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Tying Jokes

There are only two outcomes in a knot-tying competition.

Win or loose.

Last week I saw I noose tying tutorial

It was breathtaking

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lo...

Did you hear about the kid who started a business tying shoelaces on the playground?

It was a knot-for-profit.

I saw my ex girlfriend tying herself to the train tracks. I couldn't believe what I was witnessing.

I looked at her, my eyes widened, and I said, "Don't do it!"

"Why the hell not?!" she yelled.

I said, "They aren't running today."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey man, I need help tying my turds together.

I shit, you knot.

I tried tying a noose once...

... I never got the hang of it.

How did Snoop Dogg get his Knot Tying merit badge?

With his hitches and bows.

Tomorrow I'm tying the knot!

And kicking the chair.

What did the flower say when asked why he was having trouble tying his shoes?

Sometimes I forget me nots.

My friend: I am the best at tying strings together.

Me: Know your knot!

Did you hear about the new toll for tying shoes?

It's knot fare

Why didn't Santa go to the rope tying convention?

Because they're all on the knotty list.

A man dedicated his life to tying bits of string together.

Unfortunately, it was all for knot.

I started teaching a rope tying class a couple hours before a depression support group

It was incredibly successful but it died out quick

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Dad walks in on his daughter in the bedroom with her boyfriend tying her up to the four post bed...

"Dad!" She screams, "I'm Sorry!"

"Hi, Sorry, I'm Dad." turning to the boyfriend, who's standing there holding a silk tie in his hands

"Are you fucking sorry?"

"No, I'm just here, re-posting"

What's the difference between an Engineering student and an Arts student when tying their shoes?

The arts student gets a mark for it.

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