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Canadians Jokes

Two Canadians End up in Hell...

Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.

They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

Satan...

How do you get 30 Canadians out of a pool?

You say, “O.K., everybody, it’s time to get out of the pool!”

God and Canadians

When God made Canadians, he made them polite, peace-loving, and nice.
But the Devil said, "you are disturbing the balance of nature".
God thought about it, and said, "you are right. But I don't want to undo my work."
Devil: "well, there is only one way to fix this."

So God created Ca...

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God is creating the world, and he talks to the canadians

He says to them “You will have the best land ever. It is beautiful, in the summer it is warm and in the winter it snows beautiful snow flakes. It is called Canada. You will have prosperity and food for all your days.”

He then gets the Australians, and says to them “I give to you Australia. Yo...

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Fucking Canadians

Give them an inch.

They’ll take 2.54 centimeters.

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On day six of the Creation, God announced to his archangel underlings, "Today we're creating a place called Canada.

"Today we're creating a place called Canada. Pull out all the stops. Give it beautiful mountains, lakes, plains, forests, and sandy beaches. Underground, give it oil, gold, etc. Oh, and plenty of fish and wildlife."

"Sir," interjected an archangel, "aren't you being overly generous to the...

You know what I don't like about Canadians?

They think they're above US.

Why are Canadians so good at sports?

They always bring their eh game

What's a Canadians favourite board game?

Sorry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is it called when you're only attracted to Canadians?

Eh?sexual

Why do Canadians do it doggy style?

So they both can watch the hockey game.

When Canadians work on board cruise ships,

they need to get a document from the Canadian government called a Seaman’s Discharge Book.

Which is useless because all the pages are stuck together..

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American

She shares the joys of being a part of the greatest country in the world, and asks her students to raise their hands if they are or want to be American too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.

There is, however,...

God created Canada.

On the 6th day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains,beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-l...

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I know a girl who is only attracted to Canadians.

She's Eh'-sexual.

Sometimes I confuse Canadians and Americans

by using big words

Two Canadians die and go to hell.

Satan puts them in their own cell and turns up the heat to 49C, figuring that’s a good temperature to start newcomers. He comes back a while later to find the Canadians shirtless but smiling.

“It never gets this warm in Canada we’re enjoying while it lasts.” One of them explains when a mystif...

What’s a Canadians favorite kinda footwear…

Aboot

The Canadians get sent to hell

So the rapture happens and all the Canadians get sent to hell because they didn’t hold the door or say sorry enough and the devil sees them celebrating. Bothered by this he asks “you’rein hell why are you celebrating“ and the Canadians respond “it’s like minus thirty where we live this is awesome. A...

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What do Canadians call a wet pussy?

An eager beaver.

Only reason I thought of this was because I'm polishing my resume and looked up synonyms for self-starter, and one was eager beaver. One thing led to another, and I thought of this lol.

Canadians

Stop stereotyping Canadians. They're such nice people

Why do Canadians do it doggy-style?

So they both can watch the hockey game.



(Told to me by my 11th grade English teacher, who should have known better. Shame on you, Mr. Avril.)

Apparently, lots of Canadians use "married but dating" sites.

What a sorry state of affairs.

Mt favorite naval joke!

**Americans**: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.









**Canadians**: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.






**Americans**: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship....

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My friend said she’s only attracted to Canadians.

I guess she’s eh-sexual.

Who do Canadians hate more than the French?

French Canadians

(I’m sorry)

What's a Canadians favorite body part?

The Lumber Vertebrae

Why are Canadians always over qualified for jobs in the US?

Because zero degrees in Canada is the same as 32 in the States.

Two Canadians in Kentucky

So these two Canadians are driving into Louisville, Kentucky and are arguing about how to pronounce the name of the city.

“Its pronounced Lou-is-vill…obviously” The oilman from Alberta says

“No, you see, it is French! It is pronounced Loo-ie-vee!” The guy from Quebec retorts.

Th...

Everyone thinks that Canadians hate Trump

It's Trudeau

What's a Canadians favorite song?

Y-M-C-EH


Sorry if it's been told before, inspiration by u/photogent

What type of arthritis disproportionately affects Canadians?

Psorryatic arthritis.

Canadians are perfect retail workers.

They are excellent at apologizing for everything, even if it is not their own fault.

How do Canadians take down enemy aircraft

With an Eh Eh gun!

What do you call a group of Canadians?

An apology

How the Canadians prepare their army

A new recruit arrives on the front lines during world war 2. When he gets there he is told resources are stretched thin and they have not rifles to spare him, although they still expect him to go on patrol. He goes straight to his captain and explains the situation, the captain hands him a broom and...

Three Canadians are driving along, when their car breaks down, leaving them stranded. Who do they call?

Triple eh.

What's the difference between Canadians and Americans?

100 pounds.

If Canadians say "Ay" and Mexicans say "Si"...

Why don't Americans say "B"?

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How do Canadians reproduce?

Ehsexually.

What do Canadians say when they see an oak tree?

Ok (oak-eh)

What do Canadians get on their report card

Staight EH'S

Canadians and British are very upset about yesterday's events.

They are no longer the only ones that rushed the Capitol.

Why do Canadians not play club penguin

Because they club seals

2 Canadians are sitting outside watching the night sky.

When the first guy asks the other “If you had to be one star in the night sky, which one would you be, eh?”

The second guy thinks for a moment and says “I’d probably be the brightest star in the sky.”

To which the first guy quickly responds “You can’t be Sirius A!”

Why are Canadians so smart

Because they always get strait eh’s

I have always head that Canadians are nicer than most other people...

... that’s not really Trudeau.

What's long and hard on Canadians?

Winter

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