What do you call surf & turf without the turf?

A missed-steak.

People who buy turf for their yards don’t have the patience to grow their own

They want instant grassification

So what do you call a street where sheep and horses are fighting over turf?

A baaad neigh-borhood.

...

I'm glad none of you are close enough to punch me.

I’ve just got home to find that the turf I laid last week has been stolen.

My girlfriend is outside now, looking forlorn

My girlfriend won't share her surf and turf with me...

Shellfish cow

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Somewhere, there is a turf war going on...

...between skeletons and secret gays.

Two Cajuns were waiting at the bus stop when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of turf.

Boudreaux said, "I'm a'gonna do dat when I win da lottery!"



"What's dat?" asks Thibodeaux.

"Send da lawn off to be mowed."

Two rival landscaping companies have been killing each others staff

They're in a turf war

Someone just stole some grass from my garden

Strange I know, thought robbers stuck to their own turf

We've got the meats

If meat and seafood is surf and turf, does that make meat seafood and poultry surf turf and away?

A shop that sells fake grass for gardens was robbed...

Afterwards the owner was asked why he was so defensive during the robbery of the fake grass, to which he replied:

“Well, it’s my home turf.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Irishmen are sitting having a pint

when a Turf truck drives by. The first Irishmen says "When I win der lottery dats what I'm gonna do".
The second Irishmen says "Whats that, drive a truck"?
"No ya daft bastard, send my lawn away to be mowed"!

A Husband And Wife Go Golfing

A husband and wife who are avid golfers have been happily married for 30 years, and on the day of their 30th anniversary they enjoy a wonderful day together.
They have a delicious breakfast in bed, then proceed to one of their favorite golf courses.
They play through to the 9th hole, both hav...

Two Irishmen sitting by the road...

Two Irishmen are sitting by the road when a truck loaded with rolls of turf (sod) drives past.
"Aye, Paddy. That's what I'm going to do when I'm rich."
"What's that then Declan?"
"I'm going to send my grass away to be mowed."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American, Englishman, & Australian were arguing which of their versions of football were the toughest.

An American, and Englishman, and an Australian were discussing which of their particular brands of football were the toughest.

The American said, "We've got this quarterback Peyton Manning who's just won his second Super Bowl ring. Well, one day Manning was sacked so hard, his front split op...

Two Irish brothers are applying for Work Visas to Australia.

The first brother enters his interview, quickly walks out, gives a thumbs-up and says to his brother “I’m in!"

The second brother takes this as a sure sign that he will join him, and walks confidently into his interview.

“So Mr... Patrick O’Malley”, the interviewer begins. “What skills...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Five-Kick Method (long)

A very famous and successful attorney from NYC was hunting ducks in the countryside. He was having a bad day in the woods as there didn't seem to be any ducks at all to be hunted. Then, all of a sudden, he saw the most beautiful, fattest duck of his life swiftly take off, so he aptly aimed and shot ...

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