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Wed Jokes

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Wedding night

Sophia had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian girl living under the watchful eye of her mother, she remained a virgin up until she and her husband took their wedding vows…

On their wedding night, the newlyweds stayed at her mother's house, and Sophia was nervous. Her mother...

[Request] Self deprecating joke about height for wedding

Long story short, I am officiating a wedding between the 2 tallest and most stunning friends I have. I am about 5'9 VS his 6'4 I would like to make some jab about them not being able to get anyone taller or when they asked me i immediately started thinking about how tall of a stool I would need to f...

Sun: Greg, Mon: Ian, Tue: Greg, Wed: Ian, Thur: Greg, Fri: Ian, Sat: Greg

It's the Gregorian calendar.

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Possible repost but... Why does a bride smile at her wedding?

Because she knows that she has given her last blowjob.

How do you know you're at a Mormon wedding?

The bride isn't pregnant but her mother is

A couple was celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary when the wife claimed that her and her husband hadn’t argued since their wedding night.

After being asked about how they did it, the wife explains that after their wedding ceremony, they went and took a little honeymoon in a horse and buggy. The horse walked ten miles and stopped, refusing to go further.

“That’s one.” Said the wife. The horse looked back, walked another five ...

Wife asks: Why are you watching our wedding video backwards?

— I like the part when I take the ring off your finger, leave church and go to the bar with friends.

I received a wedding invitation.

It read, "Your presence itself is a present. We don't want any presents at the wedding."

After re-reading it repeatedly, I concluded that I was not invited. So I decided not to attend.

A young couple dies on their way to their wedding....

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St...

Heard this at a wedding

A woman and her husband had been married for 60 years and had remained faithful and loving this entire time. However, the woman did have one secret; a shoebox in her closet. The shoebox itself was not a secret, but the wife had told the husband that he was never to open or ask about the box, so the...

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Royal Wedding

On the day of the Royal wedding, Sophie was getting dressed, surrounded by all
of her family. She suddenly realised she had forgotten to get any shoes.
Panic!

Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes from her wedding so she lent them to Sophie for the day. Unfortuna...

I watched the video of my wedding backwards.

I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.

Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!

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At a wedding I whispered to a guy next to me,

"Isn't the bride a right ugly dog"

"Do you mind. That's my daughter you're talking about"

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you were her father''...

"I'm not . . . I'm her fucking mother.

A newly-wed couple moves into their new house

One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, “Honey, one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?”

The husband says, “What do I look like, a plumber?”

A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, “Honey, the car won’t start. I think it needs a new...

Why was the bride so quiet on her wedding night ?

She was taught never to talk with her mouth full

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A fight breaks out at a Newfie wedding...

Chairs are flying and women are crying. The police show up and arrest all the men involved in the scuffle.

They all are brought to the court house and all you hear is chatter. "Order in my court", screams the judge. "Can someone come up and please explain what happened?".

Jimmy speaks...

On their wedding night, the groom asks his new bride, "Honey, am I your first?"

She replied, "Why does everyone ask me that??"

A woman was forced to choose between two suitors to wed.

The first man was about 4 foot 5 tall and ran a very successful store that sold many fruits and vegetables.

The other man was disgusting. He was covered head to toe in boils and bedsores and smelled awful. He had not ever even seen a bath. He was pretty much the most foul human you could imag...

What’s long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night ?

A new last name.

The wedding was so beautiful

even the cake was in tiers

Bob’s wedding anniversaries

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looke...

A shy priest greets the wedding guests to the Chapel. He's very nervous and doesn't say much.

As the couple approach the altar the priest steps up and gives the best speech anyone has ever heard. He's full of confidence, incredibly expressive and has everyone in fits of laughter!

After the vows, the priest is extremely shy and barely says a word to anyone.

The groom approache...

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For a wedding gift a guy decides to tattoo his wife's name on his penis.

When erect it proudly reads "Wendy" on the side of his shaft, but when soft it only shows "Wy". While on his honeymoon in the Caribbean, he is using the bathroom and notices the guy in the urinal next to him also has a "Wy" on his penis. He then asks the guy if his wife is named Wendy. The guy re...

My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day

So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a French alliance.

In a freak accident, a wedding photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheese landed on her.

To be fair though, the wedding party did try to warn her.

what's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?

There's one less drunk at the funeral.

( I love my Irish friends, don't kill me)

If James Hetfield officiated Kermit and Miss Piggy's wedding...

He'd be a Pastor of Muppets!

Why does a bride always cry at her wedding?

Cus she never marries the best man

A newly wed couple are in bed together

A newly wed couple are in bed together.
The wife reaches over to grab her husband.

"Oh my God, it's so big" she said.

The husband gave a pleased hum.

"Are they all this big?" She asked.

"More or less," he said.

"It's halfway down your thigh!" She exclaimed.
<...

I went to a Cannibal wedding yesterday.

It was all going well, until they decided to toast the Bride and the Groom.

I hope they serve cookies at the Royal Wedding this weekend

Just to show how a touch of brown sugar makes a ginger snap.

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It's Catherine and Michael's 15th Wedding Anniversary

>**Catherine:** "You know what, You've bought me enough jewelry the past 15 anniversaries, so this time I'm gonna make it all about you."

*Catherine decides to take Michael to a strip club as a special little gift. They arrive at the strip club, and are greeted by the bouncer at the do...

I thought my girlfriend was joking when she said she wanted a Monkees-themed wedding.

Then I saw her face.

I was at a wedding reception…

When I noticed the woman sitting opposite me kept staring until finally she spoke.
“Every time you smile, I want to take you back to my place”
In my excitement I asked if she was single.
“No” she replied. “I’m a Dentist”

What did Princess Leia say to Han Solo on their wedding night?

Into the garbage chute, flyboy!

Bobs wedding

Robert, 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Robert should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After ...

My ex-gf invited me to her wedding

Told her I was busy, will be there next time

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George and Harriet decided to celebrate their 25th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas

When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off. Harriet objected, "George, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude."

"Harriet, she's a prostitute."

"I don't believe you. That swee...

As leader of the USSR, Gorbachev was allowed to conduct weddings

He liked to keep them brief:

Gorbachev: You want to marry her?

Groom: Da

Gorbachev: You want to marry him ?

Bride: Da

Gorbachev: Then so be it.

He was a master of the So-be-it union

White wedding dresses

Two old men were sitting in a restaurant having a cup of coffee when one of them looks at the other and asks, “Why are wedding dresses always white?” The other man thinks for a moment and says, “Well, you know, I think it means the bride’s love is pure.”

The first old man does not seem convi...

The Wedding Cake

A health forum speaker asks, "which food causes extreme suffering for years after eating it?"

After a long silence, an old man answered: "Wedding Cake"

A young couple dies in a car wreck on the way to their wedding.

They arrive in heaven where they are welcomed by Saint Peter. Before they are admitted to heaven they ask if they can get married in heaven.

Peter scratches his chin. “Hmm, I’m not sure. Let me find out.” He goes into heaven to find someone who might know.

Well he’s gone for a very lon...

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[NSFW] [Long]A newly wed couple movies in with each other for the first time...

A newly wed couple moves in with each other for the first time and are going through the normal aches and pains of learning to live with someone new.

For the most part, everything is going well. No big disagreements, a couple of small annoying habits, but nothing major. Though, after several ...

Was talking to an uncle of mine at a wedding

The night was getting on and we were each a couple pints deep.

My eyes were starting to wander and he caught me looking at a good looking girl with a fair bit of fake tan on

I look back and see him glance at her before giving me a cheeky wink

“Jeezus” he goes “ye young ones are ...

A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.

His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?

“Simple,” grins the millionaire, “I faked my age."

His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.

"Well", he replied.  "I said I was 87!"

The last wedding I was at was very emotional.

Everybody was crying, the Bride and Groom, the whole reception, the priest..

Even the massive cake was in tiers..

A newly wed couple didn't know the difference between putty and Vaseline.

A week after their marriage all of their windows fell out, which was the least of their worries.

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A Newly wed young man gets enrolled in the army

Upon arrival at the border, he goes silent and depressed as he hasn't even gone through his honeymoon phase. He doesn't participate in any group conversations nor he has any friends there. Things get too gloomy for him.
Upon noticing this, his fellow soldiers in attempt to cheer him up ask him t...

John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary.

“Would you like a new Mink Coat?” he asks.

“Not really,” says Mary.

“Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John.

“No,” she responds.

“What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggests.

She again rejects his offer with a, “No thanks.”
...

After the Texan wedding ...

... the newlywed cowboy rides home with his bride. It's a long way back to his ranch, and the horse has to carry both him and his bride, so it stumbles, nearly throwing off the two riders. The cowboy calmly straightens up the reins, waits for the horse to gather and says nothing, except, very calmly...

THE WEDDING TEST

I was a very happy man.

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year so we decided to get married.
There was only one little thing bothering me.

It was her beautiful younger sister, Sofia.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini-ski...

Why are Alabama weddings so small?

They've only gotta invite one family

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On the wedding night...

A man is about to be wed in the next day and is bicycling. He slips and his junk is mangled...utterly mangled...by the bicycle fall. He goes to the doctor and says "Am I going to be alright to consummate the wedding tomorrow night?"
The doctor shakes his head sadly and says "the only way we can f...

What did the Michelin Man wear at his wedding?

Attire

The one about the quickly wed couple

So a man, lets call him Dan, meets this girl, we'll call her Stacy, on a blind date. They hit it off right away and chat the night away. Well they go on another date, this one went even better than the last, Dan's heart flutters every time he thinks of her. So then Dan asks her on a third date and t...

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A Groomsman said to the Groom on his wedding day…

“You look so happy and contented, what’s your secret?”

To which the Groom replied; “Of course I’m happy and contented, I just got the best blowjob of my life!”

Meanwhile, the Bridesmaid said to the Bride;

“You looks so happy and contented, what’s your secret?”

To which th...

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The young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first love-making encounter...

The young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first love-making encounter.

In his highly aroused state, he readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love for the next 30 years, him thinking it was a cute way for...

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary, when...

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town, and on this special occasion, a local newspaper reporter paid them a visit. He inquired as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. "Well," explained the husband, "it all ...

Watching my wedding video in reverse brought tears to my eyes

I took off her wedding ring, returned her to her dad, and moonwalked my way out of the church.

A newly wed bride asks her husband

Why didn't you tell me you are broke before we got married? He replies: I always told you that you are my EVERYTHING!

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A couples dies in a car crash on the way to their wedding...

...they both end up in front of God, who welcomes them in Paradise.
- "Hello my children, it's a terrible thing that such a tragedy happened to you, but now you will be in a blissful happiness here, and forever !"
- "Well, the man responds, we would really like to get married anyway...is i...

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Wedding prankster

A group of guys pledged that they would never get married, but one by one, they met the women of their dreams and tied the knot. Each time, however, the rest of the group pranked them at the wedding or reception such as not "holding their peace," or plastic poop in the punchbowl.

Time come...

What fruit does a couple eat after they are forced into a big wedding?

Cantelope.

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Wedding Night..

A virgin is nervous on her wedding night.

Her husband says, "don't worry there's no pressure." We'll come up with a signal when you're ready."

"If you want to have sex, pull my penis once. If you don't, pull it 100 times."

At his wedding, my buddy told me I’m the worst best man he has ever seen.

I was speechless.

What's the worst part of an NFL wedding?

Getting hit by Rice

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A man records his wedding night…

A man decides to audio record his wedding night and one year later on their anniversary, play it back to re-live the wonderful sounds his wife was making that night. So he played it back and she was saying “ah ah…that’s happiness”. He was moved to tears.

He decided to share this special mome...

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(nsfw) A very elderly couple were dating and decided to wed. On their wedding night, as they were about to consummate the relationship, the women said to her husband, "I have to warn you. I have acute angina."

"Am I relieved to hear that!" her husband replied. "Cuz those are about the ugliest tits I have ever seen."

How picky are rabbits about their weddings?

Oh, they're not picky at all! They just want their rings to have several carats.

A little girl is attending her first wedding...

And as the priest is reading the vows, she leans over to her mother and whispers, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explains, "and today is the happiest day in her life."

The child ponders this for a moment and then asks, "So why...

What is the difference between a secular wedding, an orthodox wedding, and a reform wedding?

At the secular wedding, the bride is pregnant.
At the orthodox wedding, the bride’s mother is pregnant.
At the reform wedding, the rabbi is pregnant.

The D.J. at a wedding reception yelled, "Would all the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."

The bartender was almost crushed to death.

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Wedding Promise

On our wedding night my wife whispered to me that she would give oral sex once every year either on Christmas or New Years. Our first Christmas I reminded her of this promise and she blushed and said “let’s wait for New Years”. On New Years I again reminded her of her promise and she frowned and sai...

My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I couldn’t open any of the files.

I always have trouble with emotional attachments.

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A newly wed deaf couple are setting ground rules on their honeymoon.

The bride says, “If you want to have sex with me massage my breasts. If you don’t tap my belly.”

The groom says, “That’s a great idea! If you want to have sex with me tug my penis, if you don’t tug it a 100 times.”

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An elderly couple is celebrating their wedding night.

They get to the hotel room, and the groom begins undressing his new bride. She stops him and says "Before we get too far, I want you to know I have acute angina."

"Oh, thank god!" the old man exclaims, " 'cause those are the ugliest tits I've ever seen!!"

My friend hired a hot air balloon for his wedding.

They quoted him 200 and on the day charged 400. Said it was due to inflation.

Bob forget his wife's wedding anniversary

His wife was mad and demanded that there be something in the driveway the next morning that will go 0-200 in 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE.

So the next morning comes around and there was a massive box in the driveway.

His wife unwrapped the present excited, to find a set of bathroo...

After calculations I found out that my wedding will cost $50k

Now all I need is $50k

and a wife

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Redneck Wedding

After the ceremony the new couple arrive at their honeymoon suite at the Motel 6 and the new bride says ‘you will be careful won’t you?’

The young hubby is a bit confused and asks ‘Why?’

She explains that she is still a virgin

He throws his stuff back into his suitcase and storm...

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A couple celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary

After the party had ended, the wife walked over to the husband, punched him in the arm and said "That's for twenty-five years of bad sex!"

The husband hesitated a moment, then walked over to his wife, punched her in the arm and said "That's for knowing the difference!"

I got an invite to a wedding that said “black tie only”...

...But when I got there, everyone else was in tuxedos.

John was attending his buddy’s wedding and everything was normal…

The ceremony was at a beautiful church in the countryside, the officiant gave an insightful speech on the meaning of marriage, and the bride and groom were beaming throughout the whole thing. John couldn’t have been happier for his friend.

After exchanging vows, the bride and groom announced ...

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I was showing people pictures of me at my parents wedding

And everyone called me a bastard. Did I do something to piss them off?

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In the time of the Ottoman Empire, there was a wedding.

Back then, weddings were pretty big, and also long. People used to travel tens or hundreds of kilometers to attend at a wedding. For that reason, they would stay for a few days as guests. They would normally sleep in really big rooms, on the floor, and women and men would normally be separated... ...

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a newly wed couple decided to spend their honeymoon on a camping trip

it was fucking intense

A man and a woman are on their way to their wedding...

They get into a terrible car crash and are killed instantly. They find themselves standing in front of St. Peter at the pearly gates. St. Peter says "welcome! You have both lived good lives and are welcome into heaven!"

The man says, "That's wonderful, but we were on our way to our wedding to...

A young couple dies just a few days before their planned wedding.

They both get accepted to heaven. However, they ask St. Peter if they could get married in heaven, as they were already planning their wedding. "Look. Usually, we do not do that here. But since you had a wedding planned already on Earth, I think you could be an exception. But I should let you know, ...

[NSFW] After their wedding reception, the newly weds went to their hotel to check in.

"Do you have reservations?" the desk clerk asked.
"Only one" replied the man. "She says she won't do anal"

Weddings today

Dearly beloved
We are scattered here today

How's the wedding planning coming on, John?

John: "We're having a slight difference of opinion. She wants a big church wedding, large reception, small orchestra, the works. I want to elope with someone else."

What food results in the most expensive weddings?

Can't-elope

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Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding. During the big day they became increasingly tighter and tighter as the day went on.

That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles, darling, please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me..!"

Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigor, but it would not budge.

"Harde...

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Some jerk on my wedding asked "how's my ex's used pussy?"

I replied "it felt brand spankin' new after the first two inches."

An Italian couple were getting busy on their wedding night.

But when the husband took off his pants, the wife received quite a shock. Where his business should have been was a small monkey.

"My God!" she exclaimed. "It's a monkey!"

"No," responded the husband. "It's-a macaque."

Why are weddings in Alabama usually half price ?

Because they only use one side of the church

Why was the melon farmer forced to have a large, expensive wedding?

Because he cantaloupe.

A little boy was attending his first wedding.

After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"

"Sixteen", the boy responded.

His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.

He asked, "How do you know that?"

"Easy", the little boy said, "All you have to do is add it up, like the pries...

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Wedding night revelations

A very religious couple, who have saved themselves until marriage, rush to their hotel room after the wedding ceremonies.

Before they go in, the bride, embarassed, says:

*-My darling, I have a confession to make... I've been wearing padded bras this whole time, my boobs are so very sma...

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On my wedding night, I finally had to confess to my wife.

I told her before we met, I slept with a lot of prostitutes. She said, I thought I recognized you from somewhere.

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Ukrainian Wedding Night

Father and grandfather are giving some wedding night advice to a young Ukrainian groom who is about to marry a Russian girl. The father starts:

"When you take her to the bedroom, carry her in your arms and then without visible effort deposit her on the bed. That way you will show her that Ukr...

What do you call a warship that hosts greek weddings?

A dishtroyer.

One year for my sister’s wedding anniversary, I bought my sister a jigsaw puzzle that when put together would show her wedding picture.

Little did I know that shortly after that, her marriage literally went to pieces.

A newly wed couple...

Husband: Hun, I have a huge problem.

Wife: Stop saying it’s yours, we are married it’s OUR problem now.

Husband: I got your best friend pregnant, we are the parents!

I hate it when my aunts and grannies come up to me at weddings and say "You're next."

So now I just do the same to them at funerals.

Why do melons have big weddings?

They cantaloupe

I was at a bar one night when I heard the most amazing rendition of “Free Bird” being played. I headed to the stage to find my local magistrate behind the guitar & on the mic. I was so impressed that I hired him to play my wedding, but he insisted on playing his original music which was terrible.

Just goes to show, never book a judge by his cover.

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Wedding night nerves

A young man who was a virgin had never known any kind of intimacy with a woman was nervous about his wedding night. Picking up on his fear, his mother offered some advice.

"Just gently rub her tummy and tell her you love her. She'll guide you the rest of the way."

So, that night, as t...

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Wedding Night

"Darling, if I had known you were still a virgin, I would have taken more time."

"Oh, if I had known that you would take more time, I would have taken off my tights."

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A man and his wife were sharing their very first wedding anniversary... (NSFW)

The wife says "Honey, I'll do anything you want for you tonight"

Husband replies "Nice! How about a 69er!"

"I can't, I'm on my period!"

"I don't give a fuck!"

"Well" she says, "if you don't care then I certainly don't, let's do it."

So they are going at it for a bi...

My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

wedding chapel

Walmart was going to put wedding chapels in there stores, after trying it in the south for testing they decided not to, it had to high of a return rate.

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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.

The optician showed him a card with the letters

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

Anakin Skywalker’s wedding vows to Padme

For richer or poorer, for better or worse, til Darth do is part.

A friend of mine knows I'm a baker and asked for a cake as a wedding present

I told him I can't do it for free I am sorry.

He asked why and I said

Sorry, I knead the dough...

I was at a Polish wedding last night...

I don't know who this Jim Dobray guy is but I must look just like him. He must be a great guy too! Everyone was so happy when they came up to me and called me his name.

What's the difference between a Pakistani wedding party and an Al-Qaeda training camp?

Dunno, I just fly the drone.

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What do you feed a woman to stop her from giving blowjobs?

Wedding cake

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Norwegian Virgin Wedding

Olaf Swenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota, took a lightning-quick kick from a cow...right in his crotch; writhing in agony, he fell to the ground.
As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said, "How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiance...

50th Wedding Anniversary

It's the morning of a couple's 50th wedding anniversary. They're sitting at the kitchen table having breakfast and reading the newspaper.

The wife looks at the husband and says "you know, if this was 50 years ago, we'd be sitting at this table naked".

The husband replies "you know what...

At the wedding night:

Him: Finally, I've been waiting on this for so long!

Her: Would you like me to leave you?

Him: NO. I can't even think about that..

Her: Do you love me?

Him: Of course, a lot!

Her: Have you ever cheated on me?

Him: NO. Why are you even asking me this?

...

Took ketamine at my wedding

It didn't make for a stable relationship

A man and a Woman were approaching their 50th wedding anniversary.

To celebrate, the woman decided she would cook a big dinner for her husband.
Then he said they should do what they did on their wedding night, and eat at the dinner table naked. The woman agreed.

On their anniversary night, at the table,
the woman says: “Honey, my nipples are as ...

A couple celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary by staying at a hotel.

The couple walk up to the front desk to check-in.
Receptionist: Hello, how can I help you?
The husband holding his wife's hand: I would like your most beautiful room please.
Receptionist: Sure! For how long would you like to stay?
The Husband: 1 night please.
Receptionist: One whole n...

I should have suspected my husband was lazy; on our wedding day, his mother told me:

"I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."

How do you know a redneck wedding?

They are all sitting on the same side of the church.

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50-year wedding anniversary

The married couple at the dinner table.

The wife asks:

\-Do you remember what you were thinking 50 years ago?

\-Yes, I've thought about fucking you silly and sucking your tits till they're dry.

\-I see... What are you thinking now?

\-I think I've did it...

Why did Einstein invite Time to his wedding?

Because Time is relative

Samwise is preparing for his wedding...

He gathers his fellow hobbits around and then turns to Pippin.
"Pippin, I want you to be my best man."
Pippin is overjoyed, but before he can celebrate, there's a sound of someone crying, he turns and sees Frodo standing there with teary eyes.
"But Sam, what about me?" Frodo so...

Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding.

One says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 93 years old, and she's just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?"
The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family."
"What do you call it?"
"We call it a football wedding."
The first asks, "What's a football wedding?"

The ot...

Tonight is my wedding to this super wealthy lady

I'm so excited thinking about the Sarah money

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three sisters were all getting married within a short time period...

...Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started and made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on their first impressions of marital sex.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding.

The card said nothing but: ...

How does an Indian girl tell her family she will be wearing a Western dress to her wedding?

"Sorry, not Sari."

Wedding night world record

A young man returns to work after his honeymoon. His mates are all quizzing him about the wedding night.
"So Barry, how many times did you do it on the wedding night?"
Barry replies, "Seven times"
His mates are amazed. "Seven times! How did ya manage that ya legend?!"
Barry says, "Easy. ...

A couple who were making wedding preparations die in a traffic accident.

When they arrive at heaven, the man finds an angel and explains the situation, asking if they could arrange a wedding in heaven or not.

-Let me have a look, the angel says.

After a few months, it comes back to the couple and tells them:

-Everything's set, you guys can marry.
...

The wedding party is standing at the altar waiting for bride and groom....NSFW

The groom arrives and is adjusting his belt while smiling hugely. Groomsman asks him what he's smiling about.

Groom replies "I just got the most amazing head-job from a beautiful woman and will be waking up to that every day for the rest of my life!"

Bride arrives, fixing her lip-stick...

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