The Lone Ranger Jokes - 37 Hilarious The Lone Ranger Jokes

In his later years, the Lone Ranger and Tonto were catching up on old times. After awhile the Lone Ranger paused and said “I have some sad news.”

“Tell me, old friend” said the faithful Tonto.

“Well...I recently was diagnosed with Cancer”

“Bad spirits,” replied his old companion.

The Lone Ranger look off into the distance for a minute. “After all your years of wisdom, what do you think I should do?”

“Chemo, s...

The Lone Ranger’s Last Request

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.

The Indian Chief proclaims,

"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" ..

"In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days."

"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"

"...

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding across the desert...

The Lone Ranger gets off his horse for a piss by a cactus. Suddenly, a rattle snake lunges out and bites him right on the dick. Tonto hears him scream and comes running over. He's lying there on his back, moaning in pain.

Tonto says, "I'll ride back to that native village we passed a while a...

Tonto and the Lone Ranger are walking up a mountain...

When all of a sudden they see a beautiful blonde coming down the mountain by horseback.

Tonto goes up to the woman and says, "Some"

The Lone Ranger looks at Tonto and says, "Tonto you idiot you're an Indian you are supposed to say HOW not SOME!!!"

Tonto Looks back at the Lone Ra...

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.

After they got their tent set up, both men fell asleep.

A few hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger.

"Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what do you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies "I see a beautiful clear sky with millions of stars".

"What does that tell you?" Asked Tonto....

Tonto and the Lone Ranger are riding their horses across the prairie...

Tonto begins to slow his horse and eventually comes to a complete stop.

Lone Ranger: “What is it Tonto?”

Tonto gets down from his horse and puts his ear to the ground.

Tonto: “Buffalo come.”

Lone Ranger: “Wow, how do you know that?”

Tonto: *rubs the side of his fac...

The Lone Ranger.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding across the wide endless desert, they stop and Tonto climbs down and kneels and puts his ear to the ground. He lifts his head and says, "Buffalo come".

The Lone Ranger says, "how do you know.?"

Tonto says, "Face sticky"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are on a ridge

And the lone ranger says: "Tonto! There's Indians to the North! And Indians to the West, Indians to the East and Indians to the South! What are we going to do?"

And Tonto goes: "What do you mean we, white man?"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into town on a cold December day

"Just wait out here," says the Lone Ranger. "I need to see a man in the saloon. They won't let you in, it's illegal to serve alcohol to your people."

"It's freezing," complains Tonto as he hitches the horses to the rail. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Run up and down to keep warm," the L...

The lone ranger and Tonto ride up to a saloon...

The lone ranger tells Tonto to stay outside and run around the horses in a circle to keep the air moving so the will be cool. He then goes inside and orders some whiskey.

After a few minutes, a man enters and says to the people inside "who do the two horses outside belong to"

"They are...

The Lone Ranger....

Lone Ranger and Tonto were tracking Buffalo one day as Tonto put his ear to the ground:

Tonto: Buffalo come...

Line Ranger: how you know?

Tonto: Ear Sticky....

The lone Ranger and Tonto

The lone Ranger and Tonto are riding their horses when Tonto falls off. He lands in a ditch. The lone Ranger walks up and says "Tonto are you ok"? Tonto puts his ear to the ground and remains quiet. The lone Ranger repeats himself and Tonto quiets him and says "buffalo come" the lone Ranger says " ...

The Lone Ranger was captured by Indians...

And was about to be put to death. The Chief spoke, "Since you are about to die, I'll grant you a wish."

The Lone Ranger said, "I want to talk to my horse."

The Chief thought it was an odd request, but consented, and Silver was led around to the Lone Ranger. The Lone Ranger whispered ...

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through the desert when they stop to take a break.

The Lone Ranger has to take a wiz, so he whips it out and starts pissing on a cactus. Suddenly, a rattlesnake jumps out and bites him on the dick. The Lone Ranger yells to Tonto, Hurry! Go to that nearby town, find the doctor, and tell him I have been bit by a rattler!

Tonto gallops to the...

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding along one day...

...when suddenly, Tonto stops.

"Kemosabe, we cannot go farther. This is Sioux land."

The Lone Ranger replies "All right then, we will turn south.

"I am sorry we cannot. The Arapahoe are to the south"

"Ok then," says the Ranger, "we go north"

"Kemosabe, the Nez Per...

What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage?

To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.

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The Lone Ranger get bit a snake

The lone Ranger and Tonto are out on the plains. The Lone Ranger somehow gets bitten on the penis by a poisonous snake.

He sends Tonto into the closest town to get a doctor and an antidote. The doctor says , 'There is no antidote for this, you're going to have to suck the poison out'.

...

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The Lone Ranger's last request

The bad guys have captured the Lone Ranger, have him naked on the ground, and are about to shoot him. "Do you have any last wishes??", one of them asks, "Bring my horse, Silver, over here.", the Lone Ranger replies.

They grant his wish and over comes Silver. The Lone Ranger whispers for a mom...

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The Lone Ranger..

and Tonto were riding when all of a sudden they were surrounded by Indians. That was when Tonto informed the Lone Ranger that he was tired of being his sidekick and sold him out. Once in captivity the Lone Ranger was given one last request from the Indian chief. He requested to speak to his horse, S...

The Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into town on a winter's day

They pull up outside the saloon and the Lone Ranger says, "I need to see a guy in there - you'll have to wait out here, it's against the law to let you in a place where liquor is sold".

Tonto scowls. "But it's freezing out here, *kemo sabe*!".

"I can't help that - the law's the law," s...

The Lone Ranger is Captured by Outlaws

The Lone Ranger is captured by outlaws. They are definitely planning on killing him, but have so much respect for the lawman that they decide to grant him 3 final requests. Upon hearing this the Lone Ranger says that he will only tell his requests to his noble steed, Silver. The bad guys agree. The ...

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were out riding when the Lone Ranger needed to shit. So finding a shrub, he squatted down to do his business. Suddenly he started yelling and screaming for Tonto. "Tonto! A rattle snake bit my asshole. Ride into town and get the doctor!" Tonto jumped on his horse and rode...

The Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through the desert one day, and it just so happens that it's unnaturally hot. The Ranger and his Indian sidekick are sweating and panting, and their horses are in even worse shape. They're nearing a town where they can stop and rest, but are still miles out when ...

The Lone Ranger joke (NSFW)

The Lone Ranger was riding off in the desert when he gets captured by Indians. They tie him to a stake and the Indian chief says to him. "Unk, Lone Ranger we kill'em at sundown, give'm last request". Lone Ranger thinks about it and says "I'd like to talk to my horse." The Indian chief says "Hmm migh...

The Lone Ranger and Tonto

The Lone Ranger and Tonto stop in their persuit of some crooks to check for tracks. Tonto presses his ear to the ground, sits up slowly and says thoughtfully "Hmmmm...buffalo come".
Amazed the Lone Ranger asks "Wow! How did you know that?!"
Tonto replies "Ear stick to ground"

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(Nsfw) The lone ranger and Tonto are travelling when they are captured by a band of outlaws

They bury the Lone ranger up to his neck in the dirt. The outlaws ask the lone ranger if he has any last requests before they leave him to die.

"Yes I do, tonto come here a moment"

Tonto comes over and the lone ranger whispers something in his ear. Suddenly tonto makes a run f...

The Lone Ranger and Tonto . . .

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were out in the desert. The Lone Ranger asked Tonto for the time. Tonto takes off his loin cloth, sporting a proud erection. Tonto looks at the shadow of his erection and says "It's 3:15".

The Lone Ranger checks his watch. Sure enough, it's 3:15.

Some time...

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The teacher asks little Johnny to tell the class what he thinks sex is

Little Johnny was getting to that age, so in class the teacher wanted to know how much each student knew about sex. For that, she asked everyone to explain sex as they understood it.

First, little Mary explained it with the classic Birds and the Bees speech. "Good job, Mary", said the teache...

Tonto & the Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger says to Tonto,
" I'm gonna stop & have a tinkle behind this bush "

The Lone Ranger Screams
" AHHH Tonto come here quickly"

Tonto goes over & see that The lone ranger has been bitten by a Snake....
Tonto says "Don't panic , I know a Witch doctor who l...

Ear me now

Tonto and the Lone Ranger are out riding the planes one day looking for signs of the herd when suddenly Tonto leaps from his horse and puts his ear to the ground. "Buffalo come" he says a few moments later. "Amazing!" says the Lone Ranger, "Can you sense the herd moving Tonto?" "No" says Tonto, "...

Out West

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were passing through town on an incredibly hot afternoon. They rode up to a saloon and hitched their horses. The Lone Ranger told Tonto to run circles around the horses to create a draft and keep them cool. Meanwhile he went inside to get a drink. After a couple beers, a fe...

Who's horse is that?

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were at the bar drinking when in walks a cowboy who yells, "Who's white horse it that outside?" The Lone Ranger finishes off his whiskey, slams down the glass, turns around and says, "It's my horse. Why do you want to know?" The cowboy looks at him and says, "Well, your hor...

Lone ranger

So the Lone ranger is being held prisoner by Indians and will be burned alive in 3 moons. So the chief asks its customary to grant your last 3 wishes. So the lone ranger says let me talk to my horse silver. He whispers in his ear and off runs the horse he comes back an hour later with with a beautif...

The Lobe Ranger and Tonto are riding in the desert

When they come to a high hill they can see that they are surrounded by wild indians on all sides.
The Lone Ranger says “This doesn’t look good my friend, they look fierce and out for blood. What should we do?”
Tonto reply’s “What do you mean “we” white man?”

The Lone Ranger gets caught.

The Lone Ranger is caught by a group of Crow braves and buried up to his neck in sand. The leader of the braves tells him he has one last dying request, and so coolly and calmly he whistles to his horse Silver and Silver trots over and the Lone Ranger whispers something in his ear.

Immediate...

The Lone Ranger finds Tonto lying in the desert with his ear pressed to the ground.

"What is it Tonto?" asked the Lone Ranger, knowing full well of his partner's sensory capabilities.

Tonto opens his eyes softly and stares into the horizon, with his ear still flat on the ground.

"Five men.... on three horses.... all armed...." he says.

The Lone Ranger is impres...

The Lone Ranger and his sidekick, Tonto, were riding through the desert one day...

...when Tonto raises his hand to signal for the Lone Ranger to stop. He then climbs down from his horse and places his ear to the ground. After a few seconds, Tonto says, "Buffalo. Come." The Lone Ranger looks at Tonto in disbelief and asks, "How in the world would you even begin to know that?!" to ...

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