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Bra Jokes

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I am doing a bra giveaway.

Send me pics of your boobs and I'll see if I have something that fits you.

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A woman went to store and asked for a maternity bra.

"what bust?" asked the saleswoman.

" The fucking condom" she replied.

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A bra, car battery and some jumper cables walk into a bar..

The car battery and jumper cables go find a seat while the bra asks the bartender for 3 beers. The bartender replies, "I'm not serving you! You're obviously off your tits and your two mates look like they're about to start something."

A girl looked at me funny last night as I struggled to take her bra off...

She was probably wondering why I had it on in the first place.

What is the German word for a bra?

stoppenfromfloppen

So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Now take off my bra and panties." and so I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

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Two guys, one old timer and one in his mid 20's, are pushing their carts around Lowe's when they collide.

The old timer says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's a funny coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The old guy...

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

Thank you.

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Why is it called a Wonder Bra?

When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.

I stared intensely as my neighbour removed the red dress, then the bra, then the silk underwear.

"Oo yeah," I whispered to myself, as I looked through my telescope, "you keep emptying that washing machine, baby."

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My wife left her bra on the floor of our bedroom. It almost killed me when I tripped over it this morning.

Stupid boobie traps.

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My wife was trying to describe what it's like shopping for a bra.

As an analogy she suggested, "It'd be like trying to find something to hold your dick that looks nice *and* feels good."

...

I looked her straight in the eye and said, "I did."

Jewish Bra

A young Jewish man walks into the Lingerie Department of Macy's in New York. He tells the saleslady,
"I would like a Jewish bra for my wife size 34 B."

With a quizzical look the saleslady asked, "What kind of bra?"

He repeated, "A Jewish bra. She said to tell you that she wanted a J...

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Tripped over my friends bra...

..she is always setting booby traps!

A bag of Frito Lays and a bra are the same...

Once you open them you realize there's only half of what you thought inside

A man is shocked to find his buddy wears a bra. He asks “How long have you been wearing that?”

The friend replies, “Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment.”

What did the bra say to the hat?

You go on a head, I'll give these two a lift

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I walked into our bedroom and stepped on my wife’s bra

It was a boobie trap

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I walked into my sister’s room and tripped on a stray bra.

Goddamn booby traps…

I spent 30 minutes trying to take off my wife's bra today.

I should never have put in on in the first place.

My Girlfriends Bra

I spent half an hour trying to take off my girlfriend's bra. I finally just gave up. Now, I am really wishing I wouldn't have tried it on.

Damn boy, are you a bra?

Because you make me uncomfortable but society has brainwashed me into thinking I need you.

What's the difference between a piece of Southwestern pottery and a bra?

One is a Terracotta pot and the other is a paira tata cots.

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My girlfriend took of her shirt and bra during an argument where i was winning...

It was a booby trap!

If a cop finds cocaine in a women's bra

Is that a Drug Bust?

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Police troubles

I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license...and all just because of a stupid police officer...
The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:
Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"
Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."
...

Do you know what kind of bra is my favourite kind of bra?

The one on the floor!
I'm kidding, I'm kidding, it's the type of bra that only serves dyslexic people.

My own dyslexic joke!
\#OC

What do you call a bra in Germany?

A Stoppemfromfloppen

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Bra Sazes

Have u ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for? Well its time you became informed!


(A) Almost boobs.
(B) Barely there.
(C) Can't Complain!
(D) Dang!
(DD) Doubl...

A dsylexic man walks into a bra

Read it again if you didnt get it

My wife bought a new bra, it's really hard to unhook.

I don't know why I put it on in the first place.

Victoria's Secret has launched a revolutionary new bra, "Croatia"

..it has lot's of support but no cup

Why shouldn't you wear a bra that was made in Chernobyl?

Fallout

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What religion is your bra?

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."

"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?"

"Look around," said the saleslady, ...

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The Black Bra

Three lady friends had their weekly lunch together. One is engaged, one is a mistress and the third has been married for 20+ years. They were chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes....

What’s a good name for a bra made by Spanx?

Spanx For The Mammaries.

How do you say bra in German?

Disal stopem floppen

Bra shopping

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What a day! I took my daughters bra shopping today," he tells the bartender. "I have no idea why. I should have just left it at home."

Wife to husband... Take off my heels....

He does as instructed.

Wife: now take off my blouse....

He does it..

Wife : now take off my skirt....

He does it.

Wife : now take off bra.

He does it.

Wife : now take off my panties..

He does it..

Wife : Now don't you ever wear my cl...

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A butler is cleaning one of the guest rooms in a mansion when the lady of the house walks in.

She fixes him with an imperious gaze and cocks one arm on her hip "Charles," she says, "take off my dress."



The butler swallows hard, but he knows his duty. He puts his hands on the buttons of her dress and starts to undo them, one by one. More and more skin is revealed until finally,...

What is the padding in a pushup bra made from?

Mammory Foam

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The wife of a wealthy business man calls their butler into her bedroom while her husband is away on a trip for work

"Jeeves," she says at once, "take off my dress."

"Yes madam!" He replies, unbuttoning the top of her dress and watching it fall to the floor.

"Now, I want you to take off my bra."

"Oh, yes ma'am!" replies Jeeves, unhooking the front clasp of the fancy lace bra and throwing it ca...

How are a push-up-bra and a bag of chips alike?

It is only when you open them, that you realise they are halfway empty.




*PS: i work in a chips factory and i know the reason why the bags contain so much air*

Why do nuns never wear a bra?

God supports everything.

After spending 20 minutes trying to take my girlfriend's bra off, I've decided to give up

I wish I'd never put it on now

Why does the Little Mermaid wear a seashell bra?

Because she outgrew her B shells.

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How did the cops catch the bra thief?

They set a booby trap.

The Tupperware Bra

Heard this a very long time ago.
The latest thing in female under garments, does not lift, does not separate, does not support, but it keeps what you got nice and fresh.

I bought a push up bra today...

It didn't work, I can still only do 2...

An Arab walks into a bra store owned by Jewish guy.

The Arab finds a bra he likes and asks for the price. The Jewish guy being the business man that he is says "This is a great bra, it's really starting to get popular. I can sell you each for 50 bucks." The Arab guy nods and says "Sure, I'll buy 100." The next day the Arab comes back to the bra shop ...

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Bra Inventor

A scientist has invented a bra that keeps women’s breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.



"Women need not worry, we have killed that bastard"

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A man walks into a bra.

“Dang,” he says. “I feel like such a boob!”

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Buying My First Condoms

I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, ‘No, th...

Haven't worn a bra in 4 days....

I love being a man

My wife and I were walking along the beach the other day...

"It's interesting, isn't it." I said. "A woman can walk down the beach in her bra and panties and people would stare and go, 'oh my, that's a bit wrong, that!' and yet, if she walked along the beach in a two piece bikini people wouldn't even bat an eyelid. And, when you think about it, a two piece b...

Dolly Parton no longer speaks to her bra designer.

Not since the two fell out.

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A guy wanks into a bra

..damn, autocorrect knows me too well.

Mummy, can I wear a bra now that I'm sixteen?

No, David.

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Husband and wife

Her: Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?

Him: "No" said her husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top three buttons of her blouse and slowly reached down in her cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar Bill...

What's the difference between a bra and a ambulance

An ambulance takes care of the wounded while the bra takes care of the fallen

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Why shouldn’t you take someone’s bra?

Because they are boobytraps.

My girlfriend was picking a bra to buy when I said "Bras dont suit you, your too flat"

My girlfiend then said "Well, you wear briefs right?"

Masks are like bra.

If the strap slipped and it is not at place, people keep pointing out
and if you entirely forgot to wear one in public, people go on staring like hell.

My wife bought a bra with Wi-Fi.

... Or so I thought until she explained what wireless means.

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A man came up to a beautiful woman walking on the street and offered her a proposition.

"I would pay $100 to bite your beautiful breasts"

"Ew, what kind of a woman do you think I am?! I won't let you see them, let alone bit them!"

"Ok, make it $500"

"No! Get away from me!"

"How about $1000?"

"I said, no!"

"$10,000, cash."

"Okay, fine!"...

What's the difference between an old bus terminal and a lobster wearing a bra?

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

Either way he's getting at least two cups

What does Atlas and a bra have in common?

They are both over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders.

The bra is the most democratic piece of clothing

It elevates the small ones, it supports the big ones and it keeps the masses together.

When I get home im going to tear my wife's bra right off

The straps are killing me

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New Apple Product Announcement: The iBra

Apple announced a new product: a bra that can store and play music. The iBra. The product is being praised as a step toward better relations between men and women. It is intended to address the complaints of women about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

My secretary doesn't wear any bra or panties to work.

But he types really well.

Men, if you're in a new relationship with a woman, but things aren't progressing physically, buy her a bra from the clearance rack.

At that point, it's already 50% off.

My step-sister walked into my room one day and she says, "Hey, big brother... take off my shirt."

So I took off her shirt.

Then she says, "Take off my skirt..."

So I took off her skirt.

Then she says, "Take off my bra and panties..."

So I took off her bra and panties.

Then she says, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, I'm telling mom and dad!"

What's the process of applying for a job at Hooters?

They just give you a bra and say "Here, fill this out."

Your mum is like a bra,

Close to your heart and there for support

How do you say 'bra' in German?

Das Schutzstopfempfrompflappen

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How much can you fit in a triple D bra?

Large quantitties

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If a woman's bra is an "Over-the-Shoulder-Boulder-Holder" and a man's underwear is an "Under-the-Butt-Nut-Hut"...

Then does that make a woman's panties a "Below-the-Patch-Snatch-Hatch?"

Open the bra....

Open the bra.

*Yes sweetheart*

And now down with your skirt!

*Yes honey*

The thong too!!

*I do whatever you want*

Don't ever put on my clothes again, George

I don't understand why guys think it's so difficult to take off a girl's bra.

I can do it with both hands behind my back!

Did you hear about the dyslexic Mexican that walked into a bra?

No?

I'll get my taco

When he gently removed her bra, she whispered

why were you wearing my bra?

Jim and Ted were let go after 15 years working at the bra factory so they headed down to the local Employment office…

There they each filled out some forms. They both had worked the same quality assurance positions on the line down at the “Over The Shoulder Boulder Holder Inc.”. Afterwards they each met with a jobs counselor to try and find new employment they could embark on. As the final step they met individua...

Why does the Little Mermaid wear seashells for a bra?

Because B-shells are too small and D-shells are too big!

Dyslexic guy walk into a bra

Good thing there was no one in there

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A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

’About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50....

My wife always keeps a little photo of me in her bra.

She says she'll show it to people if I ever cheat on her.

What cup size bra do striped horses wear?

A size Z-Bra!

Did you hear about the failed bra business?

There was a lack of good customer support

What size bra did Euclid's wife wear?

A because he only worked with flat surfaces

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A woman buys a mirror and hangs it on the bathroom door.

While getting undressed she says, “Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bra size 44!” There’s a blinding flash of light and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what’s happened and they both return to the bathroom.

The husband crosses his fingers an...

A lady calls her butler into her room and says, "Jeeves, take off my dress"

He casually says, "Yes, Madam", and removes the dress. Then she says, "Jeeves, take off my underwear". Again, he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the undergarment. She then says, "Jeeves, take off my bra". Again, with no hesitation he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the bra. Then she says, "Now ou...

Did you hear about the big bra sale going on?

Buy one cup, get a second cup free!

Dyslexic man walks into a bra

Whole joke in title! New era of convenience! In mother Russia, joke laughs at you!

***Bonus***, since you came in here anyway:

Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he repli...

I like my bra sizes like I like my wrestlers

Triple H

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

If you were looking for a punchline them im sorry to say but its in the title. Now i know this breaks the rules but for this specific joke to have the punchline separate just destroys the underlying potential humor.

What does a push up bra and a dictatorship have in common?

They both oppress those on the inside. They both lie to those on the outside. And they both raise monuments to the fallen.

Why does Beyonce' not wear a push up bra?

She already has the biggest hits.

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I'm doing a free Bra give away.

Send me a picture of your tits and I'll see if there's something that fits you.

Two men walked into a bra

They get two cups and they don't have to pay.

Wife: "Why is this giant bra on the coffee maker?"

Husband: "You said you needed k cups."

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A woman walks into a doctor's office and takes off her shirt and bra, revealing an H-shaped rash. "Can you fix this rash?" asked the woman.

"Where did you get this rash?" asked the doctor. "My boyfriend is such a proud Harvard graduate, he insists on wearing his Harvard shirt when we have sex."

The doctor gives the woman a prescription for her rash, and the woman leaves.

Then another woman walks into the office and takes...

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