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Wan Jokes

Why didn't Leia email Obi-Wan the Death-Star plans?

The Jedi Code forbids attachments.

If Ani is short for Anakin and Obi is short for Obi-Wan, what is Luke short for?

A stormtrooper.

Yoda and Obi Wan in a space ship

Obi wan asks: "are we going the right way?"

Yoda answers: "off course, we are"

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NSFW My wife FINALLY agreed to a Star Wars role play in the bedroom

My wife FINALLY agreed to a Star Wars role play in the bedroom...

...The only catch was I had to be Obi Wan, because she always had a thing for Ewan McGregor.

"Of course!" I said, and got to work putting together the sexiest Obi Wan costume I could. I even managed to find Glow in the D...

What's the name of Obi Wan Kenobi's younger brother?

Obi Two Kenobi.

Obi-wan and Luke are getting hungry...

...so before they hit the cantina they stop off at the best Chinese restaurant in Mos Eisly.

And poor Luke, he just can NOT figure out the chopsticks. He's getting more food on him than into his mouth, and really embarrassing Obi-wan.

So Obi-wan says to him, "Use the Forks, Luke."

What advice did Obi-Wan give Luke as his marriage was going downhill?

Use divorce, Luke

What is Obi-Wan Kenobi's favourite song?

Higher ground by Red Hot Chili Peppers

Din Djarin and Obi Wan were making cheese...

Din Djarin poured in some rennet, and when the milk coagulated, he separated and removed the curd from the large vat.

Obi Wan, unfamiliar with the process, pointed to the bottom of the vat and asked what was it that remained?

The Mandalorian said..."This is the whey..."

Sorry.

How did Darth Vader know what Obi-Wan Kenobi was getting for Christmas?

He felt his presents…

The Italian Grandfather

An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside. "Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me." "But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?" "You lissina me, boy. ...

Disney isn’t making a second season of Obi-Wan Kenobi

Because there Kenobi-Wan.

What is Obi Wan Kenobi’s least favourite drink?

Absolute Vodka!

Obi Wan: “Yoda, why did the Star Wars movies come out 4,5,6,1,2,3

Yoda: “In charge of scheduling I was”

What car does Obi-Wan drive?

A Highlander

What does Obi-Wan Kenobi call he's weed farm?

The high ground

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The S’wan (long)

A burly sailor gets brought into an infirmary staffed by a bunch of postulate nuns, girls barely 18 preparing to become full nuns, and of course, run by a few gruff sisters.

Being good Catholics in a small Newfoundland seaside town, such oddities rarely found their way to their front door. T...

What did Obi-wan say to Luke, when he saw him struggling with the chopsticks?

>!"Use the fork, Luke."!<

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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

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Having a bad day and need your spare funny NSFW jokes. Help me Reddi-wan your my only joke!

So this cowboy goes out riding. Gets captured by natives and is told that now is a holy time so he may live in their camp for 3 days while the holy time comes to a close. The cowboy agrees (like he had a choice)

First day he askes his guard if he can go talk to his horse. The guard wants to k...

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Obi-wan Cohen

Once upon a time a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai.
After a year, only three applied for the job: A Japanese, A Chinese, and A Jewish Samurai.

"Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.
The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box ...

Obi-Wan cuts off so many limbs

he cuts off Darth Maul's legs

he cuts off Savage Opress' arm

he cuts off Grivous' hands

he cuts off many of Anakin's limbs

and so many random people in bars have lost their limbs to Obi-Wan Kenobi

Obi-Wan is a menace.

Considering that he is now dead and exis...

Why does Obi-Wan keep his coffee on the top shelf?

He likes the high grounds.

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In the USA a dogs go "woof woof", in Japan dogs go "wan wan", and in China dogs go

"Sizzle sizzle"

If obi wan kenobi ever made a drug den he would call it..

The High Ground

Why didn’t Obi Wan share any Budweisers with Anakin?

Because Anakin didn’t spare any Yuenglings

What did yoda say to oni wan, Luke, and ray?

You guys down for a forcesome?

Why was Obi Wan Kenobi fired from his job as a marriage guidance counsellor?

He kept telling people to "use divorce"

Obi-Wan: These aren't the droids you're looking for.

Stormtrooper: They R2!

I didn’t like Obi-Wan’s Jedi master...

But I’ve decided to let Qui-Gons be Qui-Gons.

What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say to the body builder in his pharmacy?

These are not the ‘roids you are looking for.

Why is Obi-wan Kenobi a terrible marriage counselor?

The only advice he gives is “Use di-
vorce”

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Why won’t Obi-Wan mix you a vodka cocktail?

Only a Sith deals in Absoluts.

One day, Obi-Wan and Luke visit a Chinese restaurant.

Obi-Wan is eating normally, but Luke is having so much trouble with the chopsticks he's spilling the food all over the table.

Eventually, Obi-Wan becomes angry and says, "Use the forks, Luke!"

Mr. Lee Sum Wan and Mr.Sori

Sam Wan: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?

Mr. Sori: Yes, you could speak to me.

Sam Wan: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Mr. Sori: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Sam Wan: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Mr. Sori: I know you ar...

What was Obi-Wan Kenobi's favorite place to hang out?

The Maul.

Obi Wan Kenobi decides he wants a change of pace so decides to put his skills into becoming a marriage councillor.

One day a familiar face pops in, Luke Skywalker. Luke sits down an immediately bursts into tears as his new wife is absolutely awful. For three hours Luke talks, almost non stop, about all the horrible things she does to him - putting green milk in his cereal, signing him up to the Jar-Jar fanclub, ...

What does Obi-Wan think about Padme and Anakin's relationship?

Di-vorce is strong with these two

Luke and Obi-Wan walk into a Chinese restaurant.

Luke and Obi-Wan walk into a Chinese restaurant. Ten minutes into the meal, Luke’s still having trouble with the chopsticks, dropping food everywhere. Obi-Wan finally snaps, “Use the forks, Luke.”

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Joke #3481 A man receives the bad news that he's going to die in the morning

Through an unfortunate miracle of medical science, a man receives the worst news possible from his doctor.

"I'm sorry, but tomorrow morning at precisely 7:23, you're going to have a brain clot that will kill you."

The man is stunned. "But I don't even feel sick!"

The doctor exp...

What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say when he heard Anakin had joined the dark side?

(shrugs)

"Well, Sith happens"

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I just realized the fight between obi wan and Anakin perfectly sums up the past year of fighting between Millenials and Boomers, respectively.

When Jedi business becomes too real.

---------------

Millenials: You have allowed this giant turd to twist your mind, until now, until now you've become the very thing you swore to destroy.

Boomer : Don't lecture me, child, I see through the lies of the libtards I do not fear t...

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A Movie Studio President...

A movie-studio president who was not exactly noted for his knowledge of the English language received a well-written story titled *The Optimist*. After reading the manuscript, he called a meeting of the company's most creative minds and announced, "Gentlemen, we got us a great story here, but I wan...

It was the height of the Clone Wars, and Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin had just finished a heated battle against separatist spacecraft.

After making sure that the civilian freighter they were escorting was undamaged, they prepared to hyperspace jump back to Coruscant. However, just as their craft are about to enter lightspeed, a mysterious pulse of energy fries their systems and instead jumps them to a planet they’ve never seen befo...

What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say to his wife when she cheated on him?

"May divorce be with you."

Early in the development of the Clone Wars show the writers wanted Obi Wan to forgive Darth Mail for killing his master and befriend him.

They decided to let Qui-Gons be bygones.

When Obi-Wan retired, he bought an island, he got married, he built a house, and most importantly, he started growing cannabis.

He now had a high ground.

Why couldn't Obi-Wan calculate the volume of Bespin from the ideal gas law?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes

Han, Luke, Obi Wan and Chewie begin there journey to the Death Star aboard the Falcon...

... immediately Chewbacca begins to emit a low, growling whisper - clearly trying to indicate something to his shipmates

Obi Wan: I can't hear a word he's saying
Luke: Yeah, Han, can't you tell your friend to speak up a bit?

Han: Sorry guys.. thats just how the Wookie mumbles

What do you call an Italian Jedi?

Obi Wan Cannoli.

Don't worry, I'll see myself out.

What did Obi-wan say to Skywalker the first time he saw him as Darth Vader?

(snickering) Nice suit, must have cost you an ...

The Wan family is sharing their home and a nice dinner with the Version family when a knock can be heard at the door.

Mr. Wan opens the door to a local police officer.

The officer says, "Good evening sir. We received a report of a mugging in this very neighborhood and are investigating the area to hopefully discover the true story of the event. Mind if I ask a few questions?"

Mr. Wan replies, "Well I...

Why do you never see a church with free Wi-Fi?

Because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works!

What does a Jedi use to open files?

Adobe-wan Kenobi

How many obi's does it take to kenobi?

Only wan.

A man goes to a kennel hoping to adopt two dogs

The employee there shows him two powerful looking dogs and one small, cute dog.


The man asks if it’s possible to have one powerful dog and the cute dog.


‘Unfortunately,’ says the employee, ‘the two powerful dogs are twins, so they can’t be separated. As they are completely i...

Who was Princess Leia's gynecologist?

OB-Wan Kenobi

The next generation

Obi-Wan Kenobi, while hiding on the deserts of Tatooine, happened to meet a charming lady in Mos Eisley. One thing let to another, and soon they were expecting a baby.

As the baby boy was born, the midwife asked Obi-Wan what would be the name of his son.

"Obi-Two Kenobi, naturally"

What do you call a Chinese man with one leg?

Tai Wan Shu

A man goes to a brothel.

The madam opened the brothel door in Winnipeg and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.




"May I help you sir?" she asked.




The man replied,


"I wan to see Valerie."




"...

A man in Shanghai named Sam wakes up one morning to find...

A man in Shanghai named Sam wakes up one morning to find that his car, a Mustang, has had all the internal components removed, leaving only a hollow, useless shell. He calls the police and soon an investigative team arrives.


The lead investigator approaches the victim and says "It appear...

The Pastor of the local church calls on the congregation for volunteers for Bible sales....

A gentleman with a severe stutter approaches the pastor after Sunday service.

"I-i-i... I-i-id like to v-v-v-v-vol-vol-vo-volunteer to s-s-s-se-sell b-b-b-bi-b-bibles, f-fff-f-f-fa-fa-father..."

"That would be wonderful, my son. We'll start you with one box. Please go door to door thr...

I called the Chinese takeaway yesterday.

A man picked up the phone and said: “Hello! I am wan kin the chef.” I said that I’ll come back later

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By the time you read through this you will understand "TANJOOBERRYMUTTS".

The following is a telephonic exchange between a Hotel guest & room-service in China ...

Room Service: "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest: "Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service."

Room Service: "Rye, Roon sirbees... morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen?"

Guest: "Uh... Yes, ...

I found a small coffee shop named Higher Ground.

Now I know where to find Obi-Wan if I need him.

Why did the Jedi let a Korean into the order?

Because he was the Choson Wan

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Anakin, obiwan and yoda are sitting round a table playing poker

They’ve played a number of rounds until Anakin has built up quite a big pile of chips

Suddenly his face lights up as he sees he’s got a nearly unbeatable hand.

Feeling lucky he force pushes all of his chips to the centre of the table

Obi wan: don’t try it

Anakin: I’m goin...

It's my cakeday, so figured I'd tell this joke (game grumps told this joke)

What is a Jedi's Favourite Italian dessert...

OBI WAN CANOLI

For the Star Wars Lovers

Obi-Wan: Why did the movies come out 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3, 7, 8, 9?

Yoda: In charge of scheduling, I was.

Do you know why Ben Kenobi was the most powerful Jedi ever?

He’s the Obi Wan with the force

Why was Luke under the Christmas tree?

He wanted to feel Obi Wan's presents.

What flavor ice cream do Jedi like best?

Obi-Wan Spumoni

A stutterer applies for a job selling Bibles.

The boss is wary, but they're short on salesmen and he is willing to give it a shot.

On his first day, the new salesman comes in during lunch. "C-c-can I g-get some n-n-new B-Bibles, I'm out of st-t-stock," he says.

The boss is flabbergasted. "How on Earth did you manage that?" he as...

What do you call the Redditor whose Jedi mind trick tricked you into upvoting their joke to the front page?

OP Wan Kenobi

A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

There lived a Jedi known as Luke Skywalker. Luke was a mighty warrior, and quite the ladies man. His use of his 'lightsaber' attracted the eye of the beautiful Princess Leah. Luke wooed the Princess, and they fell in love. All was great in the world, until Han Solo, the ex lover of Princess Leah, fi...

How many Jedi does it take to change a lightbulb?

Obi-wan

My wife says she's leaving me because of my 'Obsession with Star Wars'

I said 'Please don't go, honey. You're the Obi-Wan for me..............'

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