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Pools Jokes

What do women and pools have in common?

They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.

I once had a job cleaning other people's pools...

It started off swimmingly, but soon it got to be too draining.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was at the local swimming pools today

And decided to have a sneaky piss in the deep end.

The life guard must’ve noticed.

He blew his whistle so fucking loud I almost fell in.

Two pools of vomit walk into a bar...

One goes straight to the bathroom, while the other orders a couple of drinks.

When the first one comes back, he sees his friend staring at the floor with a tear in his eye.

"What's wrong, Spewurt?", he asks.

"Oh it's nothing, Heave." his friend replies. "I was just feeling a bit...

An atheist dies and goes to hell

The devil welcomes him and says:"Let me show you around a little bit." They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. "This is your house now, here are your keys." The man is happy and thanks the devil. The devil says:"No need to say thank you, everyone gets a ...

How do youtubers get in swimming pools?

They just *jump into it*

What do swimming pools and old people have in common?

Deep ends

What game do unvaccinated kids play in swimming pools?

Marco Polio

Did you know the titanic‘s pools are still full?

Let that *sink* in

I was asked if I’d like to make a donation to help the local swimming pool

So I gave them a glass of water

A politician dies...

...and ends up at the pearly gates. St. Peter looks at him and finds his name in his book.

"So, you're a politician..."

"Well, yes. Is there a problem?"

"Oh no, there is no problem. But we have a policy for people in your profession, you have to spend a day each in heaven and he...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An atheist dies, goes to hell, and finds himself in a lush park with butterflies.

His physical body has transformed back into its prime and he's then greeted by Satan who says "Why hello there! Welcome to hell. Let me show you around, you're gonna love it here."

Satan points to a nice house and says "what do you think of this house?" The atheist replies "It's beautiful, I ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Dane, Swede and a Norwegian stumbled upon a magic fairy next to three pools.

The fairy told them that she would turn the water in each of the pools into whatever they want once they jump in the water. The Norwegian immediatly jumps and shouts "Soda!" and the water turns to soda. The Dane is up next, and he screams "Orange juice!" and the water turns to orange juice. When it'...

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