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A woman went to store and asked for a maternity bra.

"what bust?" asked the saleswoman.

" The fucking condom" she replied.

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I tripped over my girlfriends bra.

I think it was a booby trap..

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How did the cops catch the bra thief?

They set a booby trap.

Why don't nuns wear bras?

Because God supports everything

What did the bra say to the hat?

“You go on a head, I’m gonna give these two a lift.”

What do you call a German bra?

Stopzum firm floppën

So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Now take off my bra and panties." and so I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

A dyslexic walks into a bra..

Not an original but always gets me

it’s just taken me half an hour to get my girlfriends bra off

it’s the last time i’m trying it on

My Girlfriends Bra

I spent half an hour trying to take off my girlfriend's bra. I finally just gave up. Now, I am really wishing I wouldn't have tried it on.

Masks are like bra.

If the strap slipped and it is not at place, people keep pointing out
and if you entirely forgot to wear one in public, people go on staring like hell.

A man walks into a bra and asks for a mug of beer.

"Sorry sir," says the bartender, "We only serve in cups here."

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If a bra is an over-the-shoulder-Boulder-holder, what do you call a jock strap?

An under-the-butt-nut-hut!

My wife bought herself new bras for Christmas

She was updating her firmware

Have you heard about the new padded bra that's on the market?

It's made of Mammary Foam.

A girl looked at me funny last night as I struggled to take her bra off...

She was probably wondering why I had it on in the first place.

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Bra Sazes

Have u ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for? Well its time you became informed!


(A) Almost boobs.
(B) Barely there.
(C) Can't Complain!
(D) Dang!
(DD) Doubl...

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

He gets beaten by the woman wearing it as that's not how dyslexia works

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I think I'm going to lose my driver's license...

and all just because of a stupid police officer...

The conversation went like this when I got pulled over in my car:

Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"

Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."

Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Ima...

I gave my friend a really tight sports bra as a going away present.

It was just my way of saying spanks for the mammaries.

A man asks to his wife: why are you ironing the bra's if nothing is behind it?

A man asks to his wife: why are you ironing the bra's if nothing is in it?

The woman answers: i also iron your underpants right?

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The man anticipated a night of ravenous lovemaking when the Russian woman entered wearing nothing but a bra and panties. However, as she was walking, he heard a faint “Hello! Hello!” coming from her nether regions with each step she took...

“Where’s that sound coming from?” the man asked with a confused look on his face.

She smiled and said, “Don’t worry, that's just my Privyet parts.”

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My wife bought one of those wireless bras, she said it's much better than her old wired ones

But she's full of shit cause i can't get the bloody thing to connect to the WiFi.

The bra is the most democratic piece of clothing

It elevates the small ones, it supports the big ones and it keeps the masses together.

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A bra and a booster cable go into a bar. The bartender says to the bra "Get out."

"Why?" yells the bra.

"Well," says the bartender, "you're off your tits, and your mate looks like he's ready to start something."

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I am doing a bra giveaway.

Send me pics of your boobs and I'll see if I have something that fits you.

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The Queen's breasts

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.


Sid, the Dragon Slayer, obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try.


One day Sid revealed his secret desire to ...

Expect a shortage of bras

The cargo ship cupsized.

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A bra, a battery, and a set of jumper cables walk into a bar...

The battery and cables sit down at a table while the bra approaches the bartender.

Bra says, "Three pints, please."

Bartender replies, "I'm not serving you."

The bra asks why not.

Bartender answers, "Because you're clearly off your tits and your friends look like they're ...

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This girl sometimes swaps out her bra for her huge pet snake to cover her breasts

It's a cobra

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Have you seen a 20 dollar bill crumpled up?

While enjoying their evening cocktails, the wife asks her husband, in very seductive voice, "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"

"No," said her husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the c...

Your mum is like a bra,

Close to your heart and there for support

A rich couple was going out for the evening.

The lady of the house decided to give the butler, Throckmorton, the night off.

She said they would be home very late and he should just enjoy his evening.

As it turned out, the wife did not have a good time at the party, so she came home early. She walked into the house and eyed Throck...

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Bra Inventor

A scientist has invented a bra that keeps women’s breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.



"Women need not worry, we have killed that bastard"

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I walked into our bedroom and stepped on my wife’s bra

It was a boobie trap

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I was woken late last night about 3am

By my next door neighbor in a very revealing negligee, bra, thongs and high heel boots, and asking to borrow a cup of sugar.

I said, ‘fuck off dave, I’ve got work in the morning’.

Did you hear about the big bra sale going on?

Buy one cup, get a second cup free!

Why was the mermaid kicked out of Geometry class?

She forgot her Algae-bra.

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One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde. She asks "Santa, will you stay with me?" Santa says, "Ho, Ho, Ho, I gotta go, gotta go! I gotta deliver these toys to the children, y'know!"

She takes off her nightgown, and wearing only a bra and panties, she asks, "Santa, now will you stay with me?" Santa says, "Ho, Ho, Ho, I gotta go, gotta go! I gotta deliver these toys to the children, y'know!" She takes off everything and asks, "Santa, now will you stay with me?" Santa replies "Hey...

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A woman took a flight for the first time

A while into the flight the pilot announces that because of difficulties with the plane's engines, he must make an emergency landing.

The woman, fearing that this may be the end of her life looks over to a man sitting next to her, rips her shirt and bra off, and throws herself on him. "Make ...

I tried to get to 2nd base with this French girl I met at the zoo

but I couldn't get past ze bra.

I‘ve been trying to open the bra of my girlfriend for 20 minutes now...

I wish I had never put it on.

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She sexily unbuttons her shirt, removes her bra, pushes him down and placed his hand on her bare chest.

"$100. Just $100 and I'll do anything you want."
His eyes glow bright: "Anything?"
"Anything." She whispers into his ears.
Excited, he springs up, pulls out his wallet, gives her 5 brand new $20 bills and says: "Here is $100! Now give me $500!"

I like my bra sizes like I like my wrestlers

Triple H

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If a woman's bra is an "Over-the-Shoulder-Boulder-Holder" and a man's underwear is an "Under-the-Butt-Nut-Hut"...

Then does that make a woman's panties a "Below-the-Patch-Snatch-Hatch?"

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A librarian was organizing her books when a man in a dark suit walked up.

"Hey, I'm Steven. I'll pay you $20000 if you show me your nipples tomorrow."

The librarian was shocked. $20000 was a solid 6 months of work. Dumbfounded, she nodded her head. Steven then left without a word of acknowledgement.

That night, the librarian had a lot trouble falling asleep...

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How much can you fit in a triple D bra?

Large quantitties

What cup size bra do striped horses wear?

A size Z-Bra!

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A woman walks into a doctor's office and takes off her shirt and bra, revealing an H-shaped rash. "Can you fix this rash?" asked the woman.

"Where did you get this rash?" asked the doctor. "My boyfriend is such a proud Harvard graduate, he insists on wearing his Harvard shirt when we have sex."

The doctor gives the woman a prescription for her rash, and the woman leaves.

Then another woman walks into the office and takes...

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My wife took off her shirt and bra right when I was winning an argument.....

It was a booby trap.

Those push-up bras aren't very good, are they?

I wore my wife's to the gym this morning and I still couldn't manage more than six.

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I'm doing a free Bra give away.

Send me a picture of your tits and I'll see if there's something that fits you.

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Penis is a true Friend indeed.

A true friend is like a penis, he stands up for you in times of need. A genuine friend is like a bra, she supports you at all times.

A faithful friend is like a condom , he protects you from all harm.

A loving friend is like a vagina, she accommodates you fully despite the size of yo...

If you ever need to use a bra as a makeshift face mask, always use the left cup.

Otherwise you'll look like a right tit.

An wealthy English woman had a butler named John.

One day when her husband was away on vacation, she asked John to follow her into her bedroom.

Then she said, “John, take off my blouse”.

Then: “John, take off my skirt”.

Then: “John, take off my bra”.

Then: “John, take off my underwear”.

Then she sighed and said, “...

My wife always keeps a little photo of me in her bra.

She says she'll show it to people if I ever cheat on her.

What is the similarity between a bar and a bra ?

They both drive men crazy when they open.

Wife: "Why is this giant bra on the coffee maker?"

Husband: "You said you needed k cups."

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A Cop Pulls a Little Old Lady Over for Speeding

Cop pulls over a little old lady and asks for her licence and registration. When she pulls out her wallet, he sees a handgun in her purse.

"Ma'am, is that a gun in your purse?"

"Yes, Officer, it's a .38 Smith & Wesson revolver."

"Please place that purse on the passenge...

I told my husband that I haven’t worn a bra since the stay-at-home order

He said, neither have I.

This is true and he cracked himself up. So I said that I will wear one again when this is all over. So he said, maybe he will too.

A young man was shopping in a department store. He sees an extremely attractive salesgirl and says, "I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife, but I don't know her size." "Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.

"Oh, yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller that yours." "Will there be anything else?" the sales girl queried as she wrapped the gloves. "Now that you mention it," he replied, "she also needs a bra and panties."

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A scientist is trying to invent

a bra that keeps women's breasts from bouncing when running and doesn’t show nipples when wet.

Don’t worry, we killed the idiot.

My step-sister walked into my room one day and she says, "Hey, big brother... take off my shirt."

So I took off her shirt.

Then she says, "Take off my skirt..."

So I took off her skirt.

Then she says, "Take off my bra and panties..."

So I took off her bra and panties.

Then she says, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, I'm telling mom and dad!"

Victoria's Secret has launched a revolutionary new bra, "Croatia"

..it has lot's of support but no cup

What did the mermaid wear to the math class?

Algae-bra


P.S not my own . Reposting someone’s original from years ago. Kudos to him

My wife bought a new bra, it's really hard to unhook.

I don't know why I put it on in the first place.

What size bra did Euclid's wife wear?

A because he only worked with flat surfaces

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There are people cutting bras in half to make face masks now

Some of them look like right tits.

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A flat earther as your Secret Santa

A bunch of employees participate in the annual Secret Santa exchange. They all draw a name from the hat. They all say what they want as presents.

A woman stands up and jokingly says “I want a bra for my big globes.”

A man in a serious manner replies “I’ll get you a boob job instead.”

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A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational.

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

‘About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into ...

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Karen lost her husband almost four years ago and still hadn’t gotten out of her mourning stage. Her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the dating world.

Finally, Karen surrendered. With some courage, she told her family members that she will go out again. That said, she didn’t really know anyone suitable.

Her daughter immediately replied: “Mom! I have someone for you to meet.” Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another, and, afte...

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My wife hides her diary in the bra drawer.

She knows I'll never open it because it's full of booby traps.

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Tripped over my friends bra...

..she is always setting booby traps!

The Queen comes home from a fancy dinner slightly earlier than normal.

She walks in to Buckingham Palace and goes to find her Butler, Parker. She finds him and says "Parker, take off my jacket." And Parker takes off her jacket for her. "Parker, take off my petticoat." And Parker takes off her petticoat. "Parker, take off my dress." And Parker looks surprised but takes ...

Did you hear about the failed bra business?

There was a lack of good customer support

A dyslexic man is walking around in a bra.

Not sure why he’s on our high school gym stage, though. Maybe he saw the sign saying “*Grad* Night”?

Can you help me with my wife's bra fitting?

Sam goes into Macy's, to the lingerie department, and he says to the salesgirl, "My wife has sent me in for a Jewish bra, size 34B, and she said that you'd know what I meant."

The saleslady says, "Boy, it's been a long time since anybody's asked me for a Jewish bra. They usually ask me for a...

Why does Beyonce' not wear a push up bra?

She already has the biggest hits.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

If you were looking for a punchline them im sorry to say but its in the title. Now i know this breaks the rules but for this specific joke to have the punchline separate just destroys the underlying potential humor.

What do you call a white trash girl’s bra size?

Hickcups

Remember when some guy put a bomb in his shoe and tried to get on an airplane?

Now we all have to remove our shoes just to get past security and get on a flight. I wish that had been a woman with a bomb in her bra.

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The Black Bra

Three lady friends had their weekly lunch together. One is engaged, one is a mistress and the third has been married for 20+ years. They were chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes....

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A woman went into a doctor's office with a baby. She's taken into an examining room and waits for the doctor. The doctor examines the baby, and finds him not gaining much weight and asks the woman, "Is he breast fed or on the bottle?" "Oh...he is breast fed!", replied the woman.

"Well then, strip down to your waist," orders the doctor. She takes off her top and bra and sits on the examining table. The doc starts pressing, kneading and pinching both breasts for quite a while in a very detailed and thorough examination. The doc motions to her to get dressed, then the doctor s...

A fifth grade class from Chicago goes on a field trip

A fifth grade class from Chicago goes on a field trip to a farm. One of the chaperones asks the farmer "Why doesn't that cow have horns?"

The farmer takes off his cap, scratches his head and replies

"Well ma'am, there are lots of reasons why an animal doesn't have horns, some breeds,...

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

Either way he's getting at least two cups

How do you say 'bra' in German?

Das Schutzstopfempfrompflappen

The first time I took a girl back to my apartment, she sighed and asked, “You don’t have much experience taking off bras, do you?”

I said, “What gave me away?”

She said, “The scissors, mostly.”

A bag of Frito Lays and a bra are the same...

Once you open them you realize there's only half of what you thought inside

Do you know what they call a bra in Germany?

Kepzemfromfloppin

Two days before my wife's birthday I asked her what her bra size was.

"Ooh," she said. "Thinking of getting me a new one?"


I said, "No. I just wanted to see how they compared with your sister's."

Why did the bra shop have a low rating?

There were many complains about poor customer support

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A man and a woman were dating. She, being of a religious nature, had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so badly. In fact, he had never even seen her naked.

One day, as they slowly drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits. "I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit [60 MPH] you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing."

He enthusiastically agreed and sped...

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What is a wonder bra?

It's when you take the bra off and wonder where the fuck the tits are.

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A prostitute walks into a judge's chamber.

Looking clearly a case of physical assault the judge gave her a seat and asks , "Dear. You look battered. What happened? "

She replied, " I was with one of my clients. We had a really good time and then he thrashed me like this."

The judge asked her to explain what happened with all th...

Her: "Undress me with your words."

Me: "I saw a spider in your bra."

A man in a bra.

A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, “How long have you been wearing that bra?” The friend replies, “Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment.”

My mom looked at me and...

My mom looked at me and said, take off my shirt, so I took off her shirt... She then said take off my bra, so I took off her bra... Nervous about what she would say next, she said take off my panties... She looked at me in my eyes and then said, now that's the last time I want to see you wearing my ...

Hey girl, are you hiding opiates in your bra?

Because I see a Perky-Set.

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So here I am hanging out around the house, not wearing a bra, when my husband comes up from behind and grabs my boobs...

"Just trying to support my wife"....

What do bras have in common with Martin Luther King??

Both focus on uplifting the downtrodden masses!!

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My wife was trying to describe what it's like shopping for a bra.

As an analogy she suggested, "It'd be like trying to find something to hold your dick that looks nice *and* feels good."

...

I looked her straight in the eye and said, "I did."

My girlfriend was picking a bra to buy when I said "Bras dont suit you, your too flat"

My girlfiend then said "Well, you wear briefs right?"

I don't understand why guys think it's so difficult to take off a girl's bra.

I can do it with both hands behind my back!

Mummy, can I wear a bra now that I'm sixteen?

No, David.

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A Russian lady married an English gentleman and they lived in London .

She was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, so, in desperation, clucked l...

What do you call a good fitting bra?

A girl's breast friend

An Economist went to a lingerie shop to buy a bra for his wife.

While he proudly announced to the Salesgirl that he is an Economist, he also confessed that only thing he knows about bra is 'how to unhook', and he really needed some expert help in making the purchase.



The Salesgirl asked, "Sir, you want a capitalistic, socialistic or democratic bra...

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