What does the bra say to the hat?

You go on a head, I'll give these two a lift.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bra, car battery and some jumper cables walk into a bar..

The car battery and jumper cables go find a seat while the bra asks the bartender for 3 beers. The bartender replies, "I'm not serving you! You're obviously off your tits and your two mates look like they're about to start something."

Your mum is like a bra,

Close to your heart and there for support

Why don't nuns wear bras?

Because god supports everything

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A woman walks into a doctor's office and takes off her shirt and bra, revealing an H-shaped rash. "Can you fix this rash?" asked the woman.

"Where did you get this rash?" asked the doctor. "My boyfriend is such a proud Harvard graduate, he insists on wearing his Harvard shirt when we have sex."

The doctor gives the woman a prescription for her rash, and the woman leaves.

Then another woman walks into the office and takes...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

She sexily unbuttons her shirt, removes her bra, pushes him down and placed his hand on her bare chest.

"$100. Just $100 and I'll do anything you want."
His eyes glow bright: "Anything?"
"Anything." She whispers into his ears.
Excited, he springs up, pulls out his wallet, gives her 5 brand new $20 bills and says: "Here is $100! Now give me $500!"

My wife came into the bedroom & said "Take off my bra"......

So I took her bra off.

She then said "Take off my panties"

So I took her panties off.

She then said "Stop wearing my underwear!!"

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Why should no one sleep while wearing a Bra?

Because it is a booby trap

I like my bra sizes like I like my wrestlers

Triple H

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I'm doing a free Bra give away.

Send me a picture of your tits and I'll see if there's something that fits you.

I'm using a bra for a face mask.

I like to keep abreast of corona security measures.

I have started using the left cup of a bra as a face mask when going outside.

It's so I won't look like a right tit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I walked into our bedroom and stepped on my wife’s bra

It was a boobie trap

I‘ve been trying to open the bra of my girlfriend for 20 minutes now...

I wish I had never put it on.

I told my husband that I haven’t worn a bra since the stay-at-home order

He said, neither have I.

This is true and he cracked himself up. So I said that I will wear one again when this is all over. So he said, maybe he will too.

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If a woman's bra is an "Over-the-Shoulder-Boulder-Holder" and a man's underwear is an "Under-the-Butt-Nut-Hut"...

Then does that make a woman's panties a "Below-the-Patch-Snatch-Hatch?"

My wife always keeps a little photo of me in her bra.

She says she'll show it to people if I ever cheat on her.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are people cutting bras in half to make face masks now

Some of them look like right tits.

What cup size bra do striped horses wear?

A size Z-Bra!

What is the similarity between a bar and a bra ?

They both drive men crazy when they open.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How much can you fit in a triple D bra?

Large quantitties

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A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

’About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’

Now she’s...

What size bra did Euclid's wife wear?

A because he only worked with flat surfaces

Can you help me with my wife's bra fitting?

Sam goes into Macy's, to the lingerie department, and he says to the salesgirl, "My wife has sent me in for a Jewish bra, size 34B, and she said that you'd know what I meant."

The saleslady says, "Boy, it's been a long time since anybody's asked me for a Jewish bra. They usually ask me for a...

What do you call a white trash girl’s bra size?

Hickcups

A dyslexic man is walking around in a bra.

Not sure why he’s on our high school gym stage, though. Maybe he saw the sign saying “*Grad* Night”?

Facing the consequences

A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, “How long have you been wearing that bra?” The friend replies, “Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife hides her diary in the bra drawer.

She knows I'll never open it because it's full of booby traps.

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My wife left her bra on the floor of our bedroom. It almost killed me when I tripped over it this morning.

Stupid boobie traps.

Why does Beyonce' not wear a push up bra?

She already has the biggest hits.

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A woman goes into a shop and asks for a maternity Bra.

The assistant asks, "What Bust?".


She says, "The fucking Condom!".

"Mommy, buy me a bra"

"No"
"Come on, all my friends already have a bra!"
"No"
"I'm already 13 years old, buy me a bra!"
"Arthur, I said no."

The first time I took a girl back to my apartment, she sighed and asked, “You don’t have much experience taking off bras, do you?”

I said, “What gave me away?”

She said, “The scissors, mostly.”

I spent half an hour trying to take off my girlfriends bra. I gave up in the end.

I wish I never tried it on in the first place.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

If you were looking for a punchline them im sorry to say but its in the title. Now i know this breaks the rules but for this specific joke to have the punchline separate just destroys the underlying potential humor.

My girlfriend was picking a bra to buy when I said "Bras dont suit you, your too flat"

My girlfiend then said "Well, you wear briefs right?"

My wife bought a new bra, it's really hard to unhook.

I don't know why I put it on in the first place.

An old woman asks her younger neighbor :

"Could you go sunbathing to the garden without your bra again please?"

The neighbor asks :

"And why should I do that?"

Old woman answers :

"Oh, nothing great, I just need my husband to mow the lawn."

I remember my first time with a condom.

I was 13 so I went to buy a packet of condoms from the pharmacy. There was this beautiful assistant behind the counter and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me a package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I said no, so she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her th...

SHE: Undress me with your words...

HE: There's a spider in your bra.

A cow crossing a street sees a glove in ground. All ashamed and blushing goes:

Oh my god. Who's bra is this

NOTE: It's a dad joke but I didn't know how to make a #DadJoke label. So consider yourself warned.

So as predicted the economic crisis has hit my local area and all attention has turned to the hardship caused to small business. Its been a simply disastrous start to the week.....

Our bra manufacturer has gone bust.

The specialist in submersibles has gone under.

A dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers.

The suppliers of paper for origami enthusiasts has folded.

The Heinz factory has been canned as they couldn’t ketchup with orders.

A t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I THINK I’m In TROUBLE

I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license...
and all just because of a stupid police officer...
The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:

Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"

Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."...

Why did the bra shop have a low rating?

There were many complains about poor customer support

Did you hear about the failed bra business?

There was a lack of good customer support

ROSES & HANGING BASKETS

A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date wearing a see-through blouse and no bra.

Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!

The teenager said, 'Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!' and out she goe...

What's the German word for bra?

Keepsemfromfloppin

Two days before my wife's birthday I asked her what her bra size was.

"Ooh," she said. "Thinking of getting me a new one?"


I said, "No. I just wanted to see how they compared with your sister's."

How many people live in South America?

Bra-zillions

One sailor said to another, "Did you know that starfishes have mouths in the center of their bodies?"

"Yup," the other sailor nods, replying, "And mermaids use them as bras!"

What do you get when you push a female mathematician into a swamp?

Algae bra

What do mathematician mermaids wear?

Algae-bras

Hey girl, are you hiding opiates in your bra?

Because I see a Perky-Set.

Wife: My small money wallet got stolen today

Husband: OH NO! Didn’t you usually keep that in your bra?

Wife: Yeah but at the time I didn’t think he’d turn out to be a thief

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband and wife are at the table eating dinner.

The husband asks the wife, “Would you wear shoes if you didn’t have any feet?”

The wife, surprised by this weird question replied, “No, obviously not.”

The husband, expecting this answer from his wife cunningly asks, “Then why the fuck do you wear a bra?”

A woman goes to the doctor and is asked to remove her bra and panties.

Woman: Why do I need to do that?

Doctor: The file says your future employer wants me to perform a complete physical exam on you.

Woman: Well, can I have a female nurse in here too, then?

Doctor: What for? They're all kind of busy right now.

Woman: Just so that I'm more co...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband…

“Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?”

“No,” said her husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 buttons of her blouse, slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.

He...

Victoria's Secret has launched a revolutionary new bra, "Croatia"

..it has lot's of support but no cup

A man walks into a bra

Lucky it was padded

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

Either way he's getting at least two cups

If the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything:

Stamps = Lickie Stickie

Defibrillators = Hearty Starty

Bumble Bees = Fuzzy Buzzy

Pregnancy Test = Maybe Baby

Bra = Breastie Nestie

Fork = Stabby Grabby

Socks = Feetie Heatie

Hippo = Floatie Bloatie

Nightmare = Screamy Dreamy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So here I am hanging out around the house, not wearing a bra, when my husband comes up from behind and grabs my boobs...

"Just trying to support my wife"....

Do you know what they call a bra in Germany?

Kepzemfromfloppin

What did one under garment say to the other?

What's up bra

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lost Wife

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around a shopping mall when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm...

How do you say 'bra' in German?

Das Schutzstopfempfrompflappen

What do you call a good fitting bra?

A girl's breast friend

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man sees an extremely busty woman walking by...

He says, "Hey, will you let me bite those big ol boobies of yours for $1,000?"
Christmas was coming and decided she could use the extra cash, so she agrees.

The two walk around the corner and the woman strips off her shirt and bra, exposing two of the best boobies the guy had ever seen....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Black Bra

Three lady friends had their weekly lunch together. One is engaged, one is a mistress and the third has been married for 20+ years. They were chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes....

I had an after-hours video conference with 16 colleagues last week.

Everyone was drinking and having a good time sharing stories and unwinding. We played never have I ever. One of my female coworkers asked if people had ever gone out without a bra on. As a man, I thought for a moment and raised my glass with the rest of my female colleagues.

They laughed.
...

What bust?

A young man went to the drug store and asked for a package of condoms.

"We have something new, colored condoms," said the clerk. "Special introductory price!"

So the young man bought a package of colored condoms.

Ten months later he was back at the drug store, and asked for a ma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the boobs not high five the bra?

Because it left them hanging.

What do bras have in common with Martin Luther King??

Both focus on uplifting the downtrodden masses!!

My wife came home from work one day

she came into our bedroom and slowly looked me up and down,

First, she asked "Take off my blouse,"

Then she said "Next take off my skirt,"

Finally, she asked "Now I want you to remove my panties and bra,"

After I had all her clothes on the bedroom floor she screamed...

What does a push up bra and a bag of chip have in common?

Once open, you realise they are half-empty

Mum, I'm already 14, can't I finally get a bra?!

NO Harold!

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

When you open them they are half empty.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tripped over my friends bra...

..she is always setting booby traps!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A recently divorced man...

A recently divorced man, feeling a bit down in the dumps, heads to his local bar. After about 15 minutes, a beautiful woman sits down next to him and strikes up a conversation. They’re getting along great, talking away, when the woman confides to him that her husband divorced her because he thought ...

Italian Wedding Test!

I was a very happy man.

My wonderful Italian girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me....It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight m...

A bag of Frito Lays and a bra are the same...

Once you open them you realize there's only half of what you thought inside

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to wake up my parents and accidentally stepped on my moms bra.

It was a boobie trap

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you ever wondered why letters are used to define bra sizes?

{A} Almost Boobs.
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain.
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen
and I can't get up!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is.

All his professionallism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off...

An Economist went to a lingerie shop to buy a bra for his wife.

While he proudly announced to the Salesgirl that he is an Economist, he also confessed that only thing he knows about bra is 'how to unhook', and he really needed some expert help in making the purchase.



The Salesgirl asked, "Sir, you want a capitalistic, socialistic or democratic bra...

I don't understand why guys think it's so difficult to take off a girl's bra.

I can do it with both hands behind my back!

Two men walked into a bra

They get two cups and they don't have to pay.

My wife has been harsh on me having cups in the bedroom and has vowed to be tougher if she finds any cups in the bedroom.

Guess whose bra will be in the kitchen.

Dyslexic guy walk into a bra

Good thing there was no one in there

James was recently hired as a new butler for an old rich man

However, despite the old man’s age, he had a smoking hot 20 year old wife.

One day, the couple goes out to dinner and tells James to watch over the house while they are gone.

About thirty minutes later, the wife walks into the house without the old man and sees James.

She direct...

Mummy, can I wear a bra now that I'm sixteen?

No, David.

My wife is divorcing me because I refused to buy her some new bras.

Her attorney calls it “failure to support”.

Just heard on the news that some supermarkets are severely restricting how many of a particular item you can buy!

Woolworths > 1 - Container of hand sanitiser, 1 - 500g pack of rice, 1 - Ppack of toilet paper;

Coles > 1- pack of toilet paper, 1 - Container of hand sanitiser, 1 - Can of beans;

Aldi > 1 - MIG welder, 1 - Ladies sports bra, 1 - 2m tall garden trellis

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do mermaid mathematicians use to hold their breasts up?

An algae-bra.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nice day

Two old men are sat on a bench at the park. A young, fit girl runs past in a sports bra and a tiny pair of shorts. One of the men smiles and this brings the girl over.

"Why are you staring at me and grinning, you pervert?" she says.

The old man sweetly replies "My dear I'm not smiling ...

A lady returns home late at night and finds one of her servants in her bedroom.

She approaches him and says, "Take off my shoes."

He takes off her shoes.

"Take off my dress."

He takes off her dress.

"Take off my bra."

He takes off her bra.

"And if I see you one more time dressing up in my clothes, you're *fired*!"

What did the mermaid wear to her math class?

An algae bra.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife was trying to describe what it's like shopping for a bra.

As an analogy she suggested, "It'd be like trying to find something to hold your dick that looks nice *and* feels good."

...

I looked her straight in the eye and said, "I did."

New Doctor is doing rounds in a psychiatric ward [Long]

He comes across a patient who looks perfectly fine otherwise and starts talking to him casually

Doctor: so what do you want to do in your life ?
Patient: I just want to make myself a slingshot and hunt myself some swallows

Doctor thinks to himself maybe that’s what’s wrong with the ...

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