A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman…

He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No", he replies, "I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? Wh...

A husband buys a dozen panties of the same color for his wife.

His wife protests:"Why all the same color, people will think I dont change my panties."

Husband asks:"Which people?"

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Two drunk girls stop to pee in a cemetery

Two drunk girls stopped to pee in a cemetery after a long night out drinking and partying.

The first girl squats down by the car and starts to pee. She then realizes she doesn't have anything to wipe with, so she takes her panties off and wipes herself, and throws them away.

The secon...

Mattress and Panties

Ahmed was a family man who worked very hard to take care of his family. Eventually he fell on hard times and decided to try his luck in London leaving back his family.

He toiled hard and eventually made some money. One day he decided to write a letter to his wife:

"Dear Wife, ...

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A woman's panties...

If a woman's bra is an Over-the-Shoulder-Boulder-Holder

And a man's underwear is an Under-the-Butt-Nut-Hut,

Then does that make a woman's panties a Below-the-Patch-Snatch-Hatch?

Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?

In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.

What's big, brown and in a girl's panties?

Billy Cosby's hand.

Miss, my watch tells me you have no panties on.

But I do have panties on!

​

Oh sorry, it's ahead of time again.

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The Queen and the Metal Panties

One day the king had to go for a year long expedition, and knew his queen was going to have sex with everyone through the county, so he turned to his court magistrate for help.

The court magistrate showed the king a pair of metal panties, with a hole in the middle.

"Why, doesn't that j...

Raise your hand if you're wearing underwears or panties with holes in them...

For those smug individuals that did not raise their hand, I'm curious how you inserted your legs then.

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Little Johnny's dad told his teacher that he has a nasty gambling habit...

and he says "Hey, Dad! I'll bet you $5 there's some dogs humping just around this corner!"
Dad considers how likely it would be, and says "You're on, kid!"
Once they get to the corner, they see the dogs going at it and Dad pays up.
So Dad calls Johnnys teacher. "Hey, my kid has this nasty g...

I gently slid her panties to the side...

....so I could fit her socks into the drawer

Back in the day, you'd have to take a girl's panties off to see the booty...

Nowadays, you have to lift the booty to see her panties.

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down.

The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.
"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pi...

Why do women wear panties?

Because it's the law. The health and safety act of 1974 clearly states:

(4)(b)1: All manholes must be covered when not in use

So my wife came up to me and said, "Take off my shirt."

So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Now my hose, bra, and panties." I took them off. Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

Christmas Joke... Three men died....

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it o...

My friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's panties

It didn't help that she was still wearing them.

Or that his whole family was there.

That made the rest of his sister's funeral kind of awkward.

And who thought you could make the funeral for such a small child more awkward than it already was..

Why don’t witches wear panties

Because they need to grip the broom

She told me to remove the bra, so i did. Then she told me to remove the panties, so i did. Then she looked me the eyes and said

Stop wearing my underwear.

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Glove and Panties

A young man wished to purchase a present for his sweetheart and after careful consideration, he decided on a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sweetheart's sister, he went to a department store and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrappin...

Panties aren't the best thing in the world

But they're REAL close to it...

William Shatner, alias Captain Kirk, has discontinued his ladies underwear line...

In hindsight "Shatner Panties" wasn't a good choice of name in the first place.

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Whoever decided to name girl underwear "panties" fucked up.

How do you skip Cuntainers?

Me and the wife love Skunks and decided to smuggle one home but had to get past border control, the wife says how we going to do this? I said put it down your panties, she said what about the smell?

I said, well if it dies it dies...

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Three black ladies were on a plane

They were good friends and were really excited to travel together. However, this was the first time they had ever been on a plane so they were understandably quite nervous. They began discussing what precautions they had taken to relief their fears.

The first lady said "I'm wearing bright gr...

My wife asked what panties i wanted her to wear on our date, i said i preferred

[Removed]

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Back then, if I wanted to see her panties, I had to lift her skirt.

Today, if I want to see her panties, I have to spread her butt cheeks.

A bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant...

A bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties.

One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a...

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What do Japanese people say when someone takes their panties?

"Those aren't ja-panese!"


My 11 year old just said she made this up. I had to share.

Edible panties are delicious -

I eat them straight out of the box.

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nsfw Wife's New Panties

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex life. She puts them on, along with a short skirt and sets on the sofa opposite her husband. At certain moments during the game, she would uncross her legs, just long enough for her husband to see. Finally afte...

Me: Can I smell your panties?

Her: No!
Me: Well then, it must be your feet!

No More Girls' Night Out

Two wives go out for a girls' night out. Both got drunk, started walking home, and had to pee.

They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with.

One wife used her panties and the other wife grabbed a wreath off a grave.

The next morning, one husband called the other an...

I can't wait to get home and rip off my girlfriends panties,

they're really starting to chaffe my thighs.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch" is terrible advice

They're bound to be more expensive when purchased separately.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Ladies night out...

So, two ladies ditch their husbands for a ladies night out on a Friday night and they go do whatever middle-aged women think is cool to do on a Friday night. One thing leads to another and these two ladies have drunk a little bit too much and decide to head home and sleep it off. So they're driving ...

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A wife had bought some crotchless panties

A wife had bought some crotchless panties and was waiting on the bed for her husband. When her husband came home she opened her legs seductively and asked, "would you like to have a taste?"

"Eww, fuck no!", the husband answered. "Look at what it's done to your panties!"

NSFW. Why don't I like my panties?

Because there's too much bad blood between us.

What do women's panties and nail polish have in common?

What do women's panties and nail polish have in common?

They both come off with alcohol.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Black panties

Jane lost her husband almost four years ago and still hasn't got out of her mourning stage.
Her daughter constantly urges her to get back into the dating world.

Finally, Jane says she'll go out and finds a date.
They really like one another and after dating for six weeks, he asks her ...

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My wife asked "Can you explain why I just found some crotchless panties in your jacket pocket?"

I said "It's because you're a nosey cunt."

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Why are granny panties better than thongs?

Because granny panties will cover your ass, but thongs are always trying to get up in your shit.

My neighbour banged on my door yesterday asking if I'd seen who stole her laundry off her line.

I got such a fright I almost wet her panties.

Maria, they just wanted to see your panties

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"

My Dad's Best Joke - Not a dad joke

My dad was enjoying a smoke break during an in-service training at the police academy. He had taken to smoking Misty cigarettes. A friend from a neighboring police force asked him why he was smoking such a feminine cigarette.

"Well, Kay went out to get something out of my cruiser the other da...

Off With The Panties

Two neighbor women are taking their weekly walk together, when one of the women begins to complain about the heat.

The other lady states, "I took my panties off three blocks ago, and now I'm much cooler. You should really try it." "I don't know. That seems kind of weird, but I guess I'll try...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A wife asks her husband, "Have you ever seen twenty dollars all crumpled up?" "No" said her husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a silky bra, and pulled out a crumpled twenty-dollar bill.

He took the crumpled twenty-dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly.

She then asked him...

My secretary doesn't wear any bra or panties to work.

But he types really well.

What's the worst thing about a woman's panties?

Your nuts hang out the side.

A homeless guy told me this joke in exchange for pocket change

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two women go out to a bar and get hammered...

On the walk home, they both have to pee.

One woman pees in her pants, and throws away her panties. The other goes into the cemetery they were walking by and pees near a tombstone, using a wreath placed on the stone to clean up before going home.

The next morning, their husbands talk ...

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Two women go out one weekend without their husbands.

As they came
back, right before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt the urge
to pee. They noticed the only place to stop was a cemetery.
Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided to go there anyway.

The first one did not have anything to clean herself with, so she
took off her pa...

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I recall my fist time with a condom

I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’

So she un...

Golf Panties

Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.


"Good Grief, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?", Ole demanded.

"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any...

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I had a girlfriend that was into lingerie. You know what the bad thing is about crotchless panties?

Your balls hang out the bottem of em!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Pants and Panties

John was going to be married to Mary so his Father sat him down for a little chat.

He said, 'John, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, "Here, try these on.'' She did and said, "These are too big....

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A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends £15,000 and looks sensational.

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

‘About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes int...

What does every woman have in her panties?

A career.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One day a girl decided to buy some crotchless panties to surprise her boyfriend.

She went and bought them, got home, put them on and waited. When the boyfriend got home there she was spread eagle on the bed with only her panties and bra on. “Come over here baby.” she says smiling. The boyfriend backs off, “If your pussy can do that to your panties – I ain’t going any where near ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old lady needs help getting laid...

An old lady hadn't had sex with her husband in years. While he's working one day, she went to the nearby sex shop and asks for a recommendation.

The clerk picked out a pair of crotchless panties assuring the old woman that they will surely put her husband in the mood. The old woman eagerly b...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Complisult !!!

Two high-school buddies were attending the senior prom. "Suzy wants to go out to my car. She's really hot," one boy said.


"I'm really nervous. I know I'll goof up!"


"Take it easy," his friend assured him. "All you gotta do is compliment her. Chicks love to be complemented. You'...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Lil Johnny & the Bet

Lil Johnny’s teacher had been warned never to make a bet with him unless she was absolutely sure she would win.

One day Lil John came up to her and bet $50 that he could guess the color of her panties. The teacher thought for a moment and then said, “sure, come see me after class and we will...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I’d like to eat that full of ice cream - NSFW

A lady goes into a shoe store to buy some new shoes. The salesman helping her after she picks out a pair she likes, kneels down in front of her chair to put them on her feet.
He looks up and and notices she isn’t wearing any panties under her skirt. He says to her “ma’am that’s the most beautifu...

Panties

LUST : Tearing her panties off.

Love : Sliding them down gently

Marriage : Folding them regularly

A hunter walks into a bar

A hunter walks into a bar and says, "I'm the best hunter there ever was. You hand me a hide, I'll tell you what animal it came from, what killed it, and I'll do it blindfolded."
The bartender blindfolds him and hands him an animal skin. He handles it for a few minutes, and then he says, "Bear."...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

****NSFW****Little Johnny and Little Susie

One day on the playground little Johnny and little Susie were playing. Little Johnny stopped and said.

"I got something awesome wanna see?"

Little Susie said yes.

So little Johnny pulls down his pants an underwear and shows her his penis.

"My daddy says this is my peni...

Hey! Vsauce, Michael here.. What is.... a joke?

There are dozens of people reading this joke at any one time. And some will upvote, most will downvote, and some will comment about, well, anything.... and everything. But why are they here?

You see, most people on r/Jokes have never actually laughed at a joke on this sub. They expect someon...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two women go on a night out...

Two women, Mary and Margaret, go on a night out, leaving their husbands at home. After a heavy night of Guinness, and while walking home through a large cemetery they both have a strong urge to relieve themselves. They each pop a squat behind a bush, and after doing the deed Mary calls over "psssst,...

Why do blondes wear panties?

To keep their ankles warm.

Today, my wife found a pair of her sister's panties in our room.

They were in my laundry pile, next to my boxers.

Now she's mad, because I told her it was only a brief affair.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Voodoo Dick

A man enters a sex shop, looking for a new toy to keep his wife busy while he goes on business trips. As a higher-up in his corporation, he tends to be away from home several times a month, and wants to ensure his wife stays faithful.

When he reaches the counter, he's shocked to see an old, w...

Sharing a washing machine in college

I was going to the college laundry room to wash my clothes and noticed someone left their clothes in the dryer that I had booked.

Naturally I just went to take it out, but just as I did, a girl walked in, and saw me with my arms full of her towels and underwear.

She gave me a very we...

Panty Stitcher VS Diesel Fitter

Manuel and Pedro worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Manuel answered, "Panty Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies' cotton panties."

The clerk looked up Panty Stitcher. Finding it classified as "unskilled labor," she ga...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Crystal had her first period...

Crystal had her first period when she was alone at home and didn't knew what to do.

So, Cristal remembered that her friend, Johnny had a sister and went to his home.

When she arrived, she asks:

Hi Johnny, is your sister at home?

No, Crystal, why? you hardly speak to her. ...

3 bucks for climbing a tree

A mom picked up her daughter at an elementary school.
The daughter happily hop in the car and said,"Mommy! I earned 30 bucks today!"

"How?" the mom was both surprised and confused.

"My classmate John paid me 3 bucks to climb a tree, and I climbed 10 times!" the daughter replied. ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Girls Night Out

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or so...

GRANDMA'S RACY NEW PANTIES

An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless panties and goes home to surprise her husband.

When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new panties. "Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!"

The old man says, "Hell no, woman. It d...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A couple were in the bathroom getting ready for work when the husband looked at his wife and said,

"I gotta have you!" He backed her up against the bathroom door, pulled down her panties, and ravaged her. He knew he was doing great because she screamed and wiggled more than she ever had before. When he was finished, he started putting his clothes back on and when he noticed his wife still writhin...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Every year, Murray entered the state lottery hoping to win...

He never did.

One day, after praying vigorously and hoping for God's message, he headed out to the State Fair. A flash of lightning struck as he was passing Liz's carnival stall. She was bending over and he saw she was not wearing panties. He could see the number 7 written on each of her butt...

A man and his wife went fishing one day.

A man and his wife went fishing one day. As they were fishing, they spotted the Coast Guard coming towards them.

The wife said,
"Honey, we caught four fish, and we are only allowed three, so lets throw one back into the sea."

The husband said,
"Are you mad, woman, that's our fo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Joe wanted to buy a Harley motorcycle

He doesn't have much luck, until one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.

The bike looks better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It's shiny and in mint condition.

He buys it and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
...

Trying to make up for bad behavior, I went to the shopping mall to buy my wife a gift.

“I’d like to buy some gloves for my wife,” I say eyeing the attractive sales girl, “but I don’t know her size.”
“Will this help?” she asked sweetly, placing her hands in the gloves.
“Oh, yes,” I answered. “Her hands are just slightly smaller than yours.”
“Will there be anything else?” the ...

Did you hear about the stripper named Mobius?

Her panties fell down all night.