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Thier Jokes

two men were walking thier dogs...

Two men, tom and bob were walking their dogs when they smell a delicious scent. "You smell that?" tom asked. Bob replied, "the heck I do, let’s find where it’s coming from!”. After 5 minutes of searching, the scent led them to a restaurant. Tom said "let’s get something to eat!" they both were hungr...

Why would no one name thier child Pollen?

Apparently there's a lot of stigma attached.

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A mother, father, and thier young son go to a zoo.....

The child looks at one of the pens and says, "hey mom, what's that?", the mother replies, "oh that's an elephant". Noticing the gargantuan member beneath the elephant, the child asks "what's that under the elephant?", embarrassed the mother replies, "oh that's nothing". The child then walks over to ...

What do zombies blow thier noses with?

Human tissue!

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A man from stockholm decieds to move away from the grinde of the big city and buys a house in northern sweden out in the middel of nowhere

After having bougth his house and get settled a local comes to his house and greats him
"Hi! im your closest neighbour and i wanna invite you to a welcoming party!"
The stockholmer is pleasnetly supprised and agrees
"Alrigth! ill see you tomorrow! but just so you know thiere is gonna ...

3 girls and thier mother were walking through a park...

Girl 1 turned to her mother and said...

Girl 1: Mommy, why is my name Lily?

Mom: Because when we took you out of the Hospital, a Lily petal fell on your head.

The second Daughter, now curious, asks the same question...

Girl 2: Why is my name Rose?

Mom: When we took...

Why do women have flowers on the front of thier panties?

In memory of all the faces buried there.

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I tried to translate joke from Arabic

Three women setting together talking about a new ways to initiate sex with thier husbands,
One of them says "I have a good way, when ever I want to have sex with John I touch his dick and say your dick is very cold, do you need warming it a bit?, And that's it"

next day they the second wo...

Humans have 206 bones in thier body

And still we think our dogs love us for no reason

My friend was repeatedly accused of fingering girls while they were on thier period.He denied it.

Eventually they caught him red handed.


(Sorry for my english).

Why does the Philippines only have one Olympic gold medal in thier history so far?

Cause there is no Olympic competition for karaoke.

I knew a couple who named thier kid illidan stormrage

All i could think was: "Wow.."

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Three men are chatting about thier girlfriends.

The Italian man says, 'When I've finisheda makina da love with my girlfriend I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees. She floatsa 6 inches above da bed in ecstasy'.

His French friend replies, 'Zat is nothing, when Ah 'ave finished making ze love with ze girlfriend Ah kiss all ze wa...

Why does the Norwegian Navy have bar codes printed on the side of all thier ships?

So when they come back to port they can just Scandinavian.

A redhead, brunette and a blonde walk into a bar.

They were having a chat when the bartender asked them about thier opinions on elements.

The redhead says,"I love gold because I can buy a lot of cars with it."

The brunette says,"I would prefer platinum because it is more valuable than gold and can buy you more cars."

The blonde...

Why Did The Person Wear Condoms On Thier Ears

They Did Not Want Hearing Aids

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A man is eating soup at a restaurant when he drops his spoon.

It was a particularly busy day, so the man thinks "Great, by the time I get another spoon, my soup will be cold." Nevertheless, he flags down his waiter and tells him that he dropped his spoon. The waiter says "Here ya go" and produces a spoon from his vest pocket. "Wow, that was convenient" the man...

Anyone else get the feeling thier being watched all the the time?

CIA: They're*

5 Arabs are sitting around looking at pictures of thier kids

One says to the others they blow up so fast!!

What do you call someone who dyes thier hair red?

Trans-ginger.

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A coroner's ass.

A coroner's assistant was going over thier very first body and noticed that there was a rather large cork in the anus. So that assistant gave a tug and the cork popped out. To the assistant's suprise, they started hearing something..."On the road again, i just can't wait to be....." Astounded, the a...

PlayStation has announced a new line of shoes for gamers.

Thier first pair will be called Demon Soles.

A priest, a minister and a rabbi go fishing

After rowing thier small boat to thier favorite spot, the priest says to the rabbi;

"This a great spot. Lots of nice fish"

After about an hour, the priest stands up announces he needs to answer the call of nature, steps out of the boat and walks across the water to shore, disappears f...

Why are people with dextrocardia so generous?

Cause thier heart is in the right place.

Husband eats dog food

A married lady goes to her doctor for her annual checkup and everything is good. In her conversation at the end of all the tests and examination with the doctor she expressed a concern about her husband.

"As you know I raise champion golden retrievers and one evening I was making thier foo...

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Professor welcomes the class in Anatomy lab on the first day of medical school.

He begins by saying - You need 2 rules to become a successful doctor.

No 1 - you cannot feel disgusted by anything.

After saying that, he stuck his finger into the cadaver's butt hole.

Students look at him in a shocked manner, but eventually they give in and remembering his r...

What's the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick?

Hockey players take thier pads off after three periods.

I'm anti - vax

I just don't think thier brand of vacuums are as good as the competition.

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Do you know where a nudist keeps their keys at the beach?

The same place they keep all of thier shit

Why don't chickens wear pants?

Their pecker is on thier head

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An Italian man, a Mexican man and an American man are all sitting on a steel beam a couple hundred feet in the air.

Working as construction workers they all pull out thier lunches one at a time and the italian man is first to react:

"Damn. Spaghetti and meatballs again. I swear, if my wife makes spaghetti and meatballs for me one more time I'm going to jump off this beam to my death."

The Mexican is...

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So I got out of the bathroom.

Spoke to a friend saying " I can't believe thier still together after that shit."

My friend said "Who"

And I responded "My ass cheeks"

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My dad's favorite joke that he created

Warning: this joke is not good in any way

Three men go on a walkabout vacation in the outback of Australia. They have never been to the continent, and unknowingly tresspassed on aboriginal grounds.

Towards dusk, they are ambushed and kidnapped by aborigines. They are taken back to thie...

The king asks his tax collector

"How much have we collected in taxes this quarter"

The tax collector replies "im afraid our villages were raided by bandits m'lord, the villages have had to pay thier taxes in chickens"

With an outward sigh of mild irritation the king speaks "well man how many chickens did you manage t...

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A physics professor asks this question in his class.

If a plane is flying in South East direction at 795 miles an hour and it takes a torque of 58000 N/m2 to unscrew a nut from the main pillar of Brooklyn Bridge, then calculate my age as of today?

The ivy league geniuses in the class immediately went to work. Firing up thier computers and calc...

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Ryan Gosling went to live in Saudi Arabia for a year.

He and a local Saudi girl fell in love.

The girl would secretly sneak out of her house in the middle of the night without a male companion to hangout with Ryan. They would go to Ryan's place and make love for the whole night. Ryan would drop her back before the dawn. She would quietly sneak i...

Man walks around with a dead fish in his pocket instead of wearing a mask

In thier community almost all of them caught the virus and this guy never did. The community head was curious and invited him to learn his secret and to talk to him as the smell was harassing this community.
Man came to the head's with the dead fish in pocket.

Man: I will talk to you only...

I went to the pool with the local orphanage but none of them would get in the water.

It's like thier parents never taught them to swim. Or something

Good-for-nothing

Husband: What are these good-for-nothing broken condoms doing on the sofa?
Wife : For god's sake , Thier names are John and Mary.

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Behold the bacon tree...

Three young solders are huddled behind a rock prepping to go and face the onslaught of fire ringing around them, when suddenly the world plunges into silence that not even the birds disturb. It's almost peaceful for a moment, if it weren't for the threat just beyond thier protective boulder.
The ...

Four rabbis get into an argument

One rabbi claimed that he knew what a bible passage meant, but the other three thought he was wrong.

The lone rabbi asked God for a sign that he is right, and behold, it began to rain! However, the other rabbis were unconvinced, thinking "it was only a coincidence and didn't prove anything."<...

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Hygiene was an issue at the farm

John, the farmer was an old man who couldn't tend to his farm any more. His children had left for the city for greener pastures.
Few years back his wife passed away of old age.

Seeing the farm in neglect, all the domesticed animals on the farm called for an urgent meeting.

The cow, ...

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So I sucked an ass this morning.

I mean, everyone eats thier animal crackers differently.

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The smoker the drunk and the sex addict

3 guys in jail are being ready to be released, one a chronic smoker, one a drunk and one a sex addict.

On the date of thier release they go before the judge who then turns into the devil and tells them.....

IF YOU SMOKE ONE MORE CIGARETTE YOU'LL DIE

IF YOU DRANK ONE MORE BEER Y...

Where do you find an old Onion article?

In thier archives.

[OC] Micheal Jordan's origin story.

Micheal Jordan loved basketball growing up. He was good at it too. Every day at school, he'd be playing basketball and everyone wanted him on thier team.

The only catch was that, he could only play B-Ball at school. There were no courts near his house. So... Micheal's father, whom I will hen...

A man sees a woman and falls madly in love...

In an investment seminar a man saw a beautiful lady and falls madly in love instantly,


He proposes to her, But being a financial planning expert she asks about his background..

He said - "..well, I am an ordinary man today, but few months later, after my ailing father dies, I would...

The year is 1958, My Fair Lady premiers in London and all the tickets have been sold out for months.

To thier surprise a couple sees an empty seat in front of them. They lean forward and ask the lady sitting next to it:

&nbsp;

"Excuse me, do you know why there is an empty seat here?"


"Ah yes. My husband and I bought tickets but unfortunately he has passed away."

...

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There's a disaster at sea.

Only three guys and one girl survive and are washed up on a island god knows were.

Knowing that they are probably stranded for a long time they decide to start making a shelter, collecting food, making rudimentary weapons and any other shit stranded people do.

Time pass and no sign of ...

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One day, a hippie gets on a bus...

He sees a beautiful nun and sits next to her. He turns too the nun and says, ''Will you have sex with me?'' Surprised by the question, the Noun answers,''No!'' and gets off at the next stop.

After she gets off the bus the bus driver turns to the Hippie and says,''I over heard your conversatio...

Ooh Johnny

President Obama was visiting a primary school, and visited the 1st grade classes. The class was in the middle of a lesson on words and thier meaning. Obama ask if any of the kids could give the meaning of the word "tragedy". One lil boy stood up and said " If my best freind was playing in the road a...

Bubba n' Buford II

One day Bubba n' Buford were drivin' down the Farm to Market road in their pickup drinkin' Lone Star longnecks n' chillin' out to Bob Wills "San Antonio Rose" n' low n' behold, they come over a hilltop and there's a DPS roadblock a stoppin' folks. Thinkin' quick, Bubba pulls over to the side a the...

The Fireman's bell system.

A man came home from work one day and told his wife how good his fireman job was when they used a bell system. He explained to her when bell 1 rang they slid down the firemans pole, bell 2 they grab thier jackets and bell 3 they were on the truck ready to go.

He also told her he wanted to us...

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