A husband buys a dozen panties of the same color for his wife.

His wife protests:"Why all the same color, people will think I dont change my panties."

Husband asks:"Which people?"

So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Now take off my bra and panties." and so I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

When I get get home I’m ripping my wife’s panties off

They’re starting to chafe

A young couple get married and have their first night together in their new home.

As they are undressing for bed, the husband hands the wife his pants.

"Here, try these on," he says.

"What? Why?" she says.

"Just put them on," he insists.

"They're way too big," she says. "I can't wear those."

"That's right," he says. "I wear the pants in this ma...

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A lady had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her to get back into the dating world. Finally, she said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom, I have someone for you to meet!"

Well, it was an immediate hit.

They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain.

Their first night there, she undressed as he did.

There she stood nude, except for a pair of black panties, he in his birthday suit.

Lo...

just wanted to see your panties

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"

A wife goes on a retreat for work for a few days. When she returns and enters the house, she puts her things away and then goes to do some much needed laundry. Upon her entry to the room, however, she finds a pair of panties on the floor that do not belong to her!

Furious, she questions her husband.

The husband says, "I have no idea where they came from I don't do the laundry, the maid does!"

The wife calms down and says, "Oh! So maybe these belong to the maid, could be she was doing her laundry here."

"Nah," said the husband musingly, "s...

Strange panties..

A wife goes on a trip for work.  
When she returns, she finds a pair of panties in her dresser that do not belong to her. 

Furious, she questions her husband.  
The husband says, “I have no idea where they came from I don’t do the laundry!” 

So, the wife goes to the maid and ques...

An old lady goes to a dentist, lies on his table, drops her panties and stretches her legs

The dentist says “I’m not a gynecologist.” She says “I know, I need my husband’s teeth back.”

A lady of the house lost three pairs of expensive panties and blamed the maid, in front of her husband.

The maid looked at the husband and said "Sir, you're my witness. You know I never wear panties."

What does nail polish and panties have in common?

They both come off with alcohol.

Two guys in a health club, one is putting on lace panties.

"Since when do you wear womens pants?"

"Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!"

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My panties are SO wet right now

Well, they would be, but I’m not wearing any.

Because I’m a man.

Look, what I’m trying to say is I pissed my pants.

Why don't witches wear panties?

They need to grip the broom

My step-sister walked into my room one day and she says, "Hey, big brother... take off my shirt."

So I took off her shirt.

Then she says, "Take off my skirt..."

So I took off her skirt.

Then she says, "Take off my bra and panties..."

So I took off her bra and panties.

Then she says, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, I'm telling mom and dad!"

Why do women's panties have flowers on them?

In loving memory of all the faces buried there.

William Shatner has discontinued his new line of lingerie.

Apparently, Shatner panties wasn’t the best choice for a name.

My girlfriend told me to take her panties off.

I said “Sure; they don’t fit me anyway.”

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MEN'S HELP LINE - Letter of the Month

Hi John,

I really need your advice on a serious problem: I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes h...

I remember my first time using a condom...

I just turned 18 and went to buy a packet on condoms from the pharmacy. There was an attractive, young assistant behind the counter and she could tell that I was new to it. She handed me the package and knew if I knew how to wear one. I said no, so she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped...

I gently slid her panties to the left...

So that I could fit the rest of the socks in the drawer

when did you start wearing woman's panties for a face mask?

Since my wife found them in the glove box.

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Walking home after a girls' night out, two rather drunk women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.

The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!"
...

One Christmas Eve Santa comes down the chimney

He is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde. She said "Santa, will you stay with me?", Santa replied, "Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to good girls and boys."

So she took off her night gown, wearing only a bra and panties, she asked "Santa, now will you stay with m...

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Tried to translate a Turkish joke, hope it makes sense

Temel and his wife Fadime were at an amusement park. Fadime asked Temel if she could swing on the swing set. He refused, saying that other people would be able to see her panties. She asked him several times but Temel said no.

Minutes passed by and Temel had to use the restroom. When he got b...

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A man and a woman were dating. She, being of a religious nature, had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so badly. In fact, he had never even seen her naked.

One day, as they slowly drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits. "I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit [60 MPH] you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing."

He enthusiastically agreed and sped...

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"I saw a job advertised for a fanny waxers assistant. Job includes removing ladies panties and prepare for waxing and rub oil in after waxing.

When I asked about the job they said I had to go to Cornwall. I said is that where the job is? No they said, that's where the back of the fucking queue is!!"

My husband offered to buy me Slytherin panties.

But I’m a Ravenclaw! I protested.

Yeah, he said, but I’ll be Slytherin them off of you.

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A wife asks her husband....

A wife asks her husband "Honey, what do you want for breakfast?"

Husband: " I want sex" and he starts fucking her, finishes, and goes out for some errand.

...

Time passes by and its noon and the wife comes to her husband again.

Wife: "Honey, what do you want for lunch?...

Two guys are in the locker room changing, and one guy puts on a pair of panties. "jeezus, when did you start wearing womens panties?" the 1st guy asks.

"Ever since my wife found them in my glove compartment!"

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I was 18

I was 18 or so and I went out to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was inexperienced. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to put it on. I said 'No, this is my first time'. Next thing i knew, she open...

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A little boy goes shopping with his mom and is waiting outside the changing room for her to come out.

While waiting, the little boy gets bored and as his mom comes out sees him sliding his hand up a mannequins skirt. "Get your hand out of there!" she shouts. "Don't you know that women have teeth down there?"

The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn't ge...

My Encounter With My Step-Mom

My step mom came to me and demanded that I take all her clothes off. So I took off her blouse. She said, “Now off with my skirt.” I did, and she continued, “Now take off my stockings.” And when I did that, she said, “Now my bra and the panties.” I took them off. She continued, “And don’t ever let me...

A 20 years old girl returned to her home , looking Happy.

'Mom , look I got 10$ ! ' she exclaimed. Surprised , her mother asked ' honey , you had gone to the forest. how did you get this money ?'

' When I was roaming in the forest, a middle-aged man came to me and said that he would give me 10$ if I would climb a tree. '

Shocked, her mother r...

A man and his wife went fishing one day. As they were fishing, they spotted the Coast Guard coming towards them.

Wife: "Honey, we caught four fish, and we are only allowed three, so lets throw one back into the sea."

Husband: "Are you mad, woman, that's our food for tonight. Take one fish and hide it in your panties."

wife: "And what about the smell???"


Husband: "Just block the fish'...

The original actor who played Captain Kirk tried to start a Star Trek themed line of women’s lingerie.

But no one would invest in Shatner Panties.

(An oldie, but deserved a fresh posting)

I moved her panties to the side as I dumped my huge load of white...

clothes into the washing machine.

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My neighbour accused me of stealing her panties...

I nearly shit her pants.

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I was in the toolshed

When my wife came in looking all hot and sexy, she took her dress of and her panties and said hurt me big man

So I said your hair's a mess and yer feet are to big.

I was in a fancy lingerie shop and asked the women behind the counter "Are these panties satin?"

She said "No they are all new"...

Taxi driver picks up a hooker. They arrive at her destination & she confesses she doesn’t have any money. She says “Will this do?”

Cabbie looks in his rear view mirror & sees the hooker spreading her legs with no panties on & he says “Got anything smaller?”

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Little Johnny gets under the teachers skirt.

So Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says "teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "okay, meet ...

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THE BLONDE COWBOY

The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde
Cowboy coming down the street with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun,
And his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you dressed like
This?'

T...

Why do women wear panties?

Because it's the law. The health and safety act of 1974 clearly states:

(4)(b)1: All manholes must be covered when not in use

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A redhead walks into a tattoo show wearing a leather miniskirt and no panties and sits down in the tattoo chair and says, "I want a tattoo of Bon Jovi on the inside of one thigh and Richie Sambora on the other."

Tattoo artist asks, " What on earth for?"
Woman says, "So when I masturbate I can imagine I'm with either one, or both of them and have really intense orgasms!"
Makes sense to the tattoo artist so he dives in and gets to work. A few hours later the tattoo artist tells the woman that he's finis...

A man was shipwrecked on a remote island. Although he had plenty of food and water, there was nothing for him to do except play with himself.

After many years, even that became so monotonous that he couldn't even get an erection. Now, completely without any happiness, his sanity began to slip away.

One morning, as he is lying on the beach, he thinks he sees a ship in the distance. He quickly starts a fire, then throws wet seaweed o...

My brother who is finally mastering how English puns works was so proud of this one. WHAT DO YOU CALL A FROZEN PAIR OF PANTIES ONCE IT DEFROSTS?

THAWNG.

My best friends wife told us that one.

Her: take off my bra

Me: Ok

Her: take off my panties

Me: Whoa Ok

Her: stop wearing my clothes.

A poem for you guys

I call it Panties at an Old Folks Home.

Rose's are red
Violet's are blue
Beatrice's are green

Two cowboys are sitting in a restaurant when a lady at the next table begins choking on a piece of steak. One of the cowboys jumps up grabs the lady, yanks down her panties, and plants a big wet kiss firmly on her bottom. The startled woman coughs loudly and out flies the piece of steak.

As the cowboy returns to the table, his friend says "I've heard of that 'hind lick' maneuver but I've never seen it performed before."

A woman goes to the doctor and is asked to remove her bra and panties.

Woman: Why do I need to do that?

Doctor: The file says your future employer wants me to perform a complete physical exam on you.

Woman: Well, can I have a female nurse in here too, then?

Doctor: What for? They're all kind of busy right now.

Woman: Just so that I'm more co...

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Two drunk girls stop to pee in a cemetery

Two drunk girls stopped to pee in a cemetery after a long night out drinking and partying.

The first girl squats down by the car and starts to pee. She then realizes she doesn't have anything to wipe with, so she takes her panties off and wipes herself, and throws them away.

The secon...

New Doctor is doing rounds in a psychiatric ward [Long]

He comes across a patient who looks perfectly fine otherwise and starts talking to him casually

Doctor: so what do you want to do in your life ?
Patient: I just want to make myself a slingshot and hunt myself some swallows

Doctor thinks to himself maybe that’s what’s wrong with the ...

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I think my step-mom is trying to seduce me.

I mean, she always eyes me at family dinners. Though I do sit next to my father so I can't be too sure. One day though, when my father and she fought, she slept in my bedroom, even when we have a guest room. But then again, maybe she was just looking for some company.

She also didn't like my ...

A mother says to her young son, "It's high time you learned the difference between a man and a woman."

"Take off my shirt," she says. So he takes off her shirt.

"Take off my pants," she says. So he takes off her pants.

"Take off my bra," she says. So he takes off her bra.

"Take off my panties," she says. So he takes off her panties.

Then the mother says to her son, "I don'...

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A building supplies company placed an ad for an experienced warehouse person for their warehouse operation...

Bright (not that he could see it) and early the next morning in walks a guy wearing dark glasses and using a white cane.

"I've come about the timber sorting position", he tells the lady at reception.

A bit taken aback, she goes to get her husband, the boss.

He takes one look at...

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An old man told it

Back in the old days women would make dresses out of feed sacks. The sacks that sugar comes in were made into undergarments/panties. A young lady went to a dance one night she was dancing and got tripped up on someone’s feet. She fell backward on her butt and the dress went over her head. Her pantie...

Two women are on their way home smashed after a hen night

Stumbling around, as they wander home they become desperate for a wee. They pass a graveyard, and deciding its the only place they can be sure nobody will see them, they go in.

They go for a whizz, and woman one used her panties to clean up before discarding them behind a bush. Woman 2, worri...

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A famous magician is doing a show one night in front of a packed audience. All is going well, the people love his acts, until this one guy shouts "Aaahhh, that's bullshit! That's not magic, that's just tricks! Any idiot can do that!"

Unfazed, the magician continues, doing another one of his best acts until the same unruly guy shouts "Oh come on! Everybody knows that's just tricks, that's not real magic!"


The magician, a little rattled at this point, decides to pull out his best ever act, and cuts a guy in half on stag...

Another one translated to English, this time from Czech :)

A farmer went to the mall to do some shopping. He bought an anvil and a bucket in the hardware store.
In the animal store he bought a pair of chickens and a goose. But how to carry it all now?
The shopkeeper advised him: "Put the anvil in the bucket and carry that in one hand, put the goos...

There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As the priest is walking by, he looks up and notices that this girl is not wearing any panties.

He then calls the girl and gives her $50 and says "Little girl, take this money and buy yourself some panties as it is not good to walk around without any panties on."

The girl then goes home and gives the money to her mother and asks her mother to buy panties for her. When the mother asks w...

Why don’t black women wear panties when flying?

They know the first thing rescuers will look for is the black box

Three women walking down the street are stopped by a man doing a survey.

He asks "Ladies, would you mind telling me how you know if you've had a good night out?"

The first replies "I come home, get into bed and if I lay there and tingle all over, I know that I had a good night.”

The second one replies "I come home, have a shower and a glass of wine, get in...

What do you call a snake that wears panties?

A pythong

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Russian joke about prostitues

Sorry for my english, I did my best.



Three bored prostitutes standing on the corner start arguing about which one of them panties are filthier.

The first prostitute tired of the argument decides to end it. She takes her panties off, swings and throws them into a wall. The pant...

Why dont witches wear panties?

So they can grip their broom better.


I know,I know.I posted this a few weeks back but because Halloween is coming up I thought maybe you might want to pass this around the office,bar,whatever.

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Dave is a well known, respected hunter, known to be the best in the state.

One night, he is sitting in a bar with some friends, and an out of state hunter stops in the bar.
He overhears Dave’s friends talking about how he’s the best and says, “there is no way he is the best hunter in the state!”

So Dave bets him that he can not look and guess what an animal was ...

A young man drives to his friend with a new Porsche

The friend is surprised and wants to know how he got the cool car.

He replies: "So I was taken by a woman as a hitchhiker. Suddenly she stops at a rest area, pulls her panties down, wags it in front of my nose and tells me that I can now have everything I want from her. Said , done. And here ...

Just married!!

A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "here put these on." She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can’t wear your pants,"...

My friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's panties

It didn't helped that she was still weariness them.

Or that his whole family was there.

That made the rest of his sisters funeral kind of awkward.

And who thought you could make the funeral for such a small child even more awkward than it already was...

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After finishing a long day in the office, John rushes towards the elevator. His colleague Matt rushes behind him...

"Hang on, you seem to be in a rush to get home today."
"Yes" replies John, "can't wait to get home and yank my wife's panties off"
"Ooh.... feeling frisky today" Matt says with a wink.
"F*ck that!" Groans John, "I accidentally wore her undies while rushing this morning. Suffered the tight ...

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Pirate pick-up lines

“I must be huntin’ treasure, ’cause I’m diggin’ yer chest.”

“Ya certainly put the shiver in me timber.”

“See this hook? Variable speed with five alternate attachments, Baby.”

“Nice poop deck on ya, lassie. Care fer a swabbin’?”

“Avast, me pretty! Strike your panties and p...

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Ladies night out...

So, two ladies ditch their husbands for a ladies night out on a Friday night and they go do whatever middle-aged women think is cool to do on a Friday night. One thing leads to another and these two ladies have drunk a little bit too much and decide to head home and sleep it off. So they're driving ...

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THE GIFT

*trust me its too long to be worth reading.*

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by...

The William Shatner wanted to start up a line of female underwear.

Unfortunately "Shatner Panties" wasnt the greatest brand name.

An English gentleman was waiting at a bus stop...

...standing next to him was a very attractive woman in a very short dress. A sudden breeze caused her dress to fly up revealing she had no panties on. The English gentleman witnessed this and being a bit flustered said, "Bit airy, isn't it"

The woman replied, "What were you expecting? Feather...

Butler's night off

A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the house decided to give their butler, Jerves, the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening.

As it turned out, however, the wife wasn't having a good time at th...

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Three lads die on Christmas Eve...

Three lads die on Christmas Eve. They approach the pearly gates and St. Peter says that in the Spirit of Christmas, that if they can produce an item representing the Christmas season, they will gain admission. 

David the Englishman pulls out his lighter, flashes it and states, "'Tis a candle ...

Miss, my watch tells me you have no panties on.

But I do have panties on!



Oh sorry, it's ahead of time again.

My wife asked what panties i wanted her to wear on our date, i said i preferred

[Removed]

A cowboy walks into a bar and sits next to a beautiful woman

He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No", he replies, "I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? Wh...

A bakery owner hired a young female shop assistant

A bakery owner hired a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brillia...

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A guy has a crush on his friend's chinese wife.

One day he runs into her while she is shopping and he proposes they have lunch together in a nearby restaurant.
Finding it hard to converse with her flirtatiously, he proposes they play a game.
"What if I pay you 100 bucks to show me your boobs?" Asks the guy.


"Okay." The lady agre...

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The Queen and the Metal Panties

One day the king had to go for a year long expedition, and knew his queen was going to have sex with everyone through the county, so he turned to his court magistrate for help.

The court magistrate showed the king a pair of metal panties, with a hole in the middle.

"Why, doesn't that j...

Recently I lost my friend’s trust and respect..

He didn't like to see me sniffing his little sister's panties. Maybe it was because she was wearing it, other than that I don't see what could have bothered him. Anyway, the rest of her funeral went very badly for me.

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Two truck drivers

Two truck drivers are talking. Driver 1 says “when I get home I’m going to rip my wife’s panties off!”

Driver 2 days “wow! You must be really horny”

Driver 1: No, they’re riding up my ass!!

The Hunter.

There was a big game hunter in a bar in Africa. He was on a safari vacation with his wife. He was very good as a hunter.

While in the bar, he boasted that he could tell any animal and how it was killed by the feel of the pelt and the bullet hole. And he could do it blindfolded.

Of co...

Back in the day, you'd have to take a girl's panties off to see the booty...

Nowadays, you have to lift the booty to see her panties.

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a Christmas candle", he said.

"You may pass through the ...

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Some senior told me this one the other day at the quarry

So after a day of work brewing moonshine, a man and his friends decide to go to the nearby restaurant and get some food. So they go and they sit and they each order a burger and beer.

After talking and enjoying their food, talking about business and the like, a young woman at the other table ...

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A blonde comes home from school munching on a candy bar...

Her mom asks her where she got it.

"I got it from Johnny! All I had to do was climb the flag pole at school!" she says.

"Oh, Jenny! You're such a dumb-ass. He was just trying to look up your skirt and see your panties!"

"Whoops!" Jenny says.

The next day she comes home,...

James was recently hired as a new butler for an old rich man

However, despite the old man’s age, he had a smoking hot 20 year old wife.

One day, the couple goes out to dinner and tells James to watch over the house while they are gone.

About thirty minutes later, the wife walks into the house without the old man and sees James.

She direct...

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Whoever decided to name girl underwear "panties" fucked up.

How do you skip Cuntainers?

a blind man walks into a restaurant

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. “I’m sorry, sir, but I am blind and can’t read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I’ll smell it and order from there.” A little confused, ...

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A woman's panties...

If a woman's bra is an Over-the-Shoulder-Boulder-Holder

And a man's underwear is an Under-the-Butt-Nut-Hut,

Then does that make a woman's panties a Below-the-Patch-Snatch-Hatch?

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Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?

"No" said her husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top three buttons of her blouse and slowly reached down in her cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar Bill.

He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and sm...

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The wife of a wealthy business man calls their butler into her bedroom while her husband is away on a trip for work

"Jeeves," she says at once, "take off my dress."

"Yes madam!" He replies, unbuttoning the top of her dress and watching it fall to the floor.

"Now, I want you to take off my bra."

"Oh, yes ma'am!" replies Jeeves, unhooking the front clasp of the fancy lace bra and throwing it ca...

My wife came home from work one day

she came into our bedroom and slowly looked me up and down,

First, she asked "Take off my blouse,"

Then she said "Next take off my skirt,"

Finally, she asked "Now I want you to remove my panties and bra,"

After I had all her clothes on the bedroom floor she screamed...

3 women board a plane for the 1st time an Asian a Caucasian and a african american.

3 women board a plane for the 1st time an Asian a Caucasian and a african american.
The Asian annouces "im scared but i wore fluro underwear so if we crash they can see me" the Caucasian says "i wore my stars and stripes bikini as underwear so i can be noticed and picked up 1st". The African Ame...

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This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is.

All his professionallism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off...

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What is the similarity between women's panties and a chainsaw?

If you make a bad move your fingers are in deep shit

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra less.
One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she ...

Panties aren't the best thing in the world

But they're REAL close to it...

What's big, brown and in a girl's panties?

Billy Cosby's hand.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life...

Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.

Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement...

"You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like som...

A woman calls her gynecologist: "Doctor, did I by any chance, leave my panties at your clinic?"

Doctor looks around, doesn't see them and answers "Sorry, no."
"Ok, then it must be at the dentist's!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Couple talking a walk

A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's Day walk along a country lane. As they walk hand in hand and as they stroll, the lad's lustful desire rises to a peak.
He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind, but I really do need to take a piss." Slightly taken aback ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old wife tries to get husband interested in sex again...

She makes several attempts but nothing seems to work.

She sees an ad in the church bulletin for crotch-less panties and decides to give that a try.

She put 'em on and lays down on the bed, waiting for him to come home from work.

As soon as he walks in, she does the spread-eagle ...

There was once an old trapper drinking in a tavern.

He didn't have much money, so he loudly made a bet to every one in the room,"Blind fold me and bring me any pelt! I'll tell you what animal it was and how you killed it! If I'm right, you buy me a drink. If I'm wrong, drinks on me!"

The first taker stepped up to the bar. "Alright, old man. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Mississippi boy ran to his father

A Mississippi boy ran to his father, crying with his pants pulled down and an obvious boner. “Daddy, Daddy,” he cried, “My pecker is hard and won’t go soft!”

“Don’t worry, Son, I know how to fix it,” the father replied. “Go out to the barn and get two big handfuls of cow shit and rub on it. T...

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What do Japanese people say when someone takes their panties?

"Those aren't ja-panese!"


My 11 year old just said she made this up. I had to share.

Mattress and Panties

Ahmed was a family man who worked very hard to take care of his family. Eventually he fell on hard times and decided to try his luck in London leaving back his family.

He toiled hard and eventually made some money. One day he decided to write a letter to his wife:

"Dear Wife, ...

What do women's panties and nail polish have in common?

What do women's panties and nail polish have in common?

They both come off with alcohol.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar

He is drinking, minding his own business, when he sees a huge jar with a bunch of cash in it behind the bar. He asks the bartender, what's that all about? Bartender says, oh that's for anyone that can complete 3 things that are hard to do. The guy is now pretty drunk, feeling bold, and asks what the...

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