UPJOKE
upperbeyondhigher upprecedingbelowoverfeethighpeaklevelaroundlowerhigherbarelybeneath

[OC] i just realized Dwayne Johnson was living above my appartment.

i was living under The Rock for a very long time.

Why did the guy marry his wife above all the other women on the soccer team.

She's a keeper.

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Stingy old lawyer

A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the old saying, “You can’t take it with you.” After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died.

He in...

A nun and a priest are playing golf

The priest is teeing off at the first hole. The ball flies across the fairway towards the green, but lands meters from the hole.

"Oh God dammit, I missed."

The nun scolds the priest.

"Father, you ought to be careful. You of all people should know that if you continue to blasphem...

What do you call a flying nun?

A bird? A plane?

Nope, nun of the above

Joke Factory: Why did the [NOUN] go to the [LOCATION]?

Give me a random NOUN and LOCATION using the above format, and I'll give you the punchline.

For example:

Why did the soldier go to the beach?He was caught in a sand-off and came back shell-shocked.

Ready? Go!

\--

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A fifteen-year-old Amish boy and his father were in a mall.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "What is this Father?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in ...

A priest goes to the barber for a haircut.

When it’s done, he asks the barber how much he owes.

“All free, friend. I consider it a service to God”.

The next morning when the barber goes to work, he sees a bunch of flowers and a Bible in the doorstep. The flowers come with a thank you card from the priest.

Presently, a po...

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the
party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith
agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed
from the current position as a result of failure to perform previou...

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A joke written by the AI, ChatGPT

The sky above the port was the color of a moldy jellyfish, a sickly green that made everyone below feel nauseous. But a group of rebellious clowns, led by the hapless hero Isaac Newton, had a plan to bring some joy to the dreary sky. Using a circus tent and a lot of helium, they intended to lift the...

Supermarket franchise moves into small town

A big, nationwide operating grocery franchise opened a store in a small, rural town in the midwest. Since there was only a local farmers store across the street, the manager decided to bankrupt the local store and monopolize on the town. So he approached potential customers at the door of the local...

A man walks into a bar. Upon sitting down a busty blond waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food. He looks up at the menu above the bar it says:

Hot dog – $2

Cheeseburger – $5

Hand job – $10

He asks the waitress, “Miss are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” She winks and replies, “why yes I am.” He says, “Well wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger.”

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A man comes home early from work;

A man comes home early from work; As he enters the house hears noises coming from above

He rushes up the stairs and into the bedroom, only to find his wife in bed with his best friend Jim.

Oh Jim, how could you? We went to school together; we were in the scouts together, we….

Ji...

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Meeting St Peter

Three women have just entered heaven and are standing in front of an angel and St. Peter to find out what kinds of special privileges they'll have while there.

He says to the women,

\- "I only have one question. Have you lived a chaste life?"

The first woman answers

\-...

I bought a shabby little place in Bangkok above a nice restaurant.

It was a bad Thai pad, but good pad Thai

Fearful father finds an envelope

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.
...

(With apologies to George R.R. Martin) The temperature having finally gone up above freezing, an early spring rain began to wash away the effects of the Long Winter...

... but in the holdfast of a minor northern lordling, a small privy with several inches of still-frozen accumulation on its roof remained defiant against the downpour: "You'll never melt this! I shall keep my white mantle unto the end of days, by the Old Gods and the New!"

"No, it is inevitab...

Why do trolls no longer live under bridges, but instead live above them?

They get a better signal.

I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 1080p and above.

It's my new year's resolution.

A family of country bumpkins visit the big city for the first time.

A family of farmers--Ma, Pa, and their son Jim--take a trip to the city and walk into a shopping mall for the first time. They gape in awe at all the shiny surfaces and gleaming store windows full of fancy objects. Before long, the boys wander off and leave Ma ogling a kiosk of crystal jewelry.
<...

Microbangs.

A cut above the rest.

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.

When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcef...

Little Johnny joke.

Little Johnny was a lazy student and was failing Math badly. His parents had enough of this, so they pulled him out of regular school and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, he came home and not a word, and headed up to his bedroom to do his Math homework. He was up there...

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A gorilla dies of old age at a zoo right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable. (one of my favourite jokes, worth the read)



However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they can't afford to go a day without it. So the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in storage for an extra $100 a day if he will go in the gorilla cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the z...

I live above an eccentric Greengrocer

His fruit selection is totally bananas

Since vampires are hurt by holy water, I always wondered why Priests don’t bless storm clouds and kill them from above. Then I realized why most vampires live in Europe

Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa

My wife and I were watching my 6 yr old daughter swim and she says to me (not wanting to swear), "She needs to stop screwing around and keep her head above the Effin water!"

So I said, "There's no "F" in water".

The atheist and the bear

One day, an atheist man was walking through the woods. He was a proud atheist, never skipping the opportunity to mock those of faith for their ignorance and blindness to reality. He was enjoying his stroll through nature.
All of a sudden, there was a loud crashing behind him. He turned to look an...

A man is flying in a hot-air balloon and realizes he is lost

He reduces height and spots a man below. He lowers the balloon farther and shouts, "Excuse me! Can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot-air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist. 

"I am," replies...

A man is obsessed with reeling in a big fish... A man is obsessed with reeling in a big fish, so much so that he eventually buys a huge, synthetic sturgeon and hangs it on the wall above his fireplace.

Eventually, however, looking at the fake trophy makes the man feel like a fraud, and he can't stand it.

One day, he makes a final attempt at fishing up something impressive. Finally, after hours of waiting, he reels in a record-breaking chub, one that weighs more than any other in recorded hi...

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Imagine a wilderness scene, a flowing river and critters running around There is a fly, buzzing above the river, but what he don’t know is that there is a fish watching him, thinking “That fly is gonna drop 6 in. And I’m gonna jump up and get em, and have myself a good meal”

But the fish don’t know that there is a bear watching him thinking

“That fly is gonna drop 6 in. Fish is gonna eat the fly, I’m gonna get the fish, and have myself a good meal”

But the bear don’t know that there is a hunter watching him, eating a sandwich, and the hunter thinks

...

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A fly is seven inches above a river bank...

...And on that river bank, there is a frog. In the river, an salmon. And a bear on the other side of the river. A hunter in the woods with a sandwich in his pocket. A mouse next to the hunter, eyeing the sandwich, and finally, a cat about to pounce.

The frog thinks to himself, "If that fly d...

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A man and his dog walk into a bar

A guy and his dog walk into a bar. The bartender says "I'm sorry guys, you'll have to leave. No dogs allowed."

The man says, "But mine talks."

The bartender says "Bullshit"

The man says "I'll bet you $10,000 he can talk."

The bartender says "Fine, prove it then. But if he...

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Witch all die and go to the afterlife.

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Witch of the Norse gods all die and go to the afterlife.

They find that, waiting for them at the entrance to the afterlife is Anubis, waiting with a set of scales, with a feather on one side.

Above Anubis is a sign, "You wait with your heart, if less than f...

In Self Defense

Tenant - "I simply won't stay here any longer. Those people above me banged on the floor early this morning, slammed doors, and jumped up and down as hard as they could. I won't stand it, I tell you!"

Landlady - "They woke you up, I suppose?"

Tenant - "No, I hadn't gone to bed yet. ...

so a guy is speeding down a freeway, miles above the speed limit, and a cop pulls him over.

he comes up to the man and asks, "why were you speeding today sir?" the man replies, "i'm a juggler in a circus, and i'm late for my next show. i apologize. i assume you'll be needing my license and registration."

the cop looks intrigued, and says "whoa, hold on a sec. my daughter loves juggl...

Atheist fishing

One day, an atheist man was out fishing in a boat on Loch Ness.

After a few hours sitting in the middle of the lake, the boat shook hard and Nessie suddenly appeared from underneath.

Within a few seconds, the boat was destroyed and the was in the air, above the open jaws of the monster...

A painter was the only painter in town...

...And he tended to take advantage of this by diluting his paint a bit with turpentine. One day he was asked to paint the church steeple. He was about half done, standing high on a ladder, when a cloud suddenly came in. It started to rain, washing away his paint, and then a bolt of lightning knocked...

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Yesterday I went rock climbing and the guy above me kept farting.

It was by far the worst ass scent I’ve ever had to deal with.

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The Moral of the Story

There once was a fly, hovering above a pond.

The fly was thinking "I'm awfully thirsty, I think I'll go down to the pond and have a drink."

What the fly didn't know was that a fish was watching him thinking "That fly is looking awfully thirsty. When he comes down to get something to d...

A man and his wife die in a car accident

The man is greeted by Death. "Choose your game", says Death, "win and you will get a second chance at life, lose and you will die".

As an avid poker player, its an easy choice for the man.

As they begin, the man loses the first few hands.

As the next hand is drawn, the man is st...

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I walked in the pub with my gorgeous fiance .

Barman said " Punching above your weight there aren't you, pal? Where did you find her?"

"I met her in Thailand," I replied. "We're due to get married next month."

"You don't want to get married," he laughed . "That's when the blowjobs stop."

"I don't mind that," I replied. "I h...

Where do you stand on abortion?

just above the uterus and jump a little

The sky above looked ominous, so I asked Siri, "Surely, it's not going to rain again today?!"

It replied, "It is and don't call me Shirley!"

Guess I forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode…

A guy is out hunting and sees a hawk flying high above him, so he shoots it. As he's retrieving the dead bird a game warden happens by and arrests him for killing a federally protected bird of prey.

At the courtroom, the man tells the judge he's been out of work for many months and only shot the hawk because he hadn't eaten in days. The judge decides to let him off with 6 months probation.

As the guy is leaving the judge says, "hey, what does hawk taste like anyway?"

The guy say...

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Talking Dog Act

The sign says “World Famous Talking Dog Act”, and the people gather around, interested, but skeptical.
The man brings out his dog, a yellow Labrador Retriever, and starts the show.
“Heya, Skippy, these people want to hear you talk, tell them how you flight into the airport was yesterday.”
...

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A man with a head the size of an orange walks into a bar

He sits down, and orders a thimble of beer. The bartender looks confused, but gets him the drink. "Here's your drink, sir," says the barman. "But I have to ask. Are you, um, okay?"

^("Yes, I'm fine,") says the man. ^("It's not painful or anything.") He gestures at his tiny head.

"But, ...

An American, a Frenchman, and a Vietnamese are arguing where Adam and Eve were from.

The American says, "Adam and Eve must be American. Look at how much they love freedom - they have everything they could ever want in the Garden of Eden, yet they still pursue the one single thing that they're forbidden from by God. To love absolute freedom so much, they must be American!"

The...

An amateur birdwatcher and a professional ornithologist are observing the same patch of the forest floor.

There’s a break in the canopy above them, so there are dozens of birds congregated to soak up the sunlight. The scientist is eagerly taking notes and muttering to himself, “28…29…30… there’s 31 distinct species all in this one clearing! It’s amazing!”

The birdwatcher tells him, “No, they’re a...

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A cheating wife and her lover are in bed together

A cheating wife and her lover are in bed together one night when the woman's husband comes home early from work.

"Quick, hide under the bed" she says, panicking. No sooner had the man crawled under the bed than the husband comes walking in.

"I left early babe, couldn't wait to come h...

Golf

The Pope met with his cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel. Your Holiness, said one of the Cardinals, Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths. The Pope thou...

WW1 pilot talks to class

He tells about a dogfight he was in. “There were Fokkers to the right, Fokkers to the left, Fokkers above and Fokkers below.” The teacher says, “Children, Fokkers are a type of airplane.” Pilot says, “Yeah, except these Fokkers were Messerschmitts. “

Joke for economics nerds

A physicist and an economist are invited to a classroom to make a presentation to get the children interested in their field of study. The physicist goes first.

He produces a ball and announces, “I will time this ball falling to the ground and, without looking at the stopwatch, tell you how l...

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A fly hovers above a lake.

A fly hovers six inches above a lake. A fish, just underneath the surface, thinks "If that fly drops six inches, I can jump up and eat the fly."

Meanwhile, a nearby bear thinks "If that fly drops six inches, the fish will eat the fly, and I can eat the fish."

Meanwhile, a hunter in the...

The Poacher and the Bishop of Ely

One day, Sam the poacher is off doing his thing in the fields, when he sees the Bishop of Ely, on his way home from a banquet, urgently looking round for a bush- any bush. Sam, seeing this, only goes and hides behind the same bush as the Bishop. Realising what the Bishop is up to, quick as a flash...

Golfing

There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession.

One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in...

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My favourite nun joke

The nuns from the Convent of the Immaculate Conception were on a day trip when their bus went off the road, plunged over a cliff and they were all killed.

It had been a long day at the gates of heaven and Saint Peter had been counting down the minutes to knocking off time and some well-earned...

Remember: eagles may soar above the rest.

But a weasel hasn’t been sucked into a jet engine yet.

Airplane crash survivor monkey

A monkey was the only survivor of a large airplane crash that happened close to an airport. There was heavy destruction, chaos and wreckage parts everywhere, smoke, fire, ambulances, police, aviation forensics, firefighters, airport representatives, television reporting crew, the whole nine yards. N...

If humans are at the top of the food chain...

Cannibals are one step above.

I don't think the guy climbing the ladder above me wipes,

It was an unpleasant asscent.

For all my life my dad kept messing with the ledge above the fire place, lengthening it, shortening it, sanding it, painting it. But he died last week. After I got home from the funeral I compulsively got my tools out and raised it six inches higher ...

... I guess you could say I’ve taken up his mantel.

A Bishop and his plumber played golf

The plumber kept shooting the ball way out of bounds cursing " Goddamn it, I missed again". The bishop, annoyed, asked the plumber not to speak gods name in vain. As they moved to the next hole the plumber misses again, " Goddamn it, I missed again" The Bishop became furious. The third hole came an...

What's the difference between a buoy and my ex girlfriend?

A buoy can be found above the ocean's surface.

People are always saying Americans are fat, violent, and above all else, stupid

But every time I see one of those statistics maps about how terrible we are, there's this little country on the northwest border of Canada that's just as bad as we are.

a joke that i saw in a youtube video a few years back

Two markets were flying in the the sky, when suddenly Market 1 stops and says "Wait a minute, markets don't fly", to which Market 2 responds "Oh, right" before falling down to the ground. Upon landing Market 2 looks up and sees Market 1 still up above, so he shouts "Why are you still flying? Markets...

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A Scouser walks into the local benefits office, walks up to the counter to collect his fortnightly giro and say's to the woman.

"You know something?
I just hate being on the dole, I'd really rather have a job".

The benefits worker behind the counter tells him.
"Your timing is excellent.
We have just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man.
He wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his nymphomani...

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He grasped me firmly but gently just above my elbow and guided me into a room...

He grasped me firmly but gently just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room.

Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone.

He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear, “Just relax.”

Without warning, he reached d...

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A mosquito flies above a river...

In the river there is a fish.
The fish thinks: If that mosquito just flies down a little bit, i can jump and eat that mosquito

Next to the river sits a bear
The bear thinks: If that mosquito flies down a little bit, and the fish grabs it. I can grab the fish.

Behind the bear in t...

Celebrity Murder

Dwayne Johnson was murdered in a hotel room he was staying at. Police were called as soon as the body was discovered, and they did some investigating.

An officer knocked on the door of someone living one floor down. He asked the man who answered if he heard anything unusual above him, but he ...

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Scarlett Johansson and some guy were the only survivors of a shipwreck.

They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was...

At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him... after all, there wasn't anybody els...

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Two whales are chilling in the ocean when a boat floats above them...

Whale 1: Hey, you know what would be funny? If we went under the boat and tipped it over with our blow holes.

Whale 2: Haha yeah, let's do it!

*The two whales proceed to go under the boat, blow their blow holes and tip it over*

Whale 1: Hahaha that was great! You know what woul...

The wizard materialized on the hill above the outdoor festival and proclaimed, “All shall be vanquished.... except those in temporary shelters supported by a pole, and fully aquatic animals with spade-shaped teeth!”

The area was safe for all in tents and porpoises.

I listened to him boast about standing head and shoulders above the rest and how he felt it was acceptable, even encouraged, to look down on others. I realized I couldn’t cast a vote for this man.

He was a height supremacist.

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The word "Boobs" is a three dimensional diagram

The "B" shows how they look from above, the "oo" how they look from the front and the "b" how they look from the side.

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An abandoned gas station.

A man is driving down a loan highway when he realizes he has to take a dump badly. He sees a gas station and pulls over. It doesn’t take him long to realize it’s abandoned. The gas pumps and building itself are derelict, but the bathrooms are still open for use.

He walks in and instantly tak...

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Since ovaries are above the vagina...

Shouldn’t testicles should have been named *undaries.*

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What do you call a phallic shaped potato growing entirely above ground?

A rootless dick-tater

Written above a urinal.

The jokes not here it's in your hand.

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and ...

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What scale is an A below average and F above average?

Boobs!

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After days of driving, a trucker walks into a empty small-town diner and sees three signs above the counter.

The first reads "Hamburger: $5," the second reads "Cheeseburger: $6," and the third reads "Handjob: $10." As the man approached, a beautiful young woman dressed in an apron came out from the kitchen and asked coyly, "What can I do for you, hon?"

"Are you the one who gives the handjobs?" asked...

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There's a forest, and in this forest is a river and hovering above this river is a fly.

Looking at this fly is a fish and the fish is looking at this fly and is thinking: you know what, that fly drops six inches, I'm gonna go up there, get that fly and have myself a really nice meal.


What the fish didn't realize was that there was a bear looking at the fish looking at the fl...

A blonde is drilling in the ice to fish when he hears a voice call out from above...

**There are no fish under the ice**

The guy looks up but doesn't see anyone. He asks - can I at least drill and see for myself?

The answers in a louder tone.

**There are no fish under the ice**

The poor guy looks up and still can't see anyone. He thinks to himself - ...

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There was a fly above a river

A fish sees the fly and thinks "If it comes down about 3 inches lower I can jump up and eat it". A bear sees the fly and the fish and thinks "if the that fly goes a few more inches lower, the fish will jump to get it and I can snag the fish in the air". A hunter who's been tracking the bear for some...

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As I'm roaming in London, a British man walks up to me and says: Hey, you're an Indian, tell me why do you put that dot above the eyes?

I sighed a bit and replied: It's stupid, isn't it? Well, it's called a "tittle" and it's one of those idiosyncrasies of the English language that I could never understand.

Many vegetables live above ground. Not onions though.

Onions have lairs.

Guess what my grades and whales have in common?

They rarely rise above "C" level. ᴴᵉˡᵖ

What do you call two guys above a window?

Kurt and Rod

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A fish watched a fly six inches above the water...

He thought, “if that fly would drop 6 inches I would have lunch.”

A bear was watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, If that fly would drop 6 inches the fish would come up and get the fly, I could reach the fish and have lunch.”

A hunter was watching the bear watching the fish...

I once saw a store with a big arrow above the door

The owner removed it. It was pointless.

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What's the worst part about having an average or above average sized penis?

I don't know either but it's good to know im not the only one around here with a tiny penis.

A Lutheran moves into a neighborhood of Roman Catholics on the first day of Lent.

That Friday, the man grills out on his patio, filling the neighborhood with the mouthwatering aroma of seared steak. All his neighbors, being practicing Catholics, are obliged to abstain from eating meat on Fridays during Lent. Needless to say, they aren't particularly happy about it. The next Frida...

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A guy drank too much on a party and passed out...

He finds himself in front of the heaven's door. He's asking, "What's happening?". And a voice from above is saying "Don't you see? You drank too much. You drank so much that you're dead now! But you won't be passed into the heaven because you were a sinner." The guy replies "I see... I'm ready to be...

A blind fella is in a department store walking up and down the aisles with a white cane in one hand while swinging a service dog on a leash above his head with the other hand. A store employee asks if he needs assistance.

The blind fella replies, “No thanks, just looking.”

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A fly is hovering six inches above a lake.

Under the water, a fish is sizing up the fly. "If that fly would just drop six inches, I could eat it," it thinks.
On the shore of the lake, a bear is eyeing the fish. "If that fly drops six inches, the fish will go for it, and I can catch the fish while it's distracted."
On top of a nearby hi...

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Island life

A man got a nice new high performance boat for seafaring. On his maiden voyage, he decided to take his two most trusty companions, his dog and his goat.

While at sea, a massive storm hits, and man, dog, and goat end up stranded on a desert island. The man finds wood and builds shelter, fishes...

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A guy walking down the street sees a sign above a store that reads "Cock Shop"

He decides to check it out. He walks in and heads to the counter and whips out his cock. The woman cashier lets out an audible shriek and asks "What the fuck are you doing?"

"The sign outside said Cock Shop, so..."

"Clock shop you idiot, the "I" is out" replies the angry cashier. "Look...

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There was a businessman whose wife was REALLY into sex.

He was a hardworking guy but still managed to satisfy his wife's needs.

One time he had to leave for another country for a business meet. He would've been gone for a week.
He knew his wife's sex drive and didn't want to take risks so he thought he should gift her something so she can sat...

A Biker was riding his Harley along the beach when suddenly the sky opened above his head

and, in a booming voice, GOD said, 'because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.' The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.' GOD replied, 'Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for ...

Thankful shark

There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat.

As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He’s scared to death, and as he turns...

Why did the pirate prefer slightly above average students?

Because he always preferred the high C's

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A cut above the rest

Once upon a time a powerful emperor of the rising sun advertised for a new chief samurai. Three men applied, A Japanese samurai, A Chinese swordsman And a Jewish samurai. The three met with the emperor to see who would get the job. "Japanese Samurai Show me your skill", the Japanese samurai stepped ...

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The ground floor toilets were out of order. So I had to use the ones on the floor above.

That was some next level shit

How did all the numbers above 2 die?

They over-dos'd

A man hires a poacher to capture a male gorilla for a zoo.

The poacher agrees but says that his assistant is ill and will need the man to come with him in his assistant's place. The man agrees and so the poacher goes out to the jungle with the man. The poacher brings a pair of handcuffs, a long stick, a shotgun and a chihuahua. They search through the jungl...

A chemical warehouse was robbed at gunpoint, the assailants cleaned out all stores of substances with pH above 7.

"All your base are belong to us"

I’m opening a barber shop above a hotel.

It’s a cut above the rest.

What's floating above a mass grave?

Team spirit

What starts with H, ends with S, and can be found below my waist and above my legs?

Handcuffs.

On the map, Canada is above the US.

But isn't it crazy that when I look up I don't see Canada?!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three English men were in a bar and spotted an Irish man. One of the guys said he was going to bug him.

He walked over to the Irish man and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a real tosser.”

“Oh really, hmm, didn't know that.”

Puzzled, the English man walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a tosser and he didn't care!"

"You just don't ...

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The ...

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