UPJOKE
polyestersatindenimnylontightselasticitytextilefabricunderwearclothflannelvelourcashmerekhakidupont

Spandex Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many animals can you fit into a pair of spandex

Two calves, an ass, a lot of hares, a camel toe and a fish nobody can find.

why did Helen Keller wear spandex?

So you could read her lips

If Batman wears kevlar armor and a bulletproof cape, why does Robin have to wear a bright-colored spandex outfit?

For the same reason: Batman doesn't like getting shot.

The capital police chief asked, "Do you have any leads or suspects for the congressional riot?" The officer responded, "I'd like to question the senator wearing high heels and a spandex leopard print dress." The chief frowned and said...

"Please, just wear your police uniform."

My spandex shorts told me a joke this morning....

it was a real stretch

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superman is flying around metropolis one day, doing his normal surveillance.

He looks down and notices Wonder Woman, laying on the roof of her place, legs spread apart, completely naked.

The thought occurs to him; he's as fast as a speeding bullet, he could fly down there, do his thing, and get out before she suspected a thing.

Without a second thought he pull...

I opened a store that sells waistcoats and spandex for cross-dressers.

I call it “trans vest tights”.

Today I learned.

TIL that our oceans are now ten percent spandex. Now they can fit the earth more snugly..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old lady wants to spice up her sex life......

so she buys red leather boots, a blue spandex jumpsuit and a cape. That night she runs into her bedroom and yells to her husband " SUPER PUSSY!". The husband says "Ill take the soup"

the day after halloween, a trick or treater knocked on my door.....

he was dressed in just red tights and a red spandex shirt, red sneakers, red hat.

i said to him, "sorry little buddy, halloween is over, i dont have anything for you today...what are you supposed to be anyway>?"

he said "im a period, sorry im late..scared ya didnt i?"


...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of elderly folks were watching television at the retirement home...

They were enjoying their show until it was time for a commercial break. Having nothing else to do, they stayed sitting and watched the commercials. Suddenly, one advertisement displayed attractive men and women in rubber bodysuits, latex clothing, and BDSM-looking outfits. The elderly were aghast....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Dyre Predicament

"So kind of you to cruise by, Superman. How are the kryptonite shackles treating you?"

"You won't get away with this! Who are you anyway? I've never fought you."

"Oh, that's because I'm not a villain. And I intend to keep it that way, which brings me to the nature of today's exercise...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.