That One Jokes - 33 Hilarious That One Jokes

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When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits..

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide...

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The boss started to notice that one of his employees, Dave, started gaining lots of female attention..

So, one day he asks Dave about his secret.

Dave replies: "Well, before sex I simply whip out my willy and smack it against the bedside table, like a hammer. It numbs it up and makes me last longer".

Later that day, the boss gets home to his wife and finds her in the shower - a welcome...

Friend: do you know that one guy who just cant have a conversation without quoting star wars?

Me: well of course I know him, he is me

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I've been told that one in our circle of friends is gay.

I hope it's Dave, he's cute.

Who would have thought that one day we'd be smoking weed at a family gathering....

.....but the illegal part would be the gathering.

Recently found out that one of my colleague was an insectophile...

I'm shocked really, didn't seemed like a guy who bed bugs.

A general noticed that one of his soldiers was behaving oddly since some days.

The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say,

"That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge...

Have you heard of that one gaslighting joke?

Yes, you have.

Lodger: "But you advertised that one could see for miles from this room!"

Landlady: "Well, so you can. You can see the moon through the skylight, and ain't that miles away?

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That one was a violation!

Him: Hey, girl ... I want to get into your pants!

(\*looks at his friends thinking he has done something great\*)

Her: Sorry I already have one asshole in my pants

(\*PS: plz don't hate me ... I do not have a good sense of humour \*)

Three vampires sit in a cave in the black of night, sharing a drink, laughing, and generally having a good time that one would not associate with the undead.

The night grew longer, and an observer, should they be careful enough, would learn that vampires can indeed get drunk.

Eventually, the three begin to bicker about which of them is the most powerful and deadly.

The youngest suddenly gets up, and flies off into the night. Almost instantl...

"Hey man, I've never been in a two man rowboat before. Do I take this paddle or that one?"

"Either oar."

We all have that one relative...

I'm not saying which relative…but a relative just called and asked if I would loan her $800.00 to help her pay her rent. Those who know me, know that I'm always willing to help out friends and family. I told her to give me some time to think about it and I would call her back. Before I called her ba...

Remember that one joke?

Do you remember that joke i told you about the chiropractor?

No? Well, it was about a week back.

Anyone know that one horror game?

I think it’s called “amnesia” but I can’t remember

The real proof that one shouldn't judge a book by it's cover

The real proof that one shouldn't judge a book by it's cover is that math text books have pictures of kids having fun on the front.

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Did you hear that one about the butcher who got his ass caught in the meat grinder?

He got a little behind in his work.

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Worst "joke" I've ever heard.

This is a "joke" told by one of my coworkers Jake. There was me him and 2 other coworkers sitting in the work truck.

Jake: You know how geese always fly in a V?

Me: Yeah

J: Well you know how sometimes the goose in the lead will switch and another goose will fly in the front?
...

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I was so angry when I found out that one of my trucks carrying fertilizer went missing last night.

I lost my shit.

Except for that one guy.

An airliner was having engine trouble and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and prepare for and emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the air hostess if everyone was buckled in and ready.

"All ready back here, Captain," came...

I forget the name of it, but my favourite TV show is that one where you’ve got to try and guess which one is lying and which one is telling the truth. Presented by that Welsh guy.

What’s it called again?

Oh yeah, The News.

Not sure if that one has already been here, if so - I apologize

A man drives his car on the highway, when he hears the following traffic warning on the radio "Drivers, be careful there is a wrong way driver coming on the highway 9 in the direction of Berlin."
"Whaat?", shouts out the man to himself. "One?? More like a thousand of them!!"

That one song about closing the goddamn door.

HaVe YoU eVeR hEaRd Of It?

I remember that one time I stole from a blind man,

He never saw me coming.

What's that one room zombies can never enter?

the LIVING room

Did you hear about the pirate that one the boxing championship?

He took down all his challengers with one right hook

Have you seen that one movie?

A young man grows up in the Dutch mob and works very hard to advance himself through the ranks of cheese making. He enjoys his life of money and luxury, but is oblivious to the horror that he causes. A cheese addiction and a few mistakes ultimately unravel his climb to the top.

I think it's c...

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I've just read a science article that claims semen can actually reduce wrinkles, but I'm calling bullshit on that one.

If it was true, my bed would probably make itself.

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If someone has the Last Name "Smith" then that means that one of their ancestors was likely a Blacksmith.

Which kinda puts John Dickinson in an awkward position.

That one about the three helium atoms is pretty funny.

HeHeHe

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Y’all hear of about that one chick who’s addicted to jerking men off?

Lots of guys say that she cums in handy!

They all laughed when I told them that one day I’d discover the secret to invisibility

If only they could see me now

What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?

One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.

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