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Traveled Jokes

TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.

He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

A time traveler has traveled back in time to the year 1963.

However, he does not know the exact date.
He sees a CIA agent nearby and asks him:
"Is today before or after the JF-"

"Before"

Why did the statistician always take a bomb with him when he traveled by plane?

He knew the chances of a bomb being on a flight he was one in a million, so he figured that the chances of two bombs being on board was one in a million million.

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A man was traveling through Asia when one night, he stopped at a monastery

He asked the monks for a place to sleep and some food, and the monks indulged him. But that night, he couldn't sleep. He kept hearing this droning, thumping sound. After a while, he went to investigate. He followed the sound down the stairs, into the basement. There he encountered a richly decorated...

Why is *traveled* spelled *travelled* by the British?

Because they traveled home with that *L* in 1783

I've traveled the world and met people from many countries.

From my experience, American kids are some of the nicest, but German children are kinder

What would the Mandalorian be called if he was a woman that traveled through time?

Ma'amDeLorean

Gandhi was a well-traveled man..

Unfortunately, the majority of these travels were taken on foot, causing his feet to build up an incredible amount of hardened skin

To make things worse, his minimalist diet (and eventually his age) led him to become very frail.

In light of this, he still offered a surplus of insight t...

There were two white Christian men, John and Mike, whose plane crashed into a desert.

Luckily they survived unharmed. As they traveled through the hot desert looking for food and water, they gave up and sat down, thinking of what to do.

As the dust in the air settled, they suddenly could view a mosque ahead. They became very hopeful. But then John said ''Muslims are there. The...

One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers.

One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers. They traveled to a Hydra base surrounded by four barriers.

When they got to the first barrier, Hulk smashed it.

When they got to the second barrier, Tony Stark fired up his Iron Man suit and blasted a hole through it.

When they got to the t...

I got a world map for my wall, I'm going to put pins in all the places I've traveled to ...

... but first, I have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.

(credit to Mitch Hedberg, about 2003)

Time travel is possible!

The United States just traveled back 50 years!

Yuri Gagarin returned from space and Khrushchev asked him a question: "While you were up there, did you see god?"

Yuri replied: "Yes."

"That's what I suspected, but don't tell anybody."

Gagarin traveled to Rome and met the Pope, who asked him a question: "While you were up there, did you see god?"

Yuri replied: "No."

"That's what I suspected, but don't tell anybody."

A couple want to have children but the wife can't get pregnant.

A couple want to have children but the wife can't get pregnant
...so they go to see a priest for advice. The priest tells them they came at the right time, since his superior just sent him to Rome for 10 years, and he's leaving tomorrow.
'As soon as I'll get there, I'll immediately light a can...

I finally listened to my mom, and took the road less traveled.

I totally missed all the signs about the freeway still being under construction.

My life was great before I traveled to the North pole

From there it all went south.

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A well-traveled man goes to a

When he gets a lap dance from one of the strippers, he asks if she is Chilean

‘Yes, I am!’ she says ‘How did you know?’

‘Well’ says the man ‘Much like Chile, you are tall and slim’

He later gets a lap dance from another stripper, and asks if she is Swiss

‘Yes, I am!’ she ...

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A French traveled to Spain

He passed by a restaurant in Madrid after a bullfight. They were advertising that they served the balls of the bull who lost the bullfight.

Intrigued, the man went inside, only to find that there was a six-week waiting list to get to eat the loser’s balls. So he signed up and came back six we...

Last time I traveled abroad airport security made a hilarious joke about my passport

I mean I had to hand it to them

With my time machine, I traveled back to 1945 to show the inventor of Doc Martens my shiny new boots...

Do you think I created a Pair O' Docs?

Little Johnny traveled North to visit his friend during winter...

Little Johnny traveled North to visit his friend during winter time. His friend's mother saw Johnny shivering, so she said, "Come here and put your hands between my thighs to warm them up." Johnny said, "My ears are cold too."

People made of yogurt are always well traveled

They are truly people of culture.

I traveled about 3 mph to work this morning because of this cold weather.

I went through parking lots, hopped curbs, slid across side walks and roads. It was exciting. I should walk to work more often.

A swedish reporter traveled to Finland during WW2 to interview a finnish soldier...

Once in Finland, he found a soldier sitting outside some tents.
The reporter sat down beside the man and asked:
”Can you tell me how you feel about beeing a finnish soldier?”

Well, the soldier said, as a finnish soldier you have two alternatives.
Either you live or you die.
If you...

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If King Tut had traveled to Japan

there's a good chance he would've been... poopin ramen.
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