car battery, looking confused asks why?
The Barman replies “ Because your friend is off her tit...

Did you hear about the failed bra business?

There was a lack of good customer support

New Doctor is doing rounds in a psychiatric ward [Long]

He comes across a patient who looks perfectly fine otherwise and starts talking to him casually

Doctor: so what do you want to do in your life ?
Patient: I just want to make myself a slingshot and hunt myself some swallows

Doctor thinks to himself maybe that’s what’s wrong with the ...

What’s the German word for “bra?”

Holdsemfromfloppin

A man walks into a bra

Lucky it was padded

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A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday

So shespends $ 15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32," is the reply. "Nope! I’m exactly 50," the woman says happ...

2 "walks into a bar" jokes

1. So A dislexic kid walks into a bra...

2. A peice of rope walks into a bar, the bartender says "we dont serve your kind here". The rope walks out of the bar and unties the knot on his head, he walks back in and the bartender asks, "are you the same rope that was in here a minute ago?" And...

A woman goes to the doctor and is asked to remove her bra and panties.

Woman: Why do I need to do that?

Doctor: The file says your future employer wants me to perform a complete physical exam on you.

Woman: Well, can I have a female nurse in here too, then?

Doctor: What for? They're all kind of busy right now.

Woman: Just so that I'm more co...

College girl visits the doctor for an exam...

Doctor: "Take off your blouse and bra."

So the girl complies and there is imprint of a T on her chest.

Doctor says: "What caused this?"

Girl: "Well my boyfriend goes to Texas University and likes to wear his letter jacket when we make love."

Doctor: "Ok you're finished, ...

What do you call a black and white bra?

Zebra

My wife bought a new bra, it's really hard to unhook.

I don't know why I put it on in the first place.

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So here I am hanging out around the house, not wearing a bra, when my husband comes up from behind and grabs my boobs...

"Just trying to support my wife"....

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

Either way he's getting at least two cups

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Why did the boobs not high five the bra?

Because it left them hanging.

Another bar joke but with a twist

A dyslexic guy walks into a bra

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra less.
One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she ...

My wife

My wife came into the bedroom and in a strict voice she said "take my blouse off", so I took her blouse off.

"Take my shoes off", I took her shoes off

"Remove my skirt", I removed her skirt.

"Take my stockings off", slowly I took her stockings off.

"Now remove my bra", I ...

How do you say 'bra' in German?

Das Schutzstopfempfrompflappen

What do you call a good fitting bra?

A girl's breast friend

What did the mermaid wear to her math class?

An algae bra.

Do you know what they call a bra in Germany?

Kepzemfromfloppin

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

When you open them they are half empty.

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A Brazilian and a German sit at a bar. The Brazilian says: “You crushed us 7:1 at the World Cup, let’s not talk about soccer, ok?”

Ger: No problem. So what do you wanna talk about? Sex?

Bra: Yeah sure.

Ger: Man, did we fuck you.

Victoria's Secret has launched a revolutionary new bra, "Croatia"

..it has lot's of support but no cup

What does a push up bra and a bag of chip have in common?

Once open, you realise they are half-empty

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I recall my first time with a condom, I must have been 16.

recall my first time with a condom, I must have been 16. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, "No, this ...

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The Queens Breasts

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.



Nick, the Dragon Slayer, obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try.



One day Nick revealed his secret ...

Mum, I'm already 14, can't I finally get a bra?!

NO Harold!

Best friends are like bras..

Close to your heart and there for support

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A white woman, an asian woman, and a black woman are seated next to each other on a plane...

The pilot announces that they've lost the engines and instructs the passengers to prepare for a crash landing. Panic erupts on the plane as it begins to rapidly descend. The white lady quickly gets out her purse and starts touching up her make-up. The other two women asked 'What are you doing?' t...

What do bras have in common with Martin Luther King??

Both focus on uplifting the downtrodden masses!!

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I went to wake up my parents and accidentally stepped on my moms bra.

It was a boobie trap

Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around the supermarket when they collide.

The old guy says to the young guy:

"Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

"That's okay," the young guy says. "It's a coincidence really because I'm looking for my wife, too."

"Well, maybe I can help you find her. W...

My wife is divorcing me because I refused to buy her some new bras.

Her attorney calls it “failure to support”.

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The story of my rugby career

I was sitting at the bar enjoying a drink to myself When next thing the door opened and in walked the most stunning woman I've ever laid eyes on. 5'11'' tall, stunning blue eyes, silky blonde hair, an hourglass figure.

Barely covered by a tiny mini skirt and a flimsy cotton top. I could see s...

An Economist went to a lingerie shop to buy a bra for his wife.

While he proudly announced to the Salesgirl that he is an Economist, he also confessed that only thing he knows about bra is 'how to unhook', and he really needed some expert help in making the purchase.



The Salesgirl asked, "Sir, you want a capitalistic, socialistic or democratic bra...

Two men walked into a bra

They get two cups and they don't have to pay.

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The Black Bra

Three lady friends had their weekly lunch together. One is engaged, one is a mistress and the third has been married for 20+ years. They were chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes....

The wife asked me to go out and get something for the pancakes.

She wasn't impressed when I came back with a bra.

Trying to make up for bad behavior, I went to the shopping mall to buy my wife a gift.

“I’d like to buy some gloves for my wife,” I say eyeing the attractive sales girl, “but I don’t know her size.”
“Will this help?” she asked sweetly, placing her hands in the gloves.
“Oh, yes,” I answered. “Her hands are just slightly smaller than yours.”
“Will there be anything else?” the ...

Her: "Undress me with your words."

Him: "There's a spider in your bra."

If women are fighting for equal rights...

Then why, as a man, do I get judged when shopping for bras?

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A woman was arrested for murder. It was easy to find her because she left her bra at the scene and she had two different sized breasts. The bra was marked Exhibit “A”

Her tits were marked Exhibits “B” and “C”

How many south americans does it take to screw a light bulb

A Brazillion

Freddie goes to Macy's to buy a bra for his wife

At the counter, the saleswoman asks, "what's your wife's bra size?"
Freddie replies, "6 7/8"
Saleswoman says, "6 7/8? What kind of bra size is that?"
Freddie: I don't know, I measured them with my hat."

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Speed Dating

So this guy goes out for a date with his new girlfriend. They have a great time and decide to head back to hers, they jump into his sports car and zoom off. She lives out in the middle of nowhere up miles and miles of twisting, winding, country roads.

On the way she starts to get a little bit...

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The Duchess and the Butler.

The Duchess arrived home early having imbibed a little too much wine. When about to enter her bedroom she noticed her butler Jeeves down the hallway.


"Jeeves," she called, "Come here immediately," Yes Ma'am," answered Jeeves.

She sat on the bed and asked Jeeves to sit beside...

What does a magician have under their clothes

An Abracada-bra.

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A Newlywed Couple Waited for Marriage to Have Sex...

A couple wanted to wait to have sex until the night of their wedding. As the big day got closer the bride tells the groom she has a confession to make.

"I am as flat as a board. I'm sorry, I have been using the best padded bras on the market to make people believe I actually have breasts. I ...

Just had a big fight with my wife.

That woman fights for no reason at all. We were both excited and just about to make love. She removed her jeans and then her top. Then the fight started when I asked, "why are you wearing you sister's bra?"

About a wealthy man, his wife and their butler John

Wealthy man and his wife decided to go to a party. They planned on staying there for the night, so they gave the butler a day off.

Sadly, the wife wasn't pleased with the party so she decided to go home. When she arrives, she saw John in the dining room. She took him to the sleeping room, an...

A blind man and a girl

A blind man and a girl was making out. The man’s hand wandered in the girl’s bra and touched her nipples. Suddenly the blind man took the bra off and sucked her nipples real hard.

Moaning the girl asked - how did you know it was begging to get sucked.

The blind man replied - oh! I know...

Husband: I don’t know why you wear a bra, you’ve got nothing to put in it?



Wife: You wear briefs, don’t you?

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Two boobs were hanging around without a bra. What did the one boob say to the other boob?

If we don't get some support, people we'll think were nuts!

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Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

Snow White, while living among the dwarves, had come to puberty. This did not go unnoticed by the dwarves. Being the little perverts they are, they decided to climb on each other's shoulders outside her window to peep on her changing. The one on top would then whisper the one below what he sees, who...

A zebra and a giraffe have a kid...

...and named him Al. Al is really good at maths. What species is he?




An Al-ge-bra

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It's B.B. King's Birthday...

His wife wants to do something special for him, so she goes to a tattoo parlor. She gets a "B" one the left ass cheek and another "B" on the right.
She waits for BB to get home wearing a silky bra and panties. When he walks in his wife stands in front of him and says "Happy Birthday Baby" the...

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What do teddies bears use to make their boobs seem larger ?

A plush-up bra.

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During the summer I bought two six packs of beer that was on sale

During the summer I bought two six packs of beer that was on sale. I placed them on the front seat of the car and headed back home.

I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous, almost blonde, was filling up her car at the next pump.

It was very warm and she was wearing ...

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One morning while making breakfast

a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on the butt and said, "If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose." While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent.


The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said...

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The Loan

Bob lent Bill $1000. Today Bill arrives at Bob's door. It's 10 am on a Saturday. Bob's wife answers wearing only a bra and panties. Bill looks her up and down and says, if you drop your top I will give you $250 in cash. She pauses for a moment to think it through and whips it off. Bill counts out ...

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Have you ever wondered why letters are used to define bra sizes?

{A} Almost Boobs.
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain.
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen
and I can't get up!

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A Chinese man enters a Jew's lingerie store...

-I want 20 black bras size 85 D.

The Jew:

-Of course, but black is rare color, so their price is 15$ for each one.

-It does not matter,

said the Chinese,

-I'll pay.

He took the purchase and left. After a week the Chinese returns again.

-I want 30 bl...

Question: What's AAAA?

Answer: A couple of female gymnasts' bra cup sizes.

What do mathematician mermaids wear?

Algae-bras!

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A scientist from Texas A&M

A scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.


After a news conference announcing the invention, a large group of men took the scientist outside...

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