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Suntan Jokes

I just competed in the suntanning olympics

but I only got bronze.

My friend went into a suntanning competition but it was rigged

Because all the contestants got bronze

Why is suntanning not an Olympic sport?

Because the best you can ever get is bronze.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two bananas are suntanning along the riverbank

Suddenly, a turd floats by and says, “Come on in fellas! The water’s fine!”

One banana turns to the other and says “Do you believe that ?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old Ladies at the Beach

A man at the beach is checking his tan and realizes there's one part of him that isn't tanned. Yep, THAT part. So, he covers it liberally with suntan lotion and proceeds to bury himself in the sand leaving only his mouth, nose, and member exposed.

Two old ladies are walking down the pa...

What's black and white and red all over?

* Classic answer: A newspaper.
* Children's answer: A zebra with a suntan.
* Holiday answer: Santa at the bottom of the chimney.
* Religious answer: An priest realizing that he really is wearing a dress.
* Appalling answer: An interracial couple in an automobile accident.

The Russian brothers hear the propaganda about Siberia...

how beautiful the weather is, how the shops are stocked with all necessities and luxuries, and prices are low.
Boris worries "Maybe they're just saying that to get people to move out there and work in the salt mines. How can we tell?"
Vladimir thinks a while, and comes up with an idea....

My neighbor. She’s single. She’s shapely. She’s blond and beautiful

My neighbor. She’s single. She’s shapely. She’s blond and beautiful and she lives right across the street. I can see her back yard from my kitchen window. She suntans back there and I always find a reason to do the dishes.
.
I watched her as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised...

A Tale of Two Fleas

A flea had oiled up his little flea legs and his little flea arms, had spread out his blanket, and was proceeding to soak up the Miami sun, when who should stumble by on the beach but an old flea friend of his.

“Oscar, what happened to you?” asked the flea, because Oscar looked terrible, wra...
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