Did you know that US law protects dolphins from indefinite imprisonment?

Also know as the writ of habeas porpoise

A definite integral and an indefinite integral walk into a bar.

The indefinite integral takes a seat next to the definite integral, and as they chat, they find they have a lot in common!

As the night goes on the indefinite integral offers to buy the two another round, but the definite integral politely declines:

.

“No thank you, I know my li...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

King Arthur was preparing to go out on an expedition and would be away from Camelot for an indefinite period of time. He was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice.

The good wizard showed him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt... except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.

'This is no good, Merlin!' the king exclaimed, 'Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?'

'Ah, sire, just observe...

Two guys are talking when one says, “Hey I finally finished that book I was writing about the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole.”

And the other guy says to him, “It’s about time.”

Fine, if Russia wants to keep Putin in office indefinitely,

Then Soviet

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500.

So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the definition of indefinitely???

When your balls are slapping up against the arse, your in-definitely.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Had to shit

Just over halfway through the flight, all the coffee in my stomach feels like it's percolating its way down into my lower intestine. I hunker down and try and focus on other things. What feels like an hour, but probably isn't more than twenty minutes, passes. We then enter what turns out to be prett...

I want to get better at grammar so I was reading about the indefinite article.

It went on forever.

Three men die and appear before Buddha...

Stunned by the divine presence before them, they lower their heads.

\-Raise your heads. You were humble in life and your deeds were praiseworthy. You have earned the right to a reincarnation of your choice. You have much to accomplish yet though.

One of the people takes a step forwa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the definition of the word 'indefinitely'?

*I dunno, without a defined endpoint?*

For me, it's when the balls hit the asshole.

*shocked pause*

Because that's how I know I'm in...definitely.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the definition of "indefinitely"?

When your balls slap your girlfriend's ass, you know you're in definitely.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Indefinitely

A teacher asks her class if anyone could use the word 'indefinitely' in a sentence. Little Johnny raises his hand at the back of the class.
But the teacher knows he's a trouble maker and that he doesn't know the answer, so she calls on Jim.
Jim replies, "Due to the weather, school was cancel...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy from the country attended the prestigious university in the city.

With his degree, he got prizes in mathematics and metaphysics. The lad's father came up to the college to see his son graduate.

"Weel, Dr. Thompson" asked the old farmer to a professor, "And what may these mathematics be for which my son has getten a prize?"

"Mathematics is to do with ...

Two mathematicians walk into a bar...

and begin to argue about the intelligence of the waitresses. One mathematician gets up, and on his way to the bathroom stops his server. He tells her: "I'll give you $5 is you answer "one-third x cubed" to the next question I ask you, ok?"
The server nods, and walks away. When the mathematician...

There was a man who was trying to do something special for his new wife for her birthday.

He cant think of anything to give her, so he reluctantly goes to his Mother-in-law for some advice. She decides to go to the mall to shop for some things together.

On their way over to the mall, they get into a bad car accident. They get t-boned on the side of the car where the Mother-in-law ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A singer is holding a concert indoors.

While doing so, he feels the urge to defecate. As soon as he finishised the piece, he excuses himself upstairs.

He notices the WC has the hole continue indefinitely instead of curving, but doesn't worry too much. He does his buisness and goes downstairs.

There, everybody is running awa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Jonny was sitting at the rear of his English class

The teacher asked if anyone could give a sentence with the word indefinitely

Jonny sticks his hand high up in the air and says ‘pick me, pick me’ the teacher thinks to herself, he’s a rude little bastard, I’m not picking him and picks Mary

Mary stands up and says ‘My brother is really ...

A Texas Biologist

A Texas biologist, who discovered that the life of a porpoise could be prolonged indefinitely if it were fed a steady diet of seagulls, has been arrested at the Louisiana border. He faces charges of transporting gulls across state lines for immortal porpoises.

The NFL announced today that Aaron Hernandez

Is suspended indefinitely.

[Request] Drinking or medieval jokes. Super bonus if both. They can certainly be offensive. I'll start.

Going on a medieval pub crawl and offensive and/or drinking jokes get you to the head of the line at each bar. I'm hoping you can keep me in the front and my fellow crawlers entertained.

But this is r/jokes, so here's ~~one~~ two to get us started:

A king was preparing to ride off on ...

Quintuple pun

There once was a scientist who was doing research into longevity. He had a lab in Florida and was working with porpoises. He had discovered that he could extend their lifespans indefinitely by feeding them an extract made from seagulls. So each morning he would go out on the beach and hunt seagulls...

Big Injury Update

Aaron Hernandez (Neck)

Out Indefinitely

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.