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Landscaping Jokes

What is the difference between 9/11 and landscaping?

Landscaping is an outside job.

After Rudy Giuliani held a press conference at Four Seasons Total Landscaping, he experienced chest pains.

He was quickly rushed to Mount Sinai Heating & Plumbing.

Four Seasons Total Landscaping

I’m not ready to stop laughing.

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I feel like Rudy Giuliani's press conference at a landscaping company between a dildo store and a crematorium is still relevant because...

Trump's effort to overturn the election is somewhere between fucked and dead.

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The Black Panther is starting a landscaping and sod business.

He’s calling it Wakanda Grass.

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Did you hear that the Trump press conference today was held between landscaping store and a porno shop?

Turns out, he was just looking for a new hoe.

...ugh, I know this is terrible. Must do better.

Like, something something Bushwhacked.

'little help?

Two rival landscaping companies have been killing each others staff

They're in a turf war

Why did Trumps Team end up at a landscaping business for the announcement?

Because he was the Lawn Order president

What does Elvis say when he's done doing your landscaping?

"Thank you, thank ya very mulch"

*obviously needs to be read in Elvis' voice for the joke to make sense

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I was doing some landscaping at the Mental Institution.

A patient looked into my wheel barrow. "Whatcha gonna do with all that shit?", he asked.

"I'm puttin' it on the strawberries."

"That's funny. In here, we put whipped cream on ours."

My nephew hated working outside in landscaping, so I got him a job in the twin towers;

I don't know why he keeps complaining about it being an inside job

So I'm going to start a business offering landscaping, painting, moving and other handy man services

called Manuel labor

I managed to buy some GameStop stocks at only $8/share!

It is called "GameStop Total Landscaping," right?

Trump is going to make soon a major announcement

Meet us again at Four Seasons Total Landscaping parking lot

A contractor is taking a tour with a client discussing color themes. GREEN SIDE UP!

The contractor yelled out the living room window as he turned his attention back to the confused client. "Ah yes you definitely want a neutral tone for a room of this size and a decorator can help pick out the right furniture to accent." The client relaxed and completely agreed with his insight. "...

Trump will still be president of The United States after January 20th

He's having Rudy draw up the paperwork to form The United States Total Landscaping Co. as we speak!

I bought Pfizer years ago and was so excited to earn millions when they announced their COVID vaccine...

Oops.... Turns out I bought Pfizer Total Landscaping instead. Oh well. Maybe I could rent the place out for a news conference?

The Trump Administration is finally helping business succeed.

He helped a landscaping company succeed at hats, t-shirts and bumper sticker sales.

Earlier today I was working on a new house in town...

I was in charge of the fencing. The construction site was almost finished, and it was only this and the landscaping remaining. I did the first couple posts, but then I went to lunch, and when I came back, they were gone. I did as much as I could until the day ended, and I went home. I came back the ...

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A Jewish Girl And A Greek Boy Fall In Love

When the Jewish girl tells her father that she has fallen in love with a Greek boy and wants to marry him, he hits the ceiling. He forbids it, on pain of disownment. The girl goes ahead and marries the boy, anyway. The old man does not even go to the wedding and stops talking to her altogether....

Only picture of my grandfather shows he is either Native American or Mexican.

To figure it out I was told to go the woods. If I start hunting, he’s Native American. If I start landscaping, he’s Mexican.

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Alex The Gardener

A supervisor of a landscaping business got a call from one of his workers on Friday afternoon "Hey boss, it's me Alex, I'm not feeling so good today, I've got a big headache and just don't feel well." The boss replies; "You know, when I don't feel well, I like to go to my wife and ask for sex, then ...

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