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A woman went to store and asked for a maternity bra.

"what bust?" asked the saleswoman.

" The fucking condom" she replied.

A dsylexic man walks into a bra

Read it again if you didnt get it

An Arab guy walks into a bra store

owned by a Jewish guy on a Sunday afternoon. The Arab guy finds a bra he likes and asks for the price. The Jewish guy being the business man that he is says "This is a great bra, it's really starting to get popular. I can sell you each for 50 bucks." The Arab guy nods and says "Sure I'll buy 100." T...

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it you realize it's half empty.

“Take off my bra,” said my wife, so I took off her bra. “Now take off my panties,” she said, and I took off her panties.

Then she said, “If I ever catch you wearing them again ...”

I took a girl home last night. We were fooling around, and she sighed and said, “You don’t have much experience removing bras, do you?” Me: What gave me away?

Her: The scissors, mostly.

What did the bra say to the hat at the end of the undergarment party?

You go on ahead, I'll give these two a lift.

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How did the cops catch the bra thief?

They set a booby trap.

Why don't nuns wear bras?

Because God supports everything

it’s just taken me half an hour to get my girlfriends bra off

it’s the last time i’m trying it on

The German word for bra is ...

stoppemfrumfloppen

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If a bra is an over-the-shoulder-Boulder-holder, what do you call a jock strap?

An under-the-butt-nut-hut!

So this dyslexic guy walks into a bra.

And says I'll have a double.

I tripped over my wife’s bra.

you already know it.

I got my wife a bra that said "You're the best" on it and now she's mad at me.

I don't understand it. She'd been saying that her bras weren't giving her enough support.

The Tupperware Bra

Heard this a very long time ago.
The latest thing in female under garments, does not lift, does not separate, does not support, but it keeps what you got nice and fresh.

Did you hear about the new German bra company?

I think they’re called Keepzemfromfloppin

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Naked Cowboy

A sheriff of a small town is patrolling the town one night when he comes across a cowboy walking up Main St. The cowboy is wearing nothing except his hat, boots, and gunbelt. The sheriff is a bit surprised at first but gets over his initial shock and arrests the cowboy for indecent exposure.

...

A man walks into a bra and asks for a mug of beer.

"Sorry sir," says the bartender, "We only serve in cups here."

A girl looked at me funny last night as I struggled to take her bra off...

She was probably wondering why I had it on in the first place.

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I am doing a bra giveaway.

Send me pics of your boobs and I'll see if I have something that fits you.

My Girlfriends Bra

I spent half an hour trying to take off my girlfriend's bra. I finally just gave up. Now, I am really wishing I wouldn't have tried it on.

Masks are like bra.

If the strap slipped and it is not at place, people keep pointing out
and if you entirely forgot to wear one in public, people go on staring like hell.

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A bra, car battery and some jumper cables walk into a bar..

The car battery and jumper cables go find a seat while the bra asks the bartender for 3 beers. The bartender replies, "I'm not serving you! You're obviously off your tits and your two mates look like they're about to start something."

My wife bought herself new bras for Christmas

She was updating her firmware

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Bra Sazes

Have u ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for? Well its time you became informed!


(A) Almost boobs.
(B) Barely there.
(C) Can't Complain!
(D) Dang!
(DD) Doubl...

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I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license...

I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license...and all just because of a stupid police officer...
The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:

Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"

Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."
...

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I tripped over my girlfriends bra.

I think it was a booby trap..

A man asks to his wife: why are you ironing the bra's if nothing is behind it?

A man asks to his wife: why are you ironing the bra's if nothing is in it?

The woman answers: i also iron your underpants right?

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The man anticipated a night of ravenous lovemaking when the Russian woman entered wearing nothing but a bra and panties. However, as she was walking, he heard a faint “Hello! Hello!” coming from her nether regions with each step she took...

“Where’s that sound coming from?” the man asked with a confused look on his face.

She smiled and said, “Don’t worry, that's just my Privyet parts.”

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My wife bought one of those wireless bras, she said it's much better than her old wired ones

But she's full of shit cause i can't get the bloody thing to connect to the WiFi.

The bra is the most democratic piece of clothing

It elevates the small ones, it supports the big ones and it keeps the masses together.

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A bra and a booster cable go into a bar. The bartender says to the bra "Get out."

"Why?" yells the bra.

"Well," says the bartender, "you're off your tits, and your mate looks like he's ready to start something."

Open the bra....

Open the bra.

*Yes sweetheart*

And now down with your skirt!

*Yes honey*

The thong too!!

*I do whatever you want*

Don't ever put on my clothes again, George

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A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32," is the reply. "Nope! I’m exactly 50," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and ...

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

He gets beaten by the woman wearing it as that's not how dyslexia works

Which animal do women hate?

Ze-bra

I gave my friend a really tight sports bra as a going away present.

It was just my way of saying spanks for the mammaries.

Expect a shortage of bras

The cargo ship cupsized.

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With a seductive voice...

With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband,

"Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"

"No," said her husband. She gave him a sexy little smile,
unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a s...

Once there was a dragon slayer named Nick.....

Nick was a wealthy man, due to the fact that there were many dragons around the kingdom that required killing. The king of the land used to pay a great price for every dragon killed. But Nick had a deep secret, he had a massive desire to sleep with the queen, even if it was just for a night.
One...

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This girl sometimes swaps out her bra for her huge pet snake to cover her breasts

It's a cobra

Your mum is like a bra,

Close to your heart and there for support

I‘ve been trying to open the bra of my girlfriend for 20 minutes now...

I wish I had never put it on.

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Bra Inventor

A scientist has invented a bra that keeps women’s breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.



"Women need not worry, we have killed that bastard"

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I walked into our bedroom and stepped on my wife’s bra

It was a boobie trap

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The Queen's breasts

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.


Sid, the Dragon Slayer, obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try.


One day Sid revealed his secret desire to ...

Did you hear about the big bra sale going on?

Buy one cup, get a second cup free!

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I was sitting at the bar enjoying a drink to myself When next thing the door opened and in walked the most stunning woman I've ever laid eyes on.

5'11'' tall, stunning blue eyes, silky blonde hair, an hourglass figure.

Barely covered by a tiny mini skirt and a flimsy cotton top. I could see she was not wearing a bra and her incredibly firm breasts were on show.

After watching her walk in I turned back to my beer. No sooner had...

What's the process of applying for a job at Hooters?

They just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out."

What's common between a skinny woman and a fat man?

Both refuse to wear bras.

I like my bra sizes like I like my wrestlers

Triple H

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If a woman's bra is an "Over-the-Shoulder-Boulder-Holder" and a man's underwear is an "Under-the-Butt-Nut-Hut"...

Then does that make a woman's panties a "Below-the-Patch-Snatch-Hatch?"

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How much can you fit in a triple D bra?

Large quantitties

My wife always keeps a little photo of me in her bra.

She says she'll show it to people if I ever cheat on her.

A rich couple was going out for the evening.

The lady of the house decided to give the butler, Throckmorton, the night off.

She said they would be home very late and he should just enjoy his evening.

As it turned out, the wife did not have a good time at the party, so she came home early. She walked into the house and eyed Throck...

What cup size bra do striped horses wear?

A size Z-Bra!

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A woman walks into a doctor's office and takes off her shirt and bra, revealing an H-shaped rash. "Can you fix this rash?" asked the woman.

"Where did you get this rash?" asked the doctor. "My boyfriend is such a proud Harvard graduate, he insists on wearing his Harvard shirt when we have sex."

The doctor gives the woman a prescription for her rash, and the woman leaves.

Then another woman walks into the office and takes...

Those push-up bras aren't very good, are they?

I wore my wife's to the gym this morning and I still couldn't manage more than six.

Why was the mermaid kicked out of Geometry class?

She forgot her Algae-bra.

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She sexily unbuttons her shirt, removes her bra, pushes him down and placed his hand on her bare chest.

"$100. Just $100 and I'll do anything you want."
His eyes glow bright: "Anything?"
"Anything." She whispers into his ears.
Excited, he springs up, pulls out his wallet, gives her 5 brand new $20 bills and says: "Here is $100! Now give me $500!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm doing a free Bra give away.

Send me a picture of your tits and I'll see if there's something that fits you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Lisa, one of the regulars at church enters the confession booth to confess her sins.

Lisa:"Forgive me father, for I have sinned"

Priest: "Don't worry my child. Tell me what happend."

Lisa: "Two days ago I met a guy"

Priest: "And?"

Lisa: "He was very sweet and such a gentleman..*

Priest: "So?"

Lisa: "Well we kissed and he started to touch me...

If you ever need to use a bra as a makeshift face mask, always use the left cup.

Otherwise you'll look like a right tit.

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One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde. She asks "Santa, will you stay with me?" Santa says, "Ho, Ho, Ho, I gotta go, gotta go! I gotta deliver these toys to the children, y'know!"

She takes off her nightgown, and wearing only a bra and panties, she asks, "Santa, now will you stay with me?" Santa says, "Ho, Ho, Ho, I gotta go, gotta go! I gotta deliver these toys to the children, y'know!" She takes off everything and asks, "Santa, now will you stay with me?" Santa replies "Hey...

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My wife left her bra on the floor of our bedroom. It almost killed me when I tripped over it this morning.

Stupid boobie traps.

Victoria's Secret has launched a revolutionary new bra, "Croatia"

..it has lot's of support but no cup

What is the similarity between a bar and a bra ?

They both drive men crazy when they open.

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A librarian was organizing her books when a man in a dark suit walked up.

"Hey, I'm Steven. I'll pay you $20000 if you show me your nipples tomorrow."

The librarian was shocked. $20000 was a solid 6 months of work. Dumbfounded, she nodded her head. Steven then left without a word of acknowledgement.

That night, the librarian had a lot trouble falling asleep...

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My wife took off her shirt and bra right when I was winning an argument.....

It was a booby trap.

Wife: "Why is this giant bra on the coffee maker?"

Husband: "You said you needed k cups."

My wife bought a new bra, it's really hard to unhook.

I don't know why I put it on in the first place.

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I was woken late last night about 3am

By my next door neighbor in a very revealing negligee, bra, thongs and high heel boots, and asking to borrow a cup of sugar.

I said, ‘fuck off dave, I’ve got work in the morning’.

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Tripped over my friends bra...

..she is always setting booby traps!

I tried to get to 2nd base with this French girl I met at the zoo

but I couldn't get past ze bra.

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The Black Bra

Three lady friends had their weekly lunch together. One is engaged, one is a mistress and the third has been married for 20+ years. They were chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes....

I told my husband that I haven’t worn a bra since the stay-at-home order

He said, neither have I.

This is true and he cracked himself up. So I said that I will wear one again when this is all over. So he said, maybe he will too.

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A Cop Pulls a Little Old Lady Over for Speeding

Cop pulls over a little old lady and asks for her licence and registration. When she pulls out her wallet, he sees a handgun in her purse.

"Ma'am, is that a gun in your purse?"

"Yes, Officer, it's a .38 Smith & Wesson revolver."

"Please place that purse on the passenge...

What size bra did Euclid's wife wear?

A because he only worked with flat surfaces

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A man came up to a beautiful woman walking on the street and offered her a proposition.

"I would pay $100 to bite your beautiful breasts"

"Ew, what kind of a woman do you think I am?! I won't let you see them, let alone bit them!"

"Ok, make it $500"

"No! Get away from me!"

"How about $1000?"

"I said, no!"

"$10,000, cash."

"Okay, fine!"...

Why does Beyonce' not wear a push up bra?

She already has the biggest hits.

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My wife hides her diary in the bra drawer.

She knows I'll never open it because it's full of booby traps.

Did you hear about the failed bra business?

There was a lack of good customer support

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A woman took a flight for the first time

A while into the flight the pilot announces that because of difficulties with the plane's engines, he must make an emergency landing.

The woman, fearing that this may be the end of her life looks over to a man sitting next to her, rips her shirt and bra off, and throws herself on him. "Make ...

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

Either way he's getting at least two cups

Which dining accessory is most seductive?

The Can-de-la-bra

Do you know what they call a bra in Germany?

Kepzemfromfloppin

Two days before my wife's birthday I asked her what her bra size was.

"Ooh," she said. "Thinking of getting me a new one?"


I said, "No. I just wanted to see how they compared with your sister's."

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My wife was trying to describe what it's like shopping for a bra.

As an analogy she suggested, "It'd be like trying to find something to hold your dick that looks nice *and* feels good."

...

I looked her straight in the eye and said, "I did."

Can you help me with my wife's bra fitting?

Sam goes into Macy's, to the lingerie department, and he says to the salesgirl, "My wife has sent me in for a Jewish bra, size 34B, and she said that you'd know what I meant."

The saleslady says, "Boy, it's been a long time since anybody's asked me for a Jewish bra. They usually ask me for a...

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There are people cutting bras in half to make face masks now

Some of them look like right tits.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

If you were looking for a punchline them im sorry to say but its in the title. Now i know this breaks the rules but for this specific joke to have the punchline separate just destroys the underlying potential humor.

A man in a bra.

A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, “How long have you been wearing that bra?” The friend replies, “Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment.”

How do you say 'bra' in German?

Das Schutzstopfempfrompflappen

A dyslexic man is walking around in a bra.

Not sure why he’s on our high school gym stage, though. Maybe he saw the sign saying “*Grad* Night”?

What do you call a white trash girl’s bra size?

Hickcups

My step-sister walked into my room one day and she says, "Hey, big brother... take off my shirt."

So I took off her shirt.

Then she says, "Take off my skirt..."

So I took off her skirt.

Then she says, "Take off my bra and panties..."

So I took off her bra and panties.

Then she says, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, I'm telling mom and dad!"

Mummy, can I wear a bra now that I'm sixteen?

No, David.

An wealthy English woman had a butler named John.

One day when her husband was away on vacation, she asked John to follow her into her bedroom.

Then she said, “John, take off my blouse”.

Then: “John, take off my skirt”.

Then: “John, take off my bra”.

Then: “John, take off my underwear”.

Then she sighed and said, “...

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Penis is a true Friend indeed.

A true friend is like a penis, he stands up for you in times of need. A genuine friend is like a bra, she supports you at all times.

A faithful friend is like a condom , he protects you from all harm.

A loving friend is like a vagina, she accommodates you fully despite the size of yo...

Why did the bra shop have a low rating?

There were many complains about poor customer support

Hey girl, are you hiding opiates in your bra?

Because I see a Perky-Set.

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So here I am hanging out around the house, not wearing a bra, when my husband comes up from behind and grabs my boobs...

"Just trying to support my wife"....

A young man was shopping in a department store. He sees an extremely attractive salesgirl and says, "I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife, but I don't know her size." "Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.

"Oh, yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller that yours." "Will there be anything else?" the sales girl queried as she wrapped the gloves. "Now that you mention it," he replied, "she also needs a bra and panties."

My girlfriend was picking a bra to buy when I said "Bras dont suit you, your too flat"

My girlfiend then said "Well, you wear briefs right?"

I don't understand why guys think it's so difficult to take off a girl's bra.

I can do it with both hands behind my back!

An Economist went to a lingerie shop to buy a bra for his wife.

While he proudly announced to the Salesgirl that he is an Economist, he also confessed that only thing he knows about bra is 'how to unhook', and he really needed some expert help in making the purchase.



The Salesgirl asked, "Sir, you want a capitalistic, socialistic or democratic bra...

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